A Cure for All Diseases - Reginald Hill 2 стр.

now hell expect us to pull him out said the HB with some satisfaction.

Moment later the passenger door was flung back. First thing out was a floppy brimmed sun hat sort posh lady gardeners wear in the old Miss Marple movies. Beneath it was a woman who started to drag herself out followed by a scream from below suggesting shed stood on some bit of the driver not meant to be stood on.

She looked around in search of help & there we were me dad George & Fang staring back at her from 50 yds.

help! she called please can you help me?

George & me looked at the HB G because he knows his place me because I was curious what hed do.

If it had been a man I doubt hed have moved not without serious negotiation. But this was a woman doing what women ought to do calling for male assistance.

reckon wed best take a look he said we meaning him & George of course.

He drained the lemon barley thrust the jug into my hands like I was a docile milkmaid & set off towards the accident G close behind even old Fang got to go.

I dropped the jug on to the grass. Sods Law hit a stone & cracked. O shit! I said. It was that old earthenware one thats been around forever. I knew the HB would reckon bringing out the lemon barley in anything else would be like serving communion wine from a jam jar. O well from now on hell have to make do with a plastic bottle!

I set off after them. This was the first mildly interesting thing to happen since I came home & I wasnt going to miss it.

Woman was thin & wispy bonnet askew big straw shoulder bag round her neck like a horses feed sack. She looked so worried I thought the driver must be seriously injured but now I know its just a couple of notches up from her normal expression of unfocused anxiety. Another thing I noticed words sprayed on the car door pro job elegant cursive script

Sandytown Home of the Healthy Holiday.

She was saying please can you get my husband out? I think hes hurt himself

no Im fine came a mans voice really just a sprain nothing in the world to worry about dear aargh!

As he spoke his head had appeared at his wifes waist level. Gingery hair soft brown eyes in a narrow mobile face not bad looking even with a bloodied nose & a footprint across his left cheek mid to late 30s. He was trying a social smile till presumably he put more weight on his ankle than it could take.

George jumped up on the side of the vehicle hooked his hands under the womans armpits & swung her clear of the muddy sump into dads arms. At 18 G makes Arnie Schwarzenegger look like a hobbit! On our skiing trip last December (yeah that one when I hooked up with lousy Liam) I could have rented G out to my mates by the hour. In fact if you count free rounds of gluhwein as rental thats exactly what I did!

The injured man came next & the HB passed the woman on to me looking relieved to be rid of her. Thought of making some crack about him preferring men he still thinks gays should be treated surgically but decided not time or place.

youre so kind many thanks Ill be fine in a minute Mary my dear are you all right? burbled the man.

She said Oh yes. But your nose dear its bleeding

its nothing must have banged the wheel when we stopped he said rubbing at a mark across his bridge.

Looked very like a footprint to me. I gave him a plus for diplomacy. Made a change from dads Old Testament determination to track all bad shit back to females.

The DB now decided to introduce himself. Unfortunately this involved twisting out of the HBs grip to offer his hand with the inevitable result to his ankle.

Tom Parker he said my wife Mary aargh! Another plus in dads eyes anyway. Had to be English first thing they taught us in psych school was only the English risk pain for the sake of politeness.

let me have a look I said set him down there dad

Dad obeyed. Must be a first!

my daughters had St John Ambulance training he said proudly. Touched me for a moment to hear him bragging about me then he spoilt it by dragging you into it!

when she wanted to go to college he went on I told her she ought to sign up for training as a nurse like her sister Cassie but of course it was like banging my head against a brick wall

1st time the famous phrase had cropped up in a week. Found Id been missing it!

I said ignore my father. When he dies were going to build him a headstone out of cracked bricks. Now lets get that shoe off while we can

The DB winced as I removed his shoe & sock then regarded his enlarged ankle with a kind of complacent pride. I was about to offer my not very expert opinion when he forestalled me addressing his wife something like this.

look Mary some typical subcutaneous swelling the beginnings of what will doubtless be an extensive ecchymosis tarsal movement restricted but still possible with moderate to acute pain a strain I would say certainly no worse than a sprain. Thank heaven I have always mended quickly. What a laugh they will have at home when they ask how I hurt myself & we tell them I did it looking for a healer!

This odd bit of self-diagnosis with its odder conclusion confirmed dads suspicion he was dealing with a particularly daft DB & he burst out what the hell were you playing at? This is a country lane not a public race track!

Parker replied youre right of course. But I didnt anticipate even someone as unworldly as a healer would let his driveway fall into such bad repair

its worse than bad its dangerous! chimed in his wife The man should be taken to court for letting it get into that condition. How does he expect people to get anywhere near his house?

& George put his large foot in it by saying with a grin aye theres not many get past dads tank trap

The woman looked at him suspiciously while dad gave him one of his shut-your-gob glares then changed the subject by demanding house? What house?

Mr Godleys house. There said Parker.

He pointed up the hillside towards the ruins. From below the alders in full leaf that one bit of wall still standing does look like there might be a whole building behind.

you mean the old mill? Well you could have saved yourself the bother declared dad Nowt to be seen up there all the machinery were taken out twenty years ago you can see some of it along at the Dales Museum if youve got time to waste. As for the building roofs fallen in & most of the walls. Id have knocked the rest down years back only some daft bugger got a conservation order put on it

but that cant be right protested the man darling pass me the magazine

The woman dived into her bag & produced a copy of Mid-Yorkshire Life. It was folded open at a short piece entitled Healing Hands with a pic of a slightly embarrassed bearded guy holding up what were presumably the hands in question. His name thisll make you laugh was Gordon Godley!

look said Mr Parker triumphantly its got the address quite clearly here. The Old Mill Willingdene. Seeing the village signposted as we drove back from Harrogate a sadly unproductive visit once it may have been a serious spa town but now it has given itself over almost completely to commerce & frivolity I naturally diverted & enquired of a young lad the way to the Old Mill. He gave me most precise directions which brought me here. Are you now telling me that is not the Old Mill?

Im giving you Tom Parker verbatim else youd miss the flavour. Its like listening to an old fashioned book come to life!

Dad smiled. You know how much he enjoys putting daft buggers right.

it were once a mill right enough & its certainly old. But theres not been anybody living there for half a century or more & Ill tell you why. This here is Willingden just the one e. Willingdene is way up at the northern end of the dale

If hed been a footie player hed have set off running round the meadow whirling his shirt over his head! He just loves winning no matter who gets beaten. Remember those games of snap we used to play?

Mr Parker seemed more cast down by this news than by his sprained ankle.

Im sorry my dear he said to his wife I should have taken more notice

Taking all the blame on himself again even though she was the one with the mag article. Nice I thought. His reward was her continued terrier like support.

it makes no difference she said this is marked on the map as a public right of way & someone ought to keep it in a proper condition

Charley said dad quickly whats the verdict on that ankle?

I couldnt see any point in disagreeing with the patient.

I think Mr Parkers right & its just a sprain I said a cold compress will help & he certainly shouldnt put any weight on it

How was that Nurse Heywood?

right said dad Charley bring the quad lets get Mr & Mrs Parker down to the house make them a bit more comfortable. George you stop here & get the car pulled out of that mud. Clean it up & check for damage. Ill get on my mobile tell your mother to put the kettle on Im sure these good people are ready for a nice cup of tea

I caught his eye & let my jaw drop in mock astonishment at this transformation from dedicated xenophobe to Good Samaritan.

He actually blushed! Then he gave me a sheepish grin that invited my complicity.

I grinned back & headed off towards the quad.

Hes not such a bad old sod really is he? As long as he gets his own way. Bit like you! All right & like me too. The fruit doesnt fall far from the tree. But you led the way. If you hadnt stood up to him & gone off to nurse I doubt Id have had the nerve to hold out to go to uni & do psychology & now after 3 years whenever he gets close to driving me mad I try to think of him as a case study!

But Ive still not told you how the Parkers came to be house-guests.

Thing was when G pulled their car out of the tank trap he found it wouldnt steer properly. Winstons garage said they could fix it but theyd have to send away for a part. Tomorrow they said but knowing Winstons Im not holding my breath.

When Parker heard this he said thats fine. No problem whatsoever. Perhaps Mr Heywood you could give me the number of the inn I saw in the village? It looked a comfortable sort of place for us to rest in till the cars ready

I could see the thoughts running through dads head like hed got a display screen on his brow. Being the most litigious man in the county in Parkers place hed have been thinking compensation soon as his car hit the tank trap. Locally his views on daft buggers are well known & he even boasts about his various stratagems for discouraging them. But these days with tourism rated higher than farming in the rural economy not everyone approves of him & the enthusiastic gossips of the Nags Head bar would leave the Parkers in no doubt who to blame for their accident!

So I wasnt too surprised when I heard him say Nags Head? aye its well enough. But the floors are uneven stairs narrow not at all what a man in your state needs. No youd best stay here. Ill get George to bring your bags up from the car

The Parkers were overcome by dads generosity. So was mum with amazement! but she quickly recovered & I gave dad a big wink & got one back!

So there you are. We have house-guests & its time to go down & have supper with them. Ill keep you posted on how the HB bears up under the strain.

Take care dont catch anything I wouldnt catch & if you fall in love with a big handsome black man e me a pic of you & him & Ill stick it in dads prayer book so hell see it for the first time at church on Sunday morning!

Lots & lots of love

Charley X

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Omigod Cass! I must be psychic! OK you say hes not black but teaky bronze. Same difference & is that all over? I mean all all over? & hes a doc too just like in mums Mills & Boon stories! Means youll probably have trouble with some slinkily gorgeous lady medic wholl manage to get you blamed when she accidentally offs a patient but dont worry itll all come right in the end!

I definitely want a pic. Cross my heart I wont stick it in dads prayer book not till you give the word! But can I tell mum? Shes desperate for grand-kids. Adam & Kylie show no sign of producing even if they did Oz is a hell of long way off can you imagine getting the HB on a plane to fly twelve thousand miles? Rod spends most of his time at sea & we know what sailors are! She was desolate when I got back early from my camping trip with Liam & Sam & Dot & told her it was all off irreconcilable differences which is what us psychs say to our mums when we catch ex-partner Liam banging ex-best-mate Dot up against a pine tree. So unless you settle down & start calving I think she may strap me to my bed & get to work with an AI straw!

Your news makes my stuff about the Parkers seem v dull but you say youre interested so here goes with the next instalment.

As house-guests go they havent! Winstons as forecast got let down by their suppliers again! So 1 nights turned into 3. But its been OK. I like Mary Parker a lot. Doesnt say much around her husband except in agreement with him or defence of him! But get her to herself & shes great.

Tom Parkers v different thinks silence is for the grave & the living have a duty to resist!