Is that right? I said. So whats for dinner?
He decided this were a joke and laughed like an accordion.
I can see were going to get on famously, he said. Now, theres something Id like you to do for me.
He pulled out this little shiny metal thing.
Im not swallowing that, I said. And if thas thinking of getting it into me by some other route, thad best think again.
This time, mebbe because it were a joke, he didnt laugh.
Its a digital recorder, he said. State of the art, practically works itself. What Id like you to do, Mr Dalziel, is keep a sort of audio-diary. Make a record of your feelings, your experiences, anything that comes into your mind.
You mean, you want me to start talking to myself? I said. Like the nutters do?
No, no, he said. Not to yourself. Just talk as if youre speaking to someone who knows absolutely nothing about you.
Like you, for instance? I said.
He gave me a smile I couldve played Chopsticks on and said, I do in fact know a little about you. And I shouldnt like you to think youre addressing me specifically. In fact, let me assure you, Mr Dalziel, I shall never listen to any part of it without your permission.
So if youre not going to hear it, whats the point? I asked.
The point is you saying things, not me hearing them, he said. You can keep a record of all those interesting little thoughts we so easily lose track of. Also you can ask yourself some of the really Big Questions. Think of it as part journal, part self-interrogation. Im sure a man with your skills will be able to detect truth through no matter how cunningly woven a web of evasion and deceit. Will you do that for me?
I said, Mebbe. But if I dont get some grub soon, I may just swallow it anyway.
He went off, laughing. And thats how I come to be lying here, talking to myself like a loony. Took another couple of days afore I dug Festers little toy out. Man in beds got to play with something. Nowt else to do. Newspapers these days arent fit to wrap chips in. Tellys worse, and they dont feed me enough grub to enjoy a good crap!
Cant even do a runner. First, Ive got no clothes. Spoke to Cap on the phone and she says shell bring me some soon as they let her visit me. Second, got to face it, my legs getting there, but Im not back to running mode yet. I dumped them poncy elbow crutches they gave me at the hospital and got Cap to buy me a stout walking stick. Im OK for short bursts, but after a couple of minutes, Im ready for a sit-down.
Got to keep reminding myself, theres a world out there, a real world with people in it, and pubs, and its likely full of scrotes pissing themselves laughing cos Im stuck in here, talking to a machine.
Let them laugh.
Ill be back.
Sure as eggs.
4
FROM: charley@whiffle.com TO: cassie@natterjack.com SUBJECT: an exciting journey!Hi!
Nothing from you maybe your teaky bronzy doc is keeping you busy nudge nudge.
Ive made it to Sandytown just finished unpacking in Kyoto House built on a cliff top to catch all them healthy breezes very eco-friendly solar panels wind driven generator etc etc. Lovely room looking out over the North Sea all blue & sparkly just now but I hope we get a storm before I go. Funny that only other time I was here I prayed for warm sunshine this time I want thunder & lightning!
The journey first we stopped off at Willingdene as planned to meet Gordon Godley the healer.
I quite liked him nutty as a fruit-cake but sort of nice with it.
Hard to say how old 45? 55? not helped by a mad black beard threaded with silver like a bramble bush on an autumn morning but v young v gentle grey eyes a nose like a flying buttress in a dolls cathedral & a lovely smile. I could see the unclaimed treasures of the area queuing up to have his hands laid on their aching joints.
Dont think he took to me though. Tom didnt help introducing me with a version of my thesis proposal that made me sound like the witch-finder general out on the rampage! Mr Godley wouldnt meet my eye answered my questions with monosyllabic grunts so I soon gave up.
However he listened to Toms pitch with great courtesy tho I got the impression using my finely honed analytical powers that in fact he already knew a lot more about the Sandytown project than he was letting on. In the end to shut him up I think! he accepted Toms invite to make a visit to see if he felt called to bring his ministry there Toms dead keen to get him on board for what he calls the Festival of Health scheduled for Bank Holiday weekend Ill be long gone thank heaven!
Finally at Marys request Gord laid his healing hands on the sprained ankle.
As we left Tom claimed his injury was much improved.
I felt a warmth he asserted A definite warmth as from a powerful sun-lamp
Back in the car out of earshot of Mr Godley I observed that in veiw of the nature of the injury I would have been more impressed if hed felt a definite coldness.
He turned in his seat hed wanted me to sit in the front but I insisted he needed the space because of his ankle & gave me a delighted smile & said see Mary how good Charlotte will be for us. Scientific objectivity thats what we want. No chance of charlatanism ruining the good name of Sandytown with her keen eye upon us!
Im not sure what lasting effect the healers hands might have on the sprained ankle but one thing I feel certain of Tom Parkers optimism is incurable!
Mary drove well & very carefully. If shed been at the wheel I doubt theyd have ended in the tank trap. On the other hand I couldnt regret that they had. My acceptance of their invitation might have been made in pique but now I found I was really looking forward to the visit. Dont know if Ill get much useful thesis fodder out of it after my start with Godly Gordon I guess Ill need to brush up my interviewing techniques but being cast in the role of detached scientific observer tickled my fancy.
Like a camera I will record & not judge.
Or maybe Ill judge just a little! I am after all Steve Heywoods daughter.
Difference being Ill keep my judgments to myself!
& you of course!
Short break there.
Eldest kid Minnie (= little Mary) burst in to say lunch would be ready in 20 mins & see if Id got everything I needed. Gave the impression shed been sent but I suspect it was mainly her own idea to check out the new fish! She talked non-stop while her eyes gobbled everything up especially my laptop. Shes 9 going on 90 reminds me of me at that age. Havent been bothering much with security but now I may reactivate my password!
Got rid of her by main force! after a couple of minutes so now I can get to the really exciting bit of the journey here so pay attention!
Got rid of her by main force! after a couple of minutes so now I can get to the really exciting bit of the journey here so pay attention!
Even at Marys steady pace it wasnt a long drive but long enough for me to learn a little more about the Parkers. Old Yorkshire family made their money in building Tom trained as an architect offices in Scarborough but siezed the opportunity offered by mod tech to work from home 4 kids Minnie 9 Paul 8 Lucy 6 Lewis 5 apples of his eye Marys too but Tom comes first. I get the impression she doesnt like letting him take off alone not cos she dont trust him sexually but cos she worries what scrapes his enthusiasm might get him into! Like driving into the tank trap I suppose!
He talked with great affection of his financier brother Sidney younger & invalid sister Diana older. Without saying much Mary gave the impression she has a few reservations about Sid in the City & a whole bucketful about sister Di!
More to Mary than meets the eye. When Tom started rattling on about Kyoto House inviting her agreement that it was in every way superior to the old Parker family home theyd swapped it for she replied dutifully I suppose youre right dear but the old place did have such a pleasant garden & so sheltered
yes thats it entirely he declared as if shed confirmed everything hed said It was indeed sheltered from the benefits of the sea breeze & sheltered from the veiw too no outlook save for fields & trees! Now from Kyoto up on North Cliff on a clear day you can see halfway across to Holland & when Im working out ideas for the Development Scheme I dont need to sit at my drawing board I just go into my garden & look down & there it all is at my feet as it were!
did you design Kyoto yourself? I asked.
naturally! marvellous feeling not having anyone looking over your shoulder at the drawing board do you follow? The opportunity afforded me by the Consortium of getting involved in planning & building on a large scale was not the least of its attractions. Its going to be something new I promise you nothing piecemeal or accidental every step carefully thought out every detail pertinent & planned! & a carbon footprint no bigger than a cats!
The quality of light ahead was now giving promise of the sea. Against the intense blue sky I could see the rather sinister silhouette of a large house more than a house a mansion with enough towers & turrets to give the impression it had had youthful ambitions to grow into a castle!
Denham Park said Tom.
where Lady Denham lives? I guessed.
oh no. She lives at Sandytown Hall he replied which her first husband Hollis acquired along with the Lordship of the Sandytown Hundreds an ancient traditional rank acquired by purchase unlike her subsequent title
It sounded to me like shed got that by purchase too & I think I detected a little twitch from Mary. Us psychologists are v sensitive to twitches!
the Denham property Tom went on & the baronetcy of course went to her nephew-in-law Edward
Here our conversation was interrupted wed been driving with the sun-roof open to get the full benefit of the invigorating Sandytown air I presume & suddenly in an instant the car filled with the most disgusting smell imaginable.
Pig shit! on a huge scale it made our slurry lagoon seem like a rose-bowl!
Mary hit the button to close the sun-roof apologizing profusely.
the Hollis pig farm she said except calling it a farm is an insult to real farmers!
now now my dear said Tom mildly its a natural smell & nothing natural is harmful to man
nothing natural about the way they keep those poor animals said Mary.
intensive farming is the price we pay for not wanting to pay the price we would have to pay without it said Tom & its very rare that the wind is in a quarter which wafts the aroma into Sandytown
indeed no! said Mary which is why Daphne Brereton spent most of her time at her first husbands house even after shed married her second!
Yes I know mysterious! but all will be explained later. Meanwhile we drove for a mile or more alongside a high wired fence through which I could see rows & rows of concrete buildings with all the charm of a concentration camp. Finally we reached the main entrance to the site with a huge double gate & a sign reading HOLLISS HAM the Taste of Yorkshire except that someone had been at work with a spray can & it now read the Taste of Death.
There was a man up a ladder with a bucket & scrubbing brush. He paused in his work as we passed & gave a wave. Tom wound down the window & called Morning Ollie! More trouble, eh? but Mary didnt slow down enough to give the man time to reply & Tom closed the window again but not before wed got another near fatal dose of the porky pong!
A few minutes later Mary signalled to turn seawards as we approached a sign saying Sandytown via North Cliff.
Tom said my dear why dont you takes us round by South Cliff & through the town so Charlotte can give us her reactions first impressions are so important
Obediently Mary switched off the signal & drove on.
I didnt correct Tom about first impressions. Diplomatically I hadnt mentioned the famous excursion. Now I began to see for myself what Tom of course had already told me that Sandytown originally just a fishing village is situated in a broad bay between two lofty headlands North Cliff & South Cliff.
A loop of road runs down from North Cliff through the village then up to the coastal road again via South Cliff.
Got that? or do you need a diagram!
As we approached the South Cliff turn off I could see the headland here was dominated by a complex of buildings. One of them looked like an old mansion house green with ivy with a long extension in keeping but definitely recent. A couple of hundred yards away was a modern two storeyed building the stonework brilliant white broad reflective glass windows catching the drift of small white clouds across the bright blue sky. Alongside that a long single storeyed building in the same style.
We turned off the coast road but before we began the descent proper at Toms request Mary pulled in by a gilded entrance gate set in a dense thorn boundary hedge bit like the entrance to heaven in that Pilgrims Progress you got for a Sunday School prize remember? we used to tear pages out to roll our ciggies!
A large elegantly designed sign board was inscribed Welcome to THE AVALON FOUNDATION. There was a small gatehouse from which a man emerged his face breaking into a smile when he recognized the car.
Morning Mrs Parker Mr Parker he called.
Morning Stan replied Parker How are things? Family well?
Yes thank you all middling well. Yourself?
in the pink Stan said Parker which was either a bit of an exaggeration or Mr Godleys healing hands really had done the business.