The doctors were sure his memory
would not return.
Danielle didnt know how it could possibly be that she was a stranger to the man shed loved so fiercely, whod been her best friend and husband for more than seven years and the father of their two children. She hadnt realized how much she had hoped the sight of their house would spark something for him.
There was no recognition in his eyes as he turned to her. We live here?
We moved in right before Tyler was born.
Tyler. Sad lines crinkled around Jonass eyes. I wish I could remember my own kids.
Tyler pounded into the room just then, threw his arms wide and wrapped them around Jonas. Daddy, youre home!
Jonass eyes filled with emotion as he ran an awkward hand over the top of his little sons head, affectionate and sweet and devoted.
What truly mattered hadnt changed.
JILLIAN HART
makes her home in Washington State, where she has lived most of her life. When Jillian is not hard at work on her next story, she loves to read, go to lunch with her friends and spend quiet evenings with her family.
Her Wedding Wish
Jillian Hart
See, I am sending an angel ahead of you
to guard you along the way and to bring you
to the place I have prepared.
Exodus 23:20
Contents
Prologue
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Epilogue
Questions For Discussion
Prologue
Danielle Lowell had never felt so cold as she followed the desk nurse along the dimly lit, tomblike corridors of the hospital. Their movements echoed along the barren walls like heartbeatsfirst the muted pad of the nurses rubber-soled shoes, and then the tap, tap of her open-toed sandals.
When she looked down, she saw, in contrast to the scuffed beige floor tiles, the cheerful cotton-candy pink of her toenails. She had painted them just this morning, both hers and her daughters while holding the toddler on her lap. Madison had giggled and babbled with glee. Danielle had been happy, as warm as the cheerful June sunshine.
Now, hours later, it was as if the sun had gone down forever. Her veins had turned to ice, her heart to a glacier.
An eternity had passed since that afternoon when shed answered her cell phone to the sound of Jonass supervisors voice. Shed known it was bad news even before Rick had said the words. Shed felt a warm embrace, as if comforting arms had wrapped around her chest, as if someone was holding her tightly.
At the back of her mind she wondered if her husband was dead and she felt his spirit, his soul, somehow come to tell her goodbye. But the touch didnt feel familiar, and maybe it was the effect of too much sun.
Either way, she knew the words before Rick spoke them. Jonas has been shot in the line of duty.
You have ten minutes. The nurses voice startled her, although she spoke in a modulated, almost whisper. Your husband is unconscious, so dont be alarmed. The equipment can look frightening at first. Hold his hand. Talk to him. Hell hear you.
How can that be? They told me hes in a coma. Has he woken up? That faint hope flickered like a new flame in a harsh wind and died.
No, hes in a deep coma, Im afraid. That hasnt changed. But studies have taught us that hearing is the last of the senses to fail. Besides, I believe our hearts are always listening. His will know yours. God bless. She led the way into the small isolated room.
Danielle stumbled at the sight of the stranger on the bed, waxy looking and motionless. Jonas. Her heart cracked and, like the edge of a glacier, sheared off.
This was her husband? Her knees failed and she hit the ground, kneeling at his side. The beep of the monitors, the ticking that marked his heart, the whir of a ventilator were out of a nightmare. She stared at the bags of fluid and drugs that hung like Japanese lanterns around his bedside. Shock took what little life was left in her.
My poor Jonas. His face was differenttwo already bruising black eyes, a stitched gash over his cheekbone and his hair shaved to his bare scalp, marred by a zigzagged suture line and bandages.
He looked already gone, despite the rise and fall of his chest.
Lord, dont let him go. It was a plea that tore up from her soul. Without words, she gathered Jonass cool hand carefully in hers. It didnt feel like his hand, which had always been so big and capable, and was now feeble and still.
Dont leave me, Jonas. Fear shattered her. Choking on grief, she leaned her forehead against the palm of his cool hand.
What had occupied her thoughts earlier in the daybalancing their monthly budget and their minor disagreement this morning and the overgrown hedges needing clippingslipped away. Nothing mattered but her husband and his life.
Please, Lord, dont take him, she prayed, but she heard no answer above the noise of the machines. So she held on to him tight, as if she had the impossible strength to hold his soul to his body.
She felt arms wrap like comfort around her again, but she saw no one and nothing in the translucent light. Jonass pulse slowed a beat, as if his heart became aware of hers through the void.
Chapter One
One year later
Danielle slowed the minivan and turned into the driveway. As she eased her foot onto the brake she turned her attention to Jonas in the front passenger seat, a stranger to her now after his coma and brain injury. She wished she could control the quake of her pulse as she watched his face, his dear, handsome face. His forehead furrowed in thought as he studied the house in front of themthe home theyd fallen in love with together.
Oh, Lord, let him remember. It was a lot to ask, she knew. From the moment hed woken from a deep coma and through a long stay at an intensive rehabilitation clinic in Seattle, he hadnt had a single recollection of their lives together. All the memories theyd made together were lost to him. And without those memories, he looked at her with a strangers gaze. The doctors had been very sure his memory would not return.
She didnt know how it could be that she was a stranger to the man shed loved so fiercely, whod been her best friend and husband for over seven years and the father of their two children. She didnt realize how much she had hoped the sight of their house would spark something for him.
No recognition flared in his eyes as he turned to her. We live here?
Yes. The word scratched like sandpaper against the inside of her throat. She tried hard not to let her disappointment show as she hit the remote on the visor. The garage door opened. We had the house built and we moved in right before Tyler was born.
Tyler. Sad lines crinkled around Jonass eyes. Is he waiting?
Hes not home right now.
Yes, thats right. He released a heartfelt sigh and rubbed his forehead as if it were hurting him. He looked truly distressed, but maybe the worst pain wasnt physical. I wish I could remember my own kids.
Me, too. She eased the minivan into the garage. My sister Katherine will be bringing them home in a little while. She was thoughtful enough to offer to take them a bit longer, so you could face things one step at a time.
Katherine is the one in college?
No, thats Rebecca. Katherine is my older sister.
Oh. Okay. He gave a wobbly half smile, half frown. The left side of his face still troubled him. I will get it.
You will. Dont worry.
She pulled the emergency brake and shut off the engine, deliberately concentrating on each task because it was predictable and familiar. Unlike her marriage. Shed been praying for this day to come for so long, it had begun to feel unreal and impossible.
Now, after a long hospital stay and a longer period in rehabilitation, they were alone together. The garage door slid shut behind them. She was alone with her husband, the man she no longer knew. The man who could not remember the simplest things about their marriage. When he turned his questioning gaze to hers, she knew that he did not know what to expect. He remembered nothing new.
Disappointment sifted through her. She didnt realize she was holding her breath until she felt her lungs burn. She had to remember to breathe. She had faith, and it would lift them both up, right?
Right, she told herself, fighting off a world of doubt, despite her strong belief. The journey ahead of herof themseemed monumental.
Lets go inside, and maybe once youre in the house things will seem more familiar to you. She grabbed her keys and her purse and forced a smile.
His dear face, the same in many ways and changed in others, stared back at her. What if it doesnt? Im He grimaced. I dont know the word. Im Frustrated, he stared down at his gnarled hand.
It doesnt matter, Jonas. Its okay. She wanted to believe that.
As she stepped from the seat and closed the door behind her, she realized he was still sitting in the minivan, with tension on his face and sadness in his eyes. What must it be like, she wondered, to come home to a place you could not remember? To feel the weight of a wifes need and expectations?
She took another deep breath and opened his car door. Poor Jonas. She helped him out and unfolded his walker. His right hand gripped the walkers handles with white-knuckled force while his left one struggled to do so. All the love in her heart flooded out, filling her with sweet tenderness. This was hard for her, but it was harder for him, and at least he was here. He was here. She was deeply grateful for that.
She slipped her purse strap onto her shoulder and her keys into her jacket pocket and took Jonass frail arm. This is going to be tricky. Its a long way to the door for you, so lean on me.
I can get it. He looked so determined as he moved his nerve-damaged leg.
While the Good Lord had been gracious in bringing Jonas back to her, the bullet had not been kind. Her heart broke as he struggled so hard to cross the garage floor, even with her help. By the quiet steely set to his jaw, she could tell he hated it. Her once-strong, invincible husband, who rarely missed a workout at the gym the entire time shed known him, was now forced to lean on her and his walker.
Dont tell me, he quipped between struggled steps. I used to do this faster.
Yes, you did. Danielle unlocked the garage door. But I always said our lives were going by too fast, we were always rushing here and there. Its nice to slow down and take in the sights.
He stopped to smile, and his grin was lopsided and strained. Im taking the, what is it, slowsomething?
Its the scenic route. She hit the remote on her key ring and the security system stopped beeping. She held the door patiently while he struggled to get his walker and then his feet over the doorstep. She stopped him with a touch of her hand to his. Look around. You made it. Youre home.
He was silent for a moment, gazing down the hall as if taking in the details of woodwork and walls, of the living room ahead and, to the right, the archway leading to the kitchen. The kids.
At first she didnt know what he meant, but then she realized he was commenting on the framed photographs marching along the wall. Yes. These are the pictures I have taken once a year at a professional photographer.
Thats why theyre tidy.
Yes. She looked at the carefully posed photographs with rich backgrounds. The kids are in their best clothes. It was a challenge keeping them that clean and neat for the short drive from here to their appointments.
No ice cream in the car? There was that lopsided grin again, but this time with a hint of his old smile, too.
Her heart filled at the glimpse of her husband she knew and loved so well. No ice cream, she agreed. They had to wait until after the sitting. I have more pictures throughout the house, but theyre snapshots.
Not as tidy.
No. In fact, there are some very messy pictures.
Pictures of you, too? His smile faded. Something serious, and maybe a little bit fearful, came onto his face.
I wish I knew what he was feeling, she thought wistfully. Once, shed known him so well, there would have been no question. She would have known what he was thinking even before he did.
Determined to stay upbeat, she laid her hand on his broad shoulder. Yes, there are pictures of me. And of you.
I want to see them.
Sure, but its going to take a long time to go through them. There are so many.
Ive got time. Lots of time.
She watched the pain on his face and didnt know what more to say. Down the hall is the living room. Lets get you sitting down.
I need to rest. He nodded once in agreement and set his chin. After gripping the handles of his walker tightly, he concentrated on stepping forward. The carpet absorbed most of the thunk and shuffling sounds as he painfully made his way down the short hallway. He was out of breath by the time he reached the living room. She supported his elbow as he dropped, exhausted, onto the couch.
Ill be right back. She smiled at him.
There wasnt the zing of emotional connection that had always been between them, and as she hurried to the kitchen, she fought deeper frustrations. Why had she thought things would be better once they were home?
It wasnt fair to put so much pressure on him, she realized while she filled his favorite mug with water and zapped it in the microwave.
She needed to give him all the time he needed, no matter how hard that would be. Hed asked for pictures, and thats where they would start. As the water heated, she grabbed a small book of snapshots from the corner hutch in the dining room. She caught her husband watching her as she came toward him.
He looked terribly serious, and she wondered if he was disappointed in her. She was painfully aware of the wash-worn jeans shed put on this morningthe laundry was woefully behindand the favorite summery T-shirt was hardly high fashion.
Shed been spending so little thought and even less time on her appearance. What if she looked like Frankensteins bride after standing all night in the rain? Worse, when was the last time shed glanced in a mirror? Who knew what her hair was doing? And what about the big dark bags under her eyes from long-term sleep deprivation?