No wonder he was looking a little panicked. She slid the small book onto the coffee table that separated them. These were the pictures we took on our last vacation. Maybe that will be a good place to start.
Vacation. He stretched out his hand, straightening his fingers, and snagged the book from the table. Whered we go?
Im not telling. See if you can figure it out.
Someplace important, then. He watched her carefully, and his emotion was unreadable to her. Ill see what I can do.
The bing of the microwave saved her. Ill be right back.
She spun on the heel of her sneakers and retreated to the safety of the kitchen. This was worse than starting out on a first date with someone, she thought as she rescued the steaming mug. Back then, shed felt comfortable with Jonas right from the start, so their first date had been familiar, as if meant to be.
But this, now with him, was painful in too many ways to count. She plucked a bag from a tea box and dropped it into the water to steep. In the next room, she could hear the slight creak of the photo albums binding and the first squeaking turn of the plastic-coated pages.
Shed spent hours on that bookbefore Jonass accident shed been a serious scrapbooking fanatic. It had been the last project shed finished before hed been shot. She didnt dare think about the others in progress stuffed in the back of her downstairs craft closet. Yikes. Considering the importance of those pictures now, maybe she should find the time to finish them.
After dunking and squeezing the tea bag, she added a teaspoon of honey. It was silent in the living room, so she peered around the kitchen corner just enough to see him on the couch. Jonas, her husband, looked different from the man hed beenhis hair was too short, his big physical frame no longer imposing or strong. Yet there was much that had remained the samethat tensile, decent goodness of his that she loved so much.
Her heart filled, watching as he studied the first page. His face lined with concentration, he lifted his right handhe used to be left-handedand ran his finger across the plastic-sheathed page. Emotion welled in his eyes, and she felt it like a bolt of lightning. Stricken, she pulled back into the kitchen, longing, just longing for everything to be all right. For the pieces of their lives to be put back in place.
She hurried about, putting his favorite chocolate cookies on a plate. By the time shed loaded everything on a small tray and carried it into the living room, Jonas had leaned back onto the couch and had the book open on his knees.
He looked up with a grin on his face. That sure smells good.
I hope so. She slid the plate onto the coffee table first and then handed him a soft cookie.
He paused before he took a bite. I liked the ones you sent in the box.
When hed been in rehabilitation, shed sent weekly care packages, when she hadnt been able to make the long trip to Seattle. The oatmeal-raisin cookies didnt break when I shipped them, she explained as she eased beside him onto the couch. I was saving these for a homecoming surprise.
He took a bite. Good. Very good. I like them.
She knew he wouldnt remember they were his favorite, or that shed made them all the time for him when theyd been dating. That hed saidoh, her heart cracked deeply remembering
I can see why I married you. He held up the remaining half of the cookie. Why? What did I say?
The room suddenly blurred, and she shook her head, blinking hard. She reached for a cookie. Thats what you used to say before you proposed to me.
Yeah? What else can you make? Maybe Ill have to propose again.
There was that ghost of his grin. How good it was to see. She relaxed against the cushions. Youll have to wait and see. What do you think of the pictures?
I sure got a pretty wife.
Now youre just trying to get more cookies.
Sure, but its true. He took another cookie from the plate with his awkward fingers. Im a lucky man. He tapped the page with his knuckle. Whats that?
Mom and Dads RV. Its a motor home. When he stared at her uncomprehendingly, she explained, You drive it and sleep in it.
We did?
Handsome, you drove that monster. She didnt suppose he remembered their half affectionate and half not-so-affectionate name for the vehicle that had been hard to park and harder to maneuver along narrow roads. She leaned close to get a better look at the page.
The digital pictures, which shed printed off on the snazzy little photo printer her twin sisters had given her for her last birthday, showed them starting out from their driveway. She looked at herself and groaned. Even with Madison on her hip, her tummy problem still showed. Goodness. She sighed. Otherwise, the snapshot looked great. Tyler was grinning wide, practically a blur of motion. It had been almost impossible for Tyler to stand still for a single moment. He was so excited that morning.
He looks happy. Jonas swallowed, as if he were struggling with emotions. Everybody did.
It was your first vacation all year. Somehow, remembering made her heart warm, made the distance between her and this new, different Jonas less cumbersome. You got everyone up early, you were so excited to go, and made everyone breakfast before we left. It was wonderful, and a little easier on me.
You make breakfast?
Just about every morning. She didnt add how, that long-ago morning, hed hugged her so tightly and sweetly and whispered in her ear how glad he was to be able to spend the next two weeks with her. Then hed set the timer on the camera and rushed back to the steps to scoot in next to her, and tickle Tyler so he was laughing when the timer went off.
Maybe he would remember that in time, she hoped. Turn the page and youll see
She waited while he fumbled with the thick plastic edge. She hated how hard he had to work to turn the page and she waited, not knowing if it would hurt his pride worse to have her help, but he finally managed it on his own. His strong beautiful hand was slightly bent and twisted, a condition that the neurologists thought would gradually disappear. She resisted the urge to take his fingers in hers and massage them, as if she could rub that partial paralysis away.
Im driving. He looked surprised. I had hair.
Yes, and it will grow back.
He looked sheepish and nodded. He studied the page for a long time. They were the photos shed taken from the front passenger seat of Jonas driving away from their home, of Tyler wearing his fireman hat and strapped into his seat, grinning ear to ear, and of Madison yawning hugely in her car seat. Her soft brown curls were like a cloud around her button face. Danielle felt full to the brim. Her family. Her loves. Her everything.
When Jonas turned to the facing page, his lopsided smile widened. Happiness lit his eyes. He tapped the page where theyd pulled over to the side of a small-town street. In the cluster of small pictures, Jonas was holding his sons hand, so small in his big capable one, and they stood side by side watching a hawk perched on a high branch of a tree. Another picture showed Tylers little face staring trustingly up at his fatherso vulnerable and good and sweet.
Jonas swallowed visibly. I dont want to He stopped, as if searching for the word. I dont want to He shook his head. Lines of frustration and misery dug into his handsome face. I cant think of the word.
Jonas swallowed visibly. I dont want to He stopped, as if searching for the word. I dont want to He shook his head. Lines of frustration and misery dug into his handsome face. I cant think of the word.
She laid her hand on his and felt the warm unyielding band of his wedding ring beneath her palm. Im glad to have you home, Jonas. If youre worried about disappointing us
He nodded. Thats the word. I He shrugged helplessly, unable to say what was in his heart.
But she knew. Even as injured as he was, she would always know her husbands heart. Youre here. That means more than you know. The rest of itthe remembering, everythingit will get easier.
Relief passed across his face and he nodded once, his gaze fastened on hers. She hadnt realized how much he needed this, too, to be here, to try to find their normal lives again. She watched as he touched the snapshot with Tyler gazing up adoringly, full of awe and love for his dad. Jonas cleared his throat. I dont want to disappoint.
Tyler just wants you to love him. It will be all right.
He nodded and looked away, unreadable, like a stranger once more.
Danielle took a shaky breath and removed her hand. She waited as he turned to the next page, studying the picnic theyd had at a small park along the way, taking in the sunshine beneath the awning of the RV, laughing and sunny. She hadnt realized how perfect their lives had been at that moment, with Madison messy and fussy and Tyler hyper from being buckled in for the morning, and the weight of worry and responsibility nagging at her. She would give nearly anything to have her husband look at her now the way he did in the photo, as if he knew her better than she knew herself and loved her, every shortcoming, every flaw, every strength.
This is a good book. Jonas tapped the picture hed takenand didnt rememberof her buckling in Madison, who was in the middle of struggling, chubby arms reaching toward her daddy. I can see a lot.
She was glad shed taken the time to make the album, the careful cutting and pasting, the rubber-stamping and gluing and framing, the glitter and cutouts and ribbons. These memories and pictures were more important now than ever. Shed originally started the books so that they wouldnt forget the good times and the small details about the kidsthey were growing so fast!but now it had a larger purpose. To remember where theyd been. For what could be again.
The front door opened, and the security system chimed an announcement.
Hello? Her older sister Katherines voice echoed in the foyer over the sound of running little-boy feet. Anybody home?
For a nanosecond, Jonass gaze found hers, the panic raw and honest on his face. So many expectations, because Tyler didnt know his daddy couldnt remember him. They had decided together that it wouldnt be right to hurt him that way, to rock his security like that. So, the little boy who pounded into the room, his brown hair sticking straight up, only knew his daddy had been hurt and was now home to stay. Excitement lit him up like a lightbulb as he threw his arms wide and wrapped them around Jonas.
Youre here! Daddy, youre home! Tyler didnt let go but laid his cheek on his dads wide chest and grinned up at him. Aunt Katherine brought nachos and Mexi-fries just for you.
Danielle knew that the man beside her no longer knew the significance of their inside joke of Mexi-fries, but that didnt matter. Jonass eyes filled with emotion as he ran an awkward hand over the top of his little sons head, affectionate and sweet and devoted.
What truly mattered hadnt changed.
Chapter Two
Danielle walked into the kitchen and saw her sister. Katherine had Madison on her hip and was unloading two bags of food from their favorite Mexican take-out restaurant.
Mommy! Madisons arms shot out and she thrust herself through the air, trusting her aunt had a solid hold on her.
Danielle came to her rescue as Katherine held the half-prone princess. Her little play tiara was askew, sitting crooked in those soft light brown curls, and Madison was bright with happiness. Danielle wrapped a secure arm around her daughter and hefted her onto her hip.
Theyve both been wound up all day. With her sleek blond locks, girl-next-door loveliness and great clothes sense, Katherine was cover-model gorgeous, even four months pregnant. She reached out to straighten Madisons tiara. Jonas is in the living room?
Yes, Tyler is with him. Hes been waiting a long time for his daddy to come home, poor baby. She set Madison to the floor and the little girl immediately spun around and stretched both hands toward the out-of-reach counter.
Gotta get my phone! she singsonged, while her aunt produced the plastic pink cell phone from the collection of stuff on the counter. There you go, sweetie. Dani, you look tired. Are you feeling a little worse for wear?
And a little short of time. Know where I can buy a few more hours to add to the day?
I wish I did, believe me. Id be the first one in line. Katherine wrapped her in a hug. Youve been going hard all day, which is what I figured. Thats why I brought dinner. Its a little earlier than your normal suppertime, but I thought youd be too tired to fix a meal.
Could you be more wonderful? Danielle thought of all that her sister had done for her, and not only Katherine, but her entire familyher brother and sisters and her parents, not to mention her church family. Like you dont have enough to do?
My Jack wasnt hurt in the line of duty.
Thank God for that. Danielle prayed for her brother-in-law every day. Katherines husband was also a state trooper; Jonas had helped his childhood friend Jack get his job when he moved to Montana last year.
Such violence, like the kind that touched their family, wasnt common in this part of Montana, but no place was immune, it seemed. The silver lining in this dark time was seeing for sure there was much more good in the worldin peoplethan bad. Kath, thanks for taking the kids and for thinking to pick up dinner. For everything.
No problem. I wish I would have had the time to make you a real dinner, but theres a youth group basketball game tonight. Jack stayed behind to help Hayden get ready.
Danielle adored her sisters stepdaughter. Hayden was thriving, active in their church and excelling at school, which was done for the summer. Shes starting tonight?
Talk about excited. Shes worked so hard. I know shes going to do well tonight as a starter.
Then you dont want to miss the tip-off. Youd better be going. Danielle laid her hand gently on her little princesss small shoulder. Madison, chatting away, grinned up at her and kept prattling. What times the game?
Not to worry. Katherine swirled to the sink and turned on the tap. Ive got a little bit of time before I have to leave. I might as well make myself useful here. Why dont you take your little one in to see her daddy, sit down and spend time with your family? Your whole family. Together.
I know. Its almost unbelievable. Ive been praying for this for so long, I cant believe its finally here.
It puts a different meaning to the word blessings, doesnt it?
The four of them together in the same house. Danielles throat ached with gratitude. How very easily this moment could have never happened.