Shed thought the name often enough since Jakes arrival. She just hadnt expected to say it aloud. Or to feel the icy silence that greeted it.
For a long moment he stared at herlong enough for her to regret her hasty words, long enough to form a frantic prayer for wisdom. Im sorry. I shouldnt have said that.
No. You shouldnt. His face tightened with what might have been either grief or bitterness. He turned away, seeming to buy a moments respite by walking to the window that looked out over the hospital parking lot. Then he swung back to face her. What happened two years ago has nothing to do with the clinic. The words were clipped, cutting. I think it best if we both try to forget the past.
Could he really do that? Forget the suicide of a woman whod said she loved him? Forget blaming the paramedics whod tried to save her? Forget the gossip that said he was the one at fault?
Maybe he could. But she never would.
He seemed to take her assent for granted. He nodded toward the folder in her hands. Read through that, discuss it with your volunteers. Possibly we can arrange for the clinic to be in phone or radio contact with the E.R. when its open. Well discuss that later.
Yes. Her fingers clenched the manila folder so tightly someone would probably have to pry it loose. All she wanted now was to get away from himas far away as possible.
He picked up a ring of keys from the desk. Suppose we go out and look at this clinic of yours.
Not now. The words came out instinctively. I meanwe can schedule that at your convenience.
His eyebrows lifted again. Now is convenient. Would you like to ride with me?
She didnt even want to be in the same state with him. No. Thank you, but Ill need my car. Why dont you follow me out? The camp is a little tricky to find.
If she were fortunate, maybe hed get lost on the maze of narrow country roads that led to the migrant compound. But somehow, she didnt think that was likely to happen.
Jake kept Terrys elderly sedan in sight as they left the outskirts of Suffolk and started down a winding country road. He hadnt gotten used to the fact that the area went so quickly from suburbs to true country, with fields of corn and soybeans stretching along either side of the road.
He frowned at the back of her head, red curls visible as she leaned forward to adjust somethingthe radio, probably. He shouldnt have been so harsh with her. It wasnt Terrys fault that he couldnt see her now without picturing her racing the stretcher into the E.R., without seeing Merediths blank, lifeless face, without being overwhelmed with guilt.
Just let me be a doctor again. Thats all I ask. Ill save other lives. Isnt that worth something?
And did he really believe saving others would make up for failing Meredith? His jaw tightened. Nothing would make up for that. Maybe that was why God stayed so silent when he tried to pray.
Merediths death wasnt Terrys fault. But if someone more experienced had taken the callif he had checked his messages earlierif, if, if. No amount of what-ifs could change the past. Could change his culpability.
He pushed it from his mind. Concentrate on now. That means making sure Terry and her clinic dont derail your future.
It was farther than hed expected to the Dixon Farms. The route wound past rounded ridges dense with forest and lower hills crowned by orchards, their trees heavy with fruit. Finally Terry turned onto a gravel road. An abundant supply of No Trespassing signs informed him that they were on Dixon Farms property. Apparently, Matthew Dixon had strong feelings about outsiders.
He gritted his teeth as the car bottomed out in a rut. Surely there was a better way to provide health care for the migrant workers. Wouldnt it make more sense to bring the workers to health care, instead of trying to bring health care to them? If Dr. Getz had given him any idea of what hed been walking into that day at the board meeting, hed have been prepared with alternatives.
Terry bounced to a stop next to several other vehicles in a rutted field. He drove up more slowly, trying to spare his car the worst of the ruts. Not waiting for him, she walked toward a cement block building that must be the site for the clinic. It was plopped down at the edge of a field. Beyond it, a strip of woods stretched up the shoulder of the ridge.
He parked and slid out. If he could find some good reason why this facility wasnt suitable, maybe they could still go back and revisit the whole idea. Find a way of dealing with the problem that wouldnt put the hospital at so much risk. To say nothing of the risk to what was left of his career.
Several people moved in and around the long, low, one-story building. Terry had obviously recruited volunteers already. The more people involved, the harder it would be to change.
Pastor Brendan Flanagan straightened at his approach, turning off the hose he was running. Welcome. Id offer to shake hands, but Im way too dirty. Im glad youre here, Dr. Landsdowne.
Jake, please, Pastor.
And Im Brendan to all but the most old-fashioned of my parishioners. The minister, in cutoff jeans, sneakers and a Phillies T-shirt, didnt look much like he had at the board meeting.
Brendan. Jake glanced around, spotting five or six people working. What are you up to?
We recruited a few people to get the place in shape. Dixon hasnt used it for anything but storage in a couple of decades. He nodded toward what appeared to be a pile of broken farm implements. Itll be ready soon. Dont worry about that.
That wasnt what he was worried about, but he wasnt going to confide in the minister. Ill have a look inside.
He stooped a little, stepping through the door. The farmer certainly hadnt parted with anything of value when hed donated this space.
You must be Dr. Landsdowne. The woman who had been brushing the walls down with a broom stopped, extending her hand to him. Im Siobhan Flanagan.
Another Flanagan? He couldnt help but ask. The woman had dark hair, slightly touched with gray, and deep blue eyes that seemed to contain a smile.
Another one, Im afraid. Im Terrys mother. Brendan recruited me to lend a hand today. She gestured around the large, rectangular room, its floors pockmarked and dirty, its few windows grimy. I know it doesnt look like much yet, but just wait until were done. You wont know the place.
He might be able to tell Terry the place was a hovel, but he could hardly say that to the woman who smiled with such enthusiasm. You must look at the world through rose-colored glasses, Mrs. Flanagan.
Isnt that better than seeing nothing but the thorns, Dr. Landsdowne?
He held up his hands in surrender. Ill take your word for it. Shed made him smile, and he realized how seldom that happened recently.
Somehow the place didnt seem quite as dismal as it had a moment ago. It reminded him of the clinic in Somalia. For an instant he heard the wails of malnourished children, felt the oppressive heat smothering him, sensed the comradeship that blossomed among people fighting impossible odds.
He shook off the memories. That was yet another place hed failed.
Through the open doorway, he spotted the red blaze of Terrys hair. She was in the process of confronting an elderly man whose fierce glare should have wilted her. It didnt seem to be having that effect.
Through the open doorway, he spotted the red blaze of Terrys hair. She was in the process of confronting an elderly man whose fierce glare should have wilted her. It didnt seem to be having that effect.
He went toward them quickly, in time to catch a few words.
now, Mr. Dixon, you can see perfectly well that were not harming your shed in any way.
Is there a problem? Jake stopped beside her.
The glare turned on him. I suppose youre that new doctorthe one thats in charge around here. Taking a mans property and making a mess of it.
This was Matthew Dixon, obviously. Im Dr. Landsdowne, yes. I understood from Pastor Flanagan that you agreed to the use of your building as a clinic. Isnt that right? If the old man objected, that would be a perfect reason to close down the project.
Oh, agree. Well, I suppose I did. When a mans minister calls on him and starts talking about what the Lord expects of him, he doesnt have much choice, does he?
If youve changed your mind
Who says Ive changed my mind? I just want to be sure things are done right and proper, thats all. I want to hear that from the man in charge, not from this chit of a girl.
He glimpsed the color come up in Terrys cheeks at that, and he had an absurd desire to defend her.
Ms. Flanagan is a fully certified paramedic, but if you want to hear it from me, you certainly will. I assure you there wont be any problems here.
A car pulled up in a swirl of dust. The man who slid out seemed to take the situation in at a glance, and he sent Jake a look of apology. He was lean and rangy like the elder Dixon, with the same craggy features, but a good forty years younger.
Dad, youre not supposed to be out here. He took Dixons arm and tried to turn him toward the car. Terry and the others have work to do. He winked at Terry, apparently an old friend. Lets get you back to the house.
Dixon shook off his hand. Ill get myself to the house when Im good and ready. A mans got a right to see whats happening on his own property.
Yes, but I promised you Id take care of it, remember? You should be resting. The son eased the older man to the car and helped him get in, talking softly. Once Dixon was settled, he turned to them.
Sorry about that. Im afraid once Dad gets an idea in his head, its tough to get it out. Im Andrew Dixon, by the way. Youd be Dr. Landsdowne. And I know Terry, of course. He put his arm around her shoulders. She used to be my best girl.
Terry wiggled free, but the look she turned on the man was open and friendlya far cry from the way she looked at him. Back in kindergarten, I think that was. Good to see you, Andy.
Listen, if you have any problems, come to me, not the old man. No point in worrying him.
There wont be any problems. He hoped.
Andrew smiled and walked quickly toward the drivers side of the car, as if afraid his father would hop back out if he didnt hurry.
The elder Dixon rolled down his window. You make sure everythings done right, he bellowed. Anything else, and Ill shut you down, thats what Ill do.
Shaking his head, Andrew put the car in gear and pulled out, disappearing quickly down the lane, the dust settling behind the car.
Jake looked down at Terry. There were several things hed like to say to her. He raised an eyebrow. So, are you still his best girl?
Her face crinkled with laughter. Not since he took my yellow crayon.
He found himself smiling back, just as involuntarily as he had smiled at her mother. Her green eyes softened, the pink in her cheeks seeming to deepen. She had a dimple at the corner of her mouth that only appeared when her face relaxed in a smile.
These Flanagan women had a way of getting under his guard. Without thinking, he took a step closer to her.
And stopped.
I always told you your emotions would get the best of you. His fathers voice seemed to echo in his ears. Now its cost you your career.
Not entirely. He still had a chance. But that chance didnt include anything as foolish as feeling attraction for anyone, especially not Terry Flanagan.
Terry took an instinctive step backaway from Jake, away from that surge of attraction. Dont be stupid. Jake doesnt feel anything. Its just you, and a remnants of what you once thought you saw in him.
She turned away to hide her confusion, her gaze falling on the trailer Brendan had managed to borrow from one of his parishioners. Bren never hesitated to approach anyone he thought had something to offer for good works.
Would you like to see the equipment we have so far? She was relieved to find her voice sounded normal. Its stored in the trailer until we can get the building ready. She started toward the trailer, and he followed without comment.
She was fine. Just because shed had a juvenile crush on him two years ago, didnt mean they couldnt relate as professionals now. After all, half the female staff at the hospital had had a crush on Jake. Hed never noticed any of them, as far as she could tell.
Its locked, I hope?
The question brought her back to the present in a hurry. She pulled the key from her pocket, showing him, and then unlocked the door. Well be very conscious of security, since the building is so isolated.
He nodded, grasping the door and pulling it open. About meds, especially. All medications are to be kept in a locked box and picked up at the E.R. when clinic hours start and then returned with a complete drug list at the end of the day.
Naturally it was a sensible precaution, but didnt he think shed figure that out without his telling her? Apparently not.
This is what Ive been able to beg or borrow so far. There are a few larger pieces, like desks and a filing cabinet, that well pick up when were ready for them. She pulled the crumpled list from her jeans pocket and handed it to him.
He looked it over, frowning. What was he thinking? His silence made her nervous. Was he about to shut them down because they didnt have a fully equipped E.R. out here?
Im sure it looks primitive in comparison to what youre used to, but anything is better than what the workers have now.
It looks fine, he said, handing the sheet back to her. Ive worked in worse.
She blinked. You have?
He leaned against the back of the trailer, looking down at her with a faint smile. You sound surprised.
Well, I thought She blundered to a stop. She could hardly ask him outright what had happened to his promising neurosurgery career.
I didnt stay on in Philadelphia. Emotion clouded the deep blue of his eyes and then was gone. I spent some time at a medical mission in Somalia.
She could only gape at him. Jacob Landsdowne III, the golden boy whod seemed to have the world of medicine at his feet, working at an African mission? None of that fit what she remembered.
That sounds fascinating. She managed to keep the surprise out of her voice, but he probably sensed it. You must have seen a whole different world theremedically, I mean.
In every way. The lines in his face deepened. The challenges were incredibleheat, disease, sanitation, unstable political situation. And yet people did amazing work there.