I already know that, I said, Ive envied the neighbors since I was little because there are seven of them, always playing and me here alone and bored. I still dont know why whenever I asked you to let me go to their house to play with them, you always gave me the same answer, No son, there are enough of them, I dont want you to bother them, as if they wouldve noticed one more.
Well, she said, laughing, then the twins came along, so dont complain, all of sudden there was two of them. You looked at them and said, Which of them do I play with? They were toys to you. Alright, when are you taking the crib? she asked me more calmly.
Well tomorrow, so you wont change your mind, and giving her a kiss, I was leaving when I heard her say:
You see what youre like? You always get what you want.
<<<<< >>>>>
Summer was coming to an end, we were only one week away from starting classes again and returning to our routine, just enough time to get some rest and enjoy spending time with our families, but unexpected things can happen in just a few days. Tono came that morning crying:
Mom! Mom! he screamed as he climbed the stairs.
Whats wrong? I asked when I opened the door, because Id been the first one to hear him, and Id rushed to open it, to see what had happened.
No! Not you! I dont want to talk to you, he told me very angrily.
I was surprised, but he ran into the kitchen where my mother was preparing food.
Mom! Mom! the child kept calling very upset.
Angel, whats wrong with you? she asked in alarm.
He closed the kitchen door behind him so that I wouldnt go in after him, because I was following him down the hallway, although as he had been closing the door to the house, he was running and he reached where Mom was before I did. I went to open the kitchen door, but he told me from inside:
Go away! Youre to blame, I dont want to see you ever again, its all your fault.
I stopped in my tracks. What had I done? I dont think Ive done anything, I thought, plus, if he was out on the street playing with his friends and I was at home; surely it would have been a fight with one of them and he was taking it out on me.
I didnt really hear what he was talking about, but I immediately heard my mother say:
Of course, I knew this was going to create problems for us.
Opening the door, she glared at me and angrily said:
You see!
I didnt understand any of this and I asked:
Wait, whats going on? I didnt do anything to him.
How have you not? Look at whats happened to your brother, he hasnt done anything and look, my mother told me, and I still had no clue what she was talking about.
I looked at her, then I looked at him, and I still wasnt getting it. What a mess! I said to myself. I couldnt figure any of it out, so I asked:
Okay, well, can either one of you please tell me whats going on? What have I done thats so serious? Because I dont think Ive done anything, and I cant work out whats happened to him. He was out playing on the street!
Barging angrily past me, Tono said:
Im never talking to you ever again in my whole life, and with that he left for his room, where I heard him locking the door with the key from the inside.
Mom, please, tell me whats wrong, what has he told you? While I asked, I looked at her and I could see her getting angrier.
Look, do you see what happens by being the way you are? she said to me very seriously and then she fell silent.
Me? And what is the way I am? Lets see, now what on Earth do I have to do with whatever might have happened to the kid on the street? I was asking her slowly, because I did not want her to get any more upset.
Listen! said my mother, when she had calmed down a little. He told me that the children he was playing with told him he was going to hell.
And, what about it? I asked. What does that have to do with me?
What does it have to do with you? Well, I dont know how they would have heard about your little thing, she told me.
But what is my little thing? Please explain it to me, I still have no idea what youre talking about, itll just be kid stuff, I said a little irritated, because she insisted on focusing the blame on me for something I didnt understand.
Look Manu, this has to change already, I cant deal with this situation any longer either. Look, my Spiritual Advisor
Who? I asked a little confused. Your whaaat?
My Spiritual Advisor, she repeated.
Wait, whats that? I asked again.
Well, Don Ignacio, the priest, have you forgotten already? she asked me. You have to see how youve changed son.
Yes, the priest, but what you said before, I dont know what an advisor is. And I havent changed at all, Im still your son, the same as always.
Well, the Advisor is another matter, you dont understand that.
Okay, what did that good gentleman tell you? I said a little irked.
Dont call him that! Its disrespectful, she said angrily.
But Mom, Im imagining that with him being a priest, thats proper, is it not? So what should I call him then? I asked a little more calmly, to see if she finally realized what I had said.
Look, lets get on with what we were talking about, she said getting more and more angry.
Yes, so he said something, but can you explain it to me just once? What did he say? What do I have to do with all of this? And what does it have to do with what happened to Tono?
Well son, youre coming off like a fool, its very clear, its all the same thing.
But what is it? I said impatiently, because the issue was becoming increasingly complicated.
Be quiet and let me finish, and dont interrupt me every two seconds. Your brother has been told by his friends that hes going to hell, because he has a brother whos an atheist.
Opening my eyes wide, I said:
Whaaat? Is that what this is all about? I dont believe it.
Of course, Ive talked about it several times with my Spiritual Advisor, and he has always advised patience, but Ive had enough. Either you change, or I dont know what Im going to have to do with you! she said staring firmly at me.
But Mom Its not like its a dirty shirt that I can take off and put on a clean one.
Enough nonsense. Im having a serious discussion with you, and you, as far as I know, have other shirts. Id like to be able to take a hold of you and wash you like I do with dirty clothes, and rinse those ideas out of your head. Wed all be better off for it.
But Mom Lets see, what harm am I doing to anyone by thinking what I want to think? Everyone has their own life to live, the way I see it, I told her trying to calm her down.
But dont you realize? Dont you see what just happened to Tono? she told me, her anger not abating and there was no way to change it.
Suddenly we heard Dad at the front door saying:
Honey, Im home now.
Wiping her eyes, my mother said:
When he finds out!
But Mom, I havent done anything wrong. Calm down! At that moment, my father came into the kitchen and when he heard me say that he immediately asked:
Wiping her eyes, my mother said:
When he finds out!
But Mom, I havent done anything wrong. Calm down! At that moment, my father came into the kitchen and when he heard me say that he immediately asked:
Honey, has something happened to you?
No, she replied, approaching him to give him a kiss.
So, why is Manu telling you to calm down? he asked again.
She lowered her head and said:
Go on, tell him! The sooner this is cleared up, the better.
Well, whats all this about? Lets here it Manu, tell me whats going on, my father asked impatiently.
I told him everything that had happened. Then, going out into the hall, he called Tono. From his room with the door closed, he asked:
Is Manu there? Tell him to leave, I dont want to talk to him.
With an authoritative voice, my father said:
Tono, come out here immediately. I want you to clarify one thing for me right now, and enough with this seclusion and childish nonsense.
He came grumbling down the hall toward Dad and said:
What do you want, Dad?
He looked up, and told him what theyd said:
I want you to explain one thing for me. Who told those children about your brother?
Me! he answered quietly, but I didnt know it was bad.
Son, its not bad, its just a different way of thinking, everyone is allowed to think what they want, do you tell us everything you think? he asked looking at him very seriously.
No! he said, trying not to look my father in the eye, but the other kids told me
Tono, the other kids can tell you what they want. Do you think Manu is bad?
No, at least he never hits me, my brother replied.
So are you not going to tell Manu that he has to change? my mother then asked my father.
Honey! he said, why dont we eat and leave this for another time? Im home and Im quite tired, but I do want you to know Tono, that we love you all and that nothings going to happen to you because your brother thinks that way.
He approached me more calmly and said:
Alright, if Dad says that nothing will happen to me, then Ill talk to you again, and then he ran off.
That incident was over, but it seemed that a pending conversation with my father would be on the cards.
<<<<< >>>>>
Manu, he said one afternoon, I want to have a chat with you today, and we went for a walk to my grandparents house.
I was not clear on why he wanted me to go there, then it all became clear.
When he saw us come in through the door of his house, my grandfather said:
Nice! I have company.
How so? I asked him immediately when I went over to give him a kiss.
Well, because your grandmother went to visit a friend whos sick and I didnt want to go, so I stayed here reading.
Grandpa, dont you already know all your books by heart yet? I asked.
Dont you believe that Manu, I can always pick one up and discover something new, he told me very seriously.
So to what do I owe the pleasure of your visit? he asked my father, who was coming into the room just then. I had arrived before him, because I had run down the hallway.
Well, I think its time for you to talk to your grandson, he replied to his father.
I was very surprised to hear that, so I asked:
About what?
First, Im going to make you a coffee, my grandfather said. Im sure itll do you some good, the afternoon is a little chilly.
Then, the three of us sat there like three friends, it was barely noticeable that there was an age difference between us all, the three of us had always gotten along very well.
Grandpa started telling me that he was also like me:
Oh good, he said, rather, its you who is like me, because I was born first and you were born after me.
Well, he told me that he had also been an atheist, I was very surprised.
But Gramps, Ive seen you go to church on Sundays with Grandma, I said without being able to restrain myself, even though I knew that he did not like to be interrupted. He always told us, Its bad manners to interrupt someone when theyre talking.
He told me very seriously:
Listen, if youll keep quiet and not interrupt me, you already know that I dont like that, Ill tell you about it, otherwise the one wholl keep quiet will be me.
Sorry! I offered, I wont interrupt you anymore, so I listened to him for the entire time he was speaking, quiet and attentive to everything he told me.
He told me that, like many of his friends, hed been an atheist in his youth, that he did not see eye to eye with the priests nor did he believe in what they were saying and that he was always fighting with those he knew in defense of his ideas, but something happened in his life that made him change.
I really wanted to interrupt him to ask him what it was, but I held back and sat there by his side listening.
I met an angel, he said suddenly.
I must have opened my eyes wide.
Careful, theyre going to come out of their sockets, he said with a smile. Well, as I was saying, almost an angel, your grandmother.
I took a deep breath.
Yes, you dont believe it, I know what youre thinking, but she was straightening out my life, and making me see how wrong I was. She never gave me big sermons, or forced me into anything, she just set me an example, gave me understanding and affection, and that gradually made me reflect and see that my position was incorrect, that I had the wrong ideas and I changed them as things were becoming clearer in my mind.
He paused in thought for a moment, and then continued.
She changed me! It was like I was a sock and she had turned me inside out. Im not saying I became sanctimonious or anything. No, thats not me, but she made a new man out of me. Ill never be able to thank her enough for that.
Do you love me Manu? he asked me suddenly.
I was unsure of whether or not to answer him or if he would scold me for interrupting.
Answer the question son! said Dad, who was sitting there quietly beside me.
Of course Grandpa! I dont imagine you doubt that, I told him softly so he wouldnt get annoyed.
Well, God loves you like that, he said, looking me straight in the eye.
Whaaat? If God doesnt know me, how is he going to love me? I said bewildered.
How can that be? How do you know that? my grandfather asked me.
I dont know, thats what Ive asked myself many times, if God really exists.
Of course He does son, and Hes like a patient Father whos there looking after His children, even if they dont realize it.
He was telling me in a way that, I dont know that was so sweet. I had never heard my grandfather speak that way before.
But how do you know, Grandpa? I asked curious.
Look, the little one doesnt know if his father is next to the crib, but havent you seen your father when Chelito was little? He would go over to put on her little baby clothes.
Yes, of course, Dad would stand there and watch her, very quietly, I think so as not to wake her up.