How could my father have let me take that trip? Remembering that long ago day, I still wonder to this day. He has always been very cautious and has never let us do anything that could be risky. Even if I had to hammer a nail into the wall, he would say:
Give it here! Ill do it, surely youll hit your finger with the hammer.
Honey! said my mother whenever she would hear him, if you dont teach him, hell never know how to do anything.
Hell learn when hes a grown-up, he said smiling.
But Dad, when will I be a grown-up in your eyes? Im taller than you, and Im almost two meters tall, I would say when I heard him say that I wasnt old enough to do something yet.
Well, the fact that youre tall doesnt mean that youre a grown-up, thats not the same thing, he would answer me. The conversation would be over and he wouldnt explain anything further to me.
Gramps! When was my father a grown-up? I once asked my grandfather.
Ah, have we reached this point already? Seems to me that Im the grown-up here, he answered jokingly.
Well, if Dads not old enough, Im screwed. Im never going to be grown-up, I said.
And why do you want to be a grown-up so badly? my grandmother, who was there and who had been listening to us, asked me.
Well, so I can do stuff without anyone telling me that I cant, because Im not old enough, I answered very seriously.
Ah, thats why? Then, youll never be old enough. There will always be someone by your side to tell you that, even if its the youngest among us, like Chelito. Dont you see how she talks to me sometimes? Telling me not to carry my bag, and she takes it from me, and then she scolds me as if I were a little girl.
Nana, she does that for your own good, so you dont hurt yourself, but that doesnt mean youre not old enough, I said to my grandmother.
Are you calling me old? she asked me, getting herself worked up.
No, why would I call you that? Since I did not like the way the conversation was going, I dropped it, but I did not agree that I could never be a grown-up. I was older than the twins and Chelito, why didnt anyone want to acknowledge it?
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Now, driving on my own, sitting at the wheel, traveling kilometer after kilometer, I did feel older, but what had it brought to my life? I dont think it brought me any gains, it had only brought me problems. Well, its not that I can complain, but, for example, when it was my father who was driving when we were going to the beach, him behind the wheel, my grandfather by his side and the rest of us behind them, my grandmother with Carmen in her lap, Mom with Chelito, me in between the two of them and the two twins in the back of the car, sitting there very quietly, we all had confidence in Dad to get us there and that there was no danger, and we would even fall asleep. Well not everyone, I dont think Carmen ever did, but Im not sure, because I certainly did, right from the start of the journey until I heard my mother say:
Manu, wake up, were here.
What good times those were! Now, despite being tired, falling asleep was not an option. Who would keep me awake? Ah! and more importantly, who would be driving? Thats when I remembered what my father had told me:
Manu, as soon as you notice that youre getting tired, stop and get out to stretch your legs, dont fall asleep at the wheel.
Dad! I replied, Im not a little kid who falls asleep anywhere.
Listen son! Things are different in the car, with the gentle noise of the engine you can get drowsy and fall asleep without even realizing it.
Dont worry Dad, Ill be very careful, I said and he smiled at me, I knew he would.
Look, Ive made you a map with the route you have to take, my father said, showing me a piece of paper he had placed on the table.
You what now? I asked. I already know where I have to go, relax.
No! Listen to me, because the journey is so long, Ive marked where you need stop, so that both you and the car can get some rest, he insisted.
The car also gets tired? asked Carlitos, who was listening very closely to what Dad was telling me, sitting there beside him.
Yes son! Dad answered, looking at him. The car is a machine that has its own needs and if its not taken care of, it breaks down and its no longer good for anything.
Yes, you have to give it gas, said my brother.
What? Do you think I dont know that? I replied quickly.
Yes, but on top of gas, there are lots of other things that you have to do to look after it; the mechanics, making sure that everything is good to go, that the air in the tires is alright and so on. You cant just do whatever you want and you have to rest the engine, because if you dont, it might overheat, said my father very seriously. You, Manu, follow these instructions and youll see that you wont have any problems on your journey.
I will Dad, dont worry, Ill take good care of it, youll see. I dont want to disappoint you, you know that, and if I dont do it well, I know you wont let me take the car again.
Hmm! Thats why youd do it? No son, you have to do it for your own safety, so that nothing happens to you. You have to be aware that youre putting your life in your hands and you can end it, and the lives of others on the road, with a single mistake.
Dad, calm yourself, everything will be fine, trust me! I told him.
If I didnt trust you, I wouldnt leave you with it. Do you think I want anything to happen to you? No son, never.
Now that I was thinking about this, I was realizing that I had just passed the signpost for one of the points that my father had indicated to me. I searched for a place to park and stopped there. We had to rest, both the car and I. I would take the opportunity to go for a short walk to stretch my legs and to eat a sandwich that my mother had prepared for me. Fortunately, it had been a while since the rain had stopped falling.
I looked at the papers my father had prepared for me. I hadnt realized when he gave them to me what was written down at the side. It read: First stop, Padrón. Think about whether you want to continue son. Im sure youre tired, if you turn around now, well say nothing more about it, give it some proper thought son.
I smiled. I saw that my father thought it was just an impulse, and that I would get tired quickly. I think he still hadnt realized how stubborn I am when I set out to do something. I had thought out this trip very, very carefully and what it meant, and before deciding to take it, I had been thinking about all of the downsides. When I made the decision, it was already firm and I was not going to back down, so I ate the sandwich and I prepared to continue on with the next stretch of road in one go. Ill see if I can get to Pontevedra, but my back was already telling me that Id been sitting for a long time already, so I told myself: Stick at it and dont complain, theres still a long way to go.
Back on the road, the day was glorious, the countryside was green, and I was becoming increasingly confident behind the wheel. In the distance, I saw people working the fields and I thought, How can they endure hours and hours like that under the sun or in the rain? I complain about my work as a student, I really dont appreciate how lucky I am, and I sent thanks to my parents in a thought, because if they had decided differently for me, now I would be, I dont know, working somewhere, in a factory, at sea on a fishing boat, or maybe in the field, for all I know.
Back on the road, the day was glorious, the countryside was green, and I was becoming increasingly confident behind the wheel. In the distance, I saw people working the fields and I thought, How can they endure hours and hours like that under the sun or in the rain? I complain about my work as a student, I really dont appreciate how lucky I am, and I sent thanks to my parents in a thought, because if they had decided differently for me, now I would be, I dont know, working somewhere, in a factory, at sea on a fishing boat, or maybe in the field, for all I know.
I dont know, but I dont imagine it was easy for them to decide that I should study. Yes, I know my father had done it, but with five children, the simplest thing for him to have done would have been to say, Manu we need one more salary in this house, there are many mouths to feed, but instead, he had said, Study, so that in the future you can raise your own family with a higher standard of living, without problems, having a good job.
I dont understand much of what they tell me at times, I think because I dont think too much about Grown-up things, as I call them, but now in the solitude of the car, where I had to make all the decisions, nobody could help me. I had to take a route that was not very good in some sections, but that forced me to be attentive, and if something unexpected happened, I had to make my own decision, I couldnt check with anyone. I felt older, but I think deep down I wasnt prepared to live a more grown-up life yet, everything was very complicated.
The car suddenly started making a weird noise. I didnt take much notice at first, but after a while I started to worry about it.
What could have happened to it? If he were here, Dad would know what was wrong right away, I told myself. I stopped at the roadside for a short time, and I went down to take a look at the wheels to see if there were any flat tires. I didnt see anything unusual and I got back into the car and continued along the road. The noise continued and I was getting nervous. I opened the window a little more to see what it was, and listened carefully. The noise had stopped, surely not, what could it have been?
I closed the window again, and still the sound was gone. Suddenly I realized, the window had been open just a tiny bit. I opened it just a fraction and the noise started again. What a relief! Id finally located where that wretched and annoying sound had come from, it was the glass window vibrating when it wasnt fully closed, so I calmed down and continued on the way to my destination, it was still a long way away.
When I was passing through Pontevedra, already having decided that I was going to continue on to Fatima, I still knew that I had a lot of open road ahead of me, but for me, getting as far as I had was already a joy in itself. I felt that I would be able to make it, I was already feeling more confident. I even started to go a little more swiftly, stepping on the gas a little more because before it felt like I was in competition with a turtle. Some of the trees by the side of the road had passed so slowly that Im almost certain I wouldnt have passed them any faster if Id been walking.
Manu, youll never arrive at this rate, its one thing to drive with caution and another to go so slowly that its going to be night time by the time you reach customs and youll find it closed, I thought at one point.
My legs hurt, I couldnt go any further, but I wanted to reach the point that my father had indicated. He had calculated the route and divided it into stages, so that I could rest every so often and he had warned me, saying:
Every time you stop, look at the little fuel needle. You should never neglect it, if you dont give the car a drink, itll leave you stranded and you wont be able to continue.
I made it an obsession. I looked and looked at the little needle, and since I didnt see it change, I wondered, What if its broken and it leaves me high and dry in the middle of nowhere? Even though I have some names here, I dont know how far I am from any town.
Finally, I saw a sign that filled me with joy: Spanish Border. Why would it say that? Everyone passing this way on this side of the border already knows theyre on Spanish soil, its obvious that its the border of Spain. At last I had reached it, I was about to enter Portugal. I assumed that they would also announce that we were at the Border of Portugal on their side, and I thought, What now? Nothing Manu, just go ahead. When I handed my papers to the border guard, he looked at me and asked me if I was going alone.
As the question surprised me, I must have had a strange expression on my face or something, because he immediately asked me:
Is der someting wrong frien?
But since I didnt understand him very well, I had to ask him to repeat himself, and I asked him:
Where are you from? Youre not Galician are you?
He laughed and told me he was Andalusian:
No, not Galician.
From where? I asked, out of courtesy, aware of how many hours they spend there alone.
From a real small town called Roquetas del Mar in da province of Almeria, he replied.
I tried to remember, because at that moment I couldnt quite recall where it was, but it seemed to me that it was in the South so I said:
Youre kind of far from home.
Ders a funny side to what dey command, he said in his peculiar accent.
And whats that? I asked him.
Well, for dat reason, sendin me to the other side of the country, ders nowhere furder away, what dya tink? he said looking annoyed.
Youll not be able to see your family often then, I said, because I didnt know what else I could talk to him about.
What are ye sayin man? Ive been here for two years witout bein able to go down, what dya tink o dat?
What do you mean by go down? I asked surprised. I wasnt really getting any of what he was saying.
Well, jus dat, if were up here, my land will be down der, come on, I tell ya!
I still couldnt quite understand him with that strange accent, but looking like a prankster, he laughed, and repeated:
Up and down, it souns loike a game for chilren. So, wher are ye goin? Is it that youre not satisfoid wit Spain and yer off to anoder country? Surely ye don know my part of Spain, he said to me. He seemed to want to keep talking.
No, youre right, I replied.
Well before ye get goin somewhere else, maybe you should get to know our own place. Look, Im not one for showin off, but there aint nothin like my Andalusia.
And he kept talking and talking. Uncertain about how to get out of this, my gut was telling me, Hes not going to tire of this and let me continue on my way.
And he went on saying to me:
Why dontya take the cer and make for Andalusia? Youll see such lanscapes and places that they don have der in Portugal.
Do you know Portugal? I asked him.
Not at all, mid-air! he told me. What for? Im satisfoid enough wit Spain and Id loike to get to know da whole ting, I was at anoder border post for five yers.
Where? I asked trying to be polite.
Well, it wer real different from dis, der was no way to rest der, trucks and cers were always passin by, and they never stop comin even at lunchtime.
But where was it? I asked again.