Of course, what was certainly beyond any doubt, is that it had been there for a long time because of the fragility of the fabric that it had been wrapped in, or could it be that the fabric was part of the joke? and it was already old and fragile when she put it there. Surely not! If so, whoever it was would have wrapped it up with more care.
I was pondering these questions when I heard a knock on the door that scared me. I stayed very still. I think I even held my breath, when again I heard the knocking and someone saying:
Manu, have you fallen asleep? Were waiting for you to have dinner.
Those words brought me back to reality. Suddenly I saw my room, I was sitting on the bed, and I awkwardly said:
Im coming now! with a faltering voice.
Wake up sleepy! If you dont, were gonna eat your share, he was saying from the hallway.
Im coming! I said a little louder this time, go on ahead.
I listened to my friends footsteps as he was walking down the hallway. I took a quick look around the whole room, I had to find a hiding place for the Little book, somewhere where nobody would find it if they came into the room while I was not there.
At that moment I thought, Who exactly will come in if theyve already cleaned it today? However, I decided to first wrap it up in a handkerchief of mine that I took from the drawer of the nightstand.
I carefully wrapped it up and then, climbing onto the chair, placed it on top of the closet, as far back as I could. Surely the cleaning girl wouldnt be able to reach it there, because she was shorter than me. If she had the intention of searching on top of the closet to see if I had put anything there, surely she wouldnt reach the place where I had left it.
What was certain was that as long as she didnt bring a ladder to look on top of it, it would be impossible for her to find it, and I dare say, why would she bring a ladder? Alright, perhaps to change the bulb if it blew, but it was glowing perfectly brightly.
I was also sure that they only came into the rooms to clean up just once a day and as I had checked when I got back from the convent, the bed had been made and the towels had been changed in the bathroom. She wouldnt be back here again today.
Another small detail; if it was dinner time, the girl would be serving the tables, so I was sure that no one would enter in my absence.
Putting on my sweater and feeling more relaxed, I went over to the door, opened it and closed it behind me. Heading down the long corridor as I went to the dining room, I thought, And where will I leave it tomorrow when I have to go to work?
Manu, I answered myself for some reassurance, just leave it there in the same place, Im sure theres no way anyone will find it, and besides, who would think to look for it? Nobody knows you have it, and more calmly, I opened the door to the dining room and sat there were my companions.
At last! sleepy! Look who we had to go find to get dinner, when youre normally the first to arrive saying youre about to pass out from hunger, and you start snacking on bread while they bring us the food. Are you coming down with something? they asked me.
What are you talking about? Im just tired, something that can be remedied with some sleep, I replied to reassure them.
Dinner passed without any major upheavals. I tasted what Id been given without much enthusiasm, and I must have made some strange expression, because they told me laughing:
They havent quite hit the mark with your preferences today. Boy, that means your situation is more serious than we thought, because you normally always praise everything they serve us. Weve never heard you say, I dont like this! Youre always the first to clear your plate and wipe it clean saying, The sauce is the best part, and its a shame to waste it, and today it seems youre even having difficulties chewing. Have you got tonsillitis?
No, I answered reluctantly, Ive already had my tonsils removed, I still remember how bad those days were after the operation when I couldnt eat anything, I told them so they would leave me alone.
Tell us, tell us, they said, you never told us that, that there was a time when youd gone without food and you didnt die, Jorge was saying, ever the jester.
Everyone laughed at the remark.
Dont laugh! I said, becoming serious, I had a really hard time.
Were tired of hearing you say, Im so hungry that if I dont have something to eat, Ill die, so tell us about that. Come on! How could you put up with a day without eating?
Reluctantly, because what I wanted was to go back to my room so I could finally open that little book in peace, the book that had been so zealously hidden, I started telling them about it, saying:
Alright, well, like I said when you have them removed, you cant eat.
Wait, said Jorge, who was always the loudest voice in the room, and who always came up with ideas, and to celebrate this secret that youre about to share with us, shall we have a little something?
When I heard the word Secret, I was petrified, what was he saying? Could he know something about what was going on?
When he saw my face, he continued saying:
Boy, I didnt know it would be so difficult for you to talk about something that I dont think is that serious.
As words were failing me at that moment, he started saying:
Well, when I was little, they operated on me
You too? the others asked.
Nah, Im just trying to help him get started, Jorge said between laughs.
At that point, I realized what they wanted, and I said:
Yes, when I was little
What age? they asked me.
Dont interrupt him, or he wont tell us, Jorge insisted.
Alright, Ill continue, I was eight years old, I remember it perfectly, I got really sick one day. My mother sent Carmen, who as you know is two years older than me, she sent her running for the doctor. He lived on the same street as we did, so it didnt take her long to get there, although as he said, he didnt like visiting anyone outside of his practice hours, because he had to rest too. What if he fell ill? Who would tend to him?
The thing is, I must have had a high fever, I still remember that my father picked me up and carried me to the car. Wait no, it was my mother who took me
Can you make up your mind? Santi said impatiently.
Yes, the doctor must have said something to them, because I remember very clearly that my mother started crying and my Dad scolded her, and I found that surprising, We have to move quickly, this is no time for tears, I heard him say. Even with the amount of time thats passed, Ive not forgotten that, because Id never heard my father speak to her like that before.
Then I remember that he took me and carried me out of the house in his arms, as if I were a little kid. Then in the car, he was driving and my mother was in the back seat. She held me almost lying down, I remember having seen the street lamps shining from back there, I said a little thoughtfully.
So what are you saying? Are you gonna keep telling us your story or not? What do the street lamps have to do with anything? Jorge asked me again.
Look, its because Id never been out at night in the car, Id seen the street lamps lit now and then on the street, but not from that angle, with my head on my mothers legs. I saw the lights go by in such a strange way, that I remember it perfectly well, as if it were happening right now. I remember making an effort and I got up a little to look out the window, and I saw how dark everything was. You could only see the row of street lamps lighting the place. I couldnt make out where it was. It felt to me like it took a long time. I dont remember anything else, until I found myself lying on a bed with a huge light above my face and someone, I think a man, but Im not sure, was watching me with his mouth covered.
Just relax, everything will be alright, do you know how to count? asked that stranger with an unfamiliar voice, and I said yes.
Well, can you count to ten for me? he said, and covered my mouth with something strange. I remember hearing myself saying three, four, and then nothing else.
I dont know what happened, just that I wanted to continue counting at five when I woke up, and my voice wouldnt come out. I couldnt hear myself count, and my mother by the bed said:
Hes waking up.
And I saw how my father, gave me a kiss with a worried face. That really surprised me, because he wasnt the kissing type. Maybe he would give me one at Christmas, or on my birthday, but nothing more, and at the time I remembered that it was neither of those days. What might have happened for him to have kissed me? So I thought I had to ask him what was wrong.
I stopped to take a breath, and Jorge impatiently took the floor.
But boy, you still havent told us how you felt without eating, he was telling me.
Wait for me to continue then. I remember that I was very hungry. I was in bed, I had visited a doctor whom I didnt know, that was not the norm, then I learned he was a specialist who had operated on me, an otolaryngologist, I was saying, when I was interrupted again.
You remember a name like that so well given how difficult it is, the boys told me.
Yes, because when I asked what he was called, and they told me, my father wrote it down for me so I wouldnt forget it, and I read it so many times that I learned it by heart and thats why I still remember it. Because I couldnt talk, well I tried but nothing would come out, I communicated by writing in a notebook with a pencil, which the nurse gave me. Im sure she knew what had happened because she gave it to me the first time she came to see me.
As youre old enough and because Im sure you know how to write very well, when you want something, just write it here, and taking the two items out of her pocket she told me, Take them, do you like them?
The first thing I wrote said:
Is it for me? Thank you, yes, I like them a lot.
Yes, she replied, I bought them for you, she was saying there next to my bed.
And can I take them home with me? I wrote again there in the notebook.
She picked it up again to read what I had written, she answered laughing:
Of course, I told you theyre for you, as they say, You cant take back a gift youve given, that way you wont get into heaven.
I was amazed because Id never heard anyone say that before and I asked my mother, or rather I wrote in that notebook:
Mom! What is this missus talking about?
The nurse, who thought that what I was writing was also for her said:
Missus? How old do you think I am young man? and laughing, she left the room.
I didnt understand what she meant, but my mother told me:
Rest up, you still have to recover.
I picked up the little notebook again and wrote:
And when can I eat here Mom? I was already noticing that my stomach was grumbling having not eaten anything for a while.
Im afraid you cant do that yet Manu, theyve had to remove your tonsils, she said, looking at me.
What does that mean Mom? I wrote, and I put my hand to my throat as if I wanted to look for a scar, but I didnt notice anything, but in spite of it I couldnt speak, even though I wanted to.
My father took my hand with a lot of affection, and sitting on the bed he said:
Manu, tonsils are the little lumps that hang down at the back of the mouth, and if they get bad, they have to be removed.
Right, I wrote in my notebook, Well, if they have already been taken out, when can I eat something? Im starving.
Oh, so when you were a kid you also said that you were dying of hunger? interrupted Jorge.
Getting up from the table, I said:
Im done, Im not telling you anymore, Im going to sleep. But at that moment, the girl entered the dining room and came over to our table, with slices of cake piled onto a tray, one for each one of us.
Go on then! Get outta here! Its your loss, all the more for us, well divide up your slice among us, Santi was already saying, since youre so tired, I bet youd rather be in bed than eating this.
I looked at that tasty treat, chocolate cake, I could hardly miss out on that and I sat back down again. We distributed the slices, tossing each onto the little plates that they had set down for us. They gave me the biggest piece, saying:
Youve earned it for sharing your secret, but dont take a bite until you finish telling us everything.
Well, theres not much left to tell. I was there, admitted to that place, which I later learned was a hospital in La Coruña, which my parents had had to take me to in a hurry that night. Like I said, I was admitted and I wasnt even allowed to take any water at first. I was allowed after a while, but just water. I dont know how long that took, to me it seemed like a month or more.
Come on! Stop exaggerating, the boys said when they heard me say that, nobody stays in hospital for a month for tonsillitis.
Yes, my mother told me it had only been two days, then they gave me my first liquid food, but I think she just told me that to comfort me, because I really had a hard time not being able to eat, because despite the fever and everything else, at no point did my desire for food go away.
Did the wound hurt? Santi asked.
No, not at all! It was just my gut that hurt, it really craved something, anything, it kept telling me it was empty, I wrote to the nurse in my little notebook every time she came to put in the thermometer or make my bed, I want to eat, with very big letters so she could see it properly.
Youll have to wait! When the doctor tells me, Ill bring you so much that you wont be able to eat it all, she told me with a smile, but she left and nothing would convince her.
Then when the doctor came to see me and I showed him the message in the notebook, he would tell me:
Yes, I know, but youll have to wait a little longer, the wounds need time to heal.
And I wrote to him:
I dont have any wounds, what wounds are you talking about?
You do, he answered me, theyre on the inside and theyre doing very well. That was what hed tell me after making me open my mouth and popping in a little stick, like a Popsicle stick, which sometimes made me gag.
Manu, be careful, dont throw up on the doctor, my Mom would tell me whenever that happened.
I picked up my notebook again, I started writing there:
I cant throw anything up because I dont have anything inside me, or have you forgotten, since they dont want to feed me here? Theyll be waiting for me to go home so I can eat there.
That made everyone laugh, which I did not like and I got very angry, and I even started crying. Nobody understood the big problem that I had, the hunger that would not leave me in peace.
Well, thats pretty much it, then one day I was eating just a puréed meal. It was an awful meal, but because I was so hungry, I said to myself: