Having understood your self, you can evaluate what aspects of your life suit you and how to change your life so that your outer self corresponds better to the inner self.
Personal Life
What do I feel about my current situation (in a relationship, in a marriage, or without a partner)?
What do I like or do not like about myself in the context of my relationship with my partner?
What aspects of our relationship cause me discomfort (financial issues, sex, disrespect, or the lack of attention)?
Do I like us as a couple?
Do we listen to each other? Are we able to hear each others needs?
There is a saying that relationships are multiple mirrors. In these mirrors, we see how some aspects of ourselves are reflected in our partner. We love and appreciate what we like, try not to notice what causes discomfort, and when we want to break up the relationship, we start throwing stones at the mirror, saying: This relationship doesnt work for me, because he/she
It is useful to think about what causes discomfort because this will help you to better understand yourself and your own way of life. It is necessary to focus on yourself and not on the apparent shortcomings of your partner.
Try to identify repetitive patterns in your relationships, and change the situation or your attitude towards it. When discussing the situation which upsets you with your partner, avoid accusations. Instead of you do/do not do, say, I feel that or I feel hurt when
Relationships With Others
What kind of relationship did I have with my relatives, as a child? Could I express my feelings?
What impression do other people usually form about me? Is it consistent with my own self image?
What common themes constantly emerge in my relationships with other people?
Am I satisfied with how I communicate with others? Am I able to listen or help? Am I inclined to judge? To obey? To envy?
Our past experiences influence relationships with our children, relatives, friends, and colleagues. World outlook, attitudes, and behaviors form in our childhood. The care that a child receives early on lays the foundation of trust he develops for others. The values that are instilled into a child during childhood shape their self-esteem, which later affects relationships with others.
To analyze your current problems, it is important to remember what the emotional climate was like in the family in which you grew up; how those important to you reacted to your victories and failures; and what worried or frightened or upset you when you were a child.
Try to identify topics that constantly emerge in your relationships with people. Perhaps there are some repetitive patterns and unconscious reactions to the actions of other people that cause you discomfort.
Work and Self-Realization
Do these two concepts dovetail, for me? Am I able to achieve both in my work?
Am I satisfied with my current job?
What was most important for me in my job at the beginning of my career: recognition, demand, income, interest, creative aspects, communication, or leadership? And what is more important at the moment?
Work is a huge part of our lives. Dissatisfaction with work can easily spread to other aspects of life. Analyze whats bothering you in the workplace and try to distinguish between the problems associated with people you have to work with every day and the work itself.
Our values and priorities change over time. For example, at the beginning of ones career, ambition and the desire to receive the necessary compensation for work are quite normal focuses. But, over time, something else may come to be important for example, self-realization, recognition, team support, or independence.
Financial Position/Interests Hobbies, Leisure, Travel
These facets of life can also be analyzed, as others in the examples above, to answer questions about the degree of comfort and satisfaction a person feels over their existing state of affairs. If satisfaction leaves much to be desired, think about what specific actions can be taken to correct this.
In conclusion, it is important to remember that anything, even desirable changes, can bring stress. Take time to conduct a revision of each area of life, but do not rush to answer all questions. Give yourself a few days to think and listen to your thoughts and feelings.
Take one facet of life at a time. You can start with anything: the one where things are most painful or the place where, on the contrary, you feel most satisfaction. Analyze what you are satisfied with and what you would like to change or improve. What do you want to get rid of? What habits or people have overstayed their welcome?
Sometimes, in order to solve a problem, its enough to just realize that one exists. Make a realistic step by step plan of change and gradually make it happen.
Good luck!
Midlife Crisis
Question: I often hear about the concept of a middle age crisis. Tell me, please: what is this and how is it defined? Does it only occur in men, or does it affect women, too? How does someone get over it?
A midlife crisis is a long-term emotional state that occurs in middle age (from 35 to 55 years) and is caused by a reassessment of life experiences. Sometimes it is accompanied by depression. This crisis demonstrates that there are regrets about irreversibly missed opportunities, as well as anxiety associated with the advancement of a persons age and awareness of mortality.
For example, a forty-year-old man can, for no apparent reason, give up a well-paid job, become depressed, start an extramarital affair, or even leave his family while isolating himself from all previously enjoyable activities and social connections. Often, neither the man himself nor his loved ones or friends can understand or explain such behavior.
Midlife crisis is a conditional definition. For some, it passes unnoticed, but others are struck by it with the force of a tornado. As a rule, dissatisfaction with ones life accumulates gradually, drop by drop, until at some point the cup is overflowing. In addition, the crisis does not have clear boundaries. It can last for one year or can drag on for decades.
Symptoms of a midlife crisis include:
feeling self-pity
a sense of injustice in life, or feeling trapped in marriage or work
depression and loss of interest in many previously significant aspects of life
changing ones circle of significant people
change in value guidelines
becoming eccentric
sensing the meaninglessness of life
People of middle age perform a connecting role between the older generation of parents and the younger generation of children. They carry a load of social responsibility on their shoulders. This responsibility also brings with it social conflicts.
People regret that they did not achieve certain goals, have not completed what they planned, and that many goals have remained a dream. However, middle-aged people understand that they must live with problems and everyday concerns. They cannot either live in the past like their parents or, like their children, live in dreams about the future.
People regret that they did not achieve certain goals, have not completed what they planned, and that many goals have remained a dream. However, middle-aged people understand that they must live with problems and everyday concerns. They cannot either live in the past like their parents or, like their children, live in dreams about the future.
The first possible reason for a midlife crisis is the fact that the kids grow up and leave into separate, independent lives. While, on the one hand, parents get more free time for themselves, the problem is that, by then, many of them have lost or had to sacrifice most of their significant interests, and are not motivated to develop any new ones.
The second possible reason for a crisis is associated with relationships with aging parents. It is even more difficult if the parents suffer from cognitive impairment or are weak. So, any free time the parents get from not having to take care of their kids is transferred to taking care of their own aging parents.
This brings on a new wave of dissatisfaction and a feeling that life is passing by and that, even at midlife, there is no time for themselves. Old friendships also start to wane as people become preoccupied with their problems and dont have enough time to devote to seeing friends.
Middle Age Crisis In Men
A midlife crisis in men often involves a rebellion against imposed rules. Men in this state are actively engaged in finding the answer to the question, How do I find myself in life? And this brings to the surface the old teenage complexes where I want replaces I should.
A middle-aged man reassesses his own life through the prism of missed opportunities. Looking over and rethinking his life values, he tries to find himself, but often follows a false path which leads nowhere. The conversations of men acquire a somewhat doomed and philosophical nature where life appears transient and short-lived and the end feels too near.
During this period, there is a reassessment of life values as well as career goals. Having achieved the desired social role, a certain status, and financial well-being, men undertake an inventory of values as well as their achievements, as financial wellbeing no longer gives a sense of stability and reliability.
Often, men start worrying about their health at this stage. They begin medical checkups, exercising, and dieting. This is caused by the fear of death and old age. Some may feel depressed or overly anxious, suffering from insomnia and mood changes that occur several times a day. For many middle-aged men, a moment of truth comes when, looking in the mirror, they discover they have a belly, wrinkles, or grey or thinning hair. These discoveries bring sadness and despair.
Midlife Crisis In Women
Midlife crisis is a definition not only applicable to men, as was previously believed. Women also face a phase of reassessment of their life experiences that can cause pain and a sense of emptiness. These lead to the feeling that many opportunities have been lost; that the best years have past; and that the future looks gloomy.
Many women regret that they sacrificed their careers to rise a family or, alternatively, that family life was sacrificed to make a career if the woman did not become a mother.
Often, a woman is saddened by her reflection in the mirror. Grey hair, extra weight, wrinkles, cellulite, and other numerous changes associated with ageing are experienced with much more pain than they are in men.
What Can Be Done?
Crisis is not the end of the world, but a reassessment of values. It is important for the people close to the person in crisis to understand this, and support a person who is transitioning to a new life stage.
Do not try to rush a person through this natural process. It will be helpful to remind the person of his achievements and to let him feel how important and needed he is. It is important for couples to re-evaluate their values in the relationship together, discussing how to bring diversity into their lives.
The person in a midlife crisis needs to be realistic and not exaggerate existing problems, but should also not deny them. Try not to cultivate a longing for years past, but rather, look for the right direction and dont get stuck in your reflections.
It is important to nurture your love for yourself, find an occupation to your liking, and praise yourself for all of your achievements. Do not become isolated, and take care of your health and looks.
It is important to remember that age does not influence the quality of life. Do not look for evidence of your past irresistibility, but rather, devote yourself to working on your body and appearance exercise, diet, and a healthy lifestyle. Women may find it helpful to change their hair style and update the clothes in their wardrobe.
Your youth can be significantly extended by devoting a little more time to taking care of yourself. Cheerful, active, energetic people look much younger and more attractive than those who are lazy, pessimistic, and gloomy.
Try to honestly and objectively answer this question: is everything really so bad in your life? Are you really ready to leave this job, or your husband/wife? Undoubtedly, there are moments that you can be proud of in your profession and in your life together. Perhaps you can try to change your attitude towards your work and your routine, or talk with your spouse, first, before destroying a well-established life.
After the end of the crisis, the persons self-pity will disappear. He/she will reconsider social roles at work, in the family, and with friends, and will have completed a deep reassessment of values to achieve emotional stability, maturity, and a conscious acceptance of life.
Good luck!
Mistakes: How To Move On
Question: I recently read that we need to be grateful not only for the wins in our lives, but also for the failures and mistakes. What a strange feeling How can one be grateful when there is nothing to be grateful for?
We all make mistakes. But, we do not like to remember them. We feel ashamed and bitter as we think about how mistakes hurt our self-esteem (How stupid and naive I acted! I was such a fool!)
And we either try to bury the negative experience deep inside, or create the excuse that the circumstances of the situation or actions of other people were beyond our control. The other tactic is to constantly blame ourselves for feeling disappointed and upset.
I do not belong to the group of people that will advise you to forget your mistakes or concentrate on living in the here and now, as I do not believe this is the right strategy for working through a negative experience to extract a useful lesson from it.
The past gives us indispensable and very valuable experiences, from which we learn to make rational decisions. We learn from our mistakes, and therefore, forgetting them is not a correct path of action.
Our mistakes remind us of the actions that led to failure, which we should not repeat in the future. They also demonstrate what beliefs and thoughts we need to restructure. If that internal work does not happen, well continue to operate in a vicious circle of bad luck, repeating old mistakes again and again.