They ate in silence for a while.
Despite everything, TJ couldnt help but think it was good she was eating something. He might not agree with her decision to keep him in the dark, but shed obviously been through a lot taking care of a sick child all on her own.
Then it occurred to him that she might not be on her own. She didnt wear a wedding ring, and her last name remained the same, but that didnt mean she wasnt in a relationship, or even married for that matter.
Are you single? he asked bluntly.
Her eyes widened in obvious surprise.
Is there a man, somebody in your and Elis lives? he elaborated. It would certainly give her a good reason for keeping TJ out of the picture.
No. Theres nobody. Its just me and Eli. There was an echo of loneliness in the statement.
Your family?
He didnt know if she had siblings. He didnt recall any from high school. But it was a pretty big place, and he certainly hadnt known the entire student body.
My parents died a few years ago. Not that they were in the picture anyway.
Did they live out of state?
No. They cut me out of their lives. They didnt want me to keep Eli.
TJs horror was instant.
They wanted me to give him up for adoption.
Why?
They werent willing to help me with him and they didnt think I could do it on my own. But they were wrong. Her gaze was firm on him. I walked out of the house at six months pregnant and never saw them again.
She should have contacted him. Why on earth hadnt she contacted him?
It was the right choice, she continued. For all our struggles, Id do it again in a heartbeat.
He couldnt seem to stop himself. I wish youd done some things different.
Her knuckles appeared white as she gripped her knife and fork. I cant go back in time, TJ.
I know. Hed lost his appetite, but he forced himself to keep eating.
They could only go forward. And for that, he needed to be at his strongest. If there was anything on earth he could do to help Eli, he was going to do it.
* * *
Sage fought the urge to take TJs hand. It was an irrational urge, since their relationship for the past twenty-four hours could best be described as an armed truce. But her nerves were strung tight as they waited for Dr. Stannis to bring them Elis test results.
The guest chairs in Dr. Stanniss office were jade-green leather. They were cushioned and comfortable. The room was decorated in muted earth tones, a painting here, some pottery there. It didnt look sterile, not like a waiting room. She couldnt help but imagine it was designed to keep people calm, people like her who were waiting for life-and-death results, or who were hearing the worst kind of news.
Hey. TJs tone was soft, and he was the one who took her hand.
She turned to look at him.
Dont do that to yourself, he said.
He gave her hand a squeeze, which inexplicably made her feel better.
Its going to be all good, he said.
You dont know that. Her voice was dry, high-pitched. She tried to swallow, but she couldnt.
He came out of the chair, on one knee in front of her, taking both her hands in his. Positive thoughts, he said, his voice as gentle as shed ever heard.
She managed a nod, but she was terrified to be optimistic, as if karma would reach out and smack her if she dared to hope.
The door opened, and Dr. Stannis entered the room. I wont keep you in suspense, she said briskly, breezing toward her desk. The results are what we were hoping for. There are no signs of rejection or infection at this point.
Sage thought she might faint with relief.
Before she could move, TJs arms were around her. He drew her to her feet and hugged her tight.
Yes, his deep voice hissed next to her ear. Yes.
His body was strong and solid against hers, warm and welcoming. She was suddenly transported back ten years, to their dance, their kiss, the acute and unexplainable feeling shed had of coming home, like she belonged in TJs arms, like shed been waiting her whole life to be held by him.
She hadnt been able to let go then, and she didnt want to let go now. It was a frightening feeling, and she tried to pull back.
TJ didnt seem to want to let her go either. He held on tight for long seconds before breaking his grip.
He did it, he said.
You did it, Sage said.
At the moment, she didnt care who TJ was, what hed done in the past or what he might do in the future. Hed saved her son, and she owed him everything.
He needs to get his strength back, Dr. Stannis said.
Sage felt a dampness on her cheek and swiped at it with the back of her hand. She hadnt even realized she was crying.
And well have to carefully monitor his T cells. Infection is still a very serious concern. Dr. Stannis dropped into her high-backed chair. But at this point, all signs are positive.
TJ eased Sage back into her chair and then took his own.
How long until he can come home? she asked. She couldnt wait to have Eli back in his own bed.
Normally, wed wait a week, Dr. Stannis said. But in Elis case, Im recommending two.
Sages euphoria disappeared. Something is wrong?
The chemo was very hard on him. And weve already fought one infection. Hes young, and his body has been through a lot.
Are you sure thats all?
I would tell you if there was anything else.
What about another hospital? TJ asked.
Sage wanted to shout no.
Dr. Stannis switched her attention to TJ. What do you mean?
Highside Hospital, on the coast.
Theyre top-notch. Theres no doubt about that, Dr. Stannis said.
Im affiliated with them, TJ said. Theyre world renowned. I want to do everything possible to support his recovery.
Dr. Stannis looked at Sage. Medically speaking, yes, he could be moved there.
Hed have a private room, TJ said to Sage. It would be quieter for him while he recovered. Their equipment is state-of-the-art. If Eli came down with an infection or any other complication, hed be in the best possible facility.
Sages hands began to shake. He wouldnt have his mother.
Youd come with him. They have a residential facility for parents. You can stay there the whole time free of charge.
I have a job, Sage protested. There was no way she could take another two weeks off. After hes out, once hes better, the two of you can
This isnt about me seeing him. TJs tone was firm. This is about Eli getting the best care. The nurse-to-patient ratio in Highside is the lowest in the country. They have a pediatric ICU, an extensive on-site laboratory system, and theyre an oncology teaching facility.
Dr. Stannis rose to her feet. Ill leave the two of you to talk.
One more question, TJ said to Dr. Stannis.
Of course.
If Eli was your son, would you choose St. Beas or Highside?
Dr. Stanniss hesitation and her guilty look in Sages direction answered the question.
I have to be honest, Dr. Stannis said. Highside is unrivaled for patient care and outcomes.
Thank you, TJ said.
Dr. Stannis left the office.
I have to work while hes recovering, Sage said to TJ. I cant do that from Whiskey Bay. Surely a mothers love counted for something.
Take some time off. Dont worry about money, I can
Its not just the money. She was embarrassed that her voice cracked. Ive missed so much time lately. Theyre trying to be patient with me, but theyre going to have to replace me if I dont get back there soon.
Where do you work?
She found herself raising her chin. The Eastway Community Center. Im their event planner.
She wasnt embarrassed by her job. She did meaningful work that helped people in need. But she knew it was nothing compared to what TJ had accomplished since high school.
Maybe I can talk to them.
Oh, no, you dont. The idea was offensive. She was an adult. She didnt need some tall, male financial mogul in an expensive suit to advocate on her behalf. Elis home is here. His mother is here. My life is here.
And my life is TJ suddenly stopped talking. He rocked back in his chair, looking annoyed with himself. Fine. Ill let it drop.
Thank you. She was grateful hed seen the light.
Right now, we should check on Eli.
She was all for that. Yes. She nodded rapidly. Yes.
TJ came to his feet. We can talk about it some more later.
Wait. What? She didnt want to revisit an argument shed just won.
I havent changed my mind. But Im not unreasonable.
Not changing your mind is being unreasonable. She stood.
Not if I change yours.
You wont change mine. Of that, she was positive. If that was what he was waiting for, she was home free. She headed for the door.
It was a ten-minute walk from Dr. Stanniss office to the pediatrics wing. It was almost dinner, and Sage was hoping to coax Eli to eat something, maybe a little Jell-O. He liked red the best.
She couldnt wait for the day when his appetite returned, then his strength and his energy. She couldnt wait for the day when he was an ordinary little boy all over again.
Three
Once again, TJ was struck by how small and pale Eli looked in the stark white hospital bed. But at least this time he was sitting up. He had a comic book in his lap, and he was slowly turning the pages.
He heard them come in, and he looked up.
Hi, Mom, he said in a quiet voice.
Hello, sweetheart. Sage approached his bed and gave him a kiss on the forehead.
There were three other beds in the room. Two were occupied. One with a young girl whose leg was in traction due to a car accident, another by a boy who TJ had learned had his appendix taken out and was in the process of being discharged.
The hospital was spick-and-span. But it was also showing its age, with noisy heaters, worn linoleum and lights that flickered and buzzed overhead. The privacy curtains were a faded yellow, and the table trays squeaked when they were wheeled to a new position.
Hi, Eli, TJ said.
Eli looked past Sage to meet TJs eyes. He was clearly puzzled by TJs continued presence at his bedside. TJ didnt blame the kid. It likely didnt make much sense to Eli for a stranger to show up and keep hanging around while he recovered.
Sage had introduced TJ as an old friend from high school. TJ was dying to tell Eli the truth. But he respected Sages request to wait until Eli was stronger.
Hi, Eli answered shortly, looking annoyed.
How are you feeling? Sage asked, straightening.
Eli shrugged.
Are you hungry? Sage asked.
Not really. Eli looked back down at the comic book.
You need to build up your strength. She smoothed his slightly ragged hair.
Ill try, he said.
Are you frustrated by the slow progress? TJ asked.
Sage didnt take the single seat beside the bed, and he wasnt about to sit down and let her stand, so the black vinyl chair was just in the way. TJ maneuvered around it.
Eli shifted to watch his progress. Are you dating my mom?
What? Sage gasped. What makes you ask that?
No, TJ answered. Im not dating your mom. Were old friends.
Sage sat down in the chair and put her hand on Elis shoulder. Theres something you should know, honey.
TJ stopped breathing.
Eli looked at Sage. What?
TJ donated the bone marrow for your transplant.
TJ let out his breath. He was disappointed, of course. But it had seemed like an abrupt way to tell Eli TJ was his father. It was better that they wait. This was enough.
Elis eyes opened a little wider. Are you serious?
Yes. Sage took his hand and gave it a kiss. TJ was your donor.
Eli looked embarrassed. His gaze focused tentatively on TJs.
I was more than happy to help, TJ assured him.
Elis slim shoulders squared, and he seemed to sit up a little straighter. Thank you, sir.
TJs heart swelled with pride. Im just glad youre getting better.
Elis expression faltered. Am I?
Of course you are, Sage said, concern clear in her tone.
I dont feel better.
Youre sitting up.
Eli glanced around the bed, as if the significance of sitting up hadnt occurred to him.
You couldnt sit up yesterday, Sage said.
I couldnt, could I?
You are getting better, she told him firmly.
Its only a matter of time, TJ said.
Eli gave a ghost of a smile. I thought they were lying.
Who? Sage asked.
Dr. Stannis. The nurses. They keep saying these things take time, and I should relax and let my body heal.
Theyre right.
Thats what they said to Joey. Elis eyes went glassy with unshed tears. They told him that right up to when he died.
TJ felt like hed been sucker punched.
A stricken expression on her face, Sage rose and drew Eli into her arms. Oh, sweetheart.
It would be okay, Eli said. I mean, Id deal with it if it happened.
The transplant was a success, Sage said with firm conviction.
You dont have to deal with it, TJ said. Then he rethought his words.
Eli had plenty to deal with for the next few months.
Its going to be tough, TJ told his son. Youll need to be strong. But you are most definitely getting better.
I can read again, Eli said. At least a little bit without my head feeling like a baseball hit it.
I hear you play baseball, TJ said, perching on the corner of the bed.
I used to, Eli said.
Thats something to look forward to.
Over the long-term, Sage said.
TJ couldnt tell if it was a rebuke or if she was just carrying on with the conversation.
For now, she continued, maybe we can look forward to some Jell-O?
Eli thought about it for a moment. I can try.
Good for you.
TJ found himself smiling at the simple accomplishment. Is there anything you feel like? he asked Eli. Anything at all?