What free ride?
That did it; hed pushed too hard. Aiden shrugged. His head throbbed. His burden was heavy. Seeing Widow Nelsons troubles today had cinched it for him. He was heartsick thinking of the way some men could be. He didnt need to look at it in his own house, in the house where hed once been happy. He squeezed out the memories that hurt too much. He blotted out the images of her here, of the feminine scent of her lotions and soaps, of her cinnamon rolls baking in the oven just for him, where her laughter and sweetness had made lifehis lifebetter for a time.
No man tells me what to do. Finns tirade broke into his thoughts. Yes, even you, Aiden. You might be my brother, but you are not my keeper.
Aiden waited for the door to slam, and Finn didnt disappoint. On his way out, he slammed it so hard the sound echoed in the kitchen like summer thunder. The windowpanes rattled. The cups swung on their hooks beneath the cupboard. Pain sliced through Aidens skull. Great. Exactly what he needed on his plate right now: more worries about Finn. The boy was going to make a terrible mistake sooner or later; Aiden knew it. He didnt like that sad fact, but there was nothing he or their other brother, Thad, could do about it. Finn would either pull himself up by the bootstraps and make a man of himself, or hed keep going on their fathers sad path. Only he could make that choice. No one could do it for him.
I sure wish I could. Aiden rubbed his temples, but that didnt stop the pain. No, the real pain was deeper than worries, broader than a physical hurt. His spirit felt heavy with troubles that could not be healed. He pushed himself from the chair and put out the light on his way to the window. He didnt want Finn to see him standing there, filled with regret, watching him stalk to the barn.
The round moon hung over the prairie valley like a watchful guardian, a platinum glow over the growing fields. The night looked mysterious, as if touched by grace, as if solemn with possibility. Aiden leaned his aching head against the window frame and wished he could feel hope again. Wished he could feel even the faintest hint of it.
What he could see was the shantys faint roofline, as dark and as quiet as the night.
Shes just trying to get her hooks into you. Finns words came back to him. Hooks? Joanna Nelson didnt have any hooks. Not a woman who wore her heart and her love for her children on her sleeve. Not a woman who was so thin, the hard lines of her bones were visible through her summer dress. Shed gone without eating in order to give more to her children, so their bellies would be full while she went hungry.
The void where his heart had been was suddenly filled with an unbearable pain. That was love.
Chapter Four
Daybreak was her favorite time of day. Joanna drank in the peaceful quiet of the morning, savoring it like a rare treat. Every sunrise brought its own unique beauty. As she breathed in the hush that seemed to spread across the still land before the first hint of dawn, she could almost pretend that today would be full of promise, too. While the songbirds fell silent and the mountains seemed to sigh in reverence, she could almost feel the grace of Gods presence, and hopehow she hopedthat she was not forgotten by him.
The cow grazing in the yard lowed quietly, the only sound in the entire world. The serenity of the morning seemed to swell as the first trails of gold flared above the deep blue mountains. She squeezed her eyes shut and let the soft warmth wash over her, willing the pure first light to cleanse away her fears and her doubts. She prayed that it would give her courage and insight for the hard morning ahead.
The cow mooed again, impatient this time. Joanna opened her eyes to see the animal Aiden had taken back from Pas farm gazing at her with pleading eyes. The cow must have scented the small portion of grain in the bottom of the feed bucket, and was straining against her picket rope to get at it.
Im sorry, Rosebud. Here you are. She set the bucket down at the cows front hooves. Instantly, the animal dived into her breakfast, tail swishing with contentment.
At least she looked better fed here on the lush grasses of Aidens land. Pa had always been stingy with the livestocks feed, although Joanna had always sneaked grain and treats to Rosebud. She set the three-legged stool on the cows left side and placed the milk pail between her feet. Holding it steady in case Rosebud lurched suddenly, Joanna stroked the cows flank, talking to her for a few moments before starting to milk.
She could no longer see the rising sun breaking over the mountains, but the light was changing, the darkness turning to long blue shadows. A golden hue crept across the land to crown Aidens two-story house. Painted yellow, it seemed to absorb the slanted gold rays and glow.
I buried a wife and son years ago, what was most precious to me. Again, his words came back to her like a haunting refrain. His wife had chosen that soft buttery color. Joanna didnt need to know anything about Aiden or his past to know that. No Montana rancher would choose that feminine, comforting color for his house. Just like the carved wooden curlicues decorating the top pillars of the porch fronts. Or the carefully carved rail posts. Such workmanship must have been done out of love for his wife.
Joanna felt in awe of such devotion. What a deep bond Aiden must have known. Respect for him filled her like the rising sun, and suddenly, there he was, as if her thoughts had brought him to life, striding down the porch steps with a milk pail in hand. She didnt know if it was just her lofty opinion of the man, but he looked wholly masculine. With light outlining the impressive width of his shoulders, he strode through the long shadows.
Not even those shadows were enough to hide the set of his frown and the tension straining his jaw as he marched toward her. Who said you could milk my cow?
Sorry, I guess Ive helped myself to your morning chores. I wanted to make your load easier, for doing the same for me last night. She spoke over the hissing stream of milk into the pail. Its a fair turn. Surely youre not angry with me for that?
Was it her imagination, or was there a weakening of that grimace in the corners of his mouth? You are a surprising woman, Mrs. Nelson.
You can call me Joanna. She could not resist saying it, even though she knew he would refuse to. I gathered the eggs in the henhouse, too.
There was no need to do my chores.
How else am I to pay you what I owe?
Aiden came closer, casting her in his long shadow. Who said you owe me anything?
Please dont try that tact, Mr. McKaslin.
What tact? He knelt beside her, bringing with him the fresh scent of soap. And you can call me Aiden.
Youre a decent man, Aiden. Ill not take advantage of that.
His hand, so very large, reached out and covered her wrist, stopping her. His fingers, so very warm, squeezed gently. Ill finish up here. You had best go see to your little ones.
Theyll be fine enough until I finish.
Please. It was the plea in his eyes that moved her, that revealed a man of great heart. Im not comfortable letting a woman do my work. Ill bring you some of the milk after I strain it.
How could she say no to the man who had given her one night of safe harbor? One night of peaceful sleep? He was like a reminder of hope on this perfect, golden morning, even with the shadows that seemed to cling to him.
Go on. It was softly said, and surprising, coming from such a hard-looking man. You have done enough for now.
She swallowed, lost in his midnight-blue eyes. They were shielded from her, and as guarded as the peaks of the Rocky Mountains towering over the long stretch of prairie. Curiosity filled her, but he wasnt hers to wonder about, so she pulled away and rose from the stool. With the first step she took, she felt a pang of lonesomeness. Her hand, warm from his touch, was cold in the temperate morning.
He watched her with his penetrating gaze, unmoving. Behind him on the porch, another man came to a sudden halt, yanked down the wide brim of his hat to shield his eyes from the sun without bothering to disguise his disdainful frown in her direction.
Last night Aiden had mentioned a brother. A brother who made him look even kinder and ten times more mature and masculine by comparison. The intensity of this mans scowl made Joanna shiver.
Dont mind Finn. Aidens comment carried on the breeze. Hes got a lot to learn about life and manners.
Across the yard, Finn muttered a terse answer that was drowned out by the harsh clatter of his boots on the steps. Anger emanated from him like heat from a stove. Joanna took one look at him and stayed where she was.
Dont blame you for not wanting to cross his path. Aiden had hunkered down on the stool beside the cow. When Finns got his dander up, hes meaner than a rattler trapped in a brush fire. I apologize for him.
Theres no need. Im the trespasser here.
Youve gone pale. He upset you.
No, he reminded me of someone. M-my husband.
That explained it. Aiden didnt need to know anything more to see how her life had been. Sourness filled his stomach. Life was hard enough without such people in it. Finn would make a poor husband.
She didnt comment, but the way she tensed up, as if she were holding too much inside, let him know more than her answer ever could. Come by in, say, thirty minutes and Ill have breakfast on the table. Your young ones might as well eat while we figure out what you and I are going to do.
About what I owe you?
No. Tied up inside, he said the word with all the patience he had. You have to go somewhere, Joanna. You cant keep living out of your wagon.
He could see her face beneath the shadow of her bonnet. Really, she was very lovely; her forehead and nose, cheekbones and chin were so fine they could have been sculpted of porcelain. Her big blue eyes were as pretty as cornflowers and her mouth looked soft and cozy, as if she had spent a lot of her life smiling. Once upon a time.
Her brows knit and her chin shot up. Plenty of folks live out of their wagons when times get hard.
Pride. He knew something about that. I wasnt criticizing. Only saying that eventually winter is going to come. Maybe I can help you with that.
Her throat worked at the word help. Pain shot across her face. Whether she suspected his motives or wanted nothing to do with his help, he couldnt know. She gave a nod of acknowledgmentnot of agreementand went on her way through the growing, seed-topped grasses.
Painted with dawns soft golden light like that, framed as she was by the crisp lush green of the prairie, Aiden felt he was seeing her for the first time. She was a truly lovely woman. He might even say beautiful.
He wasnt proud of himself for noticing.
Joanna kept swallowing against the painful burn in her throat as she whisked a dollop of milk into the egg batter. Eventually winter is going to come. Aiden McKaslins remembered words made that pain worse. Maybe I can help you with that. Charity. Thats what he saw when he looked at her. A woman to be pitied.
Shame filled her, because it was the worst sort of criticism. She stopped whisking to flip the thick-cut bacon sizzling in one of the frying pans. Charity was all pretty and tidy and wrapped up real nice when you were the one giving it. It was different when you were on the other end. Shed been able to keep her chin up before, because she had been doing her best. There had been solace in that.
Now he thought she expected his help, that she would accept it. He meant well, but she was afraid of being in a mans debt. Even in a good mans debt. Anyone could see that Aiden McKaslin was a good man.
Ma. Daisy gave her rag doll a squeeze where she sat on a chair at the round oak table. Can I get a drink of water?
You just had one, baby. Joanna knew the child wasnt asking for water, but to be able to get down from the chair and move around. This isnt our home, so we have to mind our manners. I want you to please sit there a little while longer.
Oh. Okay. The little girl sighed and squeezed her doll harder.
Ma? James fidgeted in his chair and swung his feet back and forth. Im awful hungry. Especially for some of that bacon.
There was no missing the hope on his face. Real bacon. Theyd had such a luxury when they had their own little plot of land and their own pig to butcher. Joanna sighed, remembering those times, harder in some ways, better in others. This is Mr. McKaslins breakfast. We ate in the shanty before we came here.
I know, but I was hopin He left the sentence dangling, as if afraid to ask the question he already knew the answer to, but wanting to hold on to that hope.
She couldnt blame him for that. Maybe there will be a surprise for two good children later on. How about that?
Yes, maam! James stopped fidgeting and sat up soldier straight, eager at the thought of a surprise.
Oh, yes. Daisy offered a dimpled smile.
It took so little to please them. Joannas heart ached as she poured the eggs into the waiting skillet. If only there was something more than another few pieces of saved candy for them. They deserved more than she could give themat least now, anyway. In a months time, there would be fieldwork to do. It was hard labor, and she still didnt know what to do with her babies while she worked, but at least she could hope for real wages. Hope for a betterment of her childrens lives.
The eggs sizzled and she whisked them around the pan, reaching for the salt and pepper. She surveyed her work in progress. The bacon was crisping up real nice, the tea was steeping and the buttermilk biscuits in the oven were smelling close to done. Cooking for the man wasnt much of a repayment, but it was all she had to offer.
The back door swung open and there was Aiden, leaving his boots behind in the lean-to and staring at her with shock on his stony face. The kindness shed come to see there vanished, replaced by a cold blast of anger.
What are you doing? His voice was loud enough to echo around the room. He came swiftly toward her, with raw fury and full power. Get out of my kitchen.
Shed expected him to be happy that shed cooked for him, saving him the chore. She kept stirring the eggs so they wouldnt congeal. In a moment. Im nearly done here. I didnt mean to intrude. I know it was forward of me, but
I want you out. He drew himself up as if ready for a fight.
Yet she was not afraid of him. She heard Daisy crying quietly at the table and James hop off his chair to come to her aid.
Outside, both of you. She laid down the whisk. Aiden, the biscuits are ready. Let me take them out of the oven.
Now, Joanna. The words came out strangled.