Outside, both of you. She laid down the whisk. Aiden, the biscuits are ready. Let me take them out of the oven.
Now, Joanna. The words came out strangled.
He was not angry at her, she realized. There, behind his granite face, she thought she caught something terriblegrief and sorrowbefore that glimmer of emotion faded from his eyes. He stared at her, cold and imposing. He did not have to say another word. His face said it for him. She was not welcome here. Coming had been a mistake. An enormous mistake.
Miserable, she turned away. She had to detour widely to avoid bumping his arm with her shoulder, for hed planted himself in the middle of the kitchen. Shame made her feel small as she hustled to the door, where her children waited, wide-eyed and silent, in the lean-to.
So much for her brainy ideas. She took James with one hand and Daisy with the other. They tumbled into the blinding sunshine together. Dust kicked up beneath their shoes as they hopped off the last step and into the dry dirt. To the right lay a garden, the vegetables small and stunted, wilting in the morning sun. Duty cried out to Joanna to water those poor plants, for their sake as much as for Aidens. She glanced over her shoulder, remembering the awful look on his face.
She could see him in the shadows of the kitchen, standing where shed left him, his shoulders slumped, his hands covering his face.
Shed never seen a man look so sad. Her feet became rooted to the ground, even though James was tugging at her hand. Something held her back. Something deep in her heart that would not let her leave the man behind.
Hed loved his wife. He really had. Joanna stared at him, transfixed by the shadows that seemed to surround him, by the slump of defeat of his invincible shoulders and the hurt rolling off him like dust in a newly tilled field.
She could see as plain as day what shed done. Had there been another woman in this lovely house hed built for her since her death? Probably not. Hed simply walked with no warning into the kitchen from his work in the barn to see a woman standing where his wife had once stood, cooking his breakfast.
Sympathy flooded her. Joanna hung her head, staring at her scuffed and patched shoes dusty from the dry Montana dirt. What shed done with the best of intentions must have cut him to the soul.
How did she make this right? Would it be cruel to try to stay and work off what she owed him, and put him through this kind of remembering? Or was it better to pack up the children and leave? Which would be the best thing to do? There had been a time in her life when she would have turned to the Lord through prayer for an answer.
Now, she merely felt the puff of the hot breeze against her face and the muddle of agony in her middle. It was strange that Aidens hurt was so strong she could feel it as easily as the ground beneath her feet.
Whys he so mad, Ma? James asked quietly, his hand tight in hers.
Hes had a great loss.
Oh. Does that mean he had a funeral?
Yes.
Hes sad. Like I was when Pa died. Jamess breathing caught in a half sob, and he fell silent.
Joanna had never known that kind of sorrow, one that was deep and strong enough to have broken a person in two. Out of respect for Aidens privacy, she turned away. She made her feet carry her forward, past the garden and those tender parched plants, and she did not look back. Although not looking made no difference. She could feel the powerful image of him standing motionless while the bacon popped and the eggs cooked in that lovely kitchen hed no doubt built with love and his own two hands.
As Aiden set several biscuits on a platter, Finn banged in from the lean-to wearing his barn clothes and a scowl. His brother took one look at the buttery biscuits and the fluffy eggs on the table and shook his head.
What did I tell you? he grumbled as he poured himself a cup of tea. Hooks.
Guess there was no need to mention who had cooked breakfast. And a mighty fine one, too, judging by the smell of things. Hed loved Kate dearly, but she was not a good cooknot even a passable one. But Joanna, why, she could put his ma to shame in a cooking contest.
Im just glad not to have to fix breakfast, he told his brother. It was partly the truthclose enoughbut not the whole truth. It still hurt to remember how shed been standing at the fancy range hed ordered in to surprise his wife.
This is how it starts. Finns scowl turned to a grimace as he drew a chair back with his boot and slumped into it. Shes gettin into your good graces. Treating you to a meal so you can see what a good wife shed make.
I suppose the fact that shes been living without paying rent on the back pasture, and wanted to do something in return, has little to do with it. Now that Aidens mind had cleared, and the agony was gone from the empty place in his chest where his heart used to be, he could see what she might have been doing. For some reason he didnt want to think too hard on, he could understand Joanna Nelson pretty easily.
He slid the platter into the warmerfood he intended to take over to the children later. Shes just doing what she can. Heaven knows I could use having my load lightened a bit.
Finn, as usual, either ignored the comment or didnt figure it applied to him. See? Thats how itll go. Next thing you know, shell have this house spick-and-span and her brats
Thats enough, Finn. Aiden reached for the teapot. Mind your manners. Those are good kids.
living in the upstairs bedrooms. Watch. Finn took a loud slurp from his cup. Open your eyes now and smarten up, Aiden. Stop her while you can, otherwise you wont know what hit you. Youll have a wedding ring on your finger and three more mouths to feed, and shell be gettin a free ride.
If there was something he couldnt imagine, it was a woman like Joanna behaving in such a way. No, she was qualitysimple as that. A real good, hardworking, God-fearing woman. Aiden rolled his eyes and carried his steaming cup to the table. I dont want you talking about her like that.
Sure, dont listen. Finn was already crunching on the bacon Joanna had fried up. Youll see that Im right.
Arent you forgetting something? How about grace?
Why bother?
Aiden shook his head. The boy was never going to learn. You might not want to believe in God, but that doesnt keep Him from believing in you. Sit up straight, stop chewing and bow your head.
Finns grimace darkened but he did as he was told.
Dear Father, Aiden began, bowing his own head and folding his hands. Please bless this meal we are about to receive. Thank you for your bounty and keep us mindful of our blessings
Amen, Finn interrupted, with the intent to end the blessing, as if that was about all the religion he could take on an empty stomach.
One day, Finn was going to learn, but in the meanwhile, Aiden added a silent prayer. Lord, please watch over Joanna Nelson and her children. Show me the right way to manage this. Amen.
He opened his eyes, and saw Finn already biting into one of the biscuits, moaning because it was so good. Aiden didnt need to take a bite to know that for himself. The buttery fragrance was making his stomach rumble. He reached for one and broke it open. Light and fluffy, better than even Ma could make.
There, out the window, he could see Joanna crossing the lawn toward the barn. She was walking with a fast stride, her head down, her shoulders set. She looked like one determined woman. One who always did the best she could.
There, out the window, he could see Joanna crossing the lawn toward the barn. She was walking with a fast stride, her head down, her shoulders set. She looked like one determined woman. One who always did the best she could.
Odd how he could see her so clearly. He slathered butter on the biscuit and took a bitesheer perfection. No doubt about that. Finn was already digging into the scrambled eggs, and so Aiden did, too. They were light and fluffy, with plenty of flavor. Saying she had a gift for cooking would have been an understatement.
He chewed and chased it down with a gulp of tea, watching as Joanna disappeared into the barn. He stood up, wishing he could take his plate with him.
Dont you do it, Aiden, Finn warned, as if he were about to take a plunge headfirst off a cliff. Dont you ask her to stay and cook for you.
Mind your own business. Aiden didnt look back. He was in no mood to put up with his slacker of a brother, who did the least he could get by with. I expect you to take a page from her book and work harder at earning your keep around here.
Finn grumbled something, but Aiden gave the lean-to door a slam so he wouldnt hear it. That boy could get his dander up in three seconds flat. Maybe because there wasnt an ounce of appreciation for the roof over his head.
Joanna? He wasnt surprised to find her at the end stall, where hed stabled her two horses. Dont trouble yourself with the team. Ill bring them out after Im through with breakfast.
I would like to get a good start on the day. She gave the lead rope a twist to release it, and tried to back the old work horse into the aisle. I have the wagon packed, so ten more minutes and we will be on our way.
To where, Joanna?
I shall figure that out on the way there. She gave the geldings halter a gentle tug. Cmon, boy. Back up. Cmon.
Aiden laid the flat of his hand on the horses rump, stopping him before he could move. I didnt mean to run you off. I never should have spoken to you like that. I was surprised to see you there. Unprepared.
I understand. She still wouldnt look at him. I overstepped my welcome. I only meant to do you a kindness, to pay back how youve been kind to us.
I know that. Ive been a widower a long time. Maybe too long. Pressure built in his chest, directly behind his sternum, making it hard to talk. Hard to feel. Hard to do anything. I didnt mean to be so harsh.
I said I understand. She sounded a little firm herself.
He hated that hed done that to her. That was Kates kitchen. I wasnt prepared to see His throat closed up. The rest of him did, too.
Another woman standing in her place. Joanna finished for him.
Amazing that she could know that. Amazing that she could see what no onenot even his familycould understand.
Dont worry, Aiden. I didnt mean to make you remember something that brings you so much pain. I intended to be leaving, anyway. I have a debt to you, and I will pay it. One way or another, you can be sure of that. Now, if youd let me take my horse, Ill be on my way.
She was such a little bit of a thing, frail for all her strength. There was a world of fortitude in the set of her chin and the steel of her spine, but it wasnt right to send her off just because it would be best for him.
No, that wouldnt be right at all. He squeezed his eyes shut for just a moment, trying to listen to common sense, or maybe to that voice from heaven giving him a little direction. Just one word came to mind. Stay.