Now, one thing youve got to recognize, Trudi, is that men lie. Even more than us. We may trim our ages a bit, but men lie about everything. So youve got to use your eyes and your ears. He may say hes a brain-surgeon on eighty thousand pounds per annum basic, but check his shirts for frayed cuffs. Have a close look at his shoes. Big money buys real leather. Check his mouth. If his dental jobs have been done by some NH jockey on piece-work, it shows. Ask him to spell pericranium. Tell him youre doing a crossword or something.
But what if hes a radical brain-surgeon who likes gardening, has no interest in clothes and cant spell? said Trudi.
Drop him, said Janet with a shudder. Youre like me, dear. Too old for radicals. Next thing. No body contact. Shaking hands is the limit. Nudges, squeezes, accidental brushes, they deserve one warning. Hand up your skirt or erection against your bum, thats it. Walk away.
With his hand up my skirt? said Trudi. That could be awkward.
She was still surprised to discover how lively she could be in Janets company. The renewal of their girlhood friendship had not after all simply meant a renewal of the dormouse cat relationship. Perhaps those years of catatonic domesticity had been a necessary fallowness rather than a needless waste.
Janet said, suddenly serious, Trudi, joking apart, are you sure this is for you?
What do you mean?
The agency. Meeting men like this. Its a step in the dark in a way. Are you sure youre ready for it? I mean, its really no time at all
You mean its only five months since Trent died, and am I really such a callow, unfeeling cow as to put myself back on the market so quickly?
No! I didnt mean that, you know I didnt, Janet protested.
Yes, I know, said Trudi. But I wonder about it myself, Jan, so theres no reason why you shouldnt wonder it too. The way it seems to me, looking back, is that it was almost inevitable, like a good play I mean. If it had happened while I was still in Vienna, comfortable, secure, almost torpid, God knows what the effect would have been. But Id been suddenly uprooted and dumped here at a moments notice, in a strange town, in a strange house, without even my own furniture to keep me company. It was like being woken up out of hibernation to find its still winter! And then, Trents death. It was as if I had been nudged towards it somehow. God help me, it almost nudged me over the edge. If you hadnt come along
Youd still have spewed up and been all right, said Janet sensibly.
Perhaps. But it wasnt grief that got me to that point; it was selfish terror, I think. Just as violent in its effect, but not so long-lasting.
She fell into an introspective silence and Janet said, Well, that wasnt what I meant anyway. I just meant that maybe youre not, well, tough enough to be doing this. I mean, its all right for the bold, brash types like me
But I thought that the whole idea of marriage agencies was to help the shy, the timid, the socially static? said Trudi ironically. What you really mean is, if things go disastrously wrong, you dont want to feel responsible.
All right. Thats what I really mean.
You wont be, said Trudi. Janet, dont take me wrong, but a good reason for me to do this is that I want to be responsible for myself. Or rather, I can feel something in me thats crying out desperately to find someone else wholl take the responsibility off me, and Ive got to be careful not to let that happen, not like it happened before. I cant afford another twenty years, not at my age!
But I dont understand. Why go looking for another man at all if youre so worried about someone taking over and making your decisions for you? queried Janet.
Trudi smiled and took her friends hand.
Darling, she said. At the moment I havent got another man, and sufficient be the evil, etc. At the moment Im afraid Im talking about you!
She squeezed Janets hand to remove any offence and went on, And to start with, in this bold new bid for independence, Im breaking our date on Saturday.
Oh, hoity-toity! The Lewis Agency have fixed you up already, have they?
Nothing so dull, said Trudi, smiling. And I did tell you. Im spending a couple of days in Vienna, thats all.