Elly sighed. Im sorry. She crossed the room and grabbed a shirt from the back of the sofa. But you have to get out, Will. You cant stay cooped up here. You need fresh air and exercise. You look like death warmed over.
Will knew she was right. But the dull headache he had now could become agonizing at any moment. And he felt more comfortable alone and in the dark. I am death warmed over, he joked.
Ellys eyes filled with tears. Dont say that. You have no idea what weve gone through, wondering if we were going to get the visit, never knowing where you were or if you were safe.
Will cursed himself beneath his breath. Navigating the civilian world was impossible for him. A marine had to be emotionless, and hed lived in that bubble for so long that now he had no idea how to relate to people anymore, not even his sister. Im sorry, he said.
Jesus, how many times had he muttered those words since hed been back? It was so much easier to isolate himself and avoid these kinds of missteps. Bombs were easier to defuse than human emotions.
I just need a little more time, he said. Its hard to adjust to being home. Hell, Im not sure its even worth trying to adjust. As soon as Im clear, Ill head back to my unit.
Why cant you be done? Just stop. Now.
Its what I do, he said. Im good at it.
You could be good at other things, she said.
Will knew that wasnt true. This past month had been enough to prove that civilian life wasnt for him. And though his future in the military was still in doubt, he had every intention of finishing his tour and signing up for another.
Hed always wanted to be a marine. His father had been a marine, and his grandfather had been a submariner in the US Navy. Will had grown up with the stories about WWII and Vietnam, about honor and glory and serving with courage. Will had felt compelled to honor the family tradition.
His mother and sister had wanted him to wait to get his college degree. And Olivia had never accepted his plans, assuming hed change his mind at some point or shed change it for him. Shed never understood how deeply the military was etched into his DNA and hed never been able to explain it to her.
Im going to pick up the boys at school and take them to hockey, Elly said. Jim is working late and were going to meet him for pizza after practice. You could come with us.
In truth, all Will wanted to do was crawl back into bed and close his eyes. But Elly was right. He should at least make an attempt to socialize. After all, there was a possibility the doctors wouldnt clear him to return to his unit and somehow hed have to figure out how to belong in the land of the living again. Give me a minute to get dressed, he said, raking his hands through his hair.
Elly handed him the shirt and gave him a grateful smile. Thank you, she whispered.
She waited for him in the rusty SUV while Will pulled himself together. It took him a while. Since the explosion, his brain had been scrambled and it took longer to sort out the steps in any task. The doctors had said it would become easier once the effects of the head trauma faded.
He spent five minutes searching for his sunglasses, then found them on the kitchen table, in plain view. He slipped them on as he stepped outside into the low afternoon light. Drawing a deep breath of crisp, clean air, Will paused to let his head clear before starting toward Ellys truck.
As they drove into town, a country song started blaring from the radio. Wincing, Will reached out to turn it off and Elly glanced over at him. Are you all right?
Its just a little difficult to process noise, he said. It makes my head hurt.
Im calling tomorrow to make another appointment for you at the VA. You were supposed to go when you arrived home and that was three weeks ago. You should
They said it would take time, Will interrupted. Its hardly been four months since the...accident. The doctors expect it to take at least twice that before I start to feel normal again.
What if it doesnt get better? Elly asked.
Then I get a different MOS, he said. There are a lot of things I can do in the corps.
But not in Afghanistan?
I dont know, Will snapped, his irritation rising. He wasnt sure he could survive a life outside of active duty. In the past three weeks, hed felt as if he was moving through mud, all his senses slowing until he could hardly breathe. He craved the adrenaline rush of his job, the chaos that surrounded him every day, the pulse-pounding excitement of his work.
His dad had always said hed never felt more alive than when hed faced death as a soldier. Hed told Will that every man needed to experience these deeply held fears before he could gain perspective on the rest of his life. Strange how it was the exact opposite for Will. Hed learned to feed on his fear, to use it like a drug to numb his body and his mind. He didnt feel alive. He was dead inside.
Youve got to find a new line of work, Elly said, an edge of sarcasm coloring her words.
They drove into Calumet and headed toward the school. But Elly pulled over in front of the post office, then grabbed a package from the rear seat of the SUV. Could you run that in for me? she asked, reaching for her purse. She held out a ten-dollar bill.
What is it? he asked.
A swimsuit. It was supposed to be for our vacation to Mexico in March, but I look like the great white whale in it. I hate winter. I get so...plump.
Youve got to find a new place to live, he said.
Elly laughed. Im going to run and grab a couple bottles of Gatorade for the boys. Ill be back for you in five minutes.
Will got out of the truck and walked up the front steps of the post office. When he got inside there were two people in line in front of him and he waited patiently, hoping no one would recognize him. But his hopes were shattered when the first person in line turned to leave and looked straight at him.
The world seemed to grind to a halt around him as he met her gaze. He held his breath, hoping shed walk right by, but she stopped.
A tiny gasp slipped from her lips. Will?
She didnt look anything like hed thought she would. His memories of Olivia Eklund had been of a girl frozen at age twenty, young and fresh faced with copper hair and freckles across the bridge of her nose. She still had copper-colored hair, but it was now streaked with blond and fell in soft waves around her face.
Liv, he murmured. The room felt as if it was tilted and he couldnt keep his balance. God, she was stunning. She was, and always would be, the most beautiful woman hed ever known.
II heard you were home, she said.
Not for long, Will replied. Im headed back. Soon. Real soon.
Oh, she said, forcing a smile. Well...
Yes, he said, his gaze drifting down to her lips. He remembered what it felt like to kiss those lips, to taste the sweet warmth of her mouth. He remembered the first time hed kissed her, on her fifteenth birthday. Will fought the temptation to pull her into his arms and discover whether his memories were accurate. Instead, he balled his hands into tight fists. You look...good.
Hell, she looked beautiful. Radiant. Gorgeous.
She smiled and shrugged. You look...great. Liv drew a deep breath. II should go. It was great seeing you again. Take care, all right? She hurried to the door and he watched as she stepped out into the cold.
When he turned back around, he found the postal clerk and the other patron watching him. He recognized them both. The clerk was a girl whod graduated the year before him in high school and the patron was his old English teacher, Mrs. Paulis.
Awkward, Will said, forcing a smile. He spun and walked out of the lobby, Ellys package still tucked beneath his arm. He waited outside in the cold, pacing a short stretch of sidewalk until Elly pulled up.
When he got inside, he tossed the package onto her lap angrily. Did you set that up? Did you know shed be there?
Who? Why didnt you mail this?
Are you saying you had no idea shed be there?
Kristina Olson?
No, Liv. Olivia was in the post office.
Her eyes went wide. Of course I had no idea shed be in there. Jeez, Will, its a small town. Youre going to run into people you know. Get over it.
Ive been over it for nearly ten years. And I dont need you messing with my life. Just leave it alone.
Maybe you should stay holed up in that cabin. At least then you wouldnt subject the rest of us to your paranoid delusions. She grabbed the package and got out of the truck.
Will closed his eyes and leaned back in the seat, covering his eyes with his hand and cursing softly. All right, maybe this hadnt been some grand plan of Ellys to throw them back together. And maybe hed acted like a first-class ass.
There was one thing he did know for sure: his heart was beating faster and his mind was suddenly sharp. He felt alive and aware for the first time since the explosion. And he suspected that it had everything to do with seeing Olivia again.
* * *
SEE. ITS AS good as new.
Olivia took Benny Johanssons right arm and examined it. Yup, youre ready to play hockey again, she said, tapping on the plastic guard with her knuckles. How does it feel?
Great, Benny said.
Then get to it, she said. She waited until the seven-year-old skated out across the ice before finding herself a seat. Shed set Bennys broken bone three months before, after Benny had gotten slashed with a hockey stick. After removing the cast a few days ago, Benny had invited her to his game and promised hed dedicate his performance to Dr. Olivia.
Liv?
She glanced over to see Elly Winthrop making her way to a nearby seat. First Will and now Elly. Considering her personal life had been impossibly dull this winter, she wondered if it was about to take a turn. Elly. Hey there. How are you?
Elly made her away along Olivias row, then plopped down beside her. What are you doing here?
Im here to see a patient. Benny Johansson. I set his broken arm. Olivia laughed softly. This is my social lifepeewee hockey. She paused. I ran into Will earlier at the post office. It was kind of...odd.
Well, its about to get even more odd, Elly said. Hes here.
Here? Where?
Right back there, she said, pointing over her shoulder.
Olivia twisted around and found Will standing near the doorway, staring at them both. Olivia drew a deep breath and stood. He doesnt look happy to see me. Id better leave.
Why? Hell just have to get over himself. Talk to him. He could use a friend. Hes been hiding out in our grandfathers cabin for the past three weeks.
Im not sure I could
Try, Elly said. Please?
Olivia waited as Will slowly made his way down to their seats. The moment he sat down, Elly jumped up and crawled over Will to the aisle. Im going to go check on the boys, she said.
A long silence grew between them, and Olivia waited for Will to say somethinganything. She finally decided to break the ice. If I didnt know better, Id think you were stalking me, she teased.
She thought she saw the tiniest hint of a smile twitch at the corners of his lips. If I wanted to stalk you, youd never see me coming, he replied. What are you doing here?
Im here on a date, she said. He seemed taken aback and glanced around. Benny Johannson. Age seven. Olivia pointed to the boy. Number seventeen for the Hawks.
You like them younger now? he asked.
Yes. Ive run through all the six-year-olds in town and moved on to the seven-year-olds.
Will laughed softly. I should probably go find Elly.
Olivia reached out and placed her hand on his arm. He glanced down, his gaze fixed on her fingers, his shoulders rising and falling with each breath he took. She knew hed probably refuse the invitation, but she couldnt help herself. He was wounded, and not just physically. Would you like to get some dinner with me? Olivia asked. Maybe we could...talk?
As he considered her offer, she silently prayed that he would refuse. She wasnt ready to dredge up the past. And yet there were so many things that had to be said, so many injuries that had never healed. She felt compelled to set things right before he left again, which could be any day.
No, he finally said. That would probably be a mistake. IIm pretty bad company these days.
Fine, she said in a bright tone, standing up. Of course. I understand. She nodded, then reached into her pocket and grabbed her gloves. It was lovely seeing you. Say goodbye to Elly for me?
Ill do that, he said.
For a long moment, she stared into his eyes, trying to read the emotion behind them. But she couldnt find even a tiny crack in his icy blue gaze. Take care, she finally said.
As she turned to leave, she felt her knees go weak. He wasnt the boy she remembered. Back then, theyd been playing at passion, pretending to understand the desire that moved them. But now she understood the dangers, and there was no doubtWill MacIntyre was a dangerous man. Though he resembled her teenage sweetheart, there was a hard edge to him, as if all the warmth and affection were now hidden behind an impenetrable facade.
Thered been many times over the past nine years when Olivia had wished shed ripped up that Dear John letter and changed the course of their history. He would have come home after one tour. They would have been together and made a life and a family. Instead, hed put a half a world between them and shed had to find other dreams.
She pushed open the door and stepped out into the cold. Snow had begun to fall, dusting the cars in the parking lot in a soft blanket of white. She found her SUV and circled it, brushing the snow off the windows with her hand.
When she came back around to the drivers side, Olivia stopped short. Will stood next to her car, blocking her way. He had such a pained look on his face, she was afraid to say anything. And then, without speaking, he crossed the distance between them, pulled her into his arms and kissed her.
This kiss was filled with every emotion she could imagineanger, desire, regret, affection. Olivia couldnt tell what it was supposed to mean, but when he pressed her back against the drivers-side door, she stopped wondering and simply surrendered.
No, he definitely wasnt a boy anymore. This was a man, sure of what he wanted and determined to take it. A man who was testing the limits of her passion with the heat of his mouth on hers.
He ravaged her with his lips and his tongue, as if searching for a deeper connection. He held her face between his gloved hands and molded her mouth against his until the last shred of Olivias resistance melted.