He ravaged her with his lips and his tongue, as if searching for a deeper connection. He held her face between his gloved hands and molded her mouth against his until the last shred of Olivias resistance melted.
How could it still be this way? So much time had passed. But this wasnt the same passion theyd shared so many years before. This was new and frightening in its power and intensity. He was a stranger and yet she knew him intimately.
As suddenly as the kiss had begun, it ended. He stumbled away and shoved his hands in his pockets, his breath clouding in front of his face. Olivia waited for him to say something, but he didnt. Instead, he spun on his heel and strode back toward the front doors of the ice arena.
She collapsed against the car and pressed her hand to her chest.
Mild tachycardia and disequilibrium. Early symptoms of hyperventilation.
It had been over a year since a man had kissed her and even longer since shed had sex. Her strong physical reaction shouldnt have come as a surprise. And yet it had.
For years, shed looked back on her breakup with Will and felt nothing but regret. It had plagued her in those moments when shed tried to imagine the life he lived, the dangers that surrounded him daily. And shed sworn to herself that if she ever had the chance to set things right between the two of them, she would. Shed apologize and find a way to make him understand what had driven her to write the Dear John letter. And then shed be able to finally let him go.
Before she could start after him, she heard a shout.
Dr. Eklund! Marcy Mackie was running toward her. Thank God I caught you. Can you come back inside? One of the boys has been hurt.
Let me grab my bag, Olivia said, wiping an errant tear from her cheek. She unlocked the car and pulled her bag from its spot behind the drivers seat, then hurried inside.
The hockey game had come to a halt and both teams were gathered near the bench. When she reached the rink, she found Benny sitting on the ice, tears streaming down his cheeks. He was holding his arm, and his left hand dangled at an awkward angle.
Oh, Benny. Again? He nodded and she squatted down next to him. You might want to take up soccer. You dont need your arms for that.
Benny laughed, his nose runny and his eyes red. My mom is going to kill me, he said.
No, she isnt, Olivia said. She glanced over her shoulder at Marcy. Is his mom here?
Shes on her way, the coach said.
Lets get him off the ice and Ill splint his wrist before we take him over to the emergency room. Can someone
Ive got him.
Will appeared out of the crowd of kids and bent down to scoop Benny up in his arms. Olivia followed them off the ice, and when they reached the locker room, Will set the boy down on a counter next to the sinks.
It doesnt hurt as much as the last time, Benny said. Maybe its not broken after all.
Do this, Olivia said, flexing her wrist. Benny tried and failed. Its broken.
How long will it take to heal?
Were going to take an X-ray and see about that. But I dont think youre going to be playing hockey this winter.
Benny turned to Will, who was watching them both from a distance. Did you ever break your arm?
I did, he said. And my leg. Ive even been shot. Twice.
Bennys eyes went wide. Youre the army guy. Kyles uncle. Kyle is my best friend. One of my best friends. He said you got blown up in the war. Is that true?
Not exactly. And Im a marine. Thats different than army.
Cool, Benny said. Can I see your bullet hole?
Its in a place that I cant really show right now, he said. Id have to take my clothes off. Will nodded his head at Olivia. And theres a girl in the room.
Oh, right, Benny said, grinning.
They continued to chat about Wills military career, Benny asking Will brutally direct questions and Will answering as best as he could. By the time Bennys mother arrived, Olivia had splinted Bennys wrist and given him a grape Tootsie Pop to keep the boy from dwelling on the pain.
Take him to the emergency room, Olivia said to Bennys mother. I want to take X-rays and then well probably put a cast on it.
Another cast? Benny asked.
Its the only way to fix it, she said. Sorry.
Yeah, I know, the boy said, nodding.
All right. Ill meet you there, buddy. She watched as Benny walked out with his mother, then she glanced over at Will. Thanks for the help. And for distracting him.
No problem. He leaned against the wall, observing her coolly. You really are a doctor, arent you.
I better be. Or the patients Ive been seeing this past year are going to sue me. She held up her hand to him as she pulled her cell phone from her jacket pocket. Hang on, let me call this in.
He watched her silently as she pulled up the number for the emergency room at the hospital in the neighboring town of Laurium. Hey, Sarah, its Olivia. I have Benny Johansson, seven years old, coming in with a fractured left wrist. Im going to want X-rays. She paused. And order a full blood workup, as well. And give him a Popsicle. He likes grape. She hung up the phone. I better go.
Why the blood test? Will asked.
Just routine, Olivia replied.
Will shook his head. No, its not. Ive hung around enough medics in the last nine years. Witnessed enough shattered limbs. You dont order a blood test for broken bones.
I cant talk about it, Olivia said. Its confidential. II shouldnt have made that call in your presence. She silently scolded herself. I really have to go now. IllIll see you around, Will.
He didnt reply, and the silence was only broken by the soft sound of her boots against the tile floor as she walked away.
Olivia had imagined them meeting again. Shed created fanciful dreams of how it might go, and it had always been impossibly grand and romantic. But this hadnt been anything resembling her fantasies. It had been real and raw, painful and confusing, like pulling sutures from an unhealed wound.
And still, she had to see him again. She needed to find out if there was anything behind that passionate kiss. Was he still harboring feelings for her or had he simply reacted without thinking? The last thing she wanted was to start everything up again with Will. She had to stick to the planfind closure, for both of them.
She pressed her fingers to her damp lips. While Olivia couldnt deny the rush of emotion that had flooded her body when hed kissed her, that was to be expected. He was handsome and a bit dangerous, and had he been anyone but Will, she might have considered a nice little affair.
But Olivia knew that any type of intimate contact between her and Will would be a mistake. Unfortunately, she wasnt sure that Will shared her opinion.
* * *
THE SUN HAD fallen below the horizon and the temperature hovered near zero. Will strode down the snow-covered street, his gaze fixed on the pavement ahead of him. Hed left Elly and the boys at the rink and told his sister hed meet them at the pizzeria for dinner.
But first he needed the frigid air and snowy night to clear his head. What the hell had he been thinking? Running into Liv at the post office was bad enough. But then to chase her out of the rink and kiss her? He might as well shoot himself through the heart and be done with it.
But first he needed the frigid air and snowy night to clear his head. What the hell had he been thinking? Running into Liv at the post office was bad enough. But then to chase her out of the rink and kiss her? He might as well shoot himself through the heart and be done with it.
He searched for ways to rationalize his behavior. His brain might still be a bit scrambled from his injury. Or maybe it had to do with the fact that he hadnt slept with a woman in months. But Will suspected that it actually came down to the flood of feelings that raced through him when he looked at her.
He hadnt really felt much of anything in years, not since that day hed gotten the letter. In a war zone, emotion was something that could get a guy killed or permanently disabled. Hed forced himself to harden his heart and to lock his soul so deeply inside him that nothing he saw or did would affect him. It was the best way to survive his service and come out whole on the other side.
Hed seen so many friends struggle with PTSD, only to go home and find that home wasnt a cure at all. It simply amplified the symptoms. Will was tough and he understood the pitfalls. But hed always had the ability to put his emotions aside and focus on the job.
For now, his single focus was to get better, both physically and mentally, so he could return to the only place in the world that made sense: his unit in Afghanistan. Life there was lived in simple termsblack-and-white, good and bad, safe and dangerous.
Yet he couldnt deny the attraction to a civilian life. He remembered a moment, sitting beside a bomb-pocked road in the Helmand Province. A butterfly had landed on the muzzle of his weapon and hed watched it, its wings silently opening and closing in the dusty breeze. In that moment, hed felt human again, certain that he still had a soul. Since then, the only time hed felt the same was today, with Olivia. And though he knew he should keep his distance, he craved that feeling again.
He pulled his cap lower over his ears and rounded the corner. The town hadnt changed much over the years. He wasnt sure exactly where he was, but hed find his bearings sooner or later, though the snow piled up in front of the buildings and the dim light from the streetlamps made it tricky.
He headed toward a bright light, and when he finally reached it, he stopped and stared up at the hospital. Shit, Will muttered. Was this where hed been headed all along? Hed taken the most direct route, just a fifteen-minute walk from the rink.
It was as though some strange magnetic force had drawn him here. Shed left the rink a half hour before. She was probably still inside, setting Bennys broken bone. He glanced around the parking lot and spotted her SUV.
There were things to be said, he mused. An apology, or maybe an explanation for his behavior. And there were things to be donelike kiss her again. He stared at the hospital and ruled out going inside. Over the past four months, hed spent far too much time trapped by the sterile walls of a hospital, surrounded by the specter of death.
Will crossed to Olivias car and leaned against the passenger-side door, deciding to wait until she came outside.
The frigid wind bit into his face, and Will crossed his arms over his chest in an attempt to conserve his body heat. Hed weathered much worse in Afghanistan. Brutal conditions that wore a man down. But that had been before hed been softened by days spent flat on his back in a hospital bed.
He tried the passenger-side door and found it locked, then circled the car, running his hands inside the wheel wells until he found what he was looking fora magnetic key holder. He slid it open and found a spare key, then unlocked the passenger door and hopped inside.
As he stared out at the snowstorm, illuminated by the parking lot lights, Will thought about what he planned to say to Olivia. The military had taught him to always have a plan, a strategy, for every mission he undertook. A way in and a way out. But his brain just didnt seem to work right lately. Hed never been impulsive or unpredictableuntil now.
What the hell am I doing? he murmured, his breath clouding in front of his face. He reached for the door and at the same moment, the door locks clicked and beeped. At first she didnt see him, but then she looked up and a surprised cry burst from her lips.
Will brushed his hood off his head and held up his hand. Its me. Will.
Olivia pressed her hand to her head. Good Lord, you scared me. What are you doing out here?
I didnt want to wait inside, he muttered. Hows Benny?
Hes fine, she said softly.
Is he? Or are you just required to say that?
Im required to say that, she replied.
Is it serious?
Yeah, if its what I suspect, its serious. But not life threatening. And thats all I can say. How did you get here?
I walked, he said.
Its freezing out. The windchill is dangerous and youre still recovering. She drew a deep breath and shook her head. You need to get yourself a car.
I cant drive, he said. My vision is still a little wonky from the concussion.
She studied him for a long moment, then nodded. Would you like to grab a cup of coffee?
Id rather have a drink, Will said.
Well, I cant drink since Im on call until midnight. But I suppose I could find something nonalcoholic to enjoy.
Coffee is good, he said. I dont sleep anyway, so what the hell. Ill live dangerously.
She reached out to start the SUV. Will watched her, his heart slamming in his chest. He relished the attraction between them and the desire that had raced through his veins the instant hed kissed her. And though there could be no future in anything they shared, that wouldnt stop him from wanting her. She was like a drug, a wonderful high that made him feel human again.
Then he reconsidered. Could he be so selfish? To take what he wanted without offering anything in return? Hed lived in a world of moral ambiguity for such a long time, Will wasnt sure what was right or wrong anymore. You know, maybe we shouldnt do this.
We shouldnt have coffee? Thats all this is, Will. Just two friends. She glanced over at him. We have a new coffee shop in town. Its really nice. And warm. Why dont we go there?
He cleared his throat. Maybe I should just tell you what I came here to say.
All right, she said. And then I have a few things I need to say myself.
You go first, Will said.
No, you go. I can wait.
He took a deep breath and nodded. All right. So.
So, she repeated.
I guess I want to say that...I shouldnt have kissed you. I dont know what got into me, but I regret what I did. Andand I dont want you to think that I expect us to take up where we left off.
It was just a kiss, she said.
Yeah, but It just It had meant something to him, Will mused. He wasnt sure what it was, but it had moved him in ways he couldnt explain. I didnt want you to think I had some plan to seduce you. That wasnt why I kissed you.
Its okay, I understand. Its been over for years. And I know youd never try to take advantage. I guess Id just like to be...friends?
You really think thats possible? he asked.
Liv nodded. Yes, I do. Well, maybe not if you keep kissing me. Or sneaking into my car and scaring the crap out of me.