Theres snow in Afghanistan, he said. She fixed her gaze on him, a slow, simmering glare that hed seen when shed reached the end of her rope with Kyle and Nathan. Ill be very careful.
Will turned and strode to the door. He found the battered Jeep Cherokee parked in the side lot, the windows covered with snow. He used his sleeve to clear them, then hopped in behind the wheel. Bracing his hands on the wheel, he took a deep breath before flicking the ignition.
Fear pricked at his determination. It had been over four months since the accident. His ability to do everyday tasks was slowly returning. But was he ready for this?
Will put the SUV into gear and reversed out of the parking spot, then headed to the street. Between the swirling snow and the streetlights, visibility wasnt ideal. Everything seemed to have a strange, wavering halo around it. Focusing on the road in front of him, Will headed toward the highway and the route back to his cabin.
In his mind, he replayed the events of that evening. It seemed like a dream, as if hed imagined seeing Liv again. But then he remembered the kissthe way her mouth tasted, how her face felt beneath his fingertips. She was everything pure and simple and beautiful. And she was the antidote to all his fears and insecurities.
Had she been any other woman, he would have taken what he wanted and then walked away. But he cared about Liv and he wasnt about to take advantage of her sweet and generous nature.
Besides, the last thing he needed to do was fall in love with her all over again. Especially if there was no possibility that shed return the sentiment.
By the time he reached the road to the lake, the snow had stopped and the moon was visible in the night sky. Will turned toward the boat ramp, steering the SUV out onto the ice. The shadowy hulks of ice-fishing shacks loomed in the narrow beams of the headlights.
He put the SUV into Park and stepped out onto the ice. The wind was still sharp, biting at his face as he looked up into the star-filled sky. How many times had he stood in a desolate spot in the Afghan countryside and done this very thing, trying to imagine home and the people who waited for him there?
Hed avoided this place for so many years. Though hed taken leave occasionally, hed never once gone home. Hed learned to push his fear aside while defusing bombs, and yet hed been a coward when it came to facing his personal life.
How much longer could he go on like this? What if he wasnt cleared to return to active duty? What if that IED had ended his military career? Hed have to make a life for himself somewhere, among normal people.
Clenching his fists, Will tipped his face to the sky and screamed as loud as he could. The wind swallowed the sound before it could echo. Frustrated, Will spun and slammed his fists against the drivers-side door.
Pain throbbed in his hands and his eyes began to water. He was beginning to feel again and it frightened him. The armor hed constructed to protect himself in battle was slowly crumbling and he wasnt sure what kind of man was left underneath.
Hed never tolerated weakness in himself. Maybe that was part of the military DNA. Chin up and carry on. When hed enlisted, Will had been determined to be the best marine he could possibly be. It was the best way he could honor the father hed lost too early and the grandfather hed admired. The marines would be the thread that connected him to his dad for all time, and with every experience he had, from boot camp to the front lines in the war, hed felt as if he knew his father better.
Hed never told Liv about his reasons for enlisting. His dad had died before Olivia had been a part of Wills life, so shed never known him. And until recently, he hadnt really examined his choices. But after coming out of the coma, Will had spent a lot of time looking back on his life and objectively assessing the path hed chosen.
Hed defused hundreds of bombs and hed never made a mistake. And then fateor God, or just pure bad luckhad stepped in and reminded him that he was mortal after all. He was an imperfect man.
It was as if the explosion had knocked something loose inside of him. He suddenly seemed to have doubts about himself, about his future. The kind of doubts that could get a man killed. Maybe the bomb had been a warning, a sign that it was time to stop living on the edge of darkness and death and head toward the light.
Will pushed away from the SUV and opened the drivers-side door. It was exhausting trying to hold himself together. Except when he was with Olivia. With her, his mind seemed to grow quiet, his nerves calmed and he was just a normal guy with normal emotionslike lust and desire. And as unfair as it was to her, he wasnt sure he could resist that high.
Closing his eyes, he tipped his head back and drew in a long, deep breath of the icy air before climbing into the SUV again. Will flipped on the headlights and then drove the truck back to the boat landing. When he got to the cabin, he left the keys in the ignition and trudged through the snow to the front door.
As he closed the door behind him, Will realized that he hadnt brought in firewood. He cursed softly, then crossed the room and flopped down on the sofa, face-first. Closing his eyes, he let his thoughts drift again to the kiss. How far would they have let it go?
He remembered how hot and desperate it used to be between him and Olivia. Hed been a boy pretending to be man. Hed learned a few things since then. Maybe she had, too. If they did make love again, it would be different than before. They were different.
Will drew a deep breath and let his imagination take over, dissolving into a lazy fantasy of undressing her. His fingers twitched, old instincts still alive and well. Funny how sometimes he struggled to remember words or simple tasks, yet seduction seemed to come back so easily.
But then, this was his fantasy. Reality would have to wait for later.
* * *
DRIFTS OF PLOWED snow lined the streets of Calumet, some of the piles nearly obscuring the houses behind them. The weather had cleared and an arctic front had dipped down from the north, making the air frigid.
Olivia reached out to crank up the heat in the Lexus. When she looked up, she noticed a lone figure walking down the side of the street, and she slowed as she drove around him. It was only at the last second that she realized it was Will.
She hadnt seen him since last week, and though shed tried calling a few times just to check in, theyd never been able to connect. Olivia had decided to stop calling when it occurred to her that he might be ignoring her on purpose.
She pulled the car over in front of him and honked her horn. Will jogged up and opened the passenger-side door. Get in! Its freezing out there.
Will did as she commanded, and when he was settled in the passenger seat, he brushed his hood back and pulled off his gloves. Its not that bad, he said.
What are you doing out there?
Just taking a walk, he said.
In subzero weather?
Like I said, I didnt really notice the weather.
Did you walk from your sisters place? Olivia asked.
Will glanced over at her. No. From the lake cabin, he said.
Six miles? Why didnt you call me? I could have come to pick you up.
He smiled crookedly, and Olivia felt a measure of satisfaction. She felt good when she could get him to lighten up a bit. He seemed so somber...so sad. There, she teased. That wasnt so hard, was it?
Walking into town?
No, smiling.
He turned away, fixing his gaze outside the passenger window. Sorry, he murmured. Ill try to be more obliging.
No, Olivia said. I dont want you to pretend.
Where were you going? Will asked. I thought youd be at work.
Im driving up to Copper Harbor. Ive got a project that I need to check on. Do you want to come with or would you rather continue your stroll?
He considered her offer for a few seconds, then shrugged. Ill tag along.
She pulled out into the street and headed north out of town for the half-hour drive to the end of the peninsula. Funny how we keep running into each other, she said.
Yeah, Will replied.
Kind of a bitter day for a walk, she commented.
Sometimes I just have to get out, he said. They drove along in an uneasy silence for the next few minutes as Olivia racked her brain for a topic of conversation. Theyd enjoyed themselves a few nights ago at the coffee shop, rekindling their friendship. But now suddenly all that progress had been lost and they were more like strangers again.
Will seemed completely comfortable with the silence, lost in his contemplative mood, but Olivia suspected that idle chitchat was exactly what he needed. Hed been cooped up in the cabin for far too long. Its good that youre getting more exercise. It will clear out all the cobwebs.
You want to talk? Lets talk about you. Tell me about this project of yours, Will said.
Olivia sat up straighter. Its very exciting. Its an idea I had when I was in medical school and part of the reason I wanted to come back here to work. I got some grant money to start some community wellness centers. Theyd be staffed by nurse practitioners. All services would be completely free and it would be a central location with information about nutrition and health insurance and smoking cessation andand Well, the clinics will make huge difference. Well help people locate the resources they need to lead much healthier lives. And it will all be free. Ive been able to raise enough money to open ten locations throughout the Upper Peninsula.
You seem very passionate about it.
Its going to be very important. Because theres a small population here, we can study the results and how well these wellness centers work, then we can expand to other rural areas. It means I have to commit to staying in the area for a while, but thats no hardship. I want to stay here and improve the lives of people in this area.
Will nodded. I think its a brilliant idea, Liv.
Were hoping to put our offices in the schools because theyd have the most visibility, and if we dont find rental property, were going to look at trailers.
If anyone can make it work, Liv, you can.
She glanced over at him. Really?
Youve always been the person who makes things happen. Thats what I admire about you.
Its good to know youre on my side. My boss at the clinic isnt thrilled with the idea.
Why not?
He believes these people should visit their family practitioners for this information. That we cant keep an eye on their health without a doctor watching over them. I argue that this is a way for people to get good information so they know when to go to the doctor. And if money is taken out of the equation, theyll come.
They spent the hour-long drive discussing the details of Olivias plan and at times, the mood in the car turned almost lighthearted. But when she tried to steer the conversation toward him and his health, his mood darkened immediately.
It pained her to see Will so uneasy with himself. Hed always been a quietly confident guy, but now, faced with the prospect of socializing, he acted like a cornered animal, ready to bolt at the earliest opportunity. She wasnt sure she understood. Why is talking so difficult for you?
I dont know, Will said.
Yes, you do. What are you afraid of, Will? Youre safe here. You dont have to look out for bombs or enemy soldiers.
There are bombs everywhere, he murmured. Just not the kind youre thinking of. He drew a deep breath. After living in that world, Im not sure Im fit to live with normal people.
Its going to take some time, she said. Youve been conditioned to be watchful and suspicious of people. Those feelings dont go away overnight. We can talk about this.
No, he muttered. No, we cant.
Im a doctor. Whatever you say to me is just between you and me.
Wouldnt it be that way if you werent a doctor?
Yes, of course. Im just telling you that you can trust me not to reveal anything that you mention to me.
Lets just leave the war where it belongs, Will said.
They drove the rest of the way in silence. When they reached Copper Harbor, Olivia followed the directions the real estate agent had given her and found the small log building near the waterfront. The place had once been a souvenir shop but was now abandoned and run-down.
This is it? Will asked.
Yeah. The agent unlocked it, so we can go in and look, she said.
They walked to the front porch, trudging through foot-deep snow. Will reached out and took her hand as they climbed the steps, then opened the front door. The agent had turned on the heat and it was surprisingly comfortable inside.
This isnt too bad, Olivia said, gazing around. I can imagine how it would work. A reception desk here, and wed need to make a wall here. And this whole area would be available for workshops and meetings. Healthy-cooking classes and exercise demos and She took a deep breath and laughed. I get so excited about this. Olivia glanced over at Will to find him staring at her. Sorry.
Dont apologize. This is important to you.
It is. I mean, I dont want to be the kind of doctor who just stays in the office all day long and runs patients in and out on an assembly line. I want to make a difference. I want to show people that good health is in the food they eat and the miles they walk and in the positive attitude they have about life.
I believe you could do that.
And I want to do it in the UP. There are so many people who need me here.
Will caught her hand and pulled her around to face him. About the other night... he started.
Olivia was stunned by the sudden shift in his moodand the conversation. From the look on his face, it was obvious he was torn about something and that something had to do with her.
At the coffee shop? We had a nice time, she said. I enjoyed myself.
I meant the kiss, he murmured. I wasnt thinking. It was...unintended. But part of me wishes Id taken it further.
Old habits die hard.
No, this is different. But I dont want to give you the wrong idea.
And what idea would that be?
He paused for a long moment, and she could see he was having trouble putting together the words he wanted to say. Finally, he shook his head. I dont know.
Olivia reached out and took his hand. It was just two old friends reliving a moment from their past. Lets just leave it at that. And yet, the kiss hadnt felt friendly at all. It had been a perfectly wonderful and passionate kiss, the kind of kiss Olivia craved. But falling into a romantic relationship with Will would only complicate the situation. He needed a friend more than he needed a lover.