Liv nodded. Yes, I do. Well, maybe not if you keep kissing me. Or sneaking into my car and scaring the crap out of me.
Im not going to do that again, he assured her. Sneak into your car, that is. I make no promises about the kissing you. He couldnt resist flirting with her. It wasnt quite the same rush hed gotten from kissing her, but it was close.
Well, I think we can have a cup of coffee without tearing each others clothes off. As friends. Old friends.
Absolutely, he said. He put his seat belt on and she started the Lexus. She pulled out of the hospital parking lot and headed back into town.
Does it feel good to be home? she asked, her gaze fixed on the swirling snow.
Its strange. This town is familiar, yet different. Like you.
I feel old. Please dont tell me I look old.
Youre beautiful, he murmured. You do look older, but it suits you.
You look different, too. Manly, she said with a soft laugh. Youve filled out. She stole a sideways glance. Elly didnt tell me youd been shot. Twice.
She doesnt know, Will said. It happened a long time ago. And it wasnt serious. Unlike with the bomb, I was in and out of the hospital in a week.
Tell me about the bomb, she said. You suffered a head injury?
An IED exploded behind me. I was wearing a bomb suit, but I was thrown about fifteen feet into a stone wall. I had head trauma and a detached retina. A bunch of broken ribs, a cracked vertebra and a punctured lung.
An IED? What is that?
Improvised explosive device, he explained. A homemade bomb.
And this bomb suit. You wear it all the time?
No, only when Im defusing bombs. Its made of Kevlar and weighs about eighty pounds.
She gasped softly. Thats what you do? You defuse bombs?
Will nodded. Yeah. Im in an EOD unitexplosive ordnance disposal. Thats my MOS. My military operational specialty.
She pulled the Lexus over to the curb and when she turned back to him, Will could see tears swimming in her eyes. He wasnt sure what to say. Had he caused this? Will reached out and cupped her face in his palm, brushing away her tears with his thumb. Why are you crying?
She shook her head and glanced away, but he forced her gaze to meet his. Why? he whispered, his heart aching at the pained expression on her beautiful face.
Because there was a time when I could have talked you out of taking such risks. And now I wonder if Im the reason you take them. She drew a ragged breath. Please tell me you didnt choose that job because I sent you that letter.
I did choose it. But I chose it because it was a great opportunity and the pay grade was good. He shrugged. I save a lot of lives. And a lot of limbs.
In truth, hed chosen the job because it would force him to focus and hed thought it would put her out of his head. Hed spent far too many nights thinking about her, and far too many days rewriting their history. EOD had forced him to move on with his life.
Of course, he couldnt explain that to her. Or the fact that after seeing her again, he realized it had only been a temporary solution. He wasnt over her at all. No, telling her that would be far too cruel.
Will drew a deep breath. I could really use that cup of coffee right about now.
Liv nodded and pulled the car back out into the street. Me, too.
2
BY THE TIME they reached the coffee shop, Olivia had managed to gather her wits. She chose a table near the windows and Will followed her, taking the seat that faced the door. The shop was nearly empty except for a trio of high school students discussing homework at a nearby booth.
As Will studied the menu, she watched him, barely able to contain her curiosity. She wanted to press him further on his specific injuries, on the medical prognosis for his recovery, on treatments hed already had. It was easier for her to react like a doctoronly because it was impossible to accept what shed done to him as a woman.
Not a woman, a child. Shed reacted to his decision to enlist like a spoiled brat, angry that hed had the temerity to choose the military over her. At twenty years old, she had been completely self-absorbed, certain that Wills sole purpose in life had been to make her happy. The memory made her wince.
Shed had their whole life planned out for them, the wedding, the house, the family, all without bothering to get his opinion. Shed been aware that hed always wanted a military career, but sure she could talk him out of it. After all, how could she attend medical school if she had to follow Will around the country?
And when shed sent him the letter, shed meant to punish him for all the lonely nights apart and all the shattered dreams. Olivia had assumed that hed come home on leave and theyd work everything out. But hed never written or called. And hed never come home. She knew he must have had the opportunity, but hed stayed away.
After finishing college, shed left for Chicago and medical school. And with that, the end of what theyd been was final. She had other dreams now, she reminded herself. After all, shed just received enough grant money to set up a string of local wellness clinics for the residents of the UP, a dream shed had since med school.
She reached out and wrapped her hands around her coffee mug. How long will you be home?
Im not sure. I cant go back until the medical board clears me for active duty. I know Im not ready yet. I was supposed to check in at the VA hospital in Iron Mountain and then theyd check me out and find me a local doctor to handle my case.
I could do that, she said.
Will shook his head. I dont think it would be a good idea for us to play doctor. He grinned and raised his eyebrows and Olivia pictured the two of them, alone in an exam room.
I could recommend someone, then, Olivia countered, her cheeks warming with a blush. Im familiar with all the doctors in the area. She took a sip of her coffee. How are you going to get down to Iron Mountain if you dont drive?
J.T. was supposed to take me. We were supposed to drive down this morning, but he got a job so I had to cancel the appointment.
I could drive you, Olivia offered. I have a couple days off next week. We could go then.
I wont get in on such short notice.
Im sure if you call, theyll take you right away.
You dont know the VA.
I could call them, she said.
No, he said, shaking his head. Ill take care of it. Will reached out and grabbed a packet of sugar. He tried to tear it open but his hand trembled. He met her gaze and she could see a flicker of frustration in the blue depths.
It comes and goes, he murmured. Its worse when Im tired.
What else is going on with you? You can talk to me.
I dont want to complain about my problems, he said. I just want to get better and get back to my unit.
Are you taking any medication?
I dont like the drugs. They dont help. And they make me...fuzzy. He shook his head. Can we talk about something else? How are your parents?
Olivia shook her head, surprised by the ease at which hed turned the tables on her. You really want to talk about my parents?
Olivia shook her head, surprised by the ease at which hed turned the tables on her. You really want to talk about my parents?
Were done talking about my medical condition.
My parents are fine. Theyre divorced now, but theyre fine. My mother lives in San Diego. Shes got a studio there and shes had a couple of very successful shows. My father retired from Michigan Tech a few years ago and hes teaching physics at the high school in Houghton.
I didnt hear about the divorce. What happened?
There was a disagreement between them that they couldnt get over.
About?
My mother never bargained for a life as the wife of an unimportant college professor. Shed always imagined herself as an artist, living in an Ivy League town on the East Coast, not stuck in some frozen wasteland in the UP. She put her dreams aside to follow her husband, but after a while she decided she didnt want to live his life.
Well, that clears up a lot of questions I have about her feelings toward me, Will said.
Olivia wanted to reach out and touch him, to cover his hand with hers. The need for physical contact was nearly overwhelming, but she held back, knowing that the attraction would only lead to trouble. The whole point of this talk was closure, not to pick up where they left off. How so? she asked.
She didnt want you to follow me around. Hell, I dont blame her. Military life isnt for everyone.
She wanted me to become a doctor and she wouldnt let anything get in the way of thatnot you, not my father, not even me. She never stopped pushing. And I guess I was such a mess after you left that she finally convinced me she was right.
Was she? Will asked.
Olivia thought about the question for a long moment. In truth, shed been thinking about that question for years, since the day shed dropped the letter in the slot at the post office. We were so young.
We were in love, he replied softly. Their gazes met for a long moment, and then he glanced away. I should go. I have to meet my sister and her kids for dinner.
You havent finished your coffee, Olivia said.
Itit was good. This place is nice.
Ill drive you, she offered.
He quickly shoved his chair back and stood. No, I can walk. Id rather walk.
Its freezing out there.
And Im sure Ill survive.
Olivia decided to let him go. The aftereffects of his brain injury had become apparent to her even in the short time theyd spent together today. His mood could shift in the blink of an eye. He often jumbled his words, which put him even more on edge. Will had never been the type to accept his imperfections, and she could see that it wore on him. So she understood why he would prefer to be alone.
Olivia held her breath as he leaned over the table and brushed a kiss across her cheek. But this time, he didnt take the opportunity for more. Take care, he murmured.
She watched as he walked out the door, then disappeared down the dark street. There were moments when he seemed more like a ghost than a real man. She could just barely detect the Will shed once known, but he was a strange, vague being that could suddenly vaporize in front of her eyes.
The emotions surging up inside her were hard to describe. They were so twisted with regret and guilt that Olivia wasnt sure whether it was affection or pity that drove her forward. How could she keep her distance when he needed her? It was her duty as a physicianand a friendto help him heal. And maybe then shed be able to let him, and the guilt, go.
* * *
WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? Elly said when he entered the restaurant. Ive been worried. You cant just wander off like that, Will. You dont have a car and its bitter cold. I was about to call the police.
Im not a goddamn child, Will shot back, rubbing the ache in his temple. I am perfectly capable of caring for myself, so just chill the hell out.
Elly, her husband, Jim, and their two boys stared up at him, wide-eyed, their pizza dinner spread out on the table in front of them.
Will glanced around the small pizzeria, suddenly realizing that hed been a bit too loud in his response. His first instinct had been to react defensively. But everyone in the place was watching him now, wondering what was going on. The place was too crowded, the patrons too close. He mentally calculated the fastest path to the door, then gritted his teeth. It took every ounce of his patience to remain calm and rational. She had a right to be worried.
Sorry, he murmured. I shouldnt have used language like that. Kyle, Nate, it was wrong.
Nathan, the five-year-old, nodded. At least you didnt use the F word. That one is the worst.
Kyle nodded in agreement. Worse than the S word.
Daddy says the S word all the time, Nate countered. It just means poop.
We dont need a rundown on naughty words, Elly said, switching her attention to her sons as she refilled their drinks from a plastic pitcher of cola. You could have called, Will. Ive been trying your cell phone, but you didnt pick up.
I left the cell phone back at the cabin, Will explained.
You should always keep that with you, she scolded. I gave it to you to use in case of emergency. How hard is it to put it in your pocket?
Youre right, he said, his jaw tight. Ill try to remember next time. Sorry. Mom.
This brought a round of giggles from Kyle and Nathan. Shes not your mom, Nate said. Shes our mom.
Sometimes she feels like my mom, Will said.
Elly studied him for a long moment, clearly unnerved by his comment. Were you with Olivia all this time?
To Wills surprise, her question didnt anger him at all. There was no flood of temper or defensive reaction. No, Will lied. There was also no point in getting Ellys hopes up. He didnt need her constant meddling. Elly had always been of the opinion that he and Olivia were destined to be together. I was just walking around town.
Well, sit down and have something to eat, she said.
Im not hungry. Can I have the keys to your car? I want to go back to the cabin.
Sit down and have some dinner. Ill drive you to the cabin after you eat.
No, he insisted, shaking his head. I have to get back now.
Youre not supposed to drive.
Im not supposed to, but I can. Will held out his hand. Please. Ill return it tomorrow. Early. I promise.
No, Im not going to
Give him the keys, El, Jim said softly. He knows whether or not he can drive.
She glared at her husband. But he
Give him the keys. Itll be all right.
Will sent his brother-in-law a grateful look.
Ive got to do an estimate out that way in the morning, Jim continued. I can pick the car up. Ill have one of my guys drive me out.
What about school? Elly said.
Ill leave late and take the boys.
She glanced back and forth between her husband and Will. Finally, with a muttered protest, she grabbed the keys from her pocket and held them out to Will. Be careful, she warned. Youre not used to driving in snow.