Chapter Two
Jessie lingered in the kitchen until Daniel and the kinder returned. Becky and Timothy ran straight to the living room, as if they couldnt bear to be parted from their daadi for more than a few minutes. Daniel, with what she thought might have been a sympathetic glance at her, followed them.
She stood, irresolute, watching the red glow in the western sky over the ridge. It turned slowly to pink, fading as dusk crept into the valley. She wasnt used to being surrounded by hills this way. Her area of Ohio was fairly flatgood farmland. These enclosing ridges seemed to cut her off from everything she knew.
Caleb made good use of the land on the valley floor, and his dairy herd of forty head was apparently considered fairly large here. Where the ground started to slope upward toward the ridge, shed spotted an orchard, with some of the trees already in blossom. Too bad she wouldnt be here to see the fruit begin to form. Caleb would see to that.
She turned abruptly toward the living room. Best make what use she could of the little time he seemed willing to grant her with the kinder. As she entered, she heard Beckys plaintive voice.
But isnt Daadi going to help us get ready for bed? She stood in front of her fathers wheelchair, and her look of dismay was echoed by the one on Calebs face.
Ach, Becky, you know Daadi wont be able to go upstairs for a bit, Zeb gently chided her. Thats why we fixed up the room downstairs for him.
Im sorry. Caleb cupped his daughters cheek with his hand, his expression so tender it touched Jessies heart. You go along now, and come tell me good-night when youre ready.
Timothy was already rubbing his eyes. It had been a big day for a not-quite-four-year-old.
Komm. Ill help you. When Jessie held out her hand, Timothy took it willingly enough.
But Beckys eyes flashed. We dont need your help.
The sharp words were so unexpectedly rude coming from an Amish child that for a moment Jessie was stunned. She realized Zeb was frowning at Caleb, while Caleb was studiously avoiding his eyes.
Becky, Im ashamed of you to speak so to Cousin Jessie. Zeb had apparently decided that Caleb wasnt going to correct the child. You go up at once with Cousin Jessie, and dont let me hear you talk in such a way again.
Becky looked rebellious for a moment, but at a nod from her father, she scurried ahead of Jessie and her brother, her cheeks flaming. Jessie, clutching Timmys hand, hurried after her.
She was quick, but not quite quick enough. Behind her, she heard Zebs voice.
Caleb, I should not have had to speak to Becky. Its your job to teach your kinder how to behave.
Calebs response was an irritable grumble that faded as she reached the top of the stairs.
Thats me and Beckys room, Timothy informed her, pointing. And thats where Daadi sleeps. Onkel Daniel has that next one.
Onkel Zeb is sleeping in the little front room, Becky said. He had to move to make room for you. She shot a defiant look at Jessie.
But Jessie had no intention of responding in kind. Becky must see that rudeness wouldnt drive her away, if that was what the child had in mind. It had been a natural thing in a houseful of men for Zeb to put her into the adjoining daadi haus.
It was nice of Onkel Zeb to let me use the daadi haus, she said. Hes a kind person, aint so?
Becky was forced to nod, and Timothy tugged at Jessies hand, his sisters rebellion clearly passing over his head. Ill show you where everything is.
With Timothys help, Jessie soon figured out how he expected to be gotten ready for bed. She had to smile at his insistence on doing everything exactly the same way as always, according to him. Her brothers kinder were just like that. His wife always said that if they did something once, it immediately became a tradition they mustnt break.
The bathroom was as modern as those in any Englisch house, save for the gas lights. And shed noticed a battery-powered lantern in the childrens bedrooma sensible solution when a light might be needed quickly. Caleb had done his best to make the farmhouse welcoming for Alice and the kinder, but that hadnt seemed to help Alices discontent.
Alice had been too young, maybe. Not ready to settle down. Shed thought marriage and the move to Lost Creek, Pennsylvania, would bring excitement. But when life had settled into a normal routine, she hadnt been satisfied.
Jessie had seen her growing unhappiness in her letters. Maybe shed been impatient with her young cousin, thinking it was time Alice grew up. If shed been more comforting...
But it was too late for those thoughts. Jessie bent over the sink to help Timothy brush his teeth, but Becky wedged her little body between them to help him instead. Fair enough, Jessie told herself. A big sister was expected to look after the younger ones. Maybe if she ignored Beckys animosity, it would fade.
A line from Alices last letter slid into her mind. You were right. I never should have come back here to die. Please, if you love me, try to repair the harm Ive done to these precious little ones.
Jessies throat tightened. She had begged Alice to stay with her for those final months instead of returning to Caleb. But Alice had been determined, and Jessie hadnt been able to stop questioning her own motives. Whose interests had she had at heart?
Pushing the thought away, she reached over their heads to turn off the water. All ready? Lets go down and say good-night.
Bare feet slapping on the plank floor, the kinder rushed down the stairs. Following more sedately, she saw them throw themselves at Caleb, and she winced at the kicks his cast took. But he didnt seem to notice.
Caleb cuddled each of them, apparently as reluctant to send them to bed as they were to go. It must have seemed like forever to him since his life had been normal, but she knew him well enough to understand hed never regret risking injury to help a neighbor. Thats who he was, and she admired him even when she was resenting the cool stare he turned on her.
Go on up to bed now. Caleb helped Timothy slide down from his lap. Sleep tight.
Smiling, Jessie held out her hands. Once again, Timothy took hers easily, rubbing his eyes with his other hand. But Becky pushed past her to grab Daniels hand.
I want Onkel Daniel to tuck me in, she announced.
Sounds gut, he said, getting up and stretching. Cousin Jessie and I will see youre all tucked in nice and snug. Aint so, Cousin Jessie?
She smiled, grateful that hed included her. That we will.
Lets see how fast we can get upstairs. Daniel snatched up Becky and galloped toward the steps.
Me, me, Timothy squealed, holding his arms up to Jessie.
Lifting him and hugging him close, she raced up the stairs, and they collapsed on Timothys bed in a giggling heap. Timothy snuggled against her, seeming eager for a hug, and her heart swelled. If circumstances had been different, he might have been her child.
The unruly thought stuck to her mind like a burr. She remembered so clearly the day shed met Caleb. Hed come from Pennsylvania for the wedding of a distant cousin, and shed been asked to show him around. Theyd hit it off at once in a way shed given up expecting to happen to her.
And hed felt the same. She was sure of it. That afternoon was surrounded by a golden haze in her memorythe beginning of something lovely. A perfect timeright up to the moment when theyd gone in to supper and Caleb had his first look at Alice. Shed turned from the stove, her cheeks rosy from the heat, strands of cornsilk-yellow hair escaping her kapp to curl around her face, her blue eyes sparkling and full of fun.
Jessie wrenched her thoughts away from that long-ago time. No sense at all in thinking about what might have been. They could only live today, trusting in Gods grace, and do their best to make up for past mistakes.
* * *
Caleb expected Onkel Zeb to chide him again about Beckys behavior once the others had gone upstairs. His defenses went up at the thought. Becky was his child. It was his responsibility how she behaved.
Unfortunately, that wasnt a very comforting thought. Hed let his own reactions to Jessies presence influence his daughters behavior. Besides, Onkel Zeb was as close as a father to him...closer, in some ways, than his own daad had been. It had seemed, after Mamm left, that all the heart had gone out of his father. Onkel Zeb had been the one to step up and fill the role of both parents for him and his brothers.
The unfortunate King men, folks said. Mamm had left Daad, and then Alice had left him. Onkel Zebs young bride had died within a year of their marriage. Daniel was definitely not looking for a wife, and as for Aaronwell, who knew what he was doing out in the Englisch world?
He darted a look at his uncle. Onkel Zeb was studying him...patient, just waiting for him to realize himself what should be done.
Yah, youre right. Ill try to do better with Becky.
And with Cousin Jessie, Onkel Zeb pointed out. She is not to blame for Alices wrongs.
And Cousin Jessie. He repeated the words dutifully. At least shes nothing at all like Alice was. Shes plain, not pretty and flirty.
To the Leit, plain is gut, remember? Zebs lips twitched. Id say Jessie has a face that shows who she is...calm, kind, peaceable. Funny that shes never married. It wonders me what the men out in Ohio were thinking to let her get away.
Truth to tell, Caleb wondered, too. If anyone seemed meant to marry and have a flock of kinder to care for, it had been Jessie. His mind flickered briefly to the day theyd met and winced away again. He had no desire to remember that day.
But Onkel Zebs thoughts had clearly moved on, and he was talking about how things had gone while Caleb was in the hospital.
...working out fine, thats certain sure. Sam just cant do enough for us, though I keep telling him were all right. Guess he feels like he wants to repay you, seeing it was his barn where you got hurt.
Thats foolishness, and Ill tell him so myself. As if any of us wouldnt do the same for a neighbor. Sams got plenty with his own farm to run. Theyd best be getting his new barn up soon, aint so?
Barn raising is set for Saturday. Onkel Zeb grinned. The buggies have been in and out of Sam and Leahs lane all week with the women helping to clean and get the food ready. Nothing like a barn raising to stir folks up.
Caleb was glad Sams barn would soon be replaced, but Zebs words had reminded him of something else. Maybe Leah would know of someone I can hire to help out with the kinder. What do you think?
Onkel Zeb shrugged. Not sure why you want to go looking for someone else when you have family right here eager to do it.
Frustration with his uncle had him clenching his hands on the chair. Before he could frame a response, he heard Daniel and Jessie coming back down the stairs. They seemed to be chuckling together over something, and Caleb felt himself tensing. Irrational or not, he wanted his uncle and brother to share his own feelings about Jessies arrival.
They came in smiling, which just added to his annoyance. Onkel Zeb glanced at them.
What funny thing did young Timothy say now? he asked.
Ach, it wasnt Timmy at all. Daniel grinned. Cousin Jessie just didnt agree with my version of the story of the three bears.
Jessie shook her head in mock disapproval. Even Timothy knew there wasnt a wolf in the story of the three bears. That was the three little pigs.
Maybe youd best stick to telling them stories about when you and their daadi were small, Zeb suggested. And not be confusing the kinder. Or better yet, let Jessie tell the bedtime story.
Caleb could feel his face freeze. Zeb made it sound as if Jessie would be around more than a few nights to tell them stories. She wouldnt.
Jessie seemed to sense the awkwardness of the moment. She turned toward the kitchen. What about some coffee and another piece of pie?
Sounds wonderful gut about now. Onkel Zeb seemed to be answering for all of them.
Caleb almost said he didnt want any. But he caught Jessies gaze and realized how childish that would sound. So he nodded instead. Jessies guarded expression relaxed in a smile, and for an instant she looked like the girl hed spent an afternoon with all those years ago.
It was disconcerting. If he hadnt gone to that wedding, if he hadnt met Jessie and through her met her cousin Alice...what would his life have been then?
* * *
Jessie cleared up the plates and cups after their dessert, satisfied that her pie, at least, had met with universal approval. Shed have to take any little encouragement she could get.
Zeb and Daniel had gone to the bedroom to set up a few assistance devices the hospital had sent, leaving her and Caleb alone in the kitchen for the moment. She sent a covert glance toward him.
Caleb had his wheelchair pulled up to the kitchen table, and at the moment he was staring at the cup he still held. She suspected that he didnt even see it. His lean face seemed stripped down to the bone, drawn with fatigue and pain. Today had been a difficult transition for him, but he wouldnt want her to express sympathy.
No man wanted to admit to pain or weaknessshe knew that well enough from being raised with six brothers. And clearly Caleb would resent it even more coming from her. The hurt she felt for him, the longing to do something to ease his pain...it would have to stay, unspoken, in her heart.
But the silence was stretching out awkwardly between them. Becky is... she began. But the words slipped away when Caleb focused on her.
What about Becky? He nearly snapped the words.
That didnt bother her. When folks were hurting, they snapped, like an injured dog would snarl even when you were trying to help it.
She seems so grown-up for her age. Very helpful, especially with her little bruder.
The words of praise seemed to disarm him. Yah, she is gut with Timothy. Always has been, especially since... His lips shut tight then.
Especially since Alice left when he was just an infant. Those were the words he didnt want to say. She could hardly blame him. But if only they could speak plainly about Alice, it might do everyone some good.
I know how Becky feels. I always felt responsible for Alice after her mamm passed.
Calebs strong jaw hardened. I dont want to talk about her. Not now. Not ever. I thought I made that clear.
She wanted to tell him that she understood, but that hiding the pain didnt make it go away. It just let it fester. But she couldnt, because he wouldnt listen. If she had more time...