But was she idealizing what they shared because she needed him to make her life easier? Or was she feeling a connection that was meant to last a lifetime? Rachel had thought shed found love in the past and shed been proved wrong. So what made her think this was the real thingand after only three weeks together?
With a soft curse, she sat up and raked her hands through her tangled hair. This was crazy! No matter what she did, she was going to get hurt. Even now, the thought of falling asleep without him brought a lonely ache to her heart.
He was a wonderful man, kind and compassionate, patient and concerned, so incredibly sexy. Exactly the sort of man she could see herself loving for the rest of her life. But was she in love or just caught up in the possibility of love?
Her stomach growled. Maybe if she made herself a snack shed be able to sleep. Rachel rolled out of bed and walked downstairs. The kitchen was dark and she pulled open the refrigerator door and let the cool air rush out.
The pitcher of lemonade looked appealing and she set it on the counter, then pulled out a package of string cheese. She found a glass and a plate and added a few crackers, then carried the food out to the porch.
After living in the heart of Chicago, she was always amazed at how silent the world could be. It almost hurt her ears to search for a noise. A dog barked in the distance, the sound traveling in the still air.
Cant sleep?
The sound of his voice startled her. He sat on one of the wicker chairs at the end of the porch. He was wearing just his boxers, his bare feet resting on the porch rail, a bottle of beer in his hand.
You scared me.
Sorry. I came over to get something to drink. Its so hot I cant sleep.
The sky flashed. Heat lightning. I dont think its going to cool down.
She held out the plate to him as she sat down, and he took a piece of string cheese. I have to get some of this to take home with me, he said.
You can probably get it in Seattle, she said. You just havent looked for it.
He took a bite, then a sip of his beer. You know what Id like to do? For the next seventeen days, Id like to forget that Im leaving. Id like to pretend that the bus ticket I have back to Seattle doesnt exist. Id like to just live each day without thinking about the next.
That might be difficult to do, Rachel said.
Why cant we do what feels right? he said. Why do we have to deny ourselves?
Rachels breath caught in her throat and she quickly drew another. Why? Was it really going to change anything? It wouldnt lessen the loneliness shed feel after he left, so why bother to protect herself?
He was right. She could deal with the pain when it came. But until then, shed revel in the passion that this man had brought into her life. All right, she said. But you have to promise me something.
Anything, Dermot said.
When it comes time to leave, youll just go. Youll walk away and there wont be any long goodbyes or promises that well see each other again. Youll just disappear and not come back.
Rachel, I
Those are my terms, she said.
He considered her offer, then nodded. All right. I can live with that.
Rachel set the snack down on the small table between the wicker chairs, then slowly stood. She walked to his chair and, straddling his legs, sat down on his lap. I think I want you to kiss me now.
Dermot stared up at her, then reached to touch her breast. He cupped her warm flesh, running his thumb over her nipple until it became a stiff peak beneath the thin cotton of her nightgown. He smoothed his hand along her hip, his fingers soft and teasing.
Rachel could feel his hard shaft between them, straining against the front of his boxers. When he was with her, it never took much for Dermot to get aroused. Rachel had never had that power with a man before. There was a certain satisfaction in knowing that she could have Dermot whenever she wanted him, that he would be there, ready and willing to fulfill her every need. Dermot moaned softly as she reached between them and wrapped her fingers around his heat.
Already, his body was so familiar to her. She knew how hed react to her touch, the way his breath would catch in his throat, the sound of his voice whispering her name.
Three days has been too long, she murmured.
Dermot grabbed her waist and stood, wrapping her legs around his hips. He backed her up against the wall of the house and kissed the curve of her neck and then moved lower, teasing at her breast with his tongue. Your bed or mine? he asked as he gently caressed her nipple.
Lets stay right here, she said. Its too hot inside.
He groaned softly, his kiss growing more urgent, and he dragged his tongue along the crease of her mouth until she surrendered completely. Her knees went soft and she felt herself melt in his arms.
Why did we ever stop doing this? she murmured.
I cant remember. But we wont make that mistake again, will we?
No, Rachel said.
He slowly trailed kisses over her shoulder and down her arm. Then, he set her back on her feet and knelt in front of her, pushing her nightgown up around her hips. Rachel raked her fingers through his hair, anticipating what he was about to do to her.
He was so beautiful, so incredibly sexy. She couldnt imagine ever feeling this attracted to a man again. There seemed to be electricity that crackled between them every time they were together. Just one touch of his fingers to her bare skin was all it took for the attraction to overwhelm them both.
I need you, he murmured. I need to fall asleep with you in my arms and wake up the same way.
Rachel understood how he felt. The luxury of spending an entire night together in bed was one theyd grown very fond of. We have to get up early to do chores, she said. Will you promise not to keep me up too late?
He looked up at her. Why? Would it be so bad if we spent the whole night making love?
Dermots kisses trailed lower, until he found the damp spot between her legs. She was already aroused, and the moment his tongue touched her there, her body jerked in response.
I love that I can touch you like this, he said. That theres nothing left to stop us. He gently parted her legs, tasting her until she writhed against the wall, her knees weak and her body burning.
Oh, she breathed. Oh, right there.
As he brought her closer and closer to her release, Rachel murmured his name urgently. Dermot followed her cues, dragging her back from the edge when she got too close. It wasnt enough. She didnt want to experience this pleasure by herself.
She reached out and tangled her fingers in his hair, tugging until he looked up at her. He knew what she wanted without her even needing to tell him, and he stood and drew her leg up along his hip.
Its all right, she said. You dont have to worry.
Are you sure?
Rachel nodded. Shed been on the pill for years and it had always seemed like such a practical thing. But now, it was liberating. She trusted Dermot and he trusted her. She wanted to experience him without any barriers between them. Rachel didnt care what came later as long as this came now.
She gently guided him to her entrance and Dermot closed his eyes the moment they touched. Slowly, exquisitely, he pushed inside of her. Rachel felt the muscles in his body tense, but he didnt give in. Instead, he slowly began to move.
She closed her eyes and focused on the sensations that washed over her body. She was already so close, but this seemed to take her to a higher level, the need growing more intense with each stroke. This was paradise, she thought. There was nothing more perfect.
I want you, he murmured. Come for me.
He increased his pace and Rachel felt herself dancing on the edge. And when release came, it came so fast that it caught her by surprise. She cried out and the pleasure shook her body, stealing her ability to think.
It was enough to send him over the edge and Dermot surrendered a moment later. It was simple, uncomplicated and pure, the two of them searching for release and finding it with each other.
He was craving what she could only satisfy for a short time. Though she felt sated now, Rachel knew that shed want more. He untangled her leg from around his waist and nuzzled into the curve of her neck. Can we stay here forever? he asked.
I think maybe we could, Rachel joked.
They stood there for a long time, his forehead pressed against hers, his hand braced beside her head. Rachel listened to his breathing. She wondered what he was thinking. But she was afraid to ask. Instead, she pressed a kiss into the center of his chest.
You know what I could go for? A nice, cool bath.
He reached down and grabbed her hand. Lead the way.
6
ARE YOU GOING TO tell me where were going? Dermot asked as he slid behind the wheel of the pickup.
Were going on a field trip, Rachel said.
Theyd finished the milking for the morning and Rachel had ordered him out of his barn clothes and into something decent. At first Dermot had assumed they were going into town for breakfast, but shed fed him at the kitchen table, perching on a chair and staring at him until he finished.
I always hated field trips in school. We never went anywhere interesting.
What would you consider interesting?
The zoo? Maybe a natural history museum? Even a decent library.
Then youre probably not going to like this. She pointed to the ignition. Start the truck. Were heading west.
Dermot drove the pickup out of the driveway and headed away from Mapleton. So, what am I going to learn today? Its not a field trip unless I learn something.
She sighed in frustration. Youre going to learn to be patient and enjoy the ride.
He chuckled softly. I already know how to do that. I do that every night with you.
Funny, she said. And this comes because all you think about is sex. This is about business. I have to go sign a new contract with Briar Hollow Cheese. We sell our milk to them. Youll get a chance to taste some of their cheese.
Cool, he said. I knew Id get it out of you.
They make chèvre, which is traditional goat cheese. And also feta and bouchon, which is like parmesan cheese. Well bring some home and Ill make something with it tonight. And I want to send some home with you, too. So you have something to remember us by.
I dont need cheese to remember you, he said. Ive got a lot of other things Ill remember.
Like what? she asked.
Oh, let me see. Ill remember how your hair smells in the morning when I wake up and youve stolen my pillow. And Ill remember the sound of your laugh when youre watching the kids scamper around their pen. Ill remember sitting across from you in the evening and sharing supper together. He paused. Ill even remember this.
Rachel slid over and sat next to him, dropping a kiss on his cheek. Good. Im happy to hear that.
The drive to the cheese factory was passed with lighthearted chatter. Now that theyd actually decided not to think about the future, it took some of the pressure off them both. Dermot was happy, but he could see that there were moments where Rachel wasnt so enthusiastic. Something he said or did would put her in a dark mood for a short time and hed have to tease her out of it. He felt like he was rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic.
Briar Hollow was a small operation, set close to the road in a rural area. Dermot pulled into the parking lot and then hopped out and circled around the truck. He opened the door for Rachel and grabbed her around the waist, setting her on the ground.
Youll like Ben, she said. Hes a real artisan. Every year, he goes to France for a few weeks and studies cheese making with a master. His cheeses are used in a lot of the best restaurants in Chicago.
A bell above the door rang as they entered. Rachel introduced him to Bens daughter, Ellen, who stood behind the counter. This is my friend Dermot Quinn. Hes been working at the farm, but hes leaving in a couple weeks. I wanted to send some cheese home to Seattle with him.
Ellen regarded him with a curious look, then held out her hand. A pleasure to meet you, Dermot. You two just take whatever you want from the cases. Ill get you a box.
Ben called me. Im here to sign another contract, Rachel added.
Ellen handed her a box. Ill tell Ben youre here.
They walked around the shop and Rachel fed Dermot little samples from glass-covered dishes. When Ben walked into the shop, she introduced the men and they all sat down together. Dermots learning a little more about the dairy, Rachel explained.
Good, Ben said. Well, theres something I wanted to talk to you about. Something very important.
What is it? Rachel asked, worried at the serious tone in his voice.
We just took on a new wholesaler. Theyre going to give us a national brand so we need more from each of our dairies. Over the next year, wed like to see you double your production. Rachel gasped and he held up his hand. Now, I know your situation. But this would increase your profit margins, which might make it possible for you to hire the help you need.
Dermot looked at the stricken expression on Rachels face. II dont think I can do it, Ben, she said. Id love to help you out, but there just arent enough hours in the day.
Dermot cleared his throat. Wait a second. Rachel, we can figure out a
Rachel quickly stood. Can I have some time to think about this?
Sure, Ben said. Heres the contract. And you know well buy whatever milk Clover Meadow produces. Youre one of our best dairies. Well just be paying more to those dairies that produce more for us. Heck, my daughter, Ellen, and her husband are even thinking about getting into the dairy business. And well be adding to our operation. Another five thousand square feet.
Great, Rachel said.
She quickly walked out to the parking lot, forgetting the box of cheese that theyd collected. When she reached the truck, her face was pale and she was gasping for breath. Dermot bent her over at the waist, lowering her head. Breathe, he ordered.
II cant. Ive been trying to think of a way to milk fewer goats, not more. I cant do this. I never wanted to be a goat farmer. Why did my father do this to me?
When she looked up, her eyes were full of tears. My life is all laid out for me. Im never going to get off the farm. Im going to be milking goats for the rest of my life.
Dermot dragged her into his arms and held her tight. Im sure he never wanted you to be unhappy, sweetheart. You know that. Maybe he just wanted to make sure his animals would live out their lives on your farm.