4
Lenin as a man, it seems, was never happy! Vindictiveness and viciousness, which turned into hatred of his own kind, prevented him from feeling like a normal person and getting joy from life. In the wife of Nadia, he was disappointed after the wedding night. She, poor thing, didnt have the kind of drive that made a man furious. Gershon, who at one time served as a litter, was often capricious and demanded too much of him. In particular, he claimed the second role after Nadia. The prostitutes he visited gave him syphilis. And Inessa, his Symphony, was also a burden over time, so much so that he had to send her to rest, to Frunze, from where she returned in a coffin.
And the political struggle did not bring results for a long time. The Talmud, which he wrote not always himself, but also with his closest associate Apfelbaum (Zinoviev), no one read or bought, except people from the inner circle. Service in German intelligence was not only a means of earning money, but also a disgrace for a Russian citizen, and did not bring large dividends.
And the authorities, barely noticeably pinching him for political calls to seize power by armed means, made him doubt the correctness of the chosen path. These and other reasons forced the future puffed-up genius to leave Russia, which he hated with every fiber of his soul, and settle in prosperous Switzerland.
Tsar Nicholas II exiled him to Siberia and there, in exile, Lenin received a fairly substantial monetary reward, which allowed him to live on a large scale. He bought a horse for walking, composed his lifeless Talmud, while still on his own, without Gershon Apfelbaum, with whom he was not yet familiar, read revolutionary literature (Dobrolyubov and Chernyshevsky, who called Russia to the axe), conducted extensive correspondence with friends-revolutionaries. Here to he was visited by Nadenka Fishberg (Krupskaya), an admirer of his ideas, a gray mouse with slightly bulging eyes, who, apparently, had a hard time with suitors, and the future leader of the world proletariat, according to evil tongues, was already married before meeting Nadenka; here they had a fairly decent wedding. (If only the then all-powerful Russian Tsar knew how the young Jacobin would thank him when he seized power?)
But Ilyich did not show passion for his young wife as a woman; she was too docile, too loyal, cold in bed, ready for anything, reacting to everything with barely noticeable delight and unbuttoning her collar when Ilyich started to squint.
He quickly saw her as a devoted servant and realized that it was possible to indulge in strawberries on the side, and later, when Inessa appeared, he even informed his wife that in the future they would live together as a Threesome.
No one can compare Inessa with Nadezhda, and it is problematic to reproach Lenin, given his status. This must be admitted. It is impossible to explain the leaders behavior in any other way. After moving to Moscow, the leader grew cold to his mistress, separated her from the family, and then, when tired sent to the South at the disposal of Frunze. She-barely arrived at the place fell ill and immediately died. And then a diagnosis was invented cholera. Did Lenin have anything to do with it? Definitely.
In a small synagogue, everyone was engaged not only in empty conversations on the subject of the revolution, but also had fun. Sverdlov suggested visiting the house of tolerance even before Inessa appeared.
The hooker, Julia, in short pants, began to ask:
Who is here Ulanov?
Here it is, catch it, or its not permanent, Yasha said.
Julia grabbed Ilyichs belt and pulled him to her room.
Down with your pants, she ordered.
Ilyich hesitated. She dropped her pants in a flash.
Klein! its a small one " said Julia, and immediately clasped it in her hand and began to squeeze and release it. Revolutionary!
The chief was very pleased. He even got a kiss on his beard.
His mood was more acceptable than ever. Yasha decided to remind about Russia.
I dont care about Russia!
How, how? the clan members whimpered. Russia barbaric country, as said Angelus.
No, it was said by Mordychai Levi, dont confuse it, said Dzerzhinsky, the future thug, massaging the pistol in his pocket.
Dont quarrel, comrades! Where possible, we will take power into our own hands. The main thing is that the masses, the proletariat has organized itself. The prostitutes clapped their hands.
5
Just the next day, again visiting a piquant institution, Samuel, an old and venerable member of the Politburo, Closed his Snout and addressed prostitutes with such a moralizing address:
This is the leader of the world revolution, not a fucking dog. Give him the sexiest, most beautiful tall girl no older than eighteen years old. Know this: short men love tall ladies, and tall ladies are never offended by short men. And more. Old people like us love the young, the stupid, but the irreplaceable in bed. If one of them has read Marxs Capital, we pay double the price.
Oh, Oh! EU! said the lady, Baring her metal teeth and hinting that it would not hurt to gild the handle.
Katznelson, not satisfied, took out a heavy bag and threw twenty gold rubles to the abbess. It was still money from the partys cash register, and the partys cash register was replenished daily by Russian patrons, and the party members themselves were not asleep. They raided banks, cash registers, robbed and even killed if there was no other way out, but the money was brought and handed over to the cashier regularly.
Soon three blondes entered, but Lenin held up his hand.
Modesty, comrades, modesty, where is your modesty? We return to the headquarters and there we will agree on where to start the world revolution.
The chief liked the blonde so much that he made a date for her on Monday and told her that he had rented an apartment. Now they will meet separately almost every day, after hard work.
Nadezhda Konstantinovna immediately noticed the change in her husband and even dared to ask him one day at dinner:
Volodya, what happened to you? I dont recognize you. You smile all the time, you laugh, future generations will call it Homeric laughter, but now, before this has happened, I demand a specific answer to a specific question: where do you go at night?
Nadia, youre the Capital of Marx-Mordica take notes?
Im stuck on page three, why?
So if you dig into the personal life of the leader of the world revolution, you will become a counter-revolutionary. Do you understand?
Understand, he tilted his head to Nadia.
Then go, take notes and learn by heart, and then began to spoil my appetite.
Nadenka went to her room, seized Marxs Capital, wept over it, and opened the volume to the third page. What they were talking about, she could not understand, but the fact that she was losing her husband. as such, I understood perfectly well and decided that it is better not to interfere. Especially since Volodya not so long ago declared: under communism, marriage will break up, women will become public property, anyone who wants to enjoy the body of the opposite sex, you need to sign up for an artel of celibacy and enjoy it to your hearts content.
* * *
Volodyas spirits rose and he felt that he could still do a lot, and posterity would be infinitely grateful to get acquainted with his main work entitled Materialism and empirio-criticism. Here only it is necessary to finish the plan, to define the goals and tasks of the immortal work. And this is very difficult. Even Apfelbaum himself cant figure it out, but he could have written twenty or thirty chapters. All the more so because imperialism already exists, the proletariat has already reached its limit, but " he raised a finger in the air and fired loudly " in the bowels of the proletariat, criticism is born, that is to say, criticism. He will scatter imperialism like a well-fed chicken with rotten grain.
Volodyas spirits rose and he felt that he could still do a lot, and posterity would be infinitely grateful to get acquainted with his main work entitled Materialism and empirio-criticism. Here only it is necessary to finish the plan, to define the goals and tasks of the immortal work. And this is very difficult. Even Apfelbaum himself cant figure it out, but he could have written twenty or thirty chapters. All the more so because imperialism already exists, the proletariat has already reached its limit, but " he raised a finger in the air and fired loudly " in the bowels of the proletariat, criticism is born, that is to say, criticism. He will scatter imperialism like a well-fed chicken with rotten grain.
As soon as he wrote the headline, he felt that something was missing. Placing the pen gently on the Desk, he rose from the chair as gently as he had come and began to March around the small office. And then a happy thought flashed into my mind:
Gershon, where are you, honey, the scoundrel of all Judea? Ive already written the title, and then what? who will continue? Well, turn the shafts in the direction of the historical office, the historical chair where the leader of the world revolution, Lenin, just sat.
Gershon sat behind the tile stove, wiping away snot mixed with tears.
What is it, my brother?
You cheated on me, you bastard. Cursed be your race of Jews. You dont deserve to eat matzo, your guts will stick together. He cheated on me, his faithful slave, and with whom, with prostitutes.
Freedom, Gershon, freedom. Our father Mordica Marxs four illegitimate children, that I began to think about the offspring. Whats the use of our mating? Its no use. So get used to it. Maybe the hookers should be done with, but Inessa will come to me, Innes From Paris, and she will become my second wife. And suddenly the offspring. A genius cant die like this without leaving someone behind.
And I? Another betrayal. How many times have you cheated on me?
As soon as the proletariat takes power in their hands, we must give them complete freedom. Let them undress and walk the streets of Petrograd naked. Since the bourgeoisie is to be completely eliminated, we need to increase the population.
Thats why Im acting like this. You have to get used to free love.
Leni, having discarded his next historical work, and left Gershon alone, sat down at the table and began to scribble with a pen, recording new thoughts:
The emancipation of the spirit of sensuality, energy directed not at pseudo-family values, will help to throw this clot on the cause of the victory of socialism, he argued to his colleagues in the usual manner, turning his balding bowler hat in one direction and then in the other, and drilling a wild look at his interlocutors and followers.
Undoubtedly, sexual oppression is the main means of enslaving a person. As long as there is such oppression, there can be no real freedom. The family, as a bourgeois institution, has completely outlived itself. We need to talk more about this to the workers, the leader said to his colleagues.
No family, down with the family, to hell with the family. Only the bourgeoisie can so oppress a woman.
The family is the shackles. Down with the shackles! the future Sverdlov, who came running to Katznelson, expressed the smartest idea.
And not just the family. All prohibitions concerning sexuality should be lifted We have much to learn from the suffragettes: even the ban on same sex love should be lifted, Lenin concluded wisely.
The clever ideas expressed by the henchmen of the little menagerie could not be put into practice any time soon. The revolutionary situation has not yet arisen, the coup detat has not yet taken place in Petrograd. Lenin did not even prepare for it: in his intelligent head, various thoughts wandered, which he gave out on Gore, including these: there will be no world revolution in Russia, too, and you will have to drag out a miserable existence as an emigrant.
We will return to the sexual freedom that schizophrenics were so eager for.
There was a change in Lenins life, a so-called leap: he met Inessa Armand, the mother of five children. She miraculously retained her attractiveness, was smart, educated, and dressed like a Parisian, but Lenin still did not walk on four legs, and his heart was a mans, it jumped, so that a revolution occurred in the brain. And all this against the background Of the fact that Nadias wife is quiet, outwardly
Nadezhda Konstantinovna Krupskaya soon after her marriage was transferred to a servant as soon as Inessa Armand appeared. She bravely endured, accepted the humiliating situation and she survived Inessa by ten years: Lenin sent his mistress to the other world as soon as he got tired of her.
6
And Krupskaya survived not only Inessa, but also the immortal Ilyich himself. Even a simple proletarian could lose his head, not like the leader of the world revolution.
Her rapprochement, her approach to the baton family, was a secret joy for all the members of the clan. A secret decision was made to remain silent and admire.
But one day, two months later, she felt that something was wrong and was forced to seek medical help. The doctors carefully examined the patient and stated with a malicious smile: you have syphilis, but it is not yet in the advanced form. We need to start treatment immediately.
With tears in her eyes, she returned home and did not find her legal spouse in Ilyichs office, asked:
Volodya, where did you get syphilis? Before I met you, I was healthy, and now I have this terrible disease. Are all geniuses syphilitic? Nadezhda Konstantinovna was checked by doctors?
Nadenka and I havent slept in the same bed for a long time. I have her as a party comrade, Lenin burst out laughing. He gave Inessa a snakelike smile, then found Nadia studying mordychais Capital (Marx), and said:
Comrade Nadia, not a step from here, do not leave the Capital open, do not leave it, do not come to me, I have an important conversation with members of the French delegationto spread the ideas of Marxism. Work on the study of Capital our father Mordica-Marx on fresh air. There is no wind, no rain, the garden bench is empty, it is waiting for you.
Nadia bowed her head and obediently left. The leader burst out laughing, then embraced Inessa and with revolutionary pathos began to explain the methods of fighting syphilis, which were equated with the methods of fighting capitalism.
I dont care about your capitalism or even your Mordechai Marxism: you gave me an incurable disease. In Capital Mordecha Marx does not say anything about syphilis and how to deal with it, said Inessa Armand.
Nadenka, Im sorry, my dear Inessochka, as soon as the world revolution occurs, we will take up syphilis. A doctor gave me a thousand gold rubles as a bribe and told me that the more often we sin in bed, the more syphilis will recede further and further. This is true. I feel much better after meeting you. Therefore, let us give up relying on bourgeois doctors, and we will meet more often on the bed of love, give ourselves more warmly to each other, and thus, perhaps long before the world revolution begins, we will be cured naturally.
Lenin spoke pathetically and convincingly. Inessa had no choice but to agree with the opinion of her lover, who passionately proved the truth of his view of the problem, and she obediently, imitating Nadia, said: