Who clipped your wings?
Im going to have to teach these farm animals a lesson.
And what would that be that you already havent?
Ill teach them a song.
Oh, a song. Thatll teach them.
A song I learned from Pete Seeger when I lived in the big house with the Commie Jewish bastards. It might do them some good someday.
Who? Bruce said. The Commie Jewish bastards?
Too late for them, Julius said. Theyre orthodox now. No, I mean the farm animals. I used to sing a lot when I had a home and a room with a view. One day I saw that view and wanted my space, fresh air, freedom. I flew out the window of opportunity and landed in the lemon grove. I took a bite from a lemon and that was enough freedom for me. I turned toward home only to discover that the window had been closed as I smacked against the windowpane.
Ouch.
It was smart. I slid to the ground and was almost eaten alive as one Rottweiler attacked from this way, and his evil twin attacked from that way, and the cat Mousetrap pounced from yet another. I flew off just as they collided into a massive heap of fur and a few of my feathers under the window. I havent touched the ground since, knock on bark. I suppose my singing may have done me in. I miss the big house and the family. Julius paused for a moment, reflecting over distant memories. I havent sung Ninety-nine Bottles of Beer on the Wall since.
Bruce moved away from the fence and defecated, depositing a large mound of manure.
Ah, look, Bruce, youve made some new friends, Julius said as flies swarmed over the fresh warm cow pod.
Can never have too many friends, Bruce said and leaned against the fence post.
Speaking of friends, looks like you have a couple coming to see you. Well, I must be going. Ta-ta, til next time. Julius flew off as Blaise and her red calf bounded from the barn. See if you can cheer him up, will you? Ive tried.
Blaise pressed the young heifer between her and Bruce, rubbing against him as they passed. Tag, youre it! Lizzy wanted to come by and say hi. A slender brown streak formed along the red calfs lower midsection, but went unnoticed as throngs of people poured from tour buses and out of campers, who swarmed the farm and gathered along the fence line to glimpse the red calf that would one day soon bring about the destruction of the earth. Lizzy laughed as she and her mother trotted toward the pasture. The media appeared out of vans hidden behind satellite dishes to witness the progress of the red calf as if she were going to impart wisdom to the masses. The masses cheered and cried with joy upon seeing their salvation, but no sooner had they glimpsed the promise of the end than her mother turned her away. Under distress from the lights and cameras, Blaise and Lizzy disappeared into the sanctuary of the barn.
Bruce shook his head. He thought he heard someone call his name. He heard it again and walked out along the fence that ran parallel to the road past the barn. On the other side of the road, a group of four Israeli Holsteins wanted him to see his magic. Between them paraded 12 Holstein calves. Look, Bruce, said the young Holstein who, before Bruce had never experienced the joy of a bulls company. Theyre all yours. We wanted you to see how beautiful they are, and how much they take after you. One after the other, jumped and mooed from between the mothers Holstein, and passed along the fence so Bruce could see each one of them.
Arent they lovely, Bruce, the older Holstein, and close friend of Bruce, mooed. The other Holsteins walked up to the fence, each one nodding her approval and fondness toward Bruce. When they said their goodbyes, Bruce remained in the pasture to graze.
The other animals were confused, starting and stopping, scurrying back and forth as they had all day between the Baptist at the pond and the Messiah at the compost pile inside the partitioned-off fence lot. Finally, Mel exasperated, called from the barn that the heretic waddled in mud. A gaggle of geese looked puzzled as Boris waded out into the pond.
The Large White, you foul fools!
Yes, we are, laughed a duck as she slipped into the water, followed by her sister ducks and geese. They swam out to the middle of the pond among the pigs in the afternoon sun.
Bruce hadnt been out in the pasture for some time. He had an appetite, too, but ate at a slow, methodical pace, careful not to become sick or knotted up from eating too much grass too fast and unable to digest. It had been a while and he did not want that. There was a time when things were different when Bruce was different.
7
Mating Season
Bruce watched Blaise as she made her way up the slope. He liked the way she walked, the way her hips switched back and forth, the way her tail swished this way and that way. He loved Blaise, but he also knew across the road and two pastures away the moshavnik Perelman hid the Israeli Holsteins down in a meadow behind the dairy barn and lemon grove. He watched her switch and walk. He watched her walk and switch, her tail waving at him as she grazed in the next pasture. She and Beatrice were near the terraced slopes, where the sheep and goats grazed. In the early morning sunshine, Bruce watched Blaise as she moved across the brown-green pasture, her tail swish-swashing as she strutted off toward the pond.
Bruce was every bit of 1200-pounds of muscle, a combination of Simmental, and patient, and Zebu or Brahman, and heat tolerant. And although he was tolerant, he was also hot and impatient. All the same, he was noted for his calm, easy-going way and reasonable disposition. He had small thick horns that turned inward from the temples and a white-patched, red face. Even with his docile temperament, his large scrotal size made him a prize on the moshav for breeding, and a grand specimen of a reddish-coated, thick-muscled, Simbrah bull to behold.
Blaise, although somewhat temperamental on the other hand, an Island Jersey (as opposed to the American Jersey) and 800 pounds, was an object of refinement and beauty, and his affection. She had a smooth unbroken chocolate color pattern in her body, but was a darker chocolate mousse in the hips, about the head, ears, and shoulders. She also had a well-attached udder with small teats, and Bruce knew within a matter of months Blaise would be freshened, her udder and teats laden with milk due to his charm, patience, and spunk.
Stanley came trotting out of the barn with his tail in the air and the smell of Beatrice in his nostrils. He paraded along the fence past Bruce who ignored him, standing next to the watering tank on the other side.
How now, blue-balls cow? he neighed.
Fuck off.
Stanley came from a long line of Belgian draft horses who at one time had carried knights into battle and then toiled in the soil shackled to the plow. Once gangling and stout, squared at the shoulders to pull the weight and carry the load, now though, through years of breeding, had become smooth, more rounded at the shoulders, more athletic, and showy. And Stanley was athletic and showy, a black Belgian stallion with only a slender patch of white diamond that went down his long nose.
Now, now, bull-cow, you might have a lower hanging pair than me, but when it comes to the rest of it, nothing like this. Stanley reared back onto his muscular hind legs and jumped. As his massive member bounced, the crowd went wild. Once again, spectators had gathered around the four corners of the pasture, men in their respective place based on religious faith, beliefs, and borders, all of them there to watch the black stallion mount the bay mare, none of them aware that the bay mare might have something to say about it.
Id be careful Julius called as he flew over, his under feathers yellow in the sun, and landed on the gate post. I cant fly and talk at the same time if I were you.
Stanley snorted, Even his horns are small.
Notice anything different today, Stanley? Julius walked up along the fence post to the open gate. I wouldnt want to get his dander up if I were you. Nothing is keeping him from Blaise, Beatrice, or you, for that matter. Julius alighted on Bruces hindquarters. Flapping his blue wings, he folded his golden under feathers behind him in a long plumage of tail. If Bruce wants, Bruce gets. Hell come over there and take Beatrice from you. If he wants, hell come over there and take you.
He can try, Stanley huffed, but Id be too fast for him anyway. End of story.
Bruce ignored Stanley mostly, watching him out the right side of his head. Better move along little doggie, he said.
Stanley, you and Bruce now have full access and your choice of co-habitators. That means nothing is keeping you from Beatrice except Beatrice.
I know that.
Run along, horsey, before you wear yourself out.
Oh, might wear you out. Stanley trotted off in a huff. Wear out, huh? Wear you out, you mean, Stanley said from a safe distance. He saw Beatrice near the pond. She was in the same pasture as him. He ran up alongside her.
Why dont you leave the poor beast alone, Beatrice said.
What? Oh that, nonsense. Were friends, just a little male rivalry.
Julius stretched, flapping his blue-and-gold wings over Bruces hindquarters. This has got to be the finest rump roast Ive seen. Id be careful where you shake that thing. The neighbors might covet it.
Stanley and Beatrice grazed in the same pasture. Beatrice grazed. Stanley paraded about, showing off his prowess to the roar of the crowd. Look, Beatrice, the moshavnik opened the gate so we could be together. So, lets get together. Its only natural. Its something were supposed to do. Listen, baby, look what youve done to me. I cant walk or think straight with this club foot. It hurts when I do this. He reared back onto his massive hind legs to wild applause.
You, foolish horse, she said and walked away.
Baby, please, you dont understand. We have an audience, fans we cant let down. Theyre here for meyou, us, for us.
Beatrice, exasperated, stopped. Would you do me a favor?
What is it? Anything for you, baby.
Would you please please please please please please please stop talking?
Someone might have a camera for just this sort of thing, you know. You know, I could be famous, a star! Come on, Beatrice, dont be shy, please. Please, Beatrice, wait.
Beatrice stopped.
What? What did I say?
Im sure whoever has the camera would gladly get you a girl too. I understand in certain communities, probably this one included, some people like just that sort of thing.
Well, yeah, if shes in a habit.
Beatrice turned and walked away. These people arent here for that though. Theyre here for meyou, us, I mean. She went into the next pasture to graze alongside Blaise.
Blaise said, How do you do?
I do fine. Thank you for asking.
Julius alighted in the branches of the great olive tree where the ravens Ezekiel and Dave were. Along the slopes, a herd of lesser and younger animals grazed along the second-tiered slope of the terraced landscape. Blaise and Beatrice grazed nearby as ducks and geese swam and bathed in the pond near the barn lot as pigs lounged along its muddy banks in the mid-morning sun. Julius moved through the olive tree along one of the lower hanging branches.
I interrupt this program to bring you the following announcement.
Wait, cried a piglet. What is it this time, the earths round? He pealed with laughter and rolled in the dirt.
A gaggle of geese gabbed as usual, The earths flat and thats that. And with that, the knowledgeable hens turned and waddled off, their heads held high on slender necks.
I crack those eggs up every time.
I know, said a young sheep, but a lamb. The earths round and more than 6000 years old! The lambs joined the pigs with laughter.
For such a little lamb that wolf has teeth.
Without Molly and Praline to keep the young sheep on the correct course of inquiry, this was what was had, sheep influenced by pigs.
The sun is the center of the universe and the big, round earth rotates around the sun! Is that it? a duck quacked.
Well, since you put it that way, yes.
Daves feathers were ruffled. He shook his head. He turned to Ezekiel and said, Give them something to think with and this is what you get.
Ignore these animals, Julius, Blaise said. What is the announcement you wish to make?
Pete Seeger is my hero. Where I come from, he was everyones hero until they turned orthodox and emigrated to Brooklyn.
And I suppose youd like a hammer?
And, yes, I suppose I would.
Youre a bird, Beatrice said, a parrot. What can you do with a hammer?
I have claws, and Im not afraid to use them. I use paintbrushes, dont I?
How would anyone know what you do with them? No ones seen anything you do.
Im shy, a work in progress.
Julius, what would you do if you had a hammer, a smallish hammer if you like?
Blaise, if I had a hammer, Id hammer in the morning. Id hammer in the evening, all over this land. Id hammer out warning. Id hammer out danger. Id hammer out love between my brothers and my sisters, all over this land. If only I had a hammer?
Well, will someone please get this busy macaw a hammer?
Were animals. How can we get him a hammer?
Where are those ravens when you need them? Julius said. Oh, there you are. Never mind, I dont need a hammer. Julius left the tree branch and perched on Blaises left shoulder, near her ear. Although he may not show it, not like Stanley anyway, Bruce has great desire. Hes fond of you. Youll see, Julius said and winked. Blaise was unable to see him wink. She didnt need to. She knew from the inflection in his voice.
What are you, Julius, his agent, I suppose?
Hes a friend. Besides, everyone needs love. Everyone needs a friend.
Yes, well, Julius, Im quite aware of Bruces proclivities, thank you very much.
Proclivities, Julius said to the ravens in the olive tree. Shes from England, you know. She even has an island named after her. Its called Blaise.
Yes, well, theres a Guernsey somewhere with an island named after her as well, so dont think too much of it. And its not Blaise, you silly bird.
Modest, too, wouldnt you say?
Thank goodness Bruce isnt a show-off like Manly Stanley, said Beatrice.
Yes, hes more like me in that respect, Julius said. Were more reserved and less showy.
More like you, less showy, you dont say?
Thats not to say we dont have something to crow about, we just prefer not to.
Beatrice nudged Blaise, and they laughed.
Julius flapped his great wings and flew off to rejoin Bruce grazing in the middle of the pasture behind the barn. He landed on the great beasts backside and made his way along his right shoulder.