Yes, very much, and he was in a great fury. He was avenging you on me as a Karamazov, I see that now. But if only you had seen how he was throwing stones at his schoolfellows! Its very dangerous. They might kill him. They are children and stupid. A stone may be thrown and break somebodys head.
Thats just what has happened. He has been bruised by a stone today. Not on the head but on the chest, just above the heart. He came home crying and groaning and now he is ill.
And you know he attacks them first. He is bitter against them on your account. They say he stabbed a boy called Krassotkin with a penknife not long ago.
Ive heard about that too, its dangerous. Krassotkin is an official here, we may hear more about it.
I would advise you, Alyosha went on warmly, not to send him to school at all for a time till he is calmer and his anger is passed.
Anger! the captain repeated, thats just what it is. He is a little creature, but its a mighty anger. You dont know all, sir. Let me tell you more. Since that incident all the boys have been teasing him about the wisp of tow. Schoolboys are a merciless race, individually they are angels, but together, especially in schools, they are often merciless. Their teasing has stirred up a gallant spirit in Ilusha. An ordinary boy, a weak son, would have submitted, have felt ashamed of his father, sir, but he stood up for his father against them all. For his father and for truth and justice. For what he suffered when he kissed your brothers hand and cried to him Forgive father, forgive him,that only God knowsand I, his father. For our childrennot your children, but oursthe children of the poor gentlemen looked down upon by every oneknow what justice means, sir, even at nine years old. How should the rich know? They dont explore such depths once in their lives. But at that moment in the square when he kissed his hand, at that moment my Ilusha had grasped all that justice means. That truth entered into him and crushed him for ever, sir, the captain said hotly again with a sort of frenzy, and he struck his right fist against his left palm as though he wanted to show how the truth crushed Ilusha. That very day, sir, he fell ill with fever and was delirious all night. All that day he hardly said a word to me, but I noticed he kept watching me from the corner, though he turned to the window and pretended to be learning his lessons. But I could see his mind was not on his lessons. Next day I got drunk to forget my troubles, sinful man as I am, and I dont remember much. Mamma began crying, tooI am very fond of mammawell, I spent my last penny drowning my troubles. Dont despise me for that, sir, in Russia men who drink are the best. The best men amongst us are the greatest drunkards. I lay down and I dont remember about Ilusha, though all that day the boys had been jeering at him at school. Wisp of tow, they shouted, your father was pulled out of the tavern by his wisp of tow, you ran by and begged forgiveness.
On the third day when he came back from school, I saw he looked pale and wretched. What is it? I asked. He wouldnt answer. Well, theres no talking in our mansion without mamma and the girls taking part in it. Whats more, the girls had heard about it the very first day. Varvara had begun snarling. You fools and buffoons, can you ever do anything rational? Quite so, I said, can we ever do anything rational? For the time I turned it off like that. So in the evening I took the boy out for a walk, for you must know we go for a walk every evening, always the same way, along which we are going nowfrom our gate to that great stone which lies alone in the road under the hurdle, which marks the beginning of the town pasture. A beautiful and lonely spot, sir. Ilusha and I walked along hand in hand as usual. He has a little hand, his fingers are thin and coldhe suffers with his chest, you know. Father, said he, father! Well? said I. I saw his eyes flashing. Father, how he treated you then! It cant be helped, Ilusha, I said. Dont forgive him, father, dont forgive him! At school they say that he has paid you ten roubles for it. No, Ilusha, said I, I would not take money from him for anything. Then he began trembling all over, took my hand in both his and kissed it again. Father, he said, father, challenge him to a duel, at school they say you are a coward and wont challenge him, and that youll accept ten roubles from him. I cant challenge him to a duel, Ilusha, I answered. And I told briefly what Ive just told you. He listened. Father, he said, anyway dont forgive it. When I grow up Ill call him out myself and kill him. His eyes shone and glowed. And of course I am his father, and I had to put in a word: Its a sin to kill, I said, even in a duel. Father, he said, when I grow up, Ill knock him down, knock the sword out of his hand, Ill fall on him, wave my sword over him and say: I could kill you, but I forgive you, so there! You see what the workings of his little mind have been during these two days; he must have been planning that vengeance all day, and raving about it at night.
But he began to come home from school badly beaten, I found out about it the day before yesterday, and you are right, I wont send him to that school any more. I heard that he was standing up against all the class alone and defying them all, that his heart was full of resentment, of bitternessI was alarmed about him. We went for another walk. Father, he asked, are the rich people stronger than any one else on earth? Yes, Ilusha, I said, there are no people on earth stronger than the rich. Father, he said, I will get rich, I will become an officer and conquer everybody. The Tsar will reward me, I will come back here and then no one will dare Then he was silent and his lips still kept trembling. Father, he said, what a horrid town this is. Yes, Ilusha, I said, it isnt a very nice town. Father, let us move into another town, a nice one, he said, where people dont know about us. We will move, we will, Ilusha, said I, only I must save up for it. I was glad to be able to turn his mind from painful thoughts, and we began to dream of how we would move to another town, how we would buy a horse and cart. We will put mamma and your sisters inside, we will cover them up and well walk, you shall have a lift now and then, and Ill walk beside, for we must take care of our horse, we cant all ride. Thats how well go. He was enchanted at that, most of all at the thought of having a horse and driving him. For of course a Russian boy is born among horses. We chattered a long while. Thank God, I thought, I have diverted his mind and comforted him.
But he began to come home from school badly beaten, I found out about it the day before yesterday, and you are right, I wont send him to that school any more. I heard that he was standing up against all the class alone and defying them all, that his heart was full of resentment, of bitternessI was alarmed about him. We went for another walk. Father, he asked, are the rich people stronger than any one else on earth? Yes, Ilusha, I said, there are no people on earth stronger than the rich. Father, he said, I will get rich, I will become an officer and conquer everybody. The Tsar will reward me, I will come back here and then no one will dare Then he was silent and his lips still kept trembling. Father, he said, what a horrid town this is. Yes, Ilusha, I said, it isnt a very nice town. Father, let us move into another town, a nice one, he said, where people dont know about us. We will move, we will, Ilusha, said I, only I must save up for it. I was glad to be able to turn his mind from painful thoughts, and we began to dream of how we would move to another town, how we would buy a horse and cart. We will put mamma and your sisters inside, we will cover them up and well walk, you shall have a lift now and then, and Ill walk beside, for we must take care of our horse, we cant all ride. Thats how well go. He was enchanted at that, most of all at the thought of having a horse and driving him. For of course a Russian boy is born among horses. We chattered a long while. Thank God, I thought, I have diverted his mind and comforted him.
That was the day before yesterday, in the evening, but last night everything was changed. He had gone to school in the morning, he came back depressed, terribly depressed. In the evening I took him by the hand and we went for a walk; he would not talk. There was a wind blowing and no sun, and a feeling of autumn; twilight was coming on. We walked along, both of us depressed. Well, my boy, said I, how about our setting off on our travels? I thought I might bring him back to our talk of the day before. He didnt answer, but I felt his fingers trembling in my hand. Ah, I thought, its a bad job; theres something fresh. We had reached the stone where we are now. I sat down on the stone. And in the air there were lots of kites flapping and whirling. There were as many as thirty in sight. Of course, its just the season for the kites. Look, Ilusha, said I, its time we got out our last years kite again. Ill mend it, where have you put it away? My boy made no answer. He looked away and turned sideways to me. And then a gust of wind blew up the sand. He suddenly fell on me, threw both his little arms round my neck and held me tight. You know, when children are silent and proud, and try to keep back their tears when they are in great trouble and suddenly break down, their tears fall in streams. With those warm streams of tears, he suddenly wetted my face. He sobbed and shook as though he were in convulsions, and squeezed up against me as I sat on the stone. Father, he kept crying, dear father, how he insulted you! And I sobbed too. We sat shaking in each others arms. Ilusha, I said to him, Ilusha darling. No one saw us then. God alone saw us, I hope He will record it to my credit. You must thank your brother, Alexey Fyodorovitch. No, sir, I wont thrash my boy for your satisfaction.
He had gone back to his original tone of resentful buffoonery. Alyosha felt though that he trusted him, and that if there had been some one else in his, Alyoshas place, the man would not have spoken so openly and would not have told what he had just told. This encouraged Alyosha, whose heart was trembling on the verge of tears.