My news didnt seem quite as catastrophic as it had before Id found out my algebra teacher died, but the very thought of Nash and Sabine alone at his house still made my blood boil. Nash spent most of the night with Sabine.
With her? Like, with her, with her?
I shrugged. He says they were just talking, but shes on the prowl, I swear. She actually reminded me that Nash and I broke up. Like that gives her some prior claim or something.
Well, yeah, technically. Youre both his exes now, so Em hesitated, obviously wanting to say something I wouldnt want to hear. Does he seem interested in her again?
His mouth says no, but his eyes His irises churn like the ocean every time I say her name. Theres definitely something still there, but I cant tell exactly what it is. Its strong, though. And she was spewing innuendo like some kind of gossip geyser, saying how great it is that Nashs mom works nights. Shes making up for more than just lost time. Plus I felt like an idiot, saying it out loud, but it was the truth. Shes creepy.
What do you mean, creepy?
I scratched at a name carved into the corner of my desk. I dont know. She gives me chills. I think theres something wrong with her. And Nash knows about it, whatever it is. He told me hed talk to her. Like, hed take care of her. I think shes seriously unstable.
Em raised both brows at me, and I rolled my eyes. I know, that sounds hypocritical coming from me. Usually I was hypersensitive to references to mental instability, because Id spent a week locked up in the mental health ward a year and a half ago. I dont mean shes crazy. I mean shesunbalanced. Dangerous. Shes a criminal, Em.
Emma shrugged. Tod says she did her time.
Yeah. A few months in a halfway house. Id hardly call that paying for her crimes.
Yeah. A few months in a halfway house. Id hardly call that paying for her crimes.
You dont even know what her crimes are.
Im guessing theft. She probably stole someones boyfriend.
Emma laughed, and I gave in to a grin of my own. I dont think you have anything to worry about, Kaylee. Whatever they had cant compare to what you and Nash have been through together. I mean, shes human, right? How well can she possibly know him?
I sat a little straighter. Emma was right. Sabine was a non-issue. Id faced down two hellions in the past four months, not to mention assorted Netherworld monsters. Compared to all that, what was one stupid ex-girlfriend? Right?
BY LUNCHTIME, news of Mr. Wesners death had already been chewed up and regurgitated by the masses so many times that it bore little resemblance to the story Emma originally reported. In any other school, during any other year, a teachers death would have been a headline all on its own. But wed already lost four students, and the yearbooks In Memoriam page was getting regular updates. So while some of the snippets of conversation I overheard were flavored with either disbelief or morbid curiosity, most people sounded kind of relieved that life now made a little more sense than it had the day before.
After all, Mr. Wesner was pretty old and overweight enough that hed wheezed with practically every breath. In a weird way, his death seemed to be giving people a sense of security, as if the world had somehow been shoved back into alignment with the natural order of things, wherein old, unhealthy people died, and young people talked about it over nachos and cafeteria hamburgers.
I paid for my food, then grabbed a Coke from the vending machine and made my way outside, where I found Nash sitting at a table on the far side of the quad. Alone. Again.
I felt bad for him. With the rest of the football team still reeling from their double loss, no one seemed to know what to say to the last surviving musketeer. But Nashs solitude was a definite advantage to me. I headed his way, hoping Emma would be late again and that Sabine would walk off the edge of the earth so he and I could talk.
His eyes lit up when I sat on the bench across from him, and some of my tension eased. Hey, did you hear about Mr. Wesner? he asked. Dont you have him this year?
First period. I twisted the cap off my bottle. Ems the one who broke the story.
After that, he seemed at a loss for what else to say.
I knew exactly what I wanted to saywhat I wanted to knowbut I questioned the wisdom of actually asking. Whats that they say about beating a dead horse?
But after a few sips of my soda and a lot of awkward silence from Nash, my curiosity overwhelmed my common sense. Sowhatd she do?
Whatd who do? Nash asked, around a mouthful of burger.
Sabine. Whatd she get arrested for?
Nash groaned and swallowed his bite. Kaylee, I dont want to talk about Sabine. Not again. Not now.
Well, you sure had plenty to say to her. And in that moment, I hated Sabine for turning me into a paranoid, desperate shrew. Even more than I already half hated her for coming between me and Nash. But that wouldnt stop me from asking what I needed to know. How late was she at your house? Id never been there past midnight when his mom wasnt home. If she was there after one, I was going to lose it. You dont stay at your exs house alone with him past one in the morning to talk.
Nash exhaled, long and low. Burglary and vandalism.
It did not escape my notice that hed answered my first question, rather than the latest one. Not a good sign.
Whatd she steal? I took the top bun off my hamburger and squirted ketchup onto the naked patty, just to have something to do with my hands.
Nothing, really. Nash hesitated, poking his limp fries with a fork. She took a baseball bat, but she didnt actually leave with it.
What does that even mean? I dropped the bun back onto my burger and tried to pin him with my glare. She took something, but she didnt really take it. What happened? She hit someone with it? The poor, defenseless girlfriend of some guy she had a crush on, maybe?
Not a person. A car. Thus, the vandalism charge.
She beat up someones car? Why?
Nash dropped his fork onto his tray, exasperated. Kaylee, thats really her business. If you want to know any more, youll have to ask her. He hesitated again, then met my gaze across the table. Only dont, okay? Thats all in her past, and shes seriously trying to make a fresh start here. You wouldnt want some stranger asking questions about your week in mental health, would you?
Damn.
Okay, fair enough. So long as she didnt assault someone. I mean, if your ex hates me and is dangerous, youd tell me that, right?
Nash flinched, and my stomach pitched.
What? I thought she just beat up a car?
He set the remaining half of his burger down. The assault charge came later, when she got picked up for violating probation.
She hit a cop? My horror knew no bounds. Why on earth would he have ever gone out with a creepy, violent thief and vandal, much less slept with her?
No! He leaned forward and lowered his pitch when the cafeteria door opened behind me and new voices came into the quad. Kaylee, youre making this into a much bigger deal than it really is. Some asshole from our school in Fort Worth tried to make her do something she didnt want to do. If shed told me about it, Id have taken care of him.
The flash of pure fury in Nashs eyes told me how badly he wished hed had that chance.
But shes stubbornlike someone else I knowand she wanted to handle it herself. So she pounded on his car with his own bat. She got probation for that, but a few months later she missed curfew and was picked up for violating her parole. While she was in the detention center, waiting to see the judge, some idiot picked a fight with her in the cafeteria. Sabine broke her jaw with a lunch tray.
Words utterly deserted me. Concepts were even a bit iffy for a minute there. Then, suddenly, I couldnt speak fast enough.
She broke someones jaw with a lunch tray. I leaned forward, whispering fiercely. She hates me, NashI can see it when she looks at meand in case you havent noticed, we all share a lunch period. Where there happens to be an abundance of lunch trays.
Shes not Nash stopped, closed his eyes, then started over. She doesnt hate you, Kaylee. Shes jealous of you. But shes not gonna hit you. Even if she wanted to, she wouldnt, because she knows thatd piss me off.
Exactly what part of that is supposed to make me feel better? Though, honestly, hearing that she was jealous of me did make me feel a teeny, tiny bit better.
He shrugged, but still looked pale and miserable. Im just answering your questions. What more do you want?
What did I want? I wanted Nash. The old Nash, whod loved me and wanted to protect me, and had risked both his life and his soul to help me. But I didnt knowcouldnt believehed had time to truly get himself back together. I wanted Sabine to transfer back to wherever shed come from. I wanted to turn back time and make things right again.
This isnt about what I want, I said at last. When in doubt, change the subject. This is about what she wants. She wants you, Nash. You know that, right? Or is there some kind of testosterone-powered mind shield that prevents you from seeing her for what she is?
Nash frowned and let a moment pass in tense silence before he answered. I know what she wants, Kaylee. But that doesnt mean shes going to get it.
I should have been relieved. I should have been dancing on the table in joy. But something in his eyes said my celebration would have been premature. She will if you keep letting her hang out in your room till two in the morning. Please, please correct me. Say she wasnt there that late.
But no correction came.
Youre not going to stop hanging out with her, are you? My voice held a numbing combination of anger and disbelief.
For a moment, he watched me, studying my expression. Are you asking me to?
Damn it, why is this conversation so hard? I didnt have any right to tell him who not to hang out with! How pissed would I be if he told me to stop hanging out with Emma or Alec?
The answers were there, and they were clear, but I didnt like them.
Nash, I just I cant see any way for this to play out without one of the three of usor maybe all three of usgetting hurt. And possibly actually injured.
Nash exhaled heavily and stared at the table for several seconds before finally dragging his gaze up to meet mine. Kaylee, I still love you, and I still want you back. I miss you like you wouldnt believe, and I swear that not seeing you for the past couple of weeksnot even hearing your voicehurt worse than the nausea and headaches combined. It kills me to sit here knowing I no longer have the right to lean over this table and kiss you. I want to be the first person you call the next time something goes wrong. I want to know that youre eventually going to be able to forgive me. And Im not gonna do anything to jeopardize that possibility. He took a deep breath and held my gaze. But Sabine needs me