I reeled like Id been punched in the gut. My breath deserted me, and my lungs refused to draw in more air.
Kaylee Nash tried to reach for me, but I pushed him away and stumbled backward into the lockers. When I could finally breathe, I looked right into his eyes, silently demanding that he let me see the truth.
You were with her last night?
More like early this morning, Sabine said casually, like she couldnt tell I was upset. But she knew exactly what she was doing. I could tell from the way she watched for my reaction, rather than his. She was studying me. Sizing up the competition. And deep inside, I knew I should have been happy about thatthat she considered me serious competition.
But closer to the surface, I was thoroughly pissed. Warm flames of rage battled the chill that resurged every time I glanced at her, until I felt half frozen, half roasted, and thoroughly confused.
We had a lot to catch up on, she added, while Nashs jaw clenched. Thats not a problem, is it? I mean, you guys broke up, right? Thats what Nash said
Sabine, he said at last. Ill see you at lunch. I need to talk to Kaylee before the bell.
She shrugged and smiled like she hadnt just ruined my whole day. Or like shed meant to. I gotta head to class, anyway. Im trying out this punctuality thing. The guidance counselor says its all the rage. She winked at himactually winked!then turned to squint at my cheek, like Id suddenly grown a wart. Hold still, Kay My pulse spiked at her unwelcome use of my nickname. Youve got an eyelash.
Sabine reached out and brushed one finger slowly, deliberately across my cheek, but her gaze never left mine. In fact, it strengthened, as if she was trying to see through my eyes into the back of my skull.
I wanted to pull away, but I couldnt. I could only stare back as that instant stretched into eternity, and I stood frozen.
And for a secondjust a single momenther eyes suddenly looked darker, and that horrified, humiliated pain from my dream flashed through my head and throbbed miserably in my heart.
Sabine Nash whispered, in the warning tone he usually saved for Tod.
She blinked, then smiled. There. Got it. She held her finger up, then let her hand drop too fast for me to see the alleged eyelash. Later, Kay she said, and I stood in shock as she sauntered down the hall without a glance back.
For a moment, Nash and I just looked at each other. I couldnt think past the surreal second that his ex-girlfriends finger had lingered on my cheek. What the hell was that?
Nash sighed. Shes Kaylee, Sabines had it pretty rough. She doesnt remember her real parents, and shes been in more than a dozen foster homes, and shes never had many friends, so
Maybe thats because shes a creepy bitch! I spat, and Nashs eyes widened. He was almost as surprised by my snap judgment as I was. It usually took much longer than that for me to decide I didnt like someone, but Sabine had definitely found a shortcut.
Shes rough around the edges, I know, but thats not her fault.
Tod told me her sob story, I snapped. He also said shes a convicted criminal.
He frowned and his eyes narrowed slightly. He was looking for more. He say anything else?
Yeah, I said, and Nashs eyes swirled in panic. He said she was your first, and you two practically shared the same skin for, like, a year.
Oh. Nash sagged against his locker, but he looked oddly relieved. That was years ago, Kaylee. I havent seen her since the summer before my sophomore year.
You were with her last night, I reminded him, hating the warble in my voice.
We were just talking, he insisted. I swear.
All night?
He shrugged. We had a lot to catch up on.
Like, her latest felony and your latest conquest? Did you two laugh about me? My heart throbbed, and suddenly I was sure thats exactly what theyd done. Theyd laughed at me all night long. Am I your little inside joke? Poor, frigid Kaylee has to be possessed before shell let anyone touch her.
I started to walk away, tears forming in my eyes in spite of my best effort to stop them. But Nash grabbed my arm. Kaylee, wait. He pulled me back, and I let him because I wanted him to deny it. Desperately.
What the hell was wrong with me? I wanted to be wrong, but I was terrified I was right. So scared of the truth that I could hardly breathe.
Nash looked down into my eyes, like he was looking for something specific in the shades of blue that were probably twisting out of control at the moment. Damn it, Sabine he mumbled. Then, to me, Ill talk to her. She doesnt mean anything by it. Its just habit.
Whats habit? I was obviously missing something.
He closed his eyes and exhaled. Nothing. Never mind. When he looked at me again, his eyes were infuriatingly still. Look, Sabine and I havent seen each other in a long time, and we were just getting caught up. Nothing happened, and nothings going to happen. I know I messed up with you, but Im trying to make it right, and Im not going to let anything get in the way of that. Not even Sabine. Okay?
I I wanted to believe him. But I was so scared that he was lying. And if he was, Id never know it. Yeah. I just I have to get to algebra.
Ill see you at lunch? he asked, as I walked away.
Yeah. But hed see her, too.
I dropped into my chair in Algebra II and stared at the wall, trying to ignore the whispers around me. No one knew the truth about what had happened to Doug and Scott, but they all knew that Nash and I had been involved. And that wed broken up. And half of them had probably seen him getting out of Sabines car.
Emma thought our classmates theories were hilarious, and probably much worse than what had actually happened. But she was wrong. They couldnt begin to imagine anything as awful as how Doug had died. How Scott was now living.
After wallowing in unpleasant thoughts for a while, I looked at the clock. Class should have started eight minutes ago, but Mr. Wesner hadnt shown up. And neither had Emma. But just as I glanced toward the door, Emma came in from the hall, eyes wide, cheeks flushed.
She dropped into the chair next to mine, and I started talking, eager to share my misery with someone I knew I could trust. Youre not going to believe what just happened, I said, leaning in so no one else would hear.
Youre not going to believe this, either, she interrupted. Mr. Wesners dead. The custodian found him this morning, slumped over his desk. She turned and pointed toward the front of the class. That desk.
5
AT FIRST, I JUST sat there. Stunned. Staring at Mr. Wesners desk. And before I could ask for details, a crowd had formed around us, everyone looking at Emma.
Wesners dead?
He died here?
No way, one of the girls from the pom squadLeah something or otherinsisted. I was here early to sell raffle tickets, and I didnt see anything. No police. No ambulance. No body. Its just a stupid rumor.
Em shook her head and gestured for silence. Its true. I heard Principal Goody telling Mr. Wells in the office when I went in for a late slip. One of the custodians came in at six this morning to let a repairman into the cafeteria before breakfast, and he found Mr. Wesner. Right there. She pointed at the desk again, and every head pivoted, all voices silenced now, except for Emmas.
Goody said the custodian called her, and the ambulance was already here by the time she got here at, like, dawn. They took him before any of us got here, but theyre still in the office scrambling for a sub.
Damn, someone said from behind me, and while I watched, the same stunned, vaguely frightened expression seemed to spread from face to face.
Howd he die? Brant Williams asked, clutching the back of my chair.
Emma shrugged and glanced at the desk again, and again, all eyes tracked her gaze. I dont know. A stroke or something, Im guessing. He was probably here all night.
Ugh. That is so morbid, Chelsea Simms said, yet never paused in the notes she was taking for the school paper. But I couldnt help wondering if theyd actually let her run the story. This whole year has been morbid, Leah added, eyes round and a little scared, and everyone else nodded.
You have no idea.
Ironically, Mr. Wesners stroke, or heart attack, or whatever, was the only normal death our school had experienced so far. Yet it was the one that most creeped people out.
Before anyone could ask any more questions, Mr. Wells, the vice principal, came in and officially announced Mr. Wesners unfortunate, unexpected demise, then said that hed be watching the class until a substitute could be found.
Wells seemed disinclined to dig through Mr. Wesners desk for his lesson plan, though, so he gave us a free period. Which meant we were free to spend the period imagining Mr. Wesner slumped over the desk our vice principal obviously didnt want to sit behind.
Can you believe this? Em whispered, scooting her desk closer to mine. Yesterday he was fine, and today hes dead. Right here in his own classroom.
Weird, huh? And I couldnt help wondering why Tod hadnt told me someone was scheduled to die at my school, just as a courtesy. If Id been there when it actually happened, Id have been compelled to singor screamfor his soul.
And sad. Makes me feel bad about not bothering with homework for most of last semester. Do you think he was grading midterms when he died?
I frowned when I realized she was serious. Emma, your test did not give him a stroke.
I think you underestimate my incomprehension of sign, cosign, and tangent, she said, obviously trying to lighten the mood. And failing miserably. Her eyes narrowed as she watched me. Everyone else is completely weirded out by this. Why isnt this freaking you out, Kaylee?
I could only shrug. It is. Its just that I lowered my voice and leaned closer to her. Ive seen a lot of death in the past few months, and every bit of it has been weird and wrong. After all that, its actually kind of good to know that Mr. Wesner died at his own time and that his soul isnt being tortured for all of eternity. For once, death worked the way it was supposed to, and honestly, thats kind of a relief. Even if it did happen at school.
I guess I can understand that, Emma said at last. But I had my doubts. Okay, enough of this. Im depressing myself. Emma shook her head, then forced her gaze to meet mine. Sowhat were you going to say earlier?