Rachel nodded. Im looking forward to it. She really was, not only to the fun of shopping and laughing with Lilah, but to being in Davids company again soon.
Which meant either she and David were the most mature, well-adjusted couple ever to split or that her romantic feelings for her husband hadnt cooled nearly as much as shed let herself believe.
WALKING into the house was like taking a one-way trip to Rachels past. She set her keys on the dented antique table in the front hall-theyd bought it for a great price at this little flea market because of scratches on the surface. David had wanted to restore it, but she liked the imperfections, thought they provided more character than a glossy veneer could. The silence echoed around her, unnatural. Had it always been so quiet here? Shed grown accustomed to the considerable background noise at Winnies house. Here, there were no animals, only wall-to-wall memories.
She slid out of her shoes and went straight to the kitchen. Despite grappling with nausea these days, she was starving. Some men living on their own might have cupboards devoid of anything but basic guy staples, but the refrigerator boasted a huge selection of produce, marinated chicken breasts, organic eggs, three types of fruit juice and a nearly full gallon of milk. The freezer was also stocked with an array of choices. She made herself a three-egg omelet with mushrooms, cheese, peppers, broccoli florets and a side of whole-grain toast. Afterward, when she was pleasantly stuffed, she decided she should work on the scrapbook she and Ari planned to give Lilah and Tanner at their rehearsal dinner.
It had been Ariannes idea, although Rachel freely admitted that not only did her sister-in-law take lousy pictures-half of which included her thumb over the lens-she was no good at arranging them artfully. You have an eye for these things, Ari had wheedled.
In other words, youre hoping Ill do all the work, Rachel had translated with a laugh.
In a nutshell.
With Quinns help, the two of them had been surreptitiously gathering pictures from half the people in town. Rachel would be shocked if Lilah and Tanner hadnt caught wind of it yet. Mistletonians werent known for their ability to keep secrets. Rachel had an assortment of childhood pictures, sweetheart photos from when the couple had first dated back in high school, individual milestone shots, such as college graduations and Lilahs first day teaching, and more recent mementos from the previous year, when theyd rekindled their romance. Even though Rachel had been happy to help with the project, shed been procrastinating. Laying out a visual representation of another couples romance while her own was in decline had been difficult.
Now just the opposite was happening. Sure, there was a melancholy twinge when she looked at the timeline of Lilah and Tanners love spread out across her coffee table, but staring at their memories, she was also caught up in her own. Good ones. As she cut and glued and sorted through her collection of stamps and die-cut embellishments, she found herself unconsciously whistling again. She paused, replaying the melody in her mind to figure out what it was.
Raindrops Keep Fallin On My Head.
Just as she was debating turning on the radio versus the television for background noise, the phone rang.
Hello?
Its me, David said. I just wanted to let you know theres a rerun of Lost on TV tonight.
Oh. Okay, thanks.
Its a repeat, but Im pretty sure its that one you missed last fall.
Because shed misprogrammed the VCR, she remembered, taping an hours worth of some completely random channel. Thats sweet, David, but I caught that episode. Watched it online.
There was a pause. You saw it without me? Theyd watched the show together from the very first episode, speculating during commercials, each having different theories about where the storylines were going and how to tell when Ben was lying (when his lips were moving).
Sorry, she said, meaning it. Funny with everything that each of them could legitimately regret about their relationship how bad she suddenly felt about watching an hour of television alone. You havent seen it?
No. Its on in about ten minutes. I was planning to get the dogs settled and sit down with a sandwich for dinner.
Ill turn it on, too, she decided. You know how that show is. There are always clues you miss the first time around.
Once they got off the phone, she got the remote control out of the side pocket of Davids recliner and found the right channel. During the second commercial break, David called to ask her if the episode was going to conclude the way he thought-it wasnt-and then laughingly argued with her when she refused to tell him how it did end.
Just wait and see, she teased. I kind of like you not having all the answers for a change.
Gee, thanks. The casual affection in his tone belied his words. Have you been taking brat lessons from Ari?
Im hanging up on you now, she informed him. Shows coming back on.
Half an hour later, he called back during another commercial break trying to remember where hed seen one of the guest actors before.
You know, thats the sort of thing you could find in about thirty seconds on the Internet, she pointed out, holding her breath. Would he tell her that the calls werent just about the show? Perhaps he looked forward to talking to her the same way she was looking forward to seeing him again on Saturday.
Yeah, but if I go online, Im going to look up the episode and see how it ends. I have no willpower.
She snorted, thinking of his dedicated jogging regimen and the way he pursued goals with determination. What a crock.
Well. His voice went lower. I have more self-discipline when it comes to some things than others.
She sat a little straighter on the couch. Really?
Really. I keep entertaining these thoughts that I tell myself are inappropriate, but it hasnt stopped me from thinking them. He paused. Anything like that ever happen to you?
Only whenever she saw him. Or heard his voice. Or thought of him. Yeah, as a matter of fact.
Any tips on how to handle it?
Oh, sure-the one time David asked for advice from her, she was clueless what to tell him. You got me.
All evidence to the contrary. He said it lightly, but there was a noticeable undercurrent.
He misses me. Whether his feelings were spawned by learning about the baby or by the fragile new peace between them or by nostalgia from the preparations for the upcoming wedding, she didnt doubt that the emotion was legitimate. It wasnt fair that they were getting along better apart than they had together. Was it because they were both so happy about the baby? It was easier to get along when things were going well, but would their renewed friendship withstand future hardships? Thats where theyd stumbled before. For better or worse. The latter was clearly the more difficult to master.
The blaring notes of some shows theme song jolted her attention back to the television, where opening credits were rolling. She reached for the remote. We missed the rest of Lost.
He groaned. Okay, now you have to tell me how it ended.
Once shed obligingly filled him in, they said their good-nights. With the television off and David gone, the house was more hushed than ever. Unable to get back into her scrapbooking groove, she decided to get ready for bed. And sleep where?
The logical choice was probably the larger quality mattress in the master bedroom, but she hadnt slept there in over a month. Pondering, she flipped on the hallway light and walked to the would-be nursery where shed spent her most recent nights in the house.
The room looked different even though nothing discernible had changed. It seemed bigger, somehow, not a place where she felt trapped anymore but a space of infinite possibilities. She thought back to her time on the phone with David, and optimism bubbled inside her. Was there a chance that, by the time they learned this babys gender, Rachel would be living in the house with him? She imagined sitting next to him in bed, poring over magazines together, eyeing pink teddy bear motifs or sports mobiles with soccer balls and baseballs.
I cant wait, she said aloud. Was it strange to talk to your belly? I cant wait to meet you. We already love you so much.
Having struggled through the tough decisions-whether to take the drugs, when it was time to stop, whether they should try again-she was exhilarated by the prospect of making the fun decisions. The nursery theme, buying cute little outfits, adding cartoons to her movie collection and finding copies of beloved childrens books. She decided not to sleep in here, whether because of superstition or because she wouldnt get any rest staring at the walls and trying to picture how different borders and stencils would look, but she took one long last look before turning off the light.
Infinite possibilities. A phrase that suddenly seemed to apply not just to this room, but her life.
THANKS AGAIN for agreeing to this, David said, his grateful smile making him so appealing that Rachel lost her breath for a minute.
I want to kiss him. She turned toward the door under the pretext of trying the handle and making sure shed locked it. Dont mention it.
She hadnt done any Christmas shopping and, like everything else in her life, she had a lot of catching up to do. Plus, she truly adored Tanner and Lilah. It promised to be an enjoyable day. For all that one heard about pregnancy mood swings, in a way, she was more serene than she had been in months.
How are you feeling this morning? David asked as they walked down the driveway. Everything all right with you and the little one?
Were great. She broke into a wide smile as a thought struck her. Just think, if all goes well, this time next year junior will be experiencing his or her first Christmas.
David grinned with her. And well get our first shot at playing Santa. Ill bet He trailed off, his smile fading.
Its a year away, she said gently. A lot could happen. She didnt want to make false promises or rush to any decisions, but she was going to keep an open mind.
Even if she and David parted ways as planned, she had every intention of making this split amicable and working out the best possible custody situation for all three of them. Still, the harsh truth was that no method of sharing birthdays and divvying up holidays could replace living together, having both parents there for every milestone. Her heart stuttered. What if she missed the first time their baby rolled over or slept through the night, what if she missed the first step? She couldnt bear the idea, but she couldnt begrudge David those moments, either.