She wasnt so naive now. She knew she couldnt handle him.
I cant go away this time, Rachel. His voice was full of apology and a pent-up frustration to match her own. I promised Emily Id stay.
She jerked her gaze to her daughter, who was hovering behind Ben, wringing her hands, biting her lip.
Thats why I said Im sorry, Mom, Emily said quickly. I know, I know, Im probably grounded for a month.
For life.
Yeah, well Emily laughed nervously. I deserve that.
No, she doesnt. Ben shook his head, watching Rachel. She was frightened. Alone and worried about you. And she wanted me to be here.
For one of her trips with you while I recoup. Fine. Great, Rachel added. Thank you for that.
Dont thank me for caring about my own daughter. Emily is everything to me.
I thought that was your camera.
That caused a shocked silence.
Is that what you really think? he asked softly.
The present and the past commingled, and for a moment she couldnt tell where she was or when. Hed always had his Canon around his neck. Hed had an amazing talent for reaching past his subject, capturing the heart and soul in a way that had never failed to steal her breath. At seventeen, hed been determined to use that talent as his ticket out, knowing the odds but not giving up.
Ben never gave up.
Compared to his outspoken and obvious ways, Rachel fought her battles differently, internally, but she didnt want to be so cruel as to hurt him with words simply because she was in pain. Im sorry. I know you care about Emily.
Damn right I do. She needs both of us. How else will she ever learn to do certain things? Feeling, for instance.
Once again, she considered kicking him. You dont know me anymore. Every word was a trial to get out past the sheer exhaustion creeping through her body, but she wouldnt collapse, not until she was alone. Its immaterial anyway. You cant take off with her right now, shes in school and summer break isnt for another month.
Emily didnt look relieved, which was her first hint. Her second was Bens direct, unwavering stare.
She stared back, the truth sinking in. No. No.
Afraid so, Ben said evenly, even lightly, though his eyes alone expressed his own unsettled emotions. Im staying. Until you can care for yourself.
Youre my help?
Yep.
Being so tired made remaining even moderately social difficult. Being in pain and betrayed on top of it-by her own daughter no less-made it impossible. Id rather go to a convalescent hospital.
Emily shifted closer. Mom.
Shed deal with Emily and her betrayal later. I mean it.
Fine. Ben rose in one smooth, swift motion, making her dizzy when he looked down at her from his full height, his gaze inscrutable for once. Ill just take you there myself.
Now? she croaked.
As opposed to never? Yes, now. He put his tense, lived-in face uncomfortably close to hers. His eyes flashed. You dont want me here, then you cant stay either. You didnt expect Emily to handle the burden-
No, of course not. Burden. Lovely.
Well, then He moved behind her. Strong, tanned hands reached for her chair. Tough forearms with long blue veins over ropy muscles flexed as her chair shifted.
Hed do it, she decided. Yes, he would, because if there was one thing she remembered quite clearly about him, it was that he never bluffed. Hadnt she learned that one night so many years ago, when shed let her fear of intimacy overrule her, when shed rashly told him to get out of her life, and hed done exactly that without a backward glance? No.
Before she could draw in another ragged breath, her chair stopped. Once again, Bens face filled her vision. Expecting pity, she braced herself.
Instead, she got anger.
Are you done being a child about this? Because if you are, great. Well stay right here. We, as in you and me. Together.
Id have been better off with Attila the Hun, she muttered.
You probably would have, he agreed grimly. But I promised Emily.
And though he would do many things, one thing he wouldnt ever do is go back on his word. Youre crazy to do this. You cant do this, we cant stay together, it would be
Like old times? he mocked.
His direct gaze was unflinching, reminding her just exactly how they had been together and how good it had been. You have no idea what its like, she whispered.
You mean being forced by circumstance to give up on everything? He laughed harshly. Yes, I do. I grew up that way.
Ben-
Forget it. It doesnt change anything. He squatted in front of her chair, setting his big hands on her arm-rests, his leanly muscled body crowding into her space. But Im a fair man. Ill make you a deal.
Her traitorous body actually wanted to lean closer. Her nose wanted to wriggle and catch a better scent. Her body wantedhis. Youll go after all?
Nope.
His fingers touched hers again, making her wonder if his body was reacting in the same way as hers. Something not quite as good, but itll have to do.
She eyed him suspiciously. What?
Soon as you can physically kick me out, Im gone. What do you say to that?
They both knew that even at her physical peak, she couldnt have budged his long, powerful frame, not if he didnt want to go.
He might appear lackadaisical to some, even easygoing. But that slow, lazy way he had of moving was deceptive, like a sleeping leopard. She knew exactly how tough, how resilient he was. Or at least how hed been.
Deal?
Again, her past and present mingled together, leaving her blinking fiercely to keep the sudden tears of frustration to herself. She would not cry, not in front of this irrational, infuriating man. Deal. But only because Ill be better very soon, she vowed.
Damn his far too good-looking hide, he let out a sardonic laugh that seemed directed at himself. Believe me, he assured her, surging to his feet in one graceful movement. Im counting on it.
CHAPTER FOUR
BEN PRETENDED that he could actually breathe in this too big, too terrifyingly normal house that he wasnt welcome in, and managed a smile as Emily showed him around.
He couldnt quite wrap his mind around the fact that he was here. That hed stepped foot inside South Village and hadnt imploded on impact. That hed seen Rachel, and had feltsomething. Shed felt it, too, but given the attitude and daggers shed shot him, she hadnt liked it any more than he had.
The refurbished firehouse was interesting, if one was into huge, open, elegant spaces. The rooms had high ceilings and windows everywhere that showed off the interesting view of the city that never seemed to sleep. There was a firefighter pole right down the center of the place, and a spiral staircase of wrought iron. Braided rugs adorned the shiny hardwood floors, and artwork from around the world decorated the brick walls. So did photographs.
None of his, Ben couldnt help but notice. No skin off his nose. Hed come into this house with a mental wall twelve feet thick just to keep Rachel out of his head, and no doubt, shed done the same for him. She was good at building walls. Hell, she was the master at building walls.
The furniture was new, tasteful and very Rachel. In other words, expensive. And yet, he could see Emily racing through these rooms, sliding down the pole from one floor to another, perfectly at home.
Youre really going to stay home for a while? she asked him.
Bens insides knotted at the small, hopeful tone, even more so than at the word home. Hed spent most of his childhood here in South Village trying to get out and all of his adulthood trying to forget.
Now he was back, indefinitely.
Dropping his things on the bed in the room that was to be his for the duration, he turned to her. Yep. Because she was looking unsure, he opened his arms, relieved when she leaped into them, hugging him tight.
I know you said you would. Her head didnt come up to his shoulder. Against his chest, she smiled. And you havent ever broken a promise, I just wanted to hear you say it again.
God, she was young. She was so smart that sometimes he forgot how young she was. Honest relief flooded him that he was able to give her something, anything, other than his usual phone call. Ill stay as long as it takes, he promised, thinking of Asada. Hed gone to see Agent Brewer on the way here, but thered been no news.
So he concentrated on the here and now, how Rachel had looked downstairs, how shed stopped his heart with just her eyes and how incredible it felt holding his kid-God, his kid. He wondered at the sharp ache in his heart. Why did it hurt so much to love her? How does that sound, my staying as long as it takes?
A grin split her face, a glorious answer, and his strange hurt faded.
Face flushed with happiness, she wriggled away. She danced and whirled to the door, all gangly arms and legs, and for a moment, Ben was lost in time, seeing Rachel as shed looked thirteen years prior.
Shed been all arms and legs, too, he remembered. And the pang came back, sharper than before. What a miserable time in his life that had been, struggling to survive when hed been little more than a kid. And Rachel had been his bright spot.
His hope.
Just as Emily was now.
Im gonna cook tonight, she announced proudly. A celebration dinner. Mac and cheese.
Celebration? He doubted Rachel would be up for that. Her once creamy skin had seemed nearly transparent and bruised with exhaustion. Shed barely been able to hold her head up as shed flashed those huge, angry, hurting eyes on him. If he hadnt still been so unnerved at being here, so tensed and battle-ready, it might have broken his heart. I dont think tonight is a good night-
Its a perfect night, Emily assured him. Moms where she wants to be and I have both my parents in the same place.
Uh-oh. Ben might claim not to know a lot about the intricate workings of a female mind, but he knew warning signals when they blared in his brain.
And man, were they ever blaring now. You know my being here is because you managed, God knows how, to pull a fast one on your mom. And because a madman wants to destroy me. Not because she and I are back together.
Emily sobered. Are you mad at me?
With Asada on the loose hed have had to come regardless. No, he said honestly.
Moms mad.
Good guess. Emtell me you know this is just temporary.