Her shoulder brushed his chest, and at the contact, he drew in a breath and held it.
It was just a tiny insignificant movement.
But hope flared through her, for he was not as immune to her as he wanted to be. Good night, Stone, she said quietly.
Dont you mean goodbye?
No, just good night. Taking a chance, she touched him, set her hand on the tight unbreathing chest and felt the steady drum of his heart.
Needing more, she dug her fingers, just a little, desperately wanting to feel everything she could.
And his heart sped up.
She smiled through her tears and whispered, This isnt over. It cant be over.
Yes, it is, he said through clenched teeth.
Shaking her head, she raised herself on tiptoe and kissed his granite jaw.
He brought his hands to her shoulders and set her away from him. Dont.
Im sorry. She swiped at a tear. I know you dont believe it, but its true. Just go to sleep, Stone. Maybe in the morning youll feel differently. Maybe youll let me explain everything and then-
No then, he said roughly. Dont even think it.
And then we can start to heal.
Before he could further break her heart by telling her that it was impossible, she ran down the steps. But luck had rarely been with her, and she heard him say, Dont come back here, Jenna. Ever.
Failure and despair washed over her as she made it to her car. But she didnt let herself fall apart.
Instead, she set her shaking hands on the wheel, peeled out of his driveway and let the highway take her away.
Sara lay in bed in her grandmothers huge wonderful house and wrapped herself around her pillow.
Sleep wouldnt come. She thought that maybe it was because shed put the four marshmallows in her hot chocolate the way her grandma had said she could, then when her back was turned, shed stuffed eight more into her mouth real quick.
She loved marshmallows.
But now her tummy hurt.
Instead of calling her daddy and whining, which is what she would have loved to do, she pressed her pillow close to her belly and told herself she couldnt get sick all over the pretty lace comforter on her grandmas bed.
Her grandma was funny. So was her grandpa. And they had a cat named Noodles who was going to have kittens.
She intended to beg her daddy for one when they were born.
Her hopeful grin faded. Maybe he wouldnt be interested. He seemed to have other things on his mind.
Like that Cindy woman.
Sara frowned now. Shed seen them kissing and hugging, and she didnt like it.
She didnt want her daddy to like another woman, even if she was nice and pretty and smelled good the way Cindy always did, because what would her mother say when she came back?
Sara, honey, I dont think shes coming back.
Her fathers words rang in her head, and as much as Sara loved her father and always wanted to please him, she really really wanted him to be wrong about this.
Her mother would come back. She would.
And shed take one look at the way his father grinned like a dork over Cindy and probably get unhappy, maybe even cry.
Or even worse, she wouldnt want to live with them, which would be the most awful thing of all, for Sara wanted them to all live in the same house happily ever after.
She didnt want to come from a family with two houses like her friend Sally.
So while her stomach hurt, she lay there and tried to come up with a good plan for keeping Cindy and her father apart, or for at least keeping her father so busy he wouldnt have time for anyone but Sara.
When she had a plan figured out, she relaxed and fell asleep.
Chapter 11
Jenna drove mindlessly up the coast, her fingers stiff on the wheel, the night air lifting her short hair away from her hot face.
Misery and despair were her only company. That, and the taste of failure.
She hit the steering wheel with her fist. Once again she had chosen to destroy her life rather than deal with it. Hindsight was twenty-twenty of course, but even she knew what she should have done. She should have announced herself as Jenna that very first day.
Stone might have been shocked.
He might have been angry.
He might have been really really glad.
He might have been any of a thousand things, only she would never know. Not now.
The highway turned narrow and curvy. To one side was a thousand-foot drop to the Pacific, which churned and pounded. The moon disappeared behind the clouds. It was a dangerous time to be driving with such reckless thoughts, especially along a stretch of highway so similar to the one where shed had her accident. No one knew that better than she did, but at the moment, she couldnt bring herself to care.
She tried to remember how free and exhilarating the past ten years had been-without close friends, completely without ties.
Shed traveled, worked when shed needed to, then took off again at will. Shed loved that free lifewell, at least appreciated it.
Now she couldnt imagine going back to it, not when her heart was firmly ensconced in San Paso Bay. But she couldnt stay, and as misery continued to drag her into a pit of despair, she barely hung on to the next turn.
Her wheels spun far too close to the edge of the road, and she skidded a bit. Her tires screamed in protest, the sound jarring and grotesque in the night.
Shaken, Jenna pulled to the side of the road and slammed on her brakes. What was she doing?
She sat very still and listened to the night noises. The wind. The crickets. The hoot of an owl.
Normal. Everything was normal-except her life, which shed effectively ruined for the second time.
Normal. Everything was normal-except her life, which shed effectively ruined for the second time.
Harsh, she knew, but true. Unfairly shed decided that Stone couldnt handle the truth, that she had to make him trust her. Shed been wrong-horribly irrevocably wrong. Now she had to pay the price.
Sighing, she rested her head on the steering wheel and let the tears of self-pity come.
Shed acted wrong, nothing new. But as she wept, she remembered something shed learned about herself in those long months in the hospital.
Nothing in life was certain or permanent.
She thought of Kristen and their blooming relationship. Just a month ago Jenna never would have believed it possible. But her sister had been more than willing to meet her halfway, and Jenna knew this was due in large part to her own new ability to be honest. To admit her faults.
Why hadnt she trusted Stone with those things, as well?
God, the look on his face as shed left. Hollow. Bleak. Furious, yes, but hurt, too. And you could only hurt someone like that ifif that person cared. And if he cared, it couldnt be too late. It couldnt be over.
Shed fixed up parts of her life; she could certainly do her best to fix this, too. Couldnt she?
Determination filled her, and rejuvenated her, as well. All she had to do-indeed all that was left to do-was be honest. She could do that.
She had nothing else to lose.
With a faint watery smile, she started her car and drove very carefully home.
Sara came home the following evening. Throwing herself into Stones waiting arms, she hugged him close.
He held her tight and tried to surface from a fog of swirling emotions. A fog caused by Jenna.
Theyre nice, Daddy, Sara said of her grandparents. Even nicer than I thought.
Stone looked over her head to his parents, who stood on the porch staring at him with a light in their eyes he understood well. Exaltation and exhaustion, both caused by his whirlwind daughter. Im glad you had a good time, he said, his voice low and husky after a long quiet day. Hed done little but kick himself for falling for Cindy-Jenna. This pit of rage and fear and pain shed thrown him in was horrible.
Grandpa took me fishing this morning in the creek! Saras face wrinkled in disgust. And we caught one, but its eyes and mouth were doing this- She stopped talking as her mouth gaped open and then shut, her eyes wide with mock terror, in a perfect parody of a fish on a hook.
His parents laughed. Laughed. Something tugged at Stone, something unwelcome that felt suspiciously like acceptance, almost as if his heart had warmed toward them.
No, that couldnt be. Jenna had just destroyed that particular organ-again. His temper surged, as it had all day long. Hed had no idea he could be so angry!
But watching Sara giggle and gush over the things shed done with her grandparents did warm his chilled soul. There was no use denying it.
Shes wonderful, Stone. Laras smile was bittersweet. And weve been such fools. I hope someday you come to believe me when I say how-
Dont apologize again, Stone ordered, perhaps too roughly. I know how you feel.
Do you? I doubt it. I doubt youll ever understand how much I regret some of my choices, how much I have denied myself. She lifted her chin regally, but spoke with undisguised hope. But I wont regret the present, Stone. Not unless youre against this.
Stone turned from her to Sara. Go unpack, honey, he told the girl.
She started to go, then stopped and faced her grandparents. Thanks, she said softly. I love you.
Then she was gone.
His mother dabbed daintily at her eyes, which Stone ignored. What would I be against?
We want to see more of her. His father spoke with a quiet determination, yet with something else, too, something Stone thought never to hear again from him-respect.
But he didnt need it, not anymore, not from him.
We know youre alone. Were hoping its not too late to help you with Sara. His mother touched his arm for the first time in years, beseeching him with solemn eyes.
What about Saras mother?
Her mother? Lara asked, her tone casual, her eyes anything but. She dropped her arm from his. Jennas been gone for years.
What if shes not gone?
IOh. Lara studied her son carefully, as if she could read his oblique thoughts. You know where she is. Youve been in contact.
Does it matter?
His father sighed and nudged his mother, giving her a pointed look and a slight shake of his head.
Laras lips were pinched with strain. I already admitted I was a fool, Stone. That includes how I treated her.
And she would be welcome, as welcome as Sara or me? He had no idea why he pushed, for he couldnt care less about Jenna.
Annoyed at lying to himself, he sighed and rubbed his temples. He cared all right; he just had no idea why he cared.