She was getting Flo down, too. This conscience-ridden romance was too much for her. For the Lords sake, she said. If you are going to have some fun with a man then have it, but Rosed cry at her own wedding.
From what Ive seen of people married. Id cry with good reason, said Rose.
But if Dickie said, come to church, youd go.
More fool me.
But long faces dont get the marriage bells ringing.
Some people like my face long or short, if others dont.
Then make your bed and lie in it, said Flo, finally getting bored. She was now spending time with her enemy Mrs Skeffington. For two reasons. One, she needed her as a witness in the famous court case about which at last I was managing to get some details in the face of the apparent determination of everyone in the building that I should be kept in the dark. The other I understood when Flo came to my door, vivid with excitement, to ask in a hoarse whisper: Have you any pills, dear?
Dont tell me shes pregnant.
Ah, my Lord, yes, poor thing. And now we must all be good to her.
But she keeps herself to herself so much.
Shell be different now shes in trouble.
How far has she gone?
Three months.
Why did she leave it so long?
I expect she was hoping the Lord would provide, but He doesnt, does He? And Rosemary was a mistake, too. She says she cant have children, not with her husband still supporting his first wife and her kids.
I knew Rosemary was a mistake because I had heard Mrs Skeffington say so, in front of the child herself, not once, but again and again, and with each repetition Rosemary appeared more fragile, more hesitant, her eyes growing wide and anxious, as if she doubted her own right to live.
That night we heard Mrs Skeffington and her husband:
What the hell are you complaining about? You send Rosemary to a crèche, dont you?
Oh, but Im that way, how can you, now?
Why not, you did before?
But Im so tired, and those pills I took. And I was awake all night with Rosemary.
She keeps me awake as well as you, doesnt she?
Who gets out of bed to her? Youve never got out of bed to Rosemary once in your whole life.
Oh, shut up.
Yes, Rosemary starts crying and then you wake up and you can only think of one thing.
Dont you love me, then? Well, if its like that I know where to go.
Silence. Then the womans tired anxious voice: I didnt say I didnt love you. But I get so tired. Surely you can see that.
Then show me you love me.
Next day Mr Skeffington went on a business trip and we never saw him again. One morning I heard a crash outside my door. Mrs Skeffington had thrown herself down one flight of stairs, was on the point of flinging herself down a second. Leave me atone, she muttered, and before I could stop her, she launched herself into space again. On the landing below she picked herself up, slowly, slowly, gasping and pale. That ought to shift it, she said, with an attempt at a smile, and dragged herself, breathing heavily, up the stairs to Rosemary.
Flo and I went on a delegation to insist she should try a doctor.
Goodness gracious me, said Mrs Skeffington, those doctors dont care at all for us.
Not all doctors are silly, said Flo. Some are nice and kind.
Show me one, then. I tried before, over Rosemary. He didnt care. Besides, its too late for doctors. And I think Im all right, because Ive got a bad pain.
She went to bed, and Rose and I took Rosemary for the night. That was the one time Mrs Skeffington permitted anyone to help her. Before and after that day, when we offered to take the child, she would say: Goodness gracious, whatever for. I can manage quite well.
Next day she looked very ill, but she went to work as usual. She was sent back at midday by her employer. I fetched Rosemary from the nursery, and when her mother saw her she opened her arms, and the two lay cuddled together on the pillow. They both looked extraordinarily frail, defenceless, pathetic. And now how about a doctor? I asked.
Youre very kind, she said formally, but Rosemary and Ill manage.
Flo said: My God, what if shes still sick for the case?
Thats all you think of, said Rose.
But itll be to her advantage, too, to get rid of those filthy old people.
Yes? They dont bother nobody but you and Dan. I never hear them.
Oh, my Lord, youre not going to say that at the case?
II! say the truth. I always told you. Ill tell the truth and thats all.
The truth is bad enough, sweetheart, darling, isnt it?
And thats a fact.
Ill tell you, darling, said Flo to me Ill tell you all about it. I swear.
Ill tell her, said Rose. But just now Ive got something she must do for me.
But, sweetheart, the case, and times so short, and poor Mrs Skeffington so ill.
Yes? Time enough. Come along, said Rose to me. Well go into your room and you can make me a nice cup of tea.
In my room she said: Dickie and I have made it up. He was hanging around when I came out of the shop tonight. He said. Have you got a date tomorrow, and I said all casual. Yes, why? Rose thrust forward one hip and began patting at her hair, staring with studied indifference at a wall. Why, yes. I said, not looking at him at all. He was so upset. You know Ive told you. I cant bear to see him unhappy. But I hardened my heart, because it was for his good, really, and I teased him, and then he said, would I break my date with my policeman? So I said No, I wouldnt do a thing like that! Rose acted virtuous indignation for a moment, but it dissolved into simple good-heartedness: I didnt care to tease him any longer, so I said Id go out with him.
And how about the policeman?
Oh, him? She let out an unscrupulous chuckle. They can all go and pickle themselves for all I care, except for Dickie. And you can tell my policeman a nice little lie for me.
I can?
Yes, It wont hurt you. You can type out what I write on your typewriter. It makes it look more official, doesnt it, and besides, my spellings awful.
And how about the policeman?
Oh, him? She let out an unscrupulous chuckle. They can all go and pickle themselves for all I care, except for Dickie. And you can tell my policeman a nice little lie for me.
I can?
Yes, It wont hurt you. You can type out what I write on your typewriter. It makes it look more official, doesnt it, and besides, my spellings awful.
So are you. I said.
Yes? But I dont believe you think that because youre laughing. All the last times youve been yawning and fed-up with me. Well, I dont blame you, I was fed-up with myself. And now heres the letter.
She handed me a piece of paper on which she had written: Dear Froggie, Im sorry you had a spot of inconvenience over last night, but the truth was, I was engaged with my mother. Now I have to tell you something and I hope you wont be disappointed. Im afraid I will have to cancel all our dates, owing to a personal nature concerning my mother, and she has asked me to come with her. Of course, I dont really want to go, but you can see she asked me to do her a favour and U cant really refuse her, can I? I didnt want to make you come all the way up here for nothing so I thought I would write. Come and tell me you dont mind some time when you are passing the shop, because I will never be seeing you again.
How should I end that? Yours sincerely sounds silly after all that kissing and cuddling, and when hes bought the ring and everything. And Love wont do, because he might think I meant it. You type that out for me nice. I dont want him to think Im ignorant.
You could say, Im breaking this off because Im in love with another man, I said.
You could say it, she said. Im not. Its nicer this way, because then his prides not hurt, see? And Ive thought of another sentence. Put in: I know you will understand. That always sounds nice. It doesnt mean anything either. I think youd better end it just Rose. No faithfully, thatd be silly, wouldnt it?
And theres the ring, too.
She looked guilty and then laughed. You cant be nice to two men at once. Im doing it all for Dickie, arent I? Well, Im stark mad. Its not I dont know what Dickie is, and there goes my last chance of a home I can call my own, and I dont even care, and that proves Im mad.
She sighed the letter: Rose, Alexandra, Jane. Camellia. My mother wanted girls, but all she got was boys, except for me. So I got all the fancy names she liked. A waste, isnt it? Like wearing your fancy panties when there isnt a man about? She giggled and went to post the letter. She came back singing, And so tonight Im going out with my Dickie again. Before she could even sit down, Flo came in to say Mrs Skeffington had procured an abortion for herself with an enema syringe. I saw the baby, said Flo dramatically. It was as big as this! She held out her fist. Eyes, too. Like a fish it looked, Funny to think itd grow up to be like us. But there, its down the drain now. She laughed. Down the drain, thats good. Well, it is. She pulled the plug and said: Thats the end of you.
Rose got up and said: You make me sick, Flo, She went into her room, slamming my door and hers.
Foolish virgin, thats what Rose is, said Flo.
In the year I lived in that house Flo believed herself to be pregnant five times. Twice the scare came to nothing; but three times she dressed herself appropriately in her shabbiest clothes, and staggered to a chemists shop she had marked down for this purpose. There she copiously wept and talked about her family of seven and her drinking husband. She returned with pills, given her good-heartedly by the manager himself. Instead of taking them as prescribed, she swallowed half a bottle at a time. I would find her rolling in agony on the floor of the kitchen exclaiming between groans: Well, Ive fixed that one, at any rate. Meanwhile, Aurora wandered about, sucking at her bottle, which she now wore tied around her neck like a St Bernard dogs brandy flask, with bright pink ribbon.
As the doors slammed Flo shrugged and said: Oh, well, shell think different when shes got kids herself and no room to move and she cant ever go out or nothing.
How about a doctor for Mrs Skeffington?
My Lord, are you crazy, do you want her to go to prison?
She might die.
She wont die. Theres a time for doctors. Mrs Skeffingtons managed without, and good luck to her, and I didnt think she had that much fight in her, shes such a lady and all. Ill give her that. But you call a doctor now, sweetheart, and youll do for her, you will really. Ill go up again and see what I can do for help. You stay here and if I need you Ill call.
When Flo went. Rose came in. Im going out now, she said. This would happen, just when I want to be happy and not think about anything. Can you hear?