Better go down to the river, I said. Youll only hit your had on the bottom here.
Im not going to laugh. I dont feel like it. She began walking around the edge, leaving me to follow. She walked right round the pond, until she got back to where she had started.
A policeman came sauntering towards us. Theres a cop, said Rose. Well, he neednt think Im scared of him now. Cant they ever leave us alone? I suppose he thinks were those dirty beasts. Well. I know about cops now, since that one thats chasing me, and theyre just like everyone else. When the policeman came up and looked keenly into our faces, Rose said, Were just having a walk, dear, and slipped him a shilling. There go my cigarettes again, she said, as he remarked: Good night, miss, and sauntered off again. We could see him standing in the dark under the great trees, watching us while we made another complete circuit of the pond. Cant ever leave us alone, cant ever leave us in peace, Rose was muttering. A shilling. Well, Jack can throw a pound away two nights running and what for did I ever tell you about my Canadian? she enquired suddenly, as the policeman, deciding we were harmless, wandered off through the trees. No. Well, Ill tell you now. Ive been thinking of him the last few days, thinking about life as you might say. Love, its all nonsense. I was really in love with him, too. I thought Id never get over it when he got himself killed by those Germans, But I did get over it, and so what am I wasting good salt over Dickie for?
What was he like?
He was a sweet boy, she drawled, her voice changing. He used to take me out every time I had a free evening from the factory or the blitz. If I said I was busy hed hang about the house until Id finished washing and ironing for my mother. Then hed take me for a walk. Hed even do the ironing for me can you believe it? a man doing washing and ironing. Hed come right across London to wash and set my hair for me. He was a hairdresser in Canada. Hed go down on his knees to tie my shoelaces for me. Yes, its true. I used to unfasten my shoes sometimes before he came to watch him do it. Well, Dickie may be a bastard, but hed never go down on his bloody knees to tie my shoes.
You must have been in love.
Oh, if youre laughing, its your mistake. I was, too. I was so miserable when he was killed I committed suicide. First I cried and cried, and my stepfather said hed beat me if I didnt stop. That was before he threw me out. Well. I thought I might as well die, with my boy dead, so I put my head in the gas-oven but the gas ran out, and they found me and poured cold water on me. Then my stepfather said I was no good and threw me out.
Lucky the gas ran out.
Lucky nothing. I only put sixpence in. Well, it made that old so-and-so my step sit up and take notice, didnt it? But what I mean is, I was so in love, just like the films, I even committed suicide, well nearly, and now Im in love with Dickie, so whats the sense in anything, can you tell me that? And so now Ive decided. Im going out with that bloody policeman. Still, I suppose someone has to be a policeman. Im not going to hold it against him. By now the wind was stirring black branches, and pale clouds streamed across a black sky; it was not at all the domestic little pond of the daytime with small boys and toy boats. Rose gave a fearful look back as we left it and said: So now thats all done. Im finished crying, and youre not catching me committing suicide again for any bloody man, and Im going to be hardhearted and on the make, just like that silly bitch in that book with the picture on it, well, its not my fault if men like to be treated bad, now is it?
Next evening she spent two hours dressing herself, and came into my room to show off. She was wearing a new grey suit she had bought from her bosss wife, high black ankle-strap shoes, and heavy brass jewellery on her wrists and ears. Look at my bosom, she said, Ive stuffed it all out with cotton wool. Dickie hates it when I do that, but this ones not going to get near my bosom, so it doesnt matter.
She crept to the window and looked over. There he is, she said. Come and see. A very tall spindly youth with a sad frogs face stared up at the house. You mustnt laugh, she said accusingly, stuffing a fist against her mouth and giggling. I know hes nothing to look at, but hes sweet. She took another look and reeled back, laughing. When I compare him with Dickie but I mustnt say that. At least, hes a proper gentleman. Thats what I like. When I first met Dickie and Dan I decided to go for Dan that was before Flo. But Dan messed me about, and Dickie kept his hands to himself, for the first evening, any rate. So I decided to like Dickie instead. She began whirling around on her toes singing: Kiss me sweet, kiss me simple, and dropped laughing on to a chair.
Hes waiting, I said.
Let him wait. I told you, Im not going to treat any of them right from now on. Ill wait until 7.15. I said seven. Hes a fool, like they all are, so hell think the more of me. At a quarter past seven she went downstairs, adjusting her face to languid boredom.
As soon as she had gone, Flo darted up the stairs to ask: Is he good-looking?
But I didnt see.
Hed better be, or Dickie wont be jealous. Rose came down to me and said if I was a friend Id got to go up to the shop tomorrow morning and tell Dickie, all casual, that Rose had another man. Shes coming on, isnt she?
When Rose came in that night, she was thoughtful. Ive got used to Dickie, thats what it is, she said. She handed me five cigarettes. Might as well take whats going. He gave me twenty cigarettes. When a man starts giving you things its time to watch out. Except with the Americans and Canadians, theyre in the habit of giving girls presents, its different with them. This one says hell take me to the Pally tomorrow, but Im not so sure.
After work next day she was singing. Dickie was standing at his door tonight giving me dagger looks, so I suppose Flo did her stuff the way I said. He said: Have a good time last night, and I said: Whats it to you? Believe it or not, hes started liking me again. Can you beat it? Lot of kids they are, they make me laugh, imagine me crying over a stupid like that.
She put on her only dance dress, pink with frills and artificial flowers. It did not suit her at alt. She kept glancing at herself in a dissatisfied way, and at the last moment took it off and flung it in a crumpled heap into the corner of my room. Time marches on, she said grimly; and in a few moments appeared in her suit. She watched the clock until she was exactly fifteen minutes late, and then went downstairs, swinging her hips.
At three that morning I was awakened by a dim white shape creeping across my room to the window. Hush, said Flo, its me, dear. I didnt mean to wake you, She craned out of the window. Quick, come here, she said. Below, under the plane tree on the edge of the pavement, in a patch of moonlight, stood Rose and the policeman, closely embraced. Look at that, said Flo, delighted. I tried to see out of the basement, but all I could see was their feet all mixed up and wriggling like they was doing a dance, Shhhh. She fell back from the window, laughing, They look so funny. Hes about four feet taller than she is, and look hes got to bend right over to kiss her like a man whos had it too often. She looked again, then, unable to stand it, said abruptly, Im cold, and rushed off downstairs to her husband.
Next day Rose was uneasy. She had begun by wanting to make Dickie jealous, but now she was half in love with love. We was cuddling for hours last night, she said. Nothing like cuddling, say what you like. It was ever so nice. He kisses nice, too. But not as nice as Dickie. Theres something about the way Dickie kisses that gets me. But there, Im just silly. A kiss is a kiss, when alls said and done, the beasts, all tongue and slobber Im getting upset, dear. After all that, believe it or not. Im worried about Dickie being unhappy. Can you beat it? Men dont understand, do they? Its no good telling a man that something doesnt mean anything, the way I look at it, it must always mean something for them, but it doesnt for us, not unless we love a man. If I told Dickie that I kissed my policeman last night just because of him he wouldnt see it that way at all. Well, Im going out with him again tonight. Hes a bit soft, just like my Canadian boy that was killed, but hes not bad. I suppose.
Rose went out with her policeman for several weeks. Flo pestered me, almost in tears, for details of this affair, but even if I had been willing I couldnt have obliged her, for Rose had withdrawn into silence. The trouble was, the policeman had one almost overwhelming attraction: his parents owned the house they lived in, and had promised half of it to him on his marriage. He wanted to marry Rose at once, and she longed for a home almost as much as she longed for a husband. But the more she tried to persuade herself she cared for the policeman and had forgotten Dickie, the sadder she became. She returned from the nightly embraces under the plane tree looking embarrassed and guilty, and sat staring into my fire until I told her she must go to bed. When I tried to talk to her she said: Its no good, dear. I know you mean well, but youre here with us just because youre hard-up for a time and because you like living here and living there. But its the rest of my life Im thinking of Yes, all right, I know Im getting you down, well, I get myself down, but I dont care about nothing at ail, except to decide whats the right thing to do.
Rose went out with her policeman for several weeks. Flo pestered me, almost in tears, for details of this affair, but even if I had been willing I couldnt have obliged her, for Rose had withdrawn into silence. The trouble was, the policeman had one almost overwhelming attraction: his parents owned the house they lived in, and had promised half of it to him on his marriage. He wanted to marry Rose at once, and she longed for a home almost as much as she longed for a husband. But the more she tried to persuade herself she cared for the policeman and had forgotten Dickie, the sadder she became. She returned from the nightly embraces under the plane tree looking embarrassed and guilty, and sat staring into my fire until I told her she must go to bed. When I tried to talk to her she said: Its no good, dear. I know you mean well, but youre here with us just because youre hard-up for a time and because you like living here and living there. But its the rest of my life Im thinking of Yes, all right, I know Im getting you down, well, I get myself down, but I dont care about nothing at ail, except to decide whats the right thing to do.