He poured himself a bowl and flashed a questioning look at Kristen. She nodded and he poured a bowl for her, as well, before getting the milk out of the refrigerator.
So now that youre about to go off bodyguard duty, what comes next for you? he asked.
He heard a slight hesitation before she answered. Foley will be continuing with follow-up on this case. Hell want to keep trying to tie Morris to the attack on Cissy. Maybe when she wakes up, shell have more information.
Foley? What about you?
Kristen looked away, licking her lips. Actually, Im thinking about asking Carl to assign me to a different case.
A hot ache settled in the pit of Sams gut. Even though hed known shed be going back to her own place sooner rather than later, he hadnt realized she was thinking about handing over the investigation to someone else.
Why? he asked.
She darted a quick look at him. Its time to move on.
He didnt miss her meaning. From Maddy and me, you mean.
A queasy expression darted across her face. Dont you think thats for the best?
This is about the kiss, isnt it?
She slanted another look at him. Youre fixated on the kiss, Sam. It was nothing. Hormones and stress.
What about the rest of it?
She pushed aside her untouched bowl of cereal with a growl of frustration. The rest of what? What exactly do you think has been going on between us? Weve known each other-what? Three days?
Sometimes thats all it takes, he said quietly, realizing how crazy he sounded. Why was he even arguing with her about this? Hadnt he already proved his judgment about women was pretty damned suspect? Hed been certain he and Norah were meant to be together, and look how well that had turned out.
People like me dont get happily ever afters, Kristen said just as quietly, pain darkening her blue eyes.
It wasnt the response hed expected. Hed figured shed stick with how short a time theyd been acquainted, maybe toss in the fact that high-stress situations sometimes magnified emotions that wouldnt otherwise make a blip on a persons radar. They were good, sound arguments.
But shed gone straight to the heart of the problem. She didnt believe they had a chance together because of her past. Thats what it all came down to, wasnt it?
Well, he couldnt accept that argument. He couldnt accept that she was doomed to solitude because of her mothers sins. It wasnt right or fair.
He pushed aside his own cereal bowl, welcoming the surge of frustration that drove out the hurt hed felt a few seconds earlier. I know you had a horrible childhood. Your recent history probably hasnt been the greatest, either. But I dont think life picks winner or losers, Kristen. I think we choose that ourselves-if we have the guts to.
She stared at him, shaking her head. You think the problem is that Im afraid of being happy?
Yeah, I do.
She threw up her hands. Believe me, I dont want to live alone the rest of my life. I dont want to freak out every time Im around kids. I love kids! I used to be great with kids. I used to dream about growing up and having children of my own.
Then do it.
She shot him a glare as he took a step toward her. He backed off.
I would love to jump into a relationship with you and see where it goes. What woman wouldnt? Youre sexy, successful, funny She drew a long, shaky breath, blinking hard to hold back the tears. But Im a bad risk, Sam. Not just for you but also for Maddy. My mother wasnt always crazy, you know. For all I know, what happened to her was genetic. It could happen to me, too.
You cant know that.
And you cant be sure Im wrong, she countered.
He wanted to argue, but she was right. He couldnt be sure. He knew nothing about her mothers situation, what had caused her madness and whether or not Kristens own mind was a ticking time bomb. Have you never asked anyone what caused your mothers mental break? Her doctor, maybe?
Her expression was bleak. No.
Maybe you should.
Her lips flattened with frustration. I need to leave now. Before Maddy wakes up.
Sam swallowed hard, fighting the urge to touch her, to try something, anything to make her reconsider walking out of their lives this way. He could tell there was nothing he could say right now to change her mind.
He wasnt even sure he should try.
He stepped away from her, jamming his restless hands into his pockets. Maddy will be hurt if you leave without saying goodbye, Kristen.
She grimaced. Its been only three days, Sam. Shell forget me sooner than you think.
He wasnt so sure. Maddy had apparently reached the age where having a mother seemed important, and with her own mother heading back to D.C. and out of the picture, Maddy had picked Kristen to fill the void, just as she might have picked a new puppy at the pound.
Maybe Kristen was right not to make a big deal out of saying goodbye. Perhaps the best way to handle Maddys certain disappointment would be the same way hed handle saying no to a new puppy-blatant distraction tactics.
I think youre right, he said evenly, even though a heavy ache had settled right in the center of his chest. No big goodbye. Ill have my folks keep her busy today and tomorrow while I finish readying the house for us to move back, and Monday shell start back to preschool, which shell love. Itll be okay.
Kristen nodded, although he saw worry in her eyes. It was more than hed seen in Norahs eyes when she left, he realized. All hed seen in his ex-wifes expression as she headed for her gate at the airport were equal parts guilt and relief.
This is for the best, Sam. Kristen reached for the bowl of now-soggy cereal sitting on the counter, starting toward the garbage disposal.
He caught her arm, stopping her. She gazed up at him, her lips trembling slightly.
It would be so easy to kiss her, he thought. Just a soft, sweet kiss goodbye.
But he forced himself to let her go, taking the bowl from her unsteady hands. Ill take care of this. You should go now, before Maddy wakes up.
The stricken look in her eyes almost unraveled his resolve. But she moved away quickly, before he could falter, grabbing her purse and jacket and heading out the door at a clip.
Sam forced himself to empty the two bowls of cereal into the garbage disposal and wash up, needing the activity to take his mind off the strange, empty feeling that had hollowed out his insides the second the door had closed behind Kristen.
WHEN I GET HOME, CAN WE go see Miss Kristen? Maddy asked as Sam unlatched her safety seat Monday morning.
Sam sighed, lifting her out of the Jeep and setting her on the ground. Miss Kristen is very busy at work now, Maddy. Dont you remember, we talked about this last night.
Maddys little face scrunched up with displeasure. I wanna see Miss Kristen!
So much for his daughter being easily distracted. Shed been asking about Kristen for two days straight. Tell you what, this afternoon, when Aunt Hannah picks you up from school, maybe shell take you out fishing. He made a mental note to check with his sister to see if she already had a client lined up that afternoon. Surely shed give herself a day or so to get settled back in from her trip to Arizona and wouldnt mind some one-on-one time with her youngest niece.
He saw warning signs that Maddy was gearing up to argue, so he took her hand and tugged her gently up the walkway to the front entrance of Gossamer Ridge Day School, where the director, Jennifer Franks, was greeting children that morning. When she caught sight of Sam and Maddy, her expression shifted quickly to regret.
I was horrified to read about Mr. Morriss arrest, she said earnestly. Im so sorry I hired him-we had no idea-
Nobody did, Sam assured her. There was never any indication in his background that hed be any sort of threat. You couldnt have known.
Still, we take these things very seriously. Weve hired guards to patrol the grounds during the day so parents can feel secure about leaving their children with us. Jennifer waved toward a young man in a blue uniform standing a few steps away. One here at the front entrance and another in the play area.
Seeing the guard did ease Sams mind a bit. He supposed the bad publicity about Morris had forced the directors hand.
Maddy caught sight of one of her friends and tugged her hand out of Sams, dashing away with a squeal of delight. Sam watched her go with a smile, though mild anxiety tugged at his gut. Over the past few days, hed gotten used to having her close, protected by himself or people he trusted implicitly. It was hard to let go of that control, but he couldnt keep her wrapped in cotton padding and stored under glass.
Shell be fine, Jennifer said.
She asked me to put her favorite stuffed toy in the bag, Sam warned the principal. I know you have rules about bringing toys to school, but shes had a rough few days. I made her promise to give the backpack to the teacher as soon as she got in the classroom and not to bug Miss Kathy about taking Bandit out of the bag during class.
Jennifer smiled sympathetically. I suppose we can look the other way just this once.
Sam thanked her, turning to watch Maddy until she disappeared into her classroom down the hallway. With a tugging sensation in the middle of his chest, he returned to his car to make the long drive into Birmingham for his first full day back at the office.
Sam was smart enough to know that any interference from him might jeopardize the District Attorneys case against Darryl Morris, and the last thing he wanted to do was provide Morris with any sort of get-out-of-jail-free card. So he resisted the temptation to snoop around the offices newest case, instead spending the morning buried under the backlog of cases hed had to put on hold the week before while he dealt with the threat to Maddy, sorting through what cases could be easily pleaded out and which ones would require actual court time.
By the time his cell phone rang that morning around eleven, he was bleary-eyed and grateful for the interruption. Cooper.
Sam, its J.D. Cissys awake.
JUST STICK WITH IT a few more days, Foley cajoled, following at Kristens heels as she checked the fax machine to see if anything had come in overnight. She turned quickly, and Foley almost barreled into her, grabbing the file cabinet at the last second to stop his momentum.
Stop following me around like a puppy, she ordered.