I like being alive, she murmured.
The words shot through like an electric shock. His men had liked being alive, too. Yet hed gotten them all killed.
As misery washed over him, drowning him in its icy depths, she added in a whisper that he thought maybe he hadnt been supposed to hear, I dont want to die.
Must be nice. He jolted to realize hed made that comment aloud.
I beg your pardon?
Never mind, he replied hastily. He had no intention of explaining that being alive held no great appeal to him, personally. He might have promised Brady Hathaway that he wouldnt kill himself until Mel was safely delivered to her final destination. But after that, he was checking out with all due haste. And that was that.
Melina could have all that perky, zest-for-living crap. But it did beg the question of why shed made the comment. Why was she thinking about death? And why was she expressing her fear of it in terms that led him to believe she expected to die-and soon?
She snuggled in a little closer, her left hand roaming across his belly to lodge somewhere in the vicinity of his lower right rib cage. Hed get her to talk eventually. Her naturally honest and outgoing nature would betray her. She would either come to trust him enough, or hed simply take advantage of a gregarious moment to get the truth out of her.
She was a hell of a woman. If hed been planning to stay alive, hed have to give serious consideration to giving up his career for her. Hed never been married-he was the kind of guy who didnt do anything halfway, and hed never figured out how to have as demanding and capricious a career as the Special Forces and still manage to do a marriage justice. But nobody stayed in his business forever. The ones lucky enough to live eventually got out of the service and settled down to something approximating normalcyassuming they could tame their demons enough to sleep at night.
Hed decided long ago that the woman didnt exist for whom hed actually consider getting out of the business. But he hadnt met Melina Montez when hed made that decision. She was something special, no doubt about it.
Her fingernails scraped lightly across his side, and he sucked in his breath, startled into momentary ticklishness.
The big bad commando is ticklish? she laughed.
Commandos are human, too, you know, he retorted. We have families and live normal lives and coach Little League and mow the lawn. Not that hed ever gone for that, but several of his guys had-very successfully and happily. Until hed gone and gotten them killed.
He shoved away recollection of those agonizing marches up front sidewalks to tell Judy Gill and Samantha Criswell and Marley Ledbetter that their husbands were coming home-but in flag-draped caskets. It had been the hardest thing hed ever done to hand that folded flag to Bobby Criswell, whod been all of nine years old and trying so damned hard not to cry at his daddys funeral.
He swore violently under his breath. He needed something. Now. He didnt care if it was carisoprodol or a bottle of vodka or a sledgehammer between the eyessomething, anything to take away the pain!
He shifted restlessly. Abruptly, the back of the Land Rover felt suffocatingly small, its sides closing in on him inch by inch.
Are you okay? Melina murmured.
Yeah, Im fine. Im just longer than the backseat of a Land Rover.
Do you want to shift more diagonally so you can stretch your legs out?
No, Im fine. Im sorry to disturb you. Go to sleep. He managed not to snap at herhe thought.
She pulled back from him like she was offended. What was wrong with her? A cool hand touched his forehead and he jumped, startled.
Youre sweating, she announced.
Thanks for that update, Doc.
She sat up at that. Give me your wrist. I want to take your pulse.
I thought you said you dont practice medicine.
That doesnt mean I dont know how to do it.
Lie down. Ill be okay. It was just a rough day.
No, it wasnt. Not for you. It was a hell of a day for me, but you were as cool as a cucumber the whole time. You didnt show the slightest sign of stress until about two minutes ago.
Delayed reaction, he ground out.
Not buying it, she announced blithely. Gimme your wrist.
She was one of those women you just knew would get more stubborn the more you dug in your heels with her. Rather than argue all damned night about her taking his pulse, he handed over his wrist and pressed his lips together in irritation. I suppose you have a blood pressure cuff and a stethoscope in your bag, too.
Be quiet, she ordered.
He rolled his eyes while she counted his pulse for the next week-and-a-half. Finally, she let his wrist go.
I dont need a blood pressure cuff or a stethoscope. Ive had my ear on your chest for the past five minutes, and I heard your heart beating harder and faster the longer I lay there.
Damn. He bluffed with desperate aplomb, What can I say? You have that effect on me.
Mmm. I like the sound of that. Too bad its a lie.
He stared up at her in the dark. He was an accomplished liar. He was professionally trained to be good at it! And shed seen through him like he was a freshly washed window.
He didnt know what to say next. All the usual putoffs he gave doctors-shed brushed past them like they were pesky gnats. He had no more gambits left. There was always the truth, of course. But if hed managed for eight months not to spill his guts to shrinks who extracted confessions from special operators for a living, there was no way he was telling this woman after knowing her for two days. She already was looking at him weirdly and he needed her to follow his instructions without hesitation if things got dicey for them again. He didnt need her thinking he was a complete nutcase and questioning everything he told her to do.
He could make it through the night. Just one night without the sleeping pills. No big deal. He had superhuman self-discipline. Could tolerate vast amounts of fatigue. Had pain tolerances that most people couldnt even imagine, let alone achieve. He could lie here and grit his teeth for six hours if he had to, no matter how jumpy and desperate he felt.
Thankfully, she lay back down beside him.
Could you relax your shoulder muscles a little, John? Theyre as hard as steel right now and frankly dont make a very comfortable headrest.
Take the duffel bag. Its full of clothes.
No, thats okay. I like your shoulder. Just less tense.
He did his best to relax. He really did. He went through all the usual exercises, releasing his muscles one by one, working his way down from his forehead to his toes. But by the time he got to his knees each time, the back of his shoulders were knotted up as badly as ever.
Melina finally sat up again. Roll over on your stomach.
Huh?
Roll over. Im giving you a back rub.
I dont need one. Really.
She merely knelt, glaring down at him in expectant silence. Damn, that woman was pushy!
He huffed and levered himself over onto his belly, his legs bent at the knees and his heels sticking up in the air. Not exactly dignified, but he forgot all about it when Mel swung her left thigh over his upper legs, straddling him between her soft inner thighs. Hell-o.
Her hands were heaven. She wasnt afraid to use some force to really knead into the muscles. The pleasure bordered on pain, and couldnt have been more perfect. Add Swedish caliber masseuse to her long list of assets.
You keep popping up with talents like this and Im gonna have to marry you, he groaned.
Her hands went still on his back. I beg your pardon?
He frowned, trying to recapture what hed just said. Talentsmarriageoh, crap. He tried to sit up, but she was planted squarely on his buttocks at the moment, and unless he threw her against the roof, she wasnt budging.
Im sorry, he said quickly. I didnt mean anything by that. I was just talking smack. You give a hell of a back rub, Mel.
Her hands went back to kneading below his left shoulder blade. Thanks. You just startled me. I dont think of myself in terms of being marriage material.
Im sorry, he said quickly. I didnt mean anything by that. I was just talking smack. You give a hell of a back rub, Mel.
Her hands went back to kneading below his left shoulder blade. Thanks. You just startled me. I dont think of myself in terms of being marriage material.
He tried to look over his shoulder and only ended up hurting his neck. Why the hell not? What man wouldnt want you? Surely you have to fight guys off with a stick.
Not so much anymore.
He snorted. Is that pharmaceutical firm you work at a nunnery or something?
She laughed. Hardly. More like a shark farm.
Ahh. The men come on too strong?
He felt her shrug through her palms. Theyre mostly traditional Hispanic men. Im an empowered American woman who happens to want something more than being barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen. We dont always see eye-to-eye on how a relationship should go.
He grinned against his forearm. Hed bet not.
Roll over, she ordered. She lifted up, partially off of him, but it was clear that she intended to continue her attentions on his front side-still straddling his hips.
His breath caught in his throat. Okay, then. Give the good doctor high marks for distracting him from little plastic bottles of pills. He complied, rolling onto his back awkwardly. His shoulder blades had barely touched the truck bed before her mouth was on his, her breasts mashing against his through their shirts.
Touching you like that turns me on, she mumbled against his mouth. I hope you dont mind.
He laughed in actual, physical pain-but not in his back-his reaction to her was so fast and hard. Touch me some more, he mumbled back.
They banged their knees and elbows and got tangled up in shirtsleeves and shoelaces, and ended up laughing in each others arms, finally mostly naked. He reached up to cup her breasts, to test their weight and resilience, and she arched her back, throwing her head back on a gasp of pleasure. Man. Talk about responsive. He was willing to go slow, to pleasure her the way shed already pleasured him by putting her hands all over him. But she was having none of it. Her hair swung forward in a curtain around her face as she fumbled between them, and then she was sliding down over him, all slick heat, a tight glove of exquisite sensation that made his buttocks clench harder than steel beneath her.