Trace Emma started, but her sister interrupted.
No! You cant just come in here and tell me that this thing happened to me. This thing I couldnt stop and didnt even understand. You cant tell me that this murdering bastard came into my house and got into my head and scrambled everything up, and made me think I wanted him to do what he did, and that none of what I felt about that was real. That the whole thing was...corrupt. She gestured angrily at the front door and at her own head as she spoke, and my heart beat so hard my chest ached from the pounding. You cant come in here and tell me all that, then tell me I cant keep the one good thing to come out of the most horrible thing thats ever happened to me. He might have taken a decision away from me, but youre not going to. This is my choice. This is my baby. Traci stood, staring boldly down at the sister shed just rediscovered. Im not going to end my pregnancy. If thats what you expect me to do, then...get out. Thanks for coming and telling me all these horrible things, but now you need to go. All of you. Now.
Wait. Emma stood. Unspent tears trembled in her eyes. Wait. She turned to me. We have to help her.
Em, theres nothing I could do. Id rarely felt more helpless. More useless. But we were way out of my league.
She just needs a soul. You can get her a soul. I know you can. Youre a bean sidhe, and youre a reclamationist. Or whatever. Right?
Traci looked so suddenly hopeful that my heart broke for her all over again. Can you?
No! Im sorry, but it doesnt work like that. I dont get to keep the souls I reclaim! I have to turn them in. And its not like I have extras lying around. But as soon as Id said it, I realized that might not be true.
What? Ems gaze narrowed on me. What are you thinking?
Nothing. Just...maybe. It might be possible. But I cant promise anything.
Harmony stood, her hands opening and closing at her sides like she was nervous. Like we were making her nervous. Girls, this wont work. Its not our place to...give people souls that dont belong to them. Thats beyond what a bean sidhe can do. Its beyond what were supposed to do.
But Kaylee did it! She put my soul here in Lydias body, so I know she could do that for Tracis baby. If we had a soul for him.
Harmony blinked. She opened her mouth like shed make another objection or tell us how dangerous that idea was. But nothing came out.
But finding a soul for your baby will be a moot point if you dont survive the pregnancy, I said, and Tracis expression fell so far I thought her jaw might actually drop off her face.
Emma turned to Harmony. You have another vial in your purse, dont you? Her voice was quiet. Sad. Thoughtful. What does the other vial do?
Its a mixture of some plants and roots from the Netherworld. For Traci. For if she decides to end her pregnancy. She reached into her purse and pulled out a second plastic vial a quarter of the way full with a pale yellow liquid. This is the safest way.
If you can do that... Ems voice broke, and I realized she was crying. If you can help her lose the baby safely...cant you help her keep it safely? Isnt there some plant or root in the Netherworld that can...I dont know. Boost her immune system, or give her a superdose of vitamins, or somehow make her healthy enough to carry the baby to term?
Emma, Traci, I know this is hard, but the chances of this ending well are so small, Harmony said.
Em swiped one arm across her eyes angrily. No. This is my nephew were talking about. And my sister. Shes lost enough already. She cant lose the baby, too. If you can help her, you have to.
Harmony sighed. She closed her eyes, and her lips moved without making any sound. Like she was praying. When she finally looked at us again, her blue eyes were swirling with...sadness. Or maybe regret. I couldnt tell for sure. Id never seen her unable to control the swirling before.
Em swiped one arm across her eyes angrily. No. This is my nephew were talking about. And my sister. Shes lost enough already. She cant lose the baby, too. If you can help her, you have to.
Harmony sighed. She closed her eyes, and her lips moved without making any sound. Like she was praying. When she finally looked at us again, her blue eyes were swirling with...sadness. Or maybe regret. I couldnt tell for sure. Id never seen her unable to control the swirling before.
I cant promise anything. I can help, but...there are no guarantees. The chances are still slim
Ill take them. Traci wiped tears from her cheeks. Ill take those chances. Please. Ill do whatever you want. Ill pay you. Just please do whatever you can for my baby.
Oh, honey... Harmony took Tracis hand and pulled her closer. I would never charge you. I just need you to understand that I have no idea whether or not this will work. Well have to take it day by day. And your baby may come early. We may have to make him come early, if your body starts to fail you.
Fine. Whatever it takes.
Okay. Harmony sat, and Traci sat next to her. Em and I sank into our seats, fascinated and a little scared. First, lets put this away. She slid the yellow vial back into her purse. Second, youll need to eat healthily. Exercise, but dont overdo it. Get plenty of rest. And...Ill be back tomorrow with something for you to take every day. With tea or water. No coffee.
Emma frowned. Harmony, is she going to remember this?
No. Harmony glanced at the ground for a second, thinking. Youll have to introduce me to her again, Kaylee, and Ill give her the mixture as a prenatal supplement. She turned back to Traci. Are you sure you want to do this? You wont remember what weve told you. You wont remember the risks. You wont remember...so much of this.
Doesnt matter, Traci insisted. I would never give him up, no matter what I know or dont know about this pregnancy. If you tell me tomorrow that I need whatever youre bringing, Ill believe you. Ill take it.
If she doesnt, Nash can help, right? Emma leaned closer to whisper.
I nodded. Nash, or Tod, or my dad. Any one of them could Influence Traci into wanting to take what she needed to take to help her keep the baby. And I was only willing to let them do thatto play with her mindbecause wed all seen how badly she wanted to keep her baby.
But... Traci, theres one more thing. Id never hated myself as badly as I did for what I was about to say. She nodded for me to go on, and I could see in her eyes that though she might not have anticipated the wording, she knew at least some of what I was going to say. If you cant do this... I took a deep breath, then started over.
If it turns out that nurture cant trump nature and your son becomes dangerous, Ill have to...stop him. That wasnt in my job description, strictly speaking, but I already felt responsible for whatever this theoretic incubus might do later in life, because Id agreed to help bring him into the world. Against my better judgment. I cant let him hurt people, Traci. Ill be watching him. And I wont be alone. Your son will get a chance, but hell only get this one chance. And the next tough decision on his behalf wont be yours to make.
It would be mine.
And I would damn well make the right one.
Chapter Eight
You know, there were times when we were little when I would have done almost anything to be an only child, but now all I want in the world is to be her sister again.
Youll always be her sister, Em, I said as we backed out of the drive, wishing I could see her face from the backseat. Even if she doesnt remember that.
Id never had a sister. Id had Sophie for thirteen years, but she never let anyone labor long under the impression that we were anything more than cousins. Emma was the closest thing Id ever had to a sister, and I knew exactly how Traci felt having lost her, because Id lost Emma twice before, and both times Id found a way to bring her back from the dead.
And even if she died a dozen more times, I would move heaven, earth, and the Netherworld as many times as it took to bring her back.
But it would be much easier if I could figure out how to keep her from dying again in the first place.
Girls. The tone of Harmonys voice told me I wasnt going to like whatever she had to say next. I cant explain how badly I hate to have to say this, but I think we need to consider the hard truth here.
No. Em crossed her arms over her chest and stared out the passengers-side window. Were not killing her baby.
Of course not! Harmony stomped on the brake and the tires squealed as she pulled to a stop two full feet from the curb. She shifted into Park, then twisted in the drivers seat to face us both. I would never suggest anything like that. Whether or not to end her pregnancy is your sisters choice. But you both need to understand that even with my help, theres every chance in the world that Traci will still lose this baby and maybe her own life in the process. In fact, whatever help Im able to give her may make that more likely.
What? Why? Em looked almost as confused as she was clearly terrified.
Because if left alone, her body will almost certainly reject the pregnancy when it starts to threaten her life. Thats the case in a full two-thirds of incubus pregnancies. But if I help her keep the baby into her second or third trimester and her body still rejects it, the miscarriage could kill her, too. Youd be losing not just your nephew, but your sister. Is that something youre willing to risk? She was talking to Emma now. I had no say in this.
Emma shouldnt have either. She shouldnt have had to wrestle with a decision like that. But she was the only one of Tracis relatives who knew the truth.
Me? No. Em shook her head firmly. But Traci knows the risks. She made her own decision, and I dont think that would change, even if she remembered making it.
So youre sure you want me to help her, rather than letting nature run its course?
Em turned on her, and the spark of anger in her eyes surprised me for a second. Theres nothing natural about this. Nothing. She swiped unshed tears from her eyes in one angry motion. My sister was raped by a monster, and now shes carrying one. I was killed by another monster. Nothing will ever be the same for either of us. She glanced at me and seemed to reconsider. For any of us. But Tracis made her choice, and we are damn well going to respect it.
Harmony nodded. And that was the last of that.