Harmony frowned, and I recognized the worry lines in the center of her foreheadthe only sign that she might be older than the thirty-year-old she looked like. She got those same lines every time she saw Nash and Sabine together.
Emma exhaled heavily. Trace, youre not thinking this through. If you try to have this baby, youre going to die. Thats, like, ninety-nine percent certain. You cant do that to Mom and Cara. Not after the funeral.
Who are you? Tracis eyes flashed with anger, and in that moment she looked so much like Emmathe old Emmathat I caught my breath. I dont even know you!
Ems eyes filled with tears again. Traci. Its me. She waited, searching her sisters face for some sign of recognition, and when she found none, she turned to me, heartbreak drawn in every feature on her face. I thought shed be able to see it, at least in my eyes.
I got up to sit on the arm of Emmas chair so I could put one arm around her, hating how helpless I felt in the face of her pain. Traci, this is Emma. Your sister. She didnt really die. Well, she did. But...its complicated, and now she has a new body.
Somehow, even as the words fell out of my mouth, that part sounded much less believable than, Hey, Traci, youve inadvertently taken on the role of human incubator for a demons spawn.
Traci blinked at me. Then her gaze hardened. What is wrong with you? My sisteryour best friendjust died, and I dont care whether you can make yourself disappear, or run at the speed of light, or fly to China with no airplane, it is never going to be okay for you to joke about that.
Its true, Harmony said. There was an...accident. Id appreciate it if you dont make us explain every little detail, because its complicated, and we dont have all night. What you really need to know is that this is Emma. Your sister. Her death has been just as hard on her as it has been on you and your mom and sister.
I can prove it, Em said before Traci could start arguing or get more upset. She leaned forward in her chair, obviously desperate to have her say before her sister kicked us out. I know things no one else but you and I know. Like...I know what flavor bubble gum you stuck in Caras hair the night before picture day when she was nine. It was that horrible watermelon flavor. The kind thats green on the outside and red in the middle. Only when you chew it, it turns brown and looks as gross as it tastes. And I know about the time you accidentally took nighttime cold medicine instead of daytime cold medicine and you fell asleep in first period, and some jackass wrote all over your face with permanent marker. I guess theres probably a whole class full of people who remember that, and Mom and Cara know, but why would any of them tell me? I know because I was there while Mom tried to scrub four-letter words off your forehead with rubbing alcohol, and I was with Cara when she went out to buy stage makeup to cover up the ghost of the F-word on your cheek, when the alcohol didnt work. I saw you cry into the mirror every day for a week, waiting for the ink to wear off.
Oh my... Tracis eyes were huge and her cheeks were pink, but I saw no sign of doubt on her face now. Emma?
Yeah. Its me. Em smiled bigger than Id seen her smile since the day she woke up in Lydias body. Death sucks. I mean, Im still alive, but everythings different, and I hate my new hair, and my old clothes dont fit now, and the world looks different when youre only five foot two, and I dont have a car anymore, and... But Im taking Toto with me. Hes all I have left now.
Traci stood so fast I got dizzy just watching. She launched herself over the coffee table and threw her arms around Emma, squeezing her harder than I would have thought possible, considering how frail the expectant mothers frame looked. I cant believe it. I dont really understand whats happening here, but this is real? She sounded half-choked, like she was speaking through tears, and we all nodded. I thought you were dead. Traci pushed Em away and held her at arms length, suddenly as furious as shed been relieved a moment earlier. I thought you were dead! How could you do that? How could you let us think you died?
I didnt have any choice. Dont be mad. What was I supposed to say, Hey, guys, I died, but then Kaylee got me a new body, but youre still gonna have to bury me, and pretend you dont know Im still here?
I guess not. Traci sank into her seat again, but she couldnt stop staring at Emma. You look so different. Except your eyes...
Emma glanced at me with her brows arched. Oh, now she notices my eyes.
Girls, I truly wish we had time for the reunion this moment deserves. But were running out of time on this dose. She gestured to Tracis empty teacup. And Id rather not risk Traci still being under the influence of a second dose when her mother comes home. Id hate for her to forget something she needs to remember.
So, Im really not going to remember any of this? I wont remember about Emma?
Im afraid not. However, you may subconsciously remember that shes alive, and that could make it easier for you to move on, even if you still believe on the surface that your sister is dead.
Traci nodded, and I privately wondered how many good uses I could find for a vial of Netherworld forget-me water if I had one.
But as sorry as I am for everything youve been through, Harmony continued, we really need to get back to the matter at hand. Do you understand what weve been telling you?
I think so. Tracis eyes narrowed in thought. My sisters still alive, but my babys going to die. Or else I will.
No. Youre not going to die. Harmony looked...heartbroken. She leaned toward Traci on the couch to emphasize the importance of what she was saying. We came here to tell you the truth, so you can do what needs to be done. To save your life.
Well, I wont do it. Traci leaned back against the cushion, one hand on her small belly, as if the matter was already decided. Im not going to kill my baby.
Traci... Em said, but her sister shook her head firmly.
No. Hes sharing my soul. My soul, Emma. That means hes part of me. How am I supposed to kill part of myself? I cant live with myself, knowing his death was the price for my life.
A storm of horror and empathy collided within me, trapping me between that figurative rock and hard place. The decision was Tracis to makebut I wasnt sure she fully understood the choice she was making. Or the consequences of letting an incubus baby live.
But, Trace, hes probably going to die anyway! Emma insisted. You cant carry him, and if you try, youll both die. Youre already sick, and its still your first trimester!
Theres another problem, Traci, I said quietly, and Harmonys attention settled on me like a comforting hand on my back, silently encouraging me to say what had to be said, even as waves of nausea rolled over me at the very thought. I took a deep breath. When I was sure I had Tracis full attention, I continued, Your son isnt human. The male offspring of an incubus is always an incubus, so...you need to understand that even if you could carry and deliver this baby, and even if you both survived, you wouldnt be raising a normal little boy. Youd be raising a predator.
Her uncertain frown deepened. What does that mean, exactly?
When your son reaches puberty, hell develop an appetitea needto feed on lust, in any form. If he doesnt, hell starve to death, just like he would without food. I scooted forward in my chair. I could practically feel her taking in every word I said, studying them for truth and, beyond that, for meaning. Your son will grow up to do to other girls what Beck did to you. He will bowl them over with a desire he exudesand wont be able to control without practicethen hell take what he needs, when he needs it, from whoever is convenient at the time. Like you were convenient for Beck. At best, hell try and fail to control his appetite, unintentionally victimizing girls who dont even know theyre victims. Girls who wont understand why they slept with a strange boy and might think of themselves as sluts because of something they had no control over. I can only imagine how damaging that kind of self-image will be for the rest of their lives. At worst, your son will be a flat-out rapist and murderer, like his father.
I could see her horror growing with every word I said, but I continued because she needed to know all of it. She needed to understand.
Either way, he will be the most dangerous thing on the middle school playground, and that will only get worse the older he gets. Hell be a sexual predator, Traci. Theres nothing any of us can do to change that. Thats what incubi are. Its how they survive, and their survival is in direct opposition to the free will of every woman in their path. You know that even better than we do.
Tracis hands started to shake in her lap, and her gaze lost focus beneath the tears now standing in her eyes.
And itll be even worse than that when he feels the need to...reproduce, about once a century, Harmony added. During each of those spawning periodsfor lack of a better termup to a dozen young girls could die trying to carry his child. Which is the same risk youre facing now. Do you understand?
Please, please let her understand. Somehow, telling Traci that her child would grow up to be a monster was even harder than telling her that the conception was a crime of convenience committed against both her mind and her body. I hated myself for having to tell her either of those things, and suddenly I understood why some people might be inclined to shoot the messenger.
Youre telling me that my son will be a psychological rapist, right? Harmony nodded, and for the first time since wed arrived at Emmas house she looked uncomfortable to be there. Well, I dont accept that, Traci continued. You may know what this baby will be, but you dont know who hell be. You cant possibly know how much nurture can affect his nature, and you dont have any right to judge him now for crimes he may commit sixteen years from now. And you dont have the right to judge the kind of mother Im going to be. The kind who would never let her child turn into the monster youre describing. He deserves a chance. I deserve a chance. And hes mine. Tears filled her eyes again, and she sniffled, trying to hold herself together.