He growled again and shoved the knife at me. I grabbed his arms, whirled around, and pushed him back into the pillar, wrenching the dagger from his grasp. His eyes snapped open, vicious and crazy once more, and he bared his fangs in my face.
Make your decision, vampire girl, Zeke snarled, and at that moment, I didnt know which personality was in control. Or if both were speaking. Youre running out of time.
Tears streamed down my face, and I shook my head, frantically trying to think of something. Dammit, there had to be something to shock him out of it. What could stop a vampire in its tracks besides a stake to the heart? Was there nothing I could do? Only watch as Zeke slipped from me once more, and in the end, be forced to destroy him after all?
No, I couldnt. I would not lose him again. Not this time.
Allie, Zeke groaned, and I sensed him slipping, changing into the thing Sarren had created. He tilted his head back, squeezing his eyes shut, and I made my choice. As Zeke opened his eyes, his expression savage once more, I dropped the dagger, stepped forward, and sank my fangs into his throat.
He gasped, going rigid against me. His hands came up to grip my arms, crushing them in a grip of steel, but I barely felt them. His blood seeped past my lips and spread over my tongue, a thick, sluggish river. Different. It was different than when hed been human, sweet and earthy and very much Zeke. This was darker somehow. Hot and strong and powerful, and completely intoxicating. I could suddenly feel him, the real him. I could feel his thoughts and churning emotions. Confusion. Despair. Fear. And below that, a rippling undercurrent of something so powerful it was almost overwhelming.
Flashes of memory invaded my thoughts, carried through his blood. The horrible night with Sarren; his agony as the vampire slowly cut him open, demanding he betray everyone he loved, and his absolute despair when he gave in to the torture. Another scene: him standing in the shadows, watching me struggle with a flimsy tent on an open, windy plain, hoping the tent would fall just so he could go talk to me. A flash of pain as he endured one of Jebbadiahs many beatings, knowing he would never live up to the old mans expectations. A memory of New Covington, of slow dancing with me in a dark corner, piano music swirling around us, and realizing how much he would sacrifice, how far he would go, for us to be together.
That very first night in Old Chicago, when we went to rescue our group from the raider king and, kneeling across from me in utter darkness, he realized that he was completely, irrevocably in love...with a vampire.
A little frightened at the depth of emotion sweeping through me, I tried drawing back, but Zeke shivered and slid his arms around me, pressing me to him. Urging me to go on. Closing my eyes, I sank my fangs in deeper, melting into him, and Zeke groaned softly.
I took only a little, knowing he was badly wounded and had little blood to spare. But it was hard, pulling away, forcing my fangs to retract. For a second, Id seen the deepest, darkest parts of him, known every emotion and secret fear. Id never felt so connected to anyone.
Looking up, I met Zekes gaze and trembled. His eyes were no longer blank, but shone with an intensity Id never seen before. His lips were partially open, and his fangs gleamed inches from my face.
I swallowed, knowing what he wanted...and tilted my head back, baring my throat to him.
He lunged, and for a split second, I felt a jolt of fear, remembering the horrible pain when Kanin had bitten me. I tensed, but then Zekes fangs sank into my flesh. There was a tiny, initial stab of pain, and then warmth spread through me, turning my bones to liquid. It burned through my veins, soothing and wonderful, silencing even the constant ache of the Hunger, the raging of the demon. I closed my eyes, holding his head to my neck as he yanked me against him. Zeke growled, driving his fangs deep, and I gasped, arching into him, desperate to get closer.
He can see you. A tiny, panicked voice emerged from the layers of bliss, making me frown. He can see you now, the real you. Who you really are, behind that wall you put up for everyone. What will he think now that he knows what you really are? A killer. A monster.
I didnt care. Let him see, I thought, holding him more tightly, urging him on. I thought of the moments wed shared, my reluctance to trust anyone, especially a human, and how he had broken down every wall with his unshakable faith until I had to let him in. I remembered the look in his eyes just before hed kissed me, knowing I was a monster, not letting it scare him away. I let him see the utter devastation his death had brought, how the demon had nearly won, and how it was my memory of him that finally drove it back.
This is me, I thought, wondering if he could hear my thoughts, as well. All of me. Im here, Zeke. I wont let you go.
Abruptly, Zeke stiffened. Pulling his fangs from my throat, he shoved me backward, his eyes wide with horror, as if just realizing what hed done. I stumbled, caught myself, and faced him again, ready to leap away if he attacked.
He stared at me, blood smearing his lips and trickling from the corner of his mouth, his face contorted in anguish. With a shaking hand, he touched a finger to his lips and pulled it down to stare at the crimson spotting his skin. His eyes went dark with shock and disbelief, and he took one staggering step back, shaking his head.
Zeke, I whispered, stepping forward. My legs shook, possibly from blood loss, and I nearly fell. Zeke didnt notice, staring at his bloody fingers. He looked horribly sick, like he might actually throw up if he could. Wait.
Why didnt you kill me?
I stopped. His voice was so harsh it was almost a growl, his gaze desperate and accusing as he glanced up. Why, Allie? he whispered. His fangs were still out, and he bared them at me in an unconscious snarl. Why didnt you end it? You promised me you would.
I swallowed my own desperate reply, meeting his condemning stare. I promised I wouldnt Turn you if you were dying, I choked back, trying to steady myself. I promised Id let you go. I never said I would help you destroy yourself.
No, Zeke agreed, slumping. No, you didnt. I cant blame you for that. For a moment, he stood there, the hazy blue light falling softly around him. Raising his head, Zeke looked at the ruined ceiling, letting the light wash over his face. Glancing at the hole, I felt a twinge of nervousness. The stars had faded, and dawn was very close.
I looked back at Zeke, who had closed his eyes, hands clenched at his sides. Its up to me, then, he murmured, his voice broken but determined. He took a step back. Ill have to do it myself.
Zeke. Suddenly very afraid, I started forward, wooziness forgotten. Wait. What are you doing?
He gave me one last, anguished glance. Thank you, he whispered. For...bringing me out of it. For helping me remember. I... What you showed me... I dont deserve it. Not now. But at least Im free of Sarren. He glanced up at the ceiling, at the open sky overhead, his expression resigned. Kill him for me, vampire girl, he murmured. Promise me youll kill him. Send him to hell, and then Ill finish the job myself.
Ice shot through my veins. Zeke, no.
But he turned and fled, covering the room in several long strides, ignoring my cries for him to stop, and vanished from the chamber.
I chased him, following him out one of the doors and up a crowded, rubble-filled staircase, scrambling to catch up. Zeke ignored my calls, not looking back once, moving through the ruined theater like he was possessed. When his path became blocked by debris or walls or the fallen roof, he quickly chose another direction, but continued to move steadily upward. I had to push myself to keep pace with him, sometimes even climbing the crumbling walls of the theater, toward the roof and the lightening sky.
Finally, I pulled myself up a final beam, onto the blackened, skeletal roof of the old theater. Wind tossed my hair as I straightened, gazing around frantically. The gaping hole of the building plunged straight down several feet away, crisscrossed with steel girders that hung precariously over the edge. The top of the CHI AGO sign hung crookedly from the far wall, and beyond it, a terrifying orange glow had crept over the horizon.
A lean figure in black stood across from me on the rooftop, facing that oncoming light. He perched at the very edge of a metal girder, suspended out over nothing, the wind tearing at his hair and clothes. My vampire instincts were screaming at me to get inside, away from the killing rays of the sun. There wasnt any time left. But I forced myself to walk carefully across the roof, easing around the gaping pit, to where the lean, pale figure stood, awaiting the dawn.
Zeke. My voice shook. Terrified, of both the rising sun and the thought of watching Zeke slowly erupt into flame right in front of me, I stepped to the very edge of the building and stared at the figure at the end of the beam. So close and yet, a lifetime away. Dont do this.
He barely inclined his head, continuing to face the rising sun. Go back inside, Allison, he whispered, his voice calmer now. Resolute. You dont want to see me burn. From what Sarren told me, its quite painful.
His voice trembled on the last sentence. I swallowed my fear, the instinct to take his advice and flee inside as quickly as I could, and inched forward. Not without you. He didnt reply, and my voice became desperate. Zeke, please, listen. You can fight it. I can show you how.
Do you want to know my first memory as a vampire? The words were flat, emotionless. He didnt seem to have heard me. The wind tossed his hair and clothes as he stood unmoving, silhouetted against the horizon. The first few nights, he went on, I didnt know what was happening. It was all flashes, blips of emotion and memory, like a fever dream. I didnt know what Sarren was doing, or even how long it lastedeverything was hazy. Until one night.
He bowed his head, oblivious or uncaring of the faint pink glow spreading across his skin. I trembled, clamped down on my instinct to run, and stayed where I was.