Oh, bugger. Jack ran a hand over his face. Were his cheeks actually red? Thats not the point.
Then what is?
The point is that you deserve better than a meaningless tussle. Youre worth more than that.
What am I worth, Jack?
He turned on his heel. She stepped toward him, closing the distance so that their chests were almost touching. He was maybe four or five inches taller than her own considerable height. There was something in his eyes she couldnt comprehend, but it made her want to grab him by the shirtfront, haul him close and press her lips to hispress her everything to his. Maybe make a little noise of their own. A wave of warmth rushed up her neck.
Youre worth more than I am, poppet. Worth more than any bloke, and dont ever let anyone tell you different. You deserve a good life and a good man.
What if I dont want a good man? She knew from remarks hed made during their time together that Jack thought of himself as the very opposite of good. He sometimes seemed to wear his underworld connections as if they were badges of honor, something to be proud of.
His eyes widened. Youre obviously still drunk. Well discuss the floor and whether or not youll apologize when youre sober.
Jack. He kept walking toward the door. His hand closed around the crystal knob, started to turn it.... Jack! She moved fastincredibly fastand slammed her palm against the heavy oak. The wood groaned under the impactsplintered just enough to poke the tender flesh inside her hand.
He didnt look at her, didnt speak, but they both knew he wasnt getting out of that room until she allowed it. He was no match for her physically. Emotionally, however, was a different story. When he finally turned his head, his eyes were like glistening pools of darkness that cast a soothing spell over her, tugging her deeper and deeper into their depths until shed do whatever he asked.
The bounder.
Mila shook her head, clearing the fog Jack had created. Hed almost had heralmost made her open the door. Jack had a talent for getting his way.
Not fair, she said from between clenched teeth.
No less than you using your strength against me. Open the door.
No.
He drew his shoulders back, anger tightening his features. Mila, open the damn door. Ive had enough of your sulking and pouting. Sober up and Ill take you for an ice. We can do whatever you want.
She stared at him. He thought she was pouting? And did he truly believe a bloody ice would fix it? You really are stupid, arent you?
Jacks brows lowered. What the devil is wrong wit
Mila didnt think, she just wanted to shut him up. She grabbed him by the shirt and lifted herself up on her toes.
And then she kissed Jack Dandy. And it was wonderful.
Chapter Four
Three weeks earlier...
I need you to explain something, Mila announced as they left the little theater. They had just seen a production of An Ideal Husband by Oscar Wilde.
Jack buttoned up his long, black frock coat. All right.
Why didnt the wife just tell her husband shed gone to visit his friend? Why was it such a terrible thing?
Because he was a single gentleman and she called upon him at night without a companion.
She shook her head. That still makes no sense.
Ladies arent supposed to call on gentlemen at their homes, and certainly not without a chaperone.
Can a gentlemen call on a lady without a chaperone?
Yes, but he shouldnt if he really likes her. People might think ill of her.
Mila kicked at a pebble with the toe of her shoe. Thats stupid.
Jack laughed. It is. He shrugged. But, thats how it is.
But why? She knew she asked a lot of questions, and Jack had been very good about answering them, but the world was just so bloody confusing. Sometimes she didnt think shed ever understand.
Because a ladys virtue is her greatest possession, apparently. And a gentleman might lose control of himself and take advantage of her.
Virtue. That was pureness. It was a synonym for virginity, as well. Do men usually lose control of themselves?
He opened the door to his steam carriage for her, so that she might climb in. Id like to think that they do not, no.
She waited until hed walked around and climbed in the other side. You have ladies visit you.
Jack paused, and she knew he was trying to think of a way to lie to her. He did that sometimes. Thats different. That was what he always said when he didnt want to talk about it.
Do you take advantage of your ladies?
He made a strangled sound as he ignited the engine. No.
What do you do with them?
Thats really none of your business, poppet. Not something you need to know about.
Do you have intercourse with them? Shed read about intercourse in a book shed found underneath the sofa.
His head turned, and he looked at her with an expression of...surprise? Horror? Bloody hell, she couldnt tell! How do you know about that?
If she told him, hed take the book away. Thats really none of your business.
It is so my business! Jacks eyes were wide and black in the dim light.
Something in his tone made her fold her arms over her chest and glare out the window. I dont like how there seems to be separate rules for girls and boys. Its not fair.
Jack steered the carriage out into traffic. An old-fashioned carriage pulled by four automaton horses, their brass gleaming, raced past them. No, its not. But its the way of the upper class.
Then, I dont want to be part of the upper class.
I dont think youll have much choice. Thats the sphere into which His Grace will introduce you.
I dont understand why I cant stay with you.
Because Im exactly the sort of fellow a girl like you should avoid. Someday youll see that.
Out of the corner of her eye, she glanced at him. But you said you dont take advantage of those girls.
He kept his gaze on the road. A muscle in his jaw flexed. I dont, but that doesnt mean Im a good man, poppet.
But youre the best person I know. I love you.
The carriage swerved. Jack yanked on the steering mechanism to correct it again. You dont know what love is. He didnt say it meanly, but she resented it all the same. She couldnt argue, though. Maybe she didnt know what love was. But Emily had told her that love was when you cared about someone very much, and she did care about Jack. He was her whole world. The idea of being without him scared her.
Do you know what love is? she asked.
He shook his head. And I dont want to. Ive seen what love does to people.
What?
Jack sneeredit was an awful expression on his lovely face. It makes them weak. Makes it easy for other people to hurt them, use them and toss them aside.
Did that happen to someone you know?
Yes.
Who?
For a moment she thought he wasnt going to answer herthat meant that a conversation really was over. My mother. She thought my father loved her, but he didnt. Unfortunately, she loved him, and it ruined her.
Mila didnt quite grasp the depth of his mothers disappointment, but she knew when Jack was upset, and when he was angry. That his father had been mean to his mother upset him and made him really angry, and that was a bad thing. Im sorry.
He flashed her a slight smile before returning his attention to the street. Youre sweet, you know that? Youre probably the nicest person Ive ever met.
Warmth blossomed inside her. It was like pleasure, but moreas if her heart were being blown up like a balloon. She smiledand then remembered her manners. Thank you.
Thats why Im going to make certain you are never in a position to be dependent on a man. Youll never go hungry. No one will look at you as less than what they are. No one will ever take away your sweetness.
She looked at him. Like your father did your mother?
Yes.
I dont understand. Why would you even want me to marry someone of the upper class, then?
Theyre not all awful. His Grace is all right. I want you to be comfortable and taken care of.
I can take care of myself, she said, as the lamps of the carriage illuminated familiar streets. They were almost home.
Jack chuckled. Physically, yes. But there are still a lot of things you need to learn about the world, poppet.
Like what?
Like that people lie. They steal. People can hurt you emotionally as well as physically. Its worse than being hit.
Mila frowned. Who hurt you, Jack?
For a moment, there was an odd vulnerability in his eyes, but then it was gone. No one. He reached across the leather seat and took her hand. I promise you that I will never hurt younot intentionally. No matter what happens now or in the future, you can always come to me. I will always be here for you. Do you understand?
She nodded. I understand.
But she didnt, not really. If she had, she would have known that Jack was lying again.
For the first time in the two decades hed been alive, Jack Dandy couldnt think.
Jack could always think. Thinkingplotting, playing out every scenariowas what had kept him alive and built him a fortune. He started thinking the moment he woke up and sometimes he even thought in his dreams. Certainly no girl had ever interfered with the process before.
Not even Treasure.
Milas lips turned his brain to gruel. No thoughts, only instinct, and instinct told him to enjoy this a little while, even though his conscience screamed in protest. His arms went around her waist, pulling her tight against him. His hands splayed across her back, feeling the movement of her muscles beneath cloth and skin. She was warm and soft and tasted like peppermint.
And he was not a good man.
Her fingers twisted in his shirt, tearing through the soft cotton as if it were nothing more than candy floss. She could easily crush his bones with those hands. The thought vanished as quickly as it had appearednothing more than a flicker in his mind. One of his hands came up and fisted in her wild hairit felt like silk against his skin.
A loud shredding noise filled the silenceshed torn his shirt completely open. Warm fingers found their way beneath to touch his chest, roam over his stomach and ribs. He shivered. Her hands moved up to his shoulders, shoving the ruined garment down his arms.
Mila was trying to undress him. Mila.
Mila, who he had first found in a boxnot even fully formed. Shed been monstrous and heartbreaking. Guilt had made him take her in and look after her, but something else made him let her stay. Responsibility was only part of it. Watching her grow and change made his head spin, it had all happened so fast. He tried to keep up, but he had to constantly remind himself that, while she was childlike, she grew in maturity by leaps and bounds. She was gorgeous and looked like a young woman. Pretty soon she was going to be just that, but not yet. And he had no right to take advantage of her curiosity.