Ryan gently touches my arm. Warmth radiates from the place where his fingertips touch me. “I don’t want you to leave, Brooke,” he says. “Will you stay? For me?”
I move my arm away, a little startled by the contact, by the intensity of what he’s asking me.
“I can’t promise that,” I say, not meeting his eye. But I know it’s not enough, that I owe him more of an explanation. I take a breath then turn to meet his gaze. “Bree and I survived in the mountains for years. So did Ben and his brother. There are thousands more kids out there who don’t have anyone to help them. There are so many more survivors.”
“And you think it’s our responsibility to be out there looking for them?” he challenges me.
“Don’t you?” I say, my tone becoming more heated. “Don’t you think we ought to help the innocent survivors of the war?”
I sigh, frustrated by the fact that Ryan and the rest of the people at Fort Noix have no idea at all what the real world is like now. It’s not their fault that they’ve been completely protected from it all, but I can’t help but feel the sting of injustice. That one random crazy attack can shake them to the core when for me, it’s an everyday occurrence.
Ryan gives me a steely look. “I understand why you’re angry. And trust me, you’re not the only one who thinks that way. It’s a controversial topic around here. But the Commander is an isolationist. It’s what he fundamentally believes. It’s kept us all alive so far, so why would he ever change it?”
He sighs when he sees that I’m still frowning.
“We do what we can, Brooke. We found you, didn’t we? We took you in.”
“That’s not enough,” I contest. “Four kids and a dog, when there’s thousands out there. There are girls being kidnapped for the sex trade. There are kids fighting to the death for the entertainment of others. You’re an army, trained fighters. You could make a difference.”
His mouth twists to the side in consternation. I can tell that my words are getting to him. But at the same time, I know he’s not going to change his mind. And why would he? Fort Noix is paradise for all who live within it. No one wants to rock the boat, or risk losing it all. Fighting off a bunch of crazies is one thing – willingly seeking them out is quite another.
Ryan lowers his voice and looks around cautiously, as if debating whether to tell me something.
“There are people who want to help others outside Fort Noix,” he says. “There’s actually a group who meet to discuss it.”
“There is?” I say, relieved to hear that.
He nods.
“Zeke and Molly are among them. But you have to keep it quiet. The only way the Commander can keep the peace is by maintaining everything exactly as it is.”
I understand the need for secrecy, but I’m intrigued and want to know more.
“So what’s their plan?” I ask. “What do they propose to do? Bring survivors back to Fort Noix?”
Ryan shrugs.
“I don’t know. They’re not rebelling or anything like that. They’re just trying to build their numbers in order to persuade the Commander that it’s what people want. If there’s enough, he might listen.”
“Do you think that will work?” I add. “Is he the sort of man who can be persuaded?”
He shrugs.
“It hasn’t worked so far,” Ryan replies.
I think about my meeting with the Commander earlier in the day. He’d been hard-line about us not joining Fort Noix, but I’d managed to convince him to change his mind. About Penelope too. There’s leeway in him, definitely.
“I’d like to meet them,” I say, “the others who want to search for survivors.”
Ryan nods. “I’ll take you to a meeting,” he says. “If it’s a way to get you to stay.” He suddenly shoves his hands into his pockets and looks shy.
“Thanks,” I reply, grateful for the darkness that is hiding my blush.
“Brooke,” he says hurriedly, “I know it’s early but…I wanted to ask you if maybe one day you’d want to go on a date with me? I mean, I know ‘date’ isn’t really the right word for it anymore, but I just mean, well…you know what I mean.”
His voice drops as he speaks and his gaze falls to my lips. I realize he’s thinking about kissing me.
I want to say yes to a date, want to consent to a kiss, but something inside is holding me back. It’s the shadow of Logan in my mind. It’s the echo of Ben’s kiss on my lips. And it’s the horror of everything I’ve been through.
Ryan must sense my hesitation because he starts to rub his neck awkwardly. “Sorry, bad timing on my part, right? I mean we almost all died today and here I am asking you on a date.”
“I’d love to,” I interrupt him with a hurried whisper. “But I can’t. Not now. Not yet.”
“Because of what you went through in the arenas?” he asks.
I glance away, feeling suddenly uncomfortable and embarrassed.
“I have to figure out how to live in this new world first,” I say. “I’ve spent so long fighting, I don’t know who I am anymore. Do you understand?”
He looks a little hurt, but nods all the same.
Just then, I feel something cold land on my nose. It feels like rain, but softer. I look up and see that it’s starting to snow.
“Winter comes early in Quebec,” Ryan explains.
I keep gazing up, watching the snowflakes fall. I feel happy and content, grateful to be alive and well fed. But I also feel like staying at Fort Noix forever just won’t be possible.
Out of the corner of my eye I can see Ryan watching me, studying me, trying to work me out.
“Will you at least stay for the winter?” Ryan says. “After everything you’ve been through, you deserve that much, don’t you? It’s not selfish to want to recuperate and rest. And you can help far more people in the spring. You don’t know what our winters are like here.”
I don’t answer, but keep looking up at the falling snow, reflecting the twinkling starlight. I don’t want to promise Ryan anything I won’t be able to give.
“If you won’t stay for me,” he adds, quietly, “stay for Ben.”
Finally, my head snaps over to look at Ryan. “What do you mean?” I challenge him.
“I’ve seen guys like that before,” Ryan says. “I’m worried he might have PTSD.”
I nod. I’d been thinking the same thing.
“You know everyone has to work here, right?” he adds. “The Commander isn’t particularly kind when it comes to things like that.”
“What do you mean?” I whisper.
“I mean the Commander wouldn’t keep a useless soldier around. He doesn’t have the resources or the motivation to rehabilitate damaged people.”
My insides turn to ice at the thought of Ben being turfed out of Fort Noix and left to fend for himself when at his most vulnerable. If I’d had any concerns about leaving my friends and sister before, they’re now magnified by ten times. If the Commander finds out about Ben’s PTSD, he’ll be kicked out for sure.
Which means for now, I have no choice but to stay and look after him.
I’ll stay, I realize.
At least for now, I’ll stay.
SIX MONTHS LATER
CHAPTER SIX
“Brooke! Brooke! Brooke!”
The crowd is cheering my name. My heartbeat races. My palms are sweaty. I start to tremble as I raise my bow. I poise, holding my stance, whispering a silent prayer under my breath. Then I let my arrow fly.
Bull’s-eye.
I hit my target dead center. Flooded with relief, I turn to face the audience and squint against the spring sunshine. As my eyes orient to my surroundings, I remember where I am. Not in an arena, but on the firing range in Fort Noix: a big grassy field, beautiful and tranquil, peppered with the first flowering buds of spring. I’m not fighting to the death, but taking part in Fort Noix’s annual shooting competition.
Beside me, Molly takes her own shot, hitting the bull’s-eye too.
“Molly, Molly, Molly!” the crowd chants.
My competitiveness is set alight. Molly and I are the last two left in the knock-out competition. Now we have to go head to head, taking on an assault course, shooting moving targets that pop up as we go. It’s made up of cars, tires, ropes, and climbing nets and has become my favorite thing to do in training. In fact, I’ve done it so many times now, I know how to jump and weave like a ninja.
A horn blares and we’re off. I leap from one car hood onto a net, swiveling around to fire a shot at the target that’s just popped up behind me. I get it right between the eyes and it pops back down again.
I quickly climb up the rope and heave myself onto a platform. Immediately another target pops up down below me. I crouch down and fire. I hit my target and it pops down again. The crowd starts cheering.
I shimmy down the netting on the other side and race past the tire stack. A target appears the other side. I can just about see it through a gap in the tires. I shoot through the hole and it disappears. Straightaway, another appears at the end of the stack, just by the finish line. I race toward it and shoot it out of my way, not even slowing down in the process. The crowd screams and cheers as I pass over the finishing line.
I’ve won.
“Brooke! Brooke! Brooke!”
Panting, I bend forward, exhausted from my run, and let the sound of the cheering crowd filter into my mind, reminding myself that it is not the braying cry of biovictims but the cheer and support of my friends and allies. I catch sight of my instructor, General Reece, standing in her typical arms folded pose. There’s a sliver of a smile on her lips, one that tells me she’s pleased with my performance.
“The winner of our annual shooting competition,” she announces, “is Brooke Moore!”
In the audience I see Bree and Charlie going wild and feel a swell of pride. Over the last six months that we’ve been in Fort Noix, they’ve both grown. Bree celebrated her eleventh birthday and is looking more like a teenager every day. It’s amazing what a healthy diet of vegetables and meat can do to a girl.
Neena’s also in the audience, looking on proudly like the surrogate mother she has become to me. Neena’s one of the kindest women I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing. She takes good care of all the girls in the house, making sure our bedding is clean and our clothes are mended, and though she can be fierce, life is harmonious.
But then I catch sight of Ben. He’s clapping in the muted, emotionless way I’ve come to now expect from him. I feel a knot form in my stomach. I’m surprised that he even came to watch me compete since he’s been doing everything he can to keep his distance from me.
Molly and Ryan come over to congratulate me on my win, quickly distracting me from my thoughts.
“And this is the girl who said she wasn’t going to compete,” Ryan says, kissing me on the cheek cordially.
It’s true. It took General Reece more than a bit of encouragement to get me to compete. I was terrified about standing in front of an audience again after everything I’ve been through in the arenas, worried it would cause another flashback. But having people cheer me for my skill rather than bray for my blood is beyond healing. My only wish is that she could have convinced Ben to take part as well, but he hasn’t touched a weapon since that first night at the outpost.
“Typical,” Molly says, rolling her eyes playfully. “Even when Brooke doesn’t want to do something she’s still better than the rest of us!”
I can’t help but smile. Their support means the world to me. Since Ben seems to be drifting further and further away from me, sometimes I think their friendship is the only thing that’s keeping me going.
“So,” I say, “do I get a medal or anything?”
Molly laughs. “It’s not quite that easy to become a decorated soldier at Fort Noix,” she tells me, knowingly. “Your reward is just to bask in your own triumph.”
“That’s good enough for me,” I reply, jovially.
It’s not just my mind that’s been rejuvenated by the last six months living and working in Fort Noix. It’s my body. I’ve put on weight, my muscles are stronger, and all my wounds are healed. The snake bite is now nothing more than a cool silvery scar on my calf.
Bree and Charlie run over to me, Penelope yapping at their heels. When they reach me, they throw their arms around me and Penelope licks my hand. Watching them flourish is the best reward of all.
“Want to come to Trixie’s?” Bree asks me once she releases me from her bear hug. “Charlie and me are going to play Jenga.”
Charlie and Bree have been spending all their free time with the Forest Dwellers, particularly Trixie and her family, learning how to forage and playing games. Trixie’s dad carved a Jenga set, which has been well played ever since.
“I’d love to,” I say. “But I have plans.”
I glance up at Ryan shyly. He smirks. Bree looks from me to Ryan then nods knowingly at Charlie. They think something romantic is happening between us, but really it’s not. At least, I don’t think it is. It’s just that we’ve been spending a lot of time together out in the forest, hunting and fishing together, as well as discussing our positions at Fort Noix, and the Commander’s isolationism. Because while I love seeing the kids thrive, I also know in my heart that I can’t stay here forever. I need to go out looking for survivors. I have a moral duty. Ben’s been safe under the radar for six months. I can’t put my life on hold for someone who doesn’t seem to want to know me anymore.
“Shall we?” Ryan says, gesturing toward the path that will lead us into the forest.
I can practically feel Ben’s glare from here. I don’t like hurting him, but I can’t just stay on pause forever. He’s the one pulling away from me, not the other way round.
I nod, and leave with Ryan.
*
The woods have become my favorite place. As much as I love Fort Noix and how well it runs, like a well-oiled machine, nothing can beat the peace and tranquility of the forest. If there’s any good to have come out of the war, it’s that nature is getting the chance to reclaim the earth. My only wish is that if civilization ever recovers, we don’t destroy the environment again.
Ryan and I go straight to the river to check on the poles. Eating the food supplied by Fort Noix is one thing, but catching our own fresh food and cooking it on the bonfire is quite another.
We find that we’ve both had catches. I tug on my line and pull out a trout, its scales glistening in the spring daylight.
“Nice catch,” Ryan says when he sees it.
He’s smiling, but I don’t feel like returning the gesture.
“What’s wrong?” he asks, when he notices my lackluster expression. “Anyone would think you’d just lost the shooting competition!”
I take a deep breath. “Spring is here,” I say. “And I think it’s time to leave.”
Ryan’s expression falls. He always knew this day would come, but I think he’s been hoping that I’d change my mind.