The Surprising Adventures of Baron Munchausen
Rudolf Raspe
Cover designer Алексей Борисович Козлов
© Rudolf Raspe, 2019
© Алексей Борисович Козлов, cover design, 2019
ISBN 978-5-0050-2077-2
Created with Ridero smart publishing system
TRAVELS OF BARON MUNCHAUSEN
CHAPTER I
(THE BARON IS SUPPOSED TO RELATE THESE ADVENTURES TO HIS FRIENDS OVER A
BOTTLE.)
The Baron relates an account of his first travels – The astonishing
effects of a storm – Arrives at Ceylon; combats and conquers two
extraordinary opponents – Returns to Holland._
Some years before my beard announced approaching manhood, or, in other
words, when I was neither man nor boy, but between both, I expressed in
repeated conversations a strong desire of seeing the world, from which
I was discouraged by my parents, though my father had been no
inconsiderable traveller himself, as will appear before I have reached
the end of my singular, and, I may add, interesting adventures. A
cousin, by my mother’s side, took a liking to me, often said I was
fine forward youth, and was much inclined to gratify my curiosity.
His eloquence had more effect than mine, for my father consented to my
accompanying him in a voyage to the island of Ceylon, where his uncle
had resided as governor many years.
We sailed from Amsterdam with despatches from their High Mightinesses
the States of Holland. The only circumstance which happened on our
voyage worth relating was the wonderful effects of a storm, which
had torn up by the roots a great number of trees of enormous bulk and
height, in an island where we lay at anchor to take in wood and water;
some of these trees weighed many tons, yet they were carried by the wind
so amazingly high, that they appeared like the feathers of small birds
floating in the air, for they were at least five miles above the earth:
however, as soon as the storm subsided they all fell perpendicularly
into their respective places, and took root again, except the largest,
which happened, when it was blown into the air, to have a man and his
wife, a very honest old couple, upon its branches, gathering cucumbers
(in this part of the globe that useful vegetable grows upon trees): the
weight of this couple, as the tree descended, over-balanced the trunk,
and brought it down in a horizontal position: it fell upon the chief man
of the island, and killed him on the spot; he had quitted his house
in the storm, under an apprehension of its falling upon him, and was
returning through his own garden when this fortunate accident happened.
The word fortunate, here, requires some explanation. This chief was a
man of a very avaricious and oppressive disposition, and though he had
no family, the natives of the island were half-starved by his oppressive
and infamous impositions.
The very goods which he had thus taken from them were spoiling in his
stores, while the poor wretches from whom they were plundered were
pining in poverty. Though the destruction of this tyrant was accidental,
the people chose the cucumber-gatherers for their governors, as a mark
of their gratitude for destroying, though accidentally, their late
tyrant.
After we had repaired the damages we sustained in this remarkable storm,
and taken leave of the new governor and his lady, we sailed with a fair
wind for the object of our voyage.
In about six weeks we arrived at Ceylon, where we were received with
great marks of friendship and true politeness. The following singular
adventures may not prove unentertaining.
After we had resided at Ceylon about a fortnight I accompanied one of
the governor’s brothers upon a shooting party. He was a strong, athletic
man, and being used to that climate (for he had resided there some
years), he bore the violent heat of the sun much better than I could; in
our excursion he had made a considerable progress through a thick wood
when I was only at the entrance.
Near the banks of a large piece of water, which had engaged my
attention, I thought I heard a rustling noise behind; on turning about
I was almost petrified (as who would not be?) at the sight of a lion,
which was evidently approaching with the intention of satisfying his
appetite with my poor carcase, and that without asking my consent. What
was to be done in this horrible dilemma? I had not even a moment for
reflection; my piece was only charged with swan-shot, and I had no other
about me: however, though I could have no idea of killing such an animal
with that weak kind of ammunition, yet I had some hopes of frightening
him by the report, and perhaps of wounding him also. I immediately let
fly, without waiting till he was within reach, and the report did but
enrage him, for he now quickened his pace, and seemed to approach me
full speed: I attempted to escape, but that only added (if an addition
could be made) to my distress; for the moment I turned about I found a
large crocodile, with his mouth extended almost ready to receive me. On
my right hand was the piece of water before mentioned, and on my left a
deep precipice, said to have, as I have since learned, a receptacle at
the bottom for venomous creatures; in short I gave myself up as lost,
for the lion was now upon his hind-legs, just in the act of seizing
me; I fell involuntarily to the ground with fear, and, as it afterwards
appeared, he sprang over me. I lay some time in a situation which no
language can describe, expecting to feel his teeth or talons in some
part of me every moment: after waiting in this prostrate situation a few
seconds I heard a violent but unusual noise, different from any sound
that had ever before assailed my ears; nor is it at all to be wondered
at, when I inform you from whence it proceeded: after listening for
some time, I ventured to raise my head and look round, when, to my
unspeakable joy, I perceived the lion had, by the eagerness with which
he sprung at me, jumped forward, as I fell, into the crocodile’s mouth!
which, as before observed, was wide open; the head of the one stuck
in the throat of the other! and they were struggling to extricate
themselves! I fortunately recollected my _couteau de chasse_, which was
by my side; with this instrument I severed the lion’s head at one
blow, and the body fell at my feet! I then, with the butt-end of my
fowling-piece, rammed the head farther into the throat of the crocodile,
and destroyed him by suffocation, for he could neither gorge nor eject
it.
Soon after I had thus gained a complete victory over my two powerful
adversaries, my companion arrived in search of me; for finding I did not
follow him into the wood, he returned, apprehending I had lost my way,
or met with some accident.
After mutual congratulations, we measured the crocodile, which was just
forty feet in length.
As soon as we had related this extraordinary adventure to the governor,
he sent a waggon and servants, who brought home the two carcases. The
lion’s skin was properly preserved, with its hair on, after which it
was made into tobacco-pouches, and presented by me, upon our return to
Holland, to the burgomasters, who, in return, requested my acceptance of
a thousand ducats.
The skin of the crocodile was stuffed in the usual manner, and makes a
capital article in their public museum at Amsterdam, where the exhibitor
relates the whole story to each spectator, with such additions as he
thinks proper. Some of his variations are rather extravagant; one of
them is, that the lion jumped quite through the crocodile, and was
making his escape at the back door, when, as soon as his head appeared,
Monsieur the Great Baron (as he is pleased to call me) cut it off,
and three feet of the crocodile’s tail along with it; nay, so little
attention has this fellow to the truth, that he sometimes adds, as soon
as the crocodile missed his tail, he turned about, snatched the _couteau
de chasse_ out of Monsieur’s hand, and swallowed it with such eagerness
that it pierced his heart and killed him immediately!
The little regard which this impudent knave has to veracity makes me
sometimes apprehensive that my _real facts_ may fall under suspicion, by
being found in company with his confounded inventions.
CHAPTER II
_In which the Baron proves himself a good shot – He loses his horse,
and finds a wolf – Makes him draw his sledge – Promises to entertain
his company with a relation of such facts as are well deserving their
notice._
I set off from Rome on a journey to Russia, in the midst of winter, from
a just notion that frost and snow must of course mend the roads, which
every traveller had described as uncommonly bad through the northern
parts of Germany, Poland, Courland, and Livonia. I went on horseback, as
the most convenient manner of travelling; I was but lightly clothed, and
of this I felt the inconvenience the more I advanced north-east.
What must not a poor old man have suffered in that severe weather and
climate, whom I saw on a bleak common in Poland, lying on the road,
helpless, shivering, and hardly having wherewithal to cover his
nakedness? I pitied the poor soul: though I felt the severity of the air
myself, I threw my mantle over him, and immediately I heard a voice from
the heavens, blessing me for that piece of charity, saying —
«You will be rewarded, my son, for this in time.»
I went on: night and darkness overtook me. No village was to be seen.
The country was covered with snow, and I was unacquainted with the road.
Tired, I alighted, and fastened my horse to something like a pointed
stump of a tree, which appeared above the snow; for the sake of safety I
placed my pistols under my arm, and laid down on the snow, where I slept
so soundly that I did not open my eyes till full daylight. It is not
easy to conceive my astonishment to find myself in the midst of a
village, lying in a churchyard; nor was my horse to be seen, but I heard
him soon after neigh somewhere above me. On looking upwards I beheld him
hanging by his bridle to the weather-cock of the steeple. Matters were
now very plain to me: the village had been covered with snow overnight;
a sudden change of weather had taken place; I had sunk down to the
churchyard whilst asleep, gently, and in the same proportion as the snow
had melted away; and what in the dark I had taken to be a stump of a
little tree appearing above the snow, to which I had tied my horse,
proved to have been the cross or weather-cock of the steeple!
Without long consideration I took one of my pistols, shot the bridle
in two, brought the horse, and proceeded on my journey. [Here the Baron
seems to have forgot his feelings; he should certainly have ordered his
horse a feed of corn, after fasting so long.]
He carried me well – advancing into the interior parts of Russia. I found
travelling on horseback rather unfashionable in winter, therefore I
submitted, as I always do, to the custom of the country, took a single
horse sledge, and drove briskly towards St. Petersburg. I do not exactly
recollect whether it was in Eastland or Jugemanland, but I remember that
in the midst of a dreary forest I spied a terrible wolf making after me,
with all the speed of ravenous winter hunger. He soon overtook me. There
was no possibility of escape. Mechanically I laid myself down flat in
the sledge, and let my horse run for our safety. What I wished, but
hardly hoped or expected, happened immediately after. The wolf did not
mind me in the least, but took a leap over me, and falling furiously on
the horse, began instantly to tear and devour the hind-part of the poor
animal, which ran the faster for his pain and terror. Thus unnoticed and
safe myself, I lifted my head slyly up, and with horror I beheld that
the wolf had ate his way into the horse’s body; it was not long before
he had fairly forced himself into it, when I took my advantage, and fell
upon him with the butt-end of my whip. This unexpected attack in his
rear frightened him so much, that he leaped forward with all his might:
the horse’s carcase dropped on the ground, but in his place the wolf
was in the harness, and I on my part whipping him continually: we
both arrived in full career safe at St. Petersburg, contrary to our
respective expectations, and very much to the astonishment of the
spectators.
I shall not tire you, gentlemen, with the politics, arts, sciences, and
history of this magnificent metropolis of Russia, nor trouble you with
the various intrigues and pleasant adventures I had in the politer
circles of that country, where the lady of the house always receives the
visitor with a dram and a salute. I shall confine myself rather to
the greater and nobler objects of your attention, horses and dogs, my
favourites in the brute creation; also to foxes, wolves, and bears, with
which, and game in general, Russia abounds more than any other part of
the world; and to such sports, manly exercises, and feats of gallantry
and activity, as show the gentleman better than musty Greek or Latin, or
all the perfume, finery, and capers of French wits or _petit-maîtres_.
CHAPTER III
_An encounter between the Baron’s nose and a door-post, with its
wonderful effects – Fifty brace of ducks and other fowl destroyed by one
shot – Flogs a fox out of his skin – Leads an old sow home in a new way,
and vanquishes a wild boar._
It was some time before I could obtain a commission in the army, and
for several months I was perfectly at liberty to sport away my time and
money in the most gentleman-like manner. You may easily imagine that I
spent much of both out of town with such gallant fellows as knew how to
make the most of an open forest country. The very recollection of
those amusements gives me fresh spirits, and creates a warm wish for
a repetition of them. One morning I saw, through the windows of my
bed-room, that a large pond not far off was covered with wild ducks. In
an instant I took my gun from the corner, ran down-stairs and out of
the house in such a hurry, that I imprudently struck my face against
the door-post. Fire flew out of my eyes, but it did not prevent my
intention; I soon came within shot, when, levelling my piece, I observed
to my sorrow, that even the flint had sprung from the cock by the
violence of the shock I had just received. There was no time to be lost.
I presently remembered the effect it had on my eyes, therefore opened
the pan, levelled my piece against the wild fowls, and my fist against
one of my eyes. [The Baron’s eyes have retained fire ever since, and
appear particularly illuminated when he relates this anecdote.] A hearty
blow drew sparks again; the shot went off, and I killed fifty brace of
ducks, twenty widgeons, and three couple of teals. Presence of mind is
the soul of manly exercises. If soldiers and sailors owe to it many of
their lucky escapes, hunters and sportsmen are not less beholden to it
for many of their successes. In a noble forest in Russia I met a fine
black fox, whose valuable skin it would have been a pity to tear by ball
or shot. Reynard stood close to a tree. In a twinkling I took out my
ball, and placed a good spike-nail in its room, fired, and hit him so
cleverly that I nailed his brush fast to the tree. I now went up to him,
took out my hanger, gave him a cross-cut over the face, laid hold of my
whip, and fairly flogged him out of his fine skin.