I was not always successful. I had the misfortune to be overpowered
by numbers, to be made prisoner of war; and, what is worse, but always
usual among the Turks, to be sold for a slave. [The Baron was afterwards
in great favour with the Grand Seignior, as will appear hereafter.] In
that state of humiliation my daily task was not very hard and laborious,
but rather singular and irksome. It was to drive the Sultan’s bees every
morning to their pasture-grounds, to attend them all the day long, and
against night to drive them back to their hives. One evening I missed a
bee, and soon observed that two bears had fallen upon her to tear her to
pieces for the honey she carried. I had nothing like an offensive weapon
in my hands but the silver hatchet, which is the badge of the Sultan’s
gardeners and farmers. I threw it at the robbers, with an intention to
frighten them away, and set the poor bee at liberty; but, by an unlucky
turn of my arm, it flew upwards, and continued rising till it
reached the moon. How should I recover it? how fetch it down again?
I recollected that Turkey-beans grow very quick, and run up to an
astonishing height. I planted one immediately; it grew, and actually
fastened itself to one of the moon’s horns. I had no more to do now
but to climb up by it into the moon, where I safely arrived, and had a
troublesome piece of business before I could find my silver hatchet, in
a place where everything has the brightness of silver; at last,
however, I found it in a heap of chaff and chopped straw. I was now for
returning: but, alas! the heat of the sun had dried up my bean; it was
totally useless for my descent: so I fell to work, and twisted me a rope
of that chopped straw, as long and as well as I could make it. This I
fastened to one of the moon’s horns, and slid down to the end of it.
Here I held myself fast with the left hand, and with the hatchet in my
right, I cut the long, now useless end of the upper part, which, when
tied to the lower end, brought me a good deal lower: this repeated
splicing and tying of the rope did not improve its quality, or bring me
down to the Sultan’s farm. I was four or five miles from the earth at
least when it broke; I fell to the ground with such amazing violence,
that I found myself stunned, and in a hole nine fathoms deep at
least, made by the weight of my body falling from so great a height: I
recovered, but knew not how to get out again; however, I dug slopes or
steps with my finger-nails [the Baron’s nails were then of forty years’
growth], and easily accomplished it.
Peace was soon after concluded with the Turks, and gaining my liberty,
I left St. Petersburg at the time of that singular revolution, when the
emperor in his cradle, his mother, the Duke of Brunswick, her father,
Field-Marshal Munich, and many others were sent to Siberia. The winter
was then so uncommonly severe all over Europe, that ever since the sun
seems to be frost-bitten. At my return to this place, I felt on the road
greater inconveniences than those I had experienced on my setting out.
I travelled post, and finding myself in a narrow lane, bid the
postillion give a signal with his horn, that other travellers might
not meet us in the narrow passage. He blew with all his might; but his
endeavours were in vain, he could not make the horn sound, which was
unaccountable, and rather unfortunate, for soon after we found ourselves
in the presence of another coach coming the other way: there was no
proceeding; however, I got out of my carriage, and being pretty strong,
placed it, wheels and all, upon my head: I then jumped over a hedge
about nine feet high (which, considering the weight of the coach, was
rather difficult) into a field, and came out again by another jump into
the road beyond the other carriage: I then went back for the horses, and
placing one upon my head, and the other under my left arm, by the same
means brought them to my coach, put to, and proceeded to an inn at the
end of our stage. I should have told you that the horse under my arm was
very spirited, and not above four years old; in making my second spring
over the hedge, he expressed great dislike to that violent kind of
motion by kicking and snorting; however, I confined his hind legs
by putting them into my coat-pocket. After we arrived at the inn my
postillion and I refreshed ourselves: he hung his horn on a peg near the
kitchen fire; I sat on the other side.
Suddenly we heard a _tereng! tereng! teng! teng!_ We looked round, and
now found the reason why the postillion had not been able to sound his
horn; his tunes were frozen up in the horn, and came out now by thawing,
plain enough, and much to the credit of the driver; so that the honest
fellow entertained us for some time with a variety of tunes, without
putting his mouth to the horn – «The King of Prussia’s March,» «Over the
Hill and over the Dale,» with many other favourite tunes; at length the
thawing entertainment concluded, as I shall this short account of my
Russian travels.
_Some travellers are apt to advance more than is perhaps strictly true;
if any of the company entertain a doubt of my veracity, I shall only
say to such, I pity their want of faith, and must request they will
take leave before I begin the second part of my adventures, which are as
strictly founded in fact as those I have already related._
CHAPTER VII
_The Baron relates his adventures on a voyage to North America, which
are well worth the reader’s attention – Pranks of a whale – A sea-gull
saves a sailor’s life – The Baron’s head forced into his stomach – A
dangerous leak stopped à posteriori._
I embarked at Portsmouth in a first-rate English man-of-war, of one
hundred guns, and fourteen hundred men, for North America. Nothing worth
relating happened till we arrived within three hundred leagues of the
river St. Laurence, when the ship struck with amazing force against (as
we supposed) a rock; however, upon heaving the lead we could find no
bottom, even with three hundred fathom. What made this circumstance
the more wonderful, and indeed beyond all comprehension, was, that
the violence of the shock was such that we lost our rudder, broke our
bowsprit in the middle, and split all our masts from top to bottom, two
of which went by the board; a poor fellow, who was aloft furling the
mainsheet, was flung at least three leagues from the ship; but he
fortunately saved his life by laying hold of the tail of a large
sea-gull, who brought him back, and lodged him on the very spot from
whence he was thrown. Another proof of the violence of the shock was the
force with which the people between decks were driven against the floors
above them; my head particularly was pressed into my stomach, where it
continued some months before it recovered its natural situation. Whilst
we were all in a state of astonishment at the general and unaccountable
confusion in which we were involved, the whole was suddenly explained
by the appearance of a large whale, who had been basking, asleep,
within sixteen feet of the surface of the water. This animal was so much
displeased with the disturbance which our ship had given him – for in our
passage we had with our rudder scratched his nose – that he beat in all
the gallery and part of the quarter-deck with his tail, and almost at
the same instant took the mainsheet anchor, which was suspended, as
it usually is, from the head, between his teeth, and ran away with the
ship, at least sixty leagues, at the rate of twelve leagues an hour,
when fortunately the cable broke, and we lost both the whale and the
anchor. However, upon our return to Europe, some months after, we found
the same whale within a few leagues of the same spot, floating dead upon
the water; it measured above half a mile in length. As we could take but
a small quantity of such a monstrous animal on board, we got our boats
out, and with much difficulty cut off his head, where, to our great joy,
we found the anchor, and above forty fathom of the cable, concealed on
the left side of his mouth, just under his tongue. [Perhaps this was the
cause of his death, as that side of his tongue was much swelled, with
a great degree of inflammation.] This was the only extraordinary
circumstance that happened on this voyage. One part of our distress,
however, I had like to have forgot: while the whale was running away
with the ship she sprung a leak, and the water poured in so fast, that
all our pumps could not keep us from sinking; it was, however, my good
fortune to discover it first. I found it a large hole about a foot
diameter; you will naturally suppose this circumstance gives me infinite
pleasure, when I inform you that this noble vessel was preserved, with
all its crew, by a most fortunate thought! in short, I sat down over
it, and could have dispensed with it had it been larger; nor will you
be surprised when I inform you I am descended from Dutch parents. [The
Baron’s ancestors have but lately settled there; in another part of his
adventures he boasts of royal blood.]
My situation, while I sat there, was rather cool, but the carpenter’s
art soon relieved me.
CHAPTER VIII
_Bathes in the Mediterranean – Meets an unexpected companion – Arrives
unintentionally in the regions of heat and darkness, from which he is
extricated by dancing a hornpipe – Frightens his deliverers, and returns
on shore._
I was once in great danger of being lost in a most singular manner in
the Mediterranean: I was bathing in that pleasant sea near Marseilles
one summer’s afternoon, when I discovered a very large fish, with his
jaws quite extended, approaching me with the greatest velocity; there
was no time to be lost, nor could I possibly avoid him. I immediately
reduced myself to as small a size as possible, by closing my feet and
placing my hands also near my sides, in which position I passed directly
between his jaws, and into his stomach, where I remained some time in
total darkness, and comfortably warm, as you may imagine; at last it
occurred to me, that by giving him pain he would be glad to get rid of
me: as I had plenty of room, I played my pranks, such as tumbling, hop,
step, and jump, &c., but nothing seemed to disturb him so much as the
quick motion of my feet in attempting to dance a hornpipe; soon after I
began he put me out by sudden fits and starts: I persevered; at last he
roared horridly, and stood up almost perpendicularly in the water, with
his head and shoulders exposed, by which he was discovered by the people
on board an Italian trader, then sailing by, who harpooned him in a few
minutes. As soon as he was brought on board I heard the crew consulting
how they should cut him up, so as to preserve the greatest quantity of
oil. As I understood Italian, I was in most dreadful apprehensions
lest their weapons employed in this business should destroy me also;
therefore I stood as near the centre as possible, for there was room
enough for a dozen men in this creature’s stomach, and I naturally
imagined they would begin with the extremities; however, my fears were
soon dispersed, for they began by opening the bottom of the belly. As
soon as I perceived a glimmering of light I called out lustily to be
released from a situation in which I was now almost suffocated. It is
impossible for me to do justice to the degree and kind of astonishment
which sat upon every countenance at hearing a human voice issue from a
fish, but more so at seeing a naked man walk upright out of his body;
in short, gentlemen, I told them the whole story, as I have done you,
whilst amazement struck them dumb.
After taking some refreshment, and jumping into the sea to cleanse
myself, I swam to my clothes, which lay where I had left them on the
shore. As near as I can calculate, I was near four hours and a half
confined in the stomach of this animal.
CHAPTER IX
_Adventures in Turkey, and upon the river Nile – Sees a balloon
over Constantinople; shoots at, and brings it down; finds a French
experimental philosopher suspended from it – Goes on an embassy to Grand
Cairo, and returns upon the Nile, where he is thrown into an unexpected
situation, and detained six weeks._
When I was in the service of the Turks I frequently amused myself in a
pleasure-barge on the Marmora, which commands a view of the whole city
of Constantinople, including the Grand Seignior’s Seraglio. One morning,
as I was admiring the beauty and serenity of the sky, I observed a
globular substance in the air, which appeared to be about the size of a
twelve-inch globe, with somewhat suspended from it. I immediately took
up my largest and longest barrel fowling-piece, which I never travel or
make even an excursion without, if I can help it; I charged with a ball,
and fired at the globe, but to no purpose, the object being at too great
a distance. I then put in a double quantity of powder, and five or six
balls: this second attempt succeeded; all the balls took effect, and
tore one side open, and brought it down. Judge my surprise when a most
elegant gilt car, with a man in it, and part of a sheep which seemed to
have been roasted, fell within two yards of me. When my astonishment
had in some degree subsided, I ordered my people to row close to this
strange aërial traveller.
I took him on board my barge (he was a native of France): he was much
indisposed from his sudden fall into the sea, and incapable of speaking;
after some time, however, he recovered, and gave the following account
of himself, viz.: «About seven or eight days since, I cannot tell which,
for I have lost my reckoning, having been most of the time where the sun
never sets, I ascended from the Land’s End in Cornwall, in the island of
Great Britain, in the car from which I have been just taken, suspended
from a very large balloon, and took a sheep with me to try atmospheric
experiments upon: unfortunately, the wind changed within ten minutes
after my ascent, and instead of driving towards Exeter, where I intended
to land, I was driven towards the sea, over which I suppose I have
continued ever since, but much too high to make observations.
«The calls of hunger were so pressing, that the intended experiments
upon heat and respiration gave way to them. I was obliged, on the third
day, to kill the sheep for food; and being at that time infinitely above
the moon, and for upwards of sixteen hours after so very near the sun
that it scorched my eyebrows, I placed the carcase, taking care to skin
it first, in that part of the car where the sun had sufficient power,
or, in other words, where the balloon did not shade it from the sun, by
which method it was well roasted in about two hours. This has been my
food ever since.» Here he paused, and seemed lost in viewing the objects
about him. When I told him the buildings before us were the Grand
Seignior’s Seraglio at Constantinople, he seemed exceedingly affected,
as he had supposed himself in a very different situation. «The cause,»
added he, «of my long flight, was owing to the failure of a string which
was fixed to a valve in the balloon, intended to let out the inflammable
air; and if it had not been fired at, and rent in the manner before
mentioned, I might, like Mahomet, have been suspended between heaven and
earth till doomsday.»
The Grand Seignior, to whom I was introduced by the Imperial, Russian,
and French ambassadors, employed me to negotiate a matter of great