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Well, what do you think about the feedback? Impressive, isnt it? No worries. I already feel, through time and distance, that youre probably scared now. Will I really quit after reading it?
You must have been panic stricken. How will my life change? What will you do? I will not be able to. Do you feel like you really want a cigarette right now? Just stop worrying, relax, and have a cigarette. You dont have to give up anything. Go have a smoke and come back.
Are You Back?
You probably already realize that nicotine has enslaved you. On the smallest occasions, you need to light up. The body even starts to panic from a single thought of missing a chance to smoke. Or, once you get nervous, you immediately reach for a cigarette. Emotions change but cigarettes are always there for you. Youre addicted. Youre hooked.
And all of your attempts to convince yourself that you genuinely enjoy it have failed. You may, however, continue to claim that you do. It makes sense: you would not have smoked if you didnt enjoy it.
But everything is not as it seems. We dont like it, and we cant like it. We are just trying to convince ourselves of that so we dont look stupid in our own eyes, because we just cant live without smokes. Even if we are well aware of the harm it does, we will still find numerous arguments in favor of smoking. If a doctor said that our lungs or legs would rot, and the next day we would die, that would not stop us from smoking.
Its rare for a smoker to quit even after having a heart attack. But even those who do start puffing again after a while. Or, they dont smoke, but live under stress, dreaming of a cigarette.
And how many times did people tell this steady smoker that he would end up with a heart attack? Did it stop him? Thats the kind of itch Im talking about. All you care about is starting a cigarette and putting everything else aside. And every time I realized the negative consequences, I felt like a wuss. Chronic coughing, shortness of breath, and migraines plagued me. I never had the energy to do anything after smoking a cigarette. I would even disregard the ill effects such as nausea or migraines, and just go smoke. For a long time, I blamed myself for smoking, but I couldnt help myself.
Just dont stop there, thinking: «Im not coughing or suffering from headaches. My health is good. I feel great. Im full of energy. I certainly dont need to quit. I also like it. I have no reason to quit, and I have enough money. Im a happy person.» I fully understand you. Coughing and pain were not enough to make me quit smoking. I thought I was insanely happy with cigarettes.
Until it hit me. I was taking another poll asking my subscribers what topic I should write a post about or go on air with. Probably for the thousandth time, they suggested that I talk about how to quit and sort everything out. «You can deal with any thinking pattern. Help us here too,» they told me.
I hesitated a long time before I sat down and dwelled on it. Even though I was dealing with health and financial issues, I was still convinced that I didnt want to quit. After all, I really enjoyed it. «Cigarettes are indescribable bliss. In no way should I give up smoking and deprive myself of the joy and satisfaction it brings.» I was dead wrong.
Im eternally grateful to my followers for having guided me to pay attention to this. I started writing the contents of the book, planning its structure. It was enough to turn me into a lifelong non-smoker. Im here to bring my experience and knowledge to the table. It seems like I can finally see what Ive been deliberately hiding from myself.
At first, I was going from one extreme to another. On the one hand, I wanted to quit smoking and blamed myself for not doing it. On the other hand, I didnt want to, because I liked it so much. I didnt have peace of mind. Anyway, Id always choose to smoke because it was my greatest pleasure. I didnt want to quit. But, deep down, I realized that, in addition to the detrimental effect on my health, it also made my breath and clothes smell terrible. Although I often said to myself, «Im different. Other smokers may stink, but Im an exception! Because I cant smell smoke on my fingers.»
I even realized that my body was dying, although I didnt feel it (neither do all smokers). Our immune system stops reacting to nicotine and quickly gets used to self-poisoning. The system disables receptors that transmit signals such as nausea, vomiting, and dizziness. And these signals indicate that every cigarette leads to irreversible consequences in our body. I was aware of that but since I dont see this, it means that everything is under control! Im different. I can avoid committing suicide.
Self-deception is a great thing. Just like in that joke, when a man was falling off his mistress balcony and saying that he would give up all his bad habits if he survived. «Oh God, theres no limit to human resourcefulness in critical situations!» he said after surviving. I was exactly like that. When smoking caused any discomfort, I said to myself, «Im done. I dont want to smoke anymore.» But once the emotions were gone, I resumed smoking. I blamed myself for being weak and lacking willpower. My brain came up with millions of reasons why I wanted to smoke to get rid of remorse.
But when I had an epiphany, I realized that I wasnt a wuss and that my willpower was fine, too. Willpower plays no role at all. If you want to be a free person without addiction, just like me, you should forget about it. You can put energy into fighting something else. But fighting an illusion is a losing battle.
I dare say youre not a wuss either, and everything is okay with your willpower and intelligence. One doesnt start smoking because he is less smart or weak-willed. A smokers intellectual abilities in no way differ from a non-smokers. Anyone can fall into this trap. As a drug, nicotine spares no one.
Im writing it to debunk the myth and ingrained belief that «I cant quit smoking because Im weak and spineless,» or something like that. Its a myth. You keep smoking for very different reasons.
Youre a perfectly normal and sane person, just like me. Although one can doubt my sanity, it definitely has nothing to do with cigarettes. But thats a whole different story.
Im reluctant to bore you with how dangerous and harmful nicotine is. Or the fact that each cigarette contains about 50 deadly poisonous carcinogens (substances that contribute to the formation and multiplication of malignant tumors). Even if we know were going to die tomorrow, we still wont quit smoking. After all, it itches too hard to give up this drug. We already know more about its danger than non-smokers, but we have developed immunity to this information. Why spoil our mood? Its beyond our control anyway.
Yes, we are slowly dying. 80% of the time, we or our family will get cancer. And it doesnt matter who smokes. Second-hand smoking kills too. Passive smokers (children, relatives) inhale the smoke. We have tons of problems: with the people around us, our health, money (we have to spend a lot on cigarettes). But still, theres nothing we can do about it.
Indeed, we do not intend to kill our children, partners, parents, or ourselves. We sincerely hope that nothing bad is going to happen to our relatives or us. And some may even be inclined to believe the myth that everyone is healthy. It must be propaganda. Cigarettes cant be that dangerous to our health or cause death.
Or, whats even worse, some people have an immature attitude towards it. «We are all going to die someday. Why should we deny ourselves something? We live once and must try everything, come what may.» At the same time, everyone concerns about future: «How will I survive without money? What will happen tomorrow? What if I die?» But cigarettes dont seem scary. Because we just cant quit. We fail to. We have no choice but to put up with it and make excuses since we cant quit. After all, there have been plenty of unsuccessful attempts to quit. We learned a long time ago that its impossible to quit. We just have to live with it and believe in myths.
Some of the focus group participants even told me, «Nelli, you havent reinvented the wheel. There is no point in reading this book since I wont find anything new. I cant quit. Ive tried myriad times. Its impossible.»
Ive also read different books on how to quit smoking, but they were of no help either. I didnt go further than a couple of chapters. I foresaw the narration and predicted the outcome like Nostradamus. No kidding, I thought I already knew what would follow next, just like a psychic. What was it all for? My third eye said it wouldnt help anyway. I was desperate. I deluded myself into thinking this way.
My negative attitude towards any new information blocked positive changes. In fact, I didnt know what would happen. I wasnt sure if Id be able to learn something new. I only thought I knew everything. Before I picked up any book, I had already decided not to give myself a chance to quit smoking. This must be familiar to you too.
You may have even read these books to the end, and tried different ways to quit smoking, but nothing worked out. Then you surrendered and realized that you were doomed to smoke and live under stress forever.
I was a heavy smoker for more than 20 years. No matter how many times I tried to quit, I always proved to myself that there was no way out. Yes, I quit many times. I would refrain from it for a year. But I would end up smoking again. I guess every time you failed, you lost hope that one day you would break free.
I had a strong sense of guilt for not being able to put an end to it. And since I cant stop it, it means, for some reason, I want to keep doing it. And, if I want to, I have to explain it to myself. After all, Im not an idiot. These thoughts were spinning in my head.
By the way, just to get you motivated, I can proudly claim to be a 100% non-smoker now. And I didnt have to quit smoking in the traditional sense. I neither suffered nor exercised my willpower. I managed to grasp the meaning of smoking: why we do it, and how our brain reacts to nicotine. After that, it took me just a minute to give up smoking forever. And from that moment on, I never experienced any cravings. People around me can freely smoke as much as they wish. Im adamant about that very point. I will no longer put my neck into the noose. I have no regrets or thoughts about smoking.
But if I quit using my willpower, as I did before, Id be stressed out for the rest of my life. «Oh, I dont smoke, but I crave it,» Id be constantly thinking about how not to smoke.
I acknowledged my thinking patterns and debunked all the myths. At that moment, I realized that from now on I would be a non-smoker and a free person. I easily got out of the trap, and you can do the same. Today, without putting it off for tomorrow. Or now or after finishing the book. Its as simple as that, but you can hardly believe it so far.
Neural Connections And The Way We Think
Lets talk about our brain work and thinking patterns.
I will get off the main topic for a while to elaborate on brain mechanisms and the world around us. Even if this chapter remains unclear to you, its okay. It wont influence your decision on whether to quit smoking or not. If we cut this chapter from the book, it will not lose its relevance. But I love «blowing your mind,» so I will talk about it.
I dont fit the mould of a typical coach and author. When writing, I neither try to comply with any standards nor stick to a particular style. I break the stereotypes, so lets pretend we are having a friendly chat in the kitchen. If you wish, you can easily skip this chapter. But please dont give up on reading the book. It will be much clearer later. With this chapter you will have a deeper understanding of everything that will follow next. Ill try to explain this very difficult topic as clearly as possible.
So, our brain constantly and intricately weaves neural connections (our thoughts) into so-called «solitons», nodes of beliefs. These are, conventionally, sturdy structures with nerve impulses, electricity, running through them. These neural connections must «feed» themselves with energy to remain viable. The system must be strong and closed so that it cant be destroyed. And it will demand our attention so that we feed it with our energy.
Soliton, or a system of neural connections, is one of our beliefs; faith in something. Its a certain pattern that we stick to.
Imagine the ceaseless movement of electricity inside these connections. The more we convince ourselves of something, the stronger our neural connections become. Soliton cant let anything destroy itself, and always pitches some thoughts to believe in. Our thinking makes these connections more stable and indestructible. Our attention and faith keep the soliton alive more than ever.
If our faith begins to weaken, we stop giving impetus and vital energy to that thinking pattern. This section of soliton starts to fight back to protect itself from being destroyed. And it starts pitching thoughts again to grab our attention and make us stick to our old strong beliefs, strengthening its connection. This is mirrored in real life: we start to generate actions and pay attention to what strengthens our old beliefs.
Our brain consists of neural connections. Its work is manifested by extensive neuronal sprouting. Each second, 400 billion neurons sprout «branches». Each «branch» is a thought, and each of them gives energy, producing an electromagnetic wave. It literally builds «the images» of the reality around us with photons (particles of light). To put it another way, it builds our world. Everything that we witness around us, this whole world, is a projection of our mind.
It may be hard to believe. This is all taken from quantum mechanics and is scientifically based. Scientists, including A. Einstein, D. Bell, E. Schrödinger, W. Pauli, and many others, verified it. And I dont even doubt it, as Im a fan of quantum mechanics.
The main idea is that a thought generates a feeling that is turned into an image by the brain. The brain makes a decision, and the external reality confirms it.
Solitons, the strong neural connections of the formed beliefs, keep themselves alive by pitching thoughts and generating the images of the world around us. We pay attention to these images and confirm them as our reality, thereby giving vital energy to a soliton.
When we come across new information that clashes with our beliefs, we start resisting and boiling with anger. It causes adrenaline to spike, the heart rate to increase, and the blood pressure to rise. These strong neural connections start a war with us so that in no way we destroy our belief. On a neural level, they react as if were being threatened. When I take a cigarette as an example, it will become more or less clear.
I bet youre very resistant to this information now. «What? Brain? Creates? World around us? Come on. Not possible!»
At this point, the parts of your brain that are convinced of the opposite begin attacking and «building» reality in order to persuade us not to destroy our existing belief and to reaffirm our old truth. Thats why we always deny something new, changes in general.
We will hold on to our truth till the end, even realizing that its completely illogical and not satisfying anymore. I dont like this truth, but Im convinced. But remember that its the brain, and these are your thinking patterns. The ideas that have been formed by strong neural connections are rebelling. To destroy them, you will have to fight yourself, but its a faulty way. Whats more, it often doesnt work since you will have to go through a lot of stress, which will be difficult to cope with. After all, the war with yourself always leads to an endless war that can end with nothing.