After some time began a real nightmare. Family drinkers are not like regular families, there is a different mentality. Drinking father-in-law and drinking husband did not give peace neither Marina, nor the little child. Money was constantly lacking, breast milk is lost completely, the child was fed as they have to. A month later, the baby was covered with allergic crusts (diathesis), was nervous and did not sleep well, screaming for no reason. Marina was on the brink of despair. When strength was no longer available, the young mother began to arrange a «dark» baby, wrapping his head in a blanket, shaking him at breakneck speed, as if playing on a swing, and the child gradually softened, fell asleep. Then Marisha cried on the phone to her parents for a long time, that she could not go on, that she missed him terribly, repented of everything. After another such cry, her parents heart failed, and her mother came to get her. After taking Marina with all her belongings, her mother treated her grandson in different hospitals for a long time. Our heroine went to study at a trade college and made new acquaintances. But it didnt work out that way. Marinas husband, Sasha, also cried into the tube and swore his love for his wife and son, and this is a chance to go to a civilized city. How not to take pity here.
Marinas father-in-law arranged for his son-in-law to sell kebabs at the bazaar. But the son-in-law did not want to bother himself, he wanted to finally live a good life. Alexander drank, had fun, arranged fights and did not notice how he was kicked out of his house in a still unfamiliar city. He asked for forgiveness, but no one believed him. There was nothing to be done, Sasha had to return to Siberia, to his usual surroundings. He became so friendly with alcohol that he couldnt last the whole day. The mother, who had a disability, refused to support her son. The father ended up in a psychiatric clinic with «white fever. The feeling of loneliness and uselessness, resentment and insulted self-esteem suffocated the «tender soul» of the abandoned husband and forgotten son. More and more often Alexander wanted to forget himself, to quarrel with someone, to splash out accumulated anger and resentment. Soon after his return from Ukraine, Sasha was killed in a night fight near a beer stall.
And Alexander and Marinas son was growing up. His grandmother, Marinas mother, carefully «set her grandson on his feet,» treated him, protected him. But her daughter could not settle her personal life and more and more often remembered Andrei, that handsome faithful guy from her youth. And then one day she managed to find out his address through a friend and classmate Andrew. And at that time Marina got to know that her ex-boyfriend experienced the betrayal very hard: he did not want to live, then did not believe anyone, tried to forget himself in drugs, but nothing helped, until finally he met a charming faithful girl who helped him start all over again. In general, Andrew was married when Marinas letter broke his family idyll. His heart started beating like before, he felt dizzy, and everything came to mind again, as if those difficult years had never happened, time had gone into another dimension. Andrew found the strength not to respond to the message, but suddenly the phone call changed his mind. Marina had called from the same city, having come all the way from afar to see him, and he could not refuse.
The meeting was stormy, passion, tears, memories «I only now understand what it means to truly love,» Marina whispered in Andreis ear, snuggling gently against him. «I cant, Im married, you know, and I have a son growing up, and your child is by another, forgive me and understand. I will always remember you as my first love, though with a sense of pain. Forgive me if I am guilty of anything. But then I was ready to give you everything in the world, I loved you so much».
Tears streamed down Marinas cheeks, she knew that nothing could be returned, but she was grateful to her friend for the meeting, because it was an opportunity to ask his forgiveness and to end the relationship that had once begun.
Andrew saw his first love off on a long journey called «adulthood,» accompanied him into the unknown and said goodbye, it was easier for both of them. The soul ached unbearably. Marina, standing by the plane, through her tears looked at the distant figure of Andrew and realized that she had lost her chance in life, a chance to have true love, a strong family, and a healthy child. Time was lost, but she wanted to think that everything would still happen, only the child would always remind her of the past. And one day, when he grew up, he would ask: «Mom, whos my daddy and where is he?» To which there will be no answer
At a young age, we often do not think about their actions and their consequences, believing that everything is still ahead, there is still time to fix everything. And to reap the fruits of their actions, it turns out, sometimes not ready. But who does not think about the future, he regrets about the past, and the mistakes for the rest of his life gradually remind about it. When fate gives a person a gift, he is not always ready to accept it. He does not feel the need for it, so he passes by without appreciating and noticing it. Only after a loss and the realization of the loss, it becomes clear where happiness could have been. When we get our share of grief and unhappiness, only then do we understand where we have been blessed, because everything is learned by comparison. The value of your own life depends on its content, on the effort you put into it. When your life is ruled by unbridled desires or other people, the result will always be a payback. And the interesting thing is that you only have to pay for it yourself, no advance
There would be no happiness, but unhappiness helped
Each of us, one way or another, dreams about love, wants to experience this mysterious feeling, but not everyone manages to keep it, let alone enjoy love, even if it is not mutual. But when suddenly this gift is lost, it is truly scary, the feeling of inferiority eats away at the subconscious, the world becomes gray-black colors.
So it happened with Anna, after another failure in the relationship, having suffered pain and suffering, she forbade herself to love, decided to treat all amorous affairs easily, without straining, «People can do it when they want» reflected the young person. That is where she stopped her decision, making, as they say, an agreement with the «Devil». Anya simply had no idea then what awaited her.
Having subsequently dissolved two seven-year marriages, but not for love and not in order to remain alone, our heroine began to pray to God for the divine gift of falling in love. Again and again she returned to her apartment, where the only man, for a year now, was a charming red cat, waiting for her faithfully and sincerely. After a while, the possibility of experiencing love became an obsession for Anna. She dreamed of plunging headlong into the feeling, and then what would happen.
Once sitting at home and suffering from loneliness, Anyuta programmed on paper to meet a loved one, giving him the desired qualities, a little thought, she added time to the calendar about 4 months, intending to thoroughly prepare for such an event. This story wouldnt пe had planned, and suddenly fell in love at first sight. Now the feeling of flight did not leave our heroine for a minute, it was like she got into another dimension, and the world has turned into happiness. What seemed ordinary before, surprised and delighted her, everything took on a special meaning. Anya realized that it was unconditional love that had come, everything around her breathed love. It was as natural as the sun, the grass, the sky, the birds, and life itself. Then it no longer mattered to a woman whether she was loved in return. But, as we know, sincere unselfish love leaves a strong energetic trace in the relationship, causes a sense of gratitude, respect, and there and then love is not far away.
But in reality, it is impossible to plan everything, much less create the image of a person ideally for oneself. And so Anyuta made a mistake. She asked for love for herself. She met a man who was strong and whole as a person, but who was not ready for remarriage. With two grown-up sons, Victor gave up on his personal life. «What kind of husband am I,» he told Anya. «What can I give you? Im a man and I should have my own house, my own territory, and provide for my family completely. I dont have either of those things. Im just burned out. My main thing is to raise my sons. Im sorry.» But even then, it didnt frighten Annuta. She was just happy to see this man, to meet him, thats all.
Victor liked getting love from Anya, too, and he always appreciated it. But he was afraid of something. He was afraid of getting attached, of falling in love, of himself. Many times he called, promised to come and didnt come, disappeared somewhere, then reappeared. At some point he simply disappeared for several years, only Anyas phone kept ringing in the evenings and even at night, but the receiver was silent. A womans heart knew whom it was calling. One day she happened to meet her man on the street, but he didnt notice Anya. Everything in her soul trembled and ached. Two days of struggling with herself formed the decision to write a message to Vita. At that time Anyuta had already lived with another man for two years, because Victor had simply disappeared. The answer came almost immediately, and both were very happy, forgetting about time, conventions and other nonsense. Everything spun with renewed vigor, until again for the man came that extreme moment of falling in love and fear for his potential and the need to take responsibility for his love.
Years went by. Unable to change anything, the woman dated Victor and continued to somehow arrange her family life. For several years she created a civil marriage, but love was elsewhere, next to her masterpiece. This went on for ten years, after which Victor fell ill and died. And even then Anya felt him and talked to him in her dreams. But the man was gone, and the love for this man was also gradually going away, leaving behind a trace of happiness, opening the channels of love.
Anya understood very clearly when you form a desire, you have to be very careful not to regret it later. There is a tremendous power in desire, which turns the existing reality in the right direction. You cant kill the love in you, because such actions always leave a long negative trail.
There is nothing superfluous in the world, we often pass by our happiness, sometimes just not noticing it, we complain about fate, not knowing how to use the opportunities that open before us, we envy others, not feeling their good, not knowing how to enjoy ordinary things and just love the person as he is and you know about it.
Crossroads of Destiny
Women very often tend to live for the future, forgetting that the present is most important. To give birth to children, so that in the old age there would be someone «to bring a glass of water, and you do not want to drink,» to bring up her husband, so that again in the old age is not alone, to gain status, so that people respectfully spoke about it, or at least just envy. But it so happens that seeking the future, we miss the present: we tolerate now, deprive ourselves of joy and personal time, waving his hand on his health and well-being, that God forbid to seem not worthy of something, or receive someones condemnation. In the pursuit of mens attention and love, we forget about ourselves and our value, not realizing that the main thing is the value of their own personality and attention to their soul, their body, their development.
They had been friends since childhood, Larissa and Nellie, three and a half years apart in age. When they were little, they came to the village for the summer: Nelly to her grandmother and Larissa to her aunt. The girls understood each other, played war together with the boys, Indians, soccer, went fishing, went to the river, in general, the game of dolls did not attract them much. As they grew older, they began to visit each other, dreaming of a happy adult life. Soon Larissa, she was the eldest, went to another city to study at university in the Department of Journalism, and the girls did not see each other for a long time. They met only four years later, when Larissa was getting married to a military officer, who had an unsuccessful family life and experience of combat operations in hot spots. He was more than ten years her senior. Lara did not grow up in a full family, not having a father, she wanted to somehow make up for the trauma of childhood, to escape the eternal poverty when her mother was pulling two children: Larochka and her younger brother. The girl was always jealous when someone from her class went on vacation to the sea or had expensive fancy clothes. She dreamed of a prosperous adult life and always knew that she would marry well.
Even as a child, her friends were always hanging out with their brothers: Larissa had an older cousin (the son of her aunt), and Nelly had a native brother, the same age as Larochka. Apparently, this is why their interests were mutual, more like kids games. This time was called «the early 80s.
Everyone grew up and went their separate ways: Lara finished school, Nellie was the youngest in her group and went to live in another town with her parents and brother. Laras cousin, Semyon, was drafted into the army to fight in Afghanistan. After a while, Nellies brother also went to serve for two years in a war zone. Soon Semyon was blown up on a mine and was hospitalized home without one leg. Depressed, not knowing how to live his life anymore, he considered his life a failed mistake. It was then that Nelli and Semyon unexpectedly met at the bus station.
His bus was leaving earlier than Nellies. Eye to eye, two or three minutes seemed like an eternity, the pain of loss, the reality of life and youth in one person. Tears rolled down the girls cheeks, for her, still very young, it was a shock. It seemed as if the whole earth was overturned, crushed by the time of life. Nellie didnt notice her childhood friend Semyon was gone, leaving his gaze sprinkled with ashes in her memory. She continued to stand on the platform and cry. Upon returning home, the girl lay awake all night, arriving in a state of shock. Her heart was bursting with pain: «How to realize and accept this.» The only thing she could do was to support her friend, giving a piece of herself. The distance of three hundred kilometers gave her the idea of writing kind letters to Semyon every day, just to talk to him. Before she knew it, she had fallen in love with her friend. He didnt respond, but simply graciously accepted such a gift.
«I will open the door wide to the morning dawn.
Let the wind rush through the window, Im so happy today.
Over the horizon, maybe a dream merged with destiny.
So good to live in this world, especially with you.
You are near, and my heart is warmer, And the sky is a little bit full of doves.
And everything seems more kindred with you on this earth,» Nellie wrote, without asking anything, without explaining, she simply wrote about herself, about hope for the future, trying in this way to instill hope in Semyon as well.
«Good morning, my friend. Every day in this life is unique: the wind, the sun, the sky breathes its beauty on you. The smell of the grass, the singing of the birds all this is for you, if you want it, the whole world will be for you. Smile, because to smile is happiness". So a year went by.