I loved our son so much and felt so sorry when I saw him. I needed an explanation about all the wires and tubes around him. When the doctor came, she tried to answer my questions, but there was just too much to understand. I wanted to see our baby, but my medical condition prevented this.
After the doctor left, Oleg and I realized how blessed we were to live in the United States with well-educated and skilled doctors, advanced medical equipment and medications. It is amazing how skilled and talented these individuals are, and how much they care. They do more than just their job. They are involved in our lives and work as fellow human beings, who care for other human beings with such strong convictions. They are special, and we are grateful for them.
Oleg and I understood that from then on, our lives would be different, since our baby would be staying at the hospital for a while. Oleg called his Mother in California.
Mom, our baby has been born very early. Olga had a C-section. The school has started. Someone needs to be home to send David, Kristina and Michael to school and meet them after. Can you please come help us with the children?
Yes, of course, I will come, Olegs Mother promised.
My parents continued to help with our children, while Oleg was with me at the hospital. That morning we realized how lucky we were to have parents near us during such critical time.
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A nurse brought me an electric breast pump to pump the first colostrum for our baby. I sat up in my hospital bed and started pumping, but didnt know if my baby would ever drink it. I couldnt believe this was my new reality. My first three children were all healthy. They were with me in the room after birth and I breastfed them. I knew it was important for our baby to drink colostrum, but he couldnt yet; he was being fed through an IV. The nurse brought me more bottles and labels. I attached the label to the bottle and the nurse took my milk to NICU to be frozen.
The cardiologist ordered an echo cardiogram of our babys heart. With hope, we patiently waited for the results. Soon the cardiologist came back and said, Unfortunately, the echo cardiogram of your babys heart showed that all the predicted problems are still there. Your baby may not survive.
He gave us a list of our babys diagnoses:
Right dominant unbalanced atrioventricular septal defect with large primum ASD;
Second superior secundum ASD;
Inlet VSD;
Hypoplastic left ventricle;
Severely hypoplastic aortic arch with severe coarctation;
Large patent ductus arteriosus;
Ex-30-week premature infant.
We didnt understand all of the medical terms, but knew there were many problems with our sons heart. When the doctor left, we were quiet for a while.
I feel like God doesnt hear us, Oleg finally spoke. Why doesnt He help us? What about the prophecies that others had told us that God would heal our baby in the womb? Why had individuals prophesied that which is not true?
Reality set in. Maybe God was stronger in Oleg, because he was still in a supportive role in his trust of God. I, on the other hand, questioned, How can a loving God do this to my baby? Is it a God I still want to love and believe in?
Olga, we need to accept Gods will, Oleg tried to answer my questions. People can be wrong. They can tell us things that hurt us. They can prophecise what may not come true, but God is God. We have to believe in Him. He is there. He is alive. He will help us.
That day was difficult for both of us, but we ultimately decided to accept Gods will and move forward with our lives. We now had a son who would require vast amounts of our attention and care, and somehow, we would have to make accommodations within our and our childrens lives.
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6
You never realize how lucky you are with a healthy
child, until you have an ill child.
Our friends and relatives called us, worrying about me and my baby. But that day, I asked for visitors not to come because I couldnt move, had lots of pain and needed rest. We appreciated our friends and relatives support. Even too many doctors and nurses kept coming in and out from my room.
When I had a moment, I called my Mother.
Our baby has been born, but he is very ill, I broke in tears while talking to Mom.
Olga, please be strong. I feel your pain, my Daughter, and I wish I could help you, but what can I do? We will be praying. I know God has been healing other people. He will help. We will take care of your children. I will help you with meals. Tell Oleg to stop by any time. I will give him food to eat, my Mother cried on the other end of the phone, while trying to ease my concerns.
Because of our sons critical condition, I wasnt able to breastfeed him or do the skin-to-skin contact. I knew this was important because in my job at WIC that was what I taught new mothers. I knew the skin-to-skin contact would enhance our sons immune system. It would provide him better oxygenation, better heart rate and better temperature. He was all alone in an incubator, surrounded by wires, tubes and pumps with medications. I knew that the nurses were taking good care of him, but he was my baby and I was missing him. He and I were separated. Surprisingly, I was at peace. Oleg also felt at peace. He stayed with me that whole day and the next night.
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By the morning, the anesthesia was no longer affecting my body and the magnesium medication was stopped. The itching ended and, finally, I was able to sleep. I no longer felt dizzy and could walk with the nurses help. I was beginning to feel better and thanked God!
I received a phone call from my former co-worker, Kathy.
Olga, I am coming to visit you! she said.
At the same time, Oleg received a phone call from his cousin, Eddie.
I am coming to visit you, brother.
Eddie and Kathy arrived at about the same time, so Oleg spent time with Eddie and I spent time with Kathy. Kathy brought me two cards, one from her and one from my former co-worker Marge. I started reading them and the words from one of the cards made me cry. It said, God knows everything you are going through and He will help you
Kathy comforted me. It was wonderful to have such friends, who worried about me and brought me cards that showed hope.
Olga, I would like to see your baby, Kathy said.
I havent seen my baby myself, I answered. I felt so awful yesterday after the anesthesia and all medications, but I feel a lot better today. We can go see my baby together.
Walking that far would be impossible for me.
I looked at Oleg.
How will I get there? I am on the 14
th
th
It is pretty far, Oleg answered. You will need to take a wheelchair.
No way. Wheelchairs are for disabled people. But now I have to use one?
I wanted to see my baby so much, I complied with the rules and went to the NICU in a wheelchair. Kathy pushed it for me, while Oleg and his cousin walked behind us. We arrived at the NICU.
Only three healthy visitors can see your baby at a time, the clerk explained. No children are allowed, only siblings.
We signed in and washed our hands all the way up to the elbows. Then we went to the last room at the end of the hall, where the smallest babies were. Because there were four of us, Eddie waited in the hall and then came in after Kathy left. Four doctors were by our sons bed. The doctors greeted us and told the updates on the baby.
The last two days we have been worried and didnt think that your baby would live. But he lives, so we are planning to meet with the surgeon and come up with a care plan for your son.
After the doctors left, I looked around the room. There were four other raised beds with tiny babies, covered with a glass lid and small blankets. I realized our family was not the only family with problems. There was a baby who was even smaller than our baby. Two nurses were taking care of babies in that room. Some parents sat in the rocking chairs by their babys bed. Our sons bed had a sign on it: Anischenko Baby with tiny footprints on it and the babys weight and length: 3lb 1 ounce and 14 inches.
With Olegs help, I got out of the wheelchair and came closer to the incubator.
Our baby is so tiny! surprised, I told Oleg. David, Kristina and Michael were all 8 pounds at birth. I never imagined that our fourth baby would be only 3 pounds.
Two rounded windows were on each side of the incubator. The nurse and Kathy were staying next to us.
Olga, you can open the round windows and put your hands through to your baby, the nurse explained. But do not make any strokes. He may not like it. Your baby still needs to be in your womb for more than two months, not being touched.
I opened the round windows, put my hands on our babys head and legs, and looked at his face. He was so beautiful with blond curly hair and looked so much like Oleg. The nurse told us more about his tubes and wires.
An oxygen tube, taped to babys mouth, is going down into his lungs to help him breathe. The sensors on his chest check his oxygen, pulse, heartbeat and body temperature. The umbilical intravenous line is inserted though his belly button, so we can draw blood for labs. The PICC line (a prolonged IV) is inserted in his hand, so we can send in nutrition and medications.
There was a tiny diaper on my baby and, luckily, his legs had nothing attached to them. Everything seemed beyond our control. Seeing our baby with the tubes scared me.
It is real. What do we do now? I asked my husband.
Oleg hugged me tight. I wanted to hold our newborn son and have some quiet time with him, but it wasnt possible. I felt a strange wave of emotion like he was mine, but at the same time not mine. I tried so hard to control my feelings and to not cry. This is serious. We and our baby are in deep trouble, I thought.
Your baby has jaundice, a medical condition with yellowing of the skin and whites of his eyes, arising from excess of the pigment bilirubin, the nurse said. We need to turn on the special light that will help his jaundice go away. I need to cover your sons eyes with black glasses, close his incubator and keep him under the lights.
Oleg and I stepped aside. I didnt want to leave our son, but due to my pain, we returned to my room for more medications. I needed rest, and it was time for me to pump more milk. Tears rolled down my cheeks and I couldnt say a word to Oleg, who laid quietly on the couch with his own tears.
When I calmed down, I called my sister, Luda. One of her children was also born premature.
Olga, I know what you are going through, she said. I feel your pain.
We both talked and sobbed. It was easier to talk with someone who had had similar experience and understood. I was so grateful for my sisters support.
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In the afternoon, Oleg brought David, Kristina and Michael to visit me and meet their baby brother.
Mom, why did the doctor cut your stomach? How big is your cut? Michael asked, scared.
The baby would have died if the doctors had not cut my stomach, I answered. The cut is about five inches long.
Did it hurt, Mom?
No, it did not, because the doctors used numbing medications during the surgery, I answered. But it hurt after the surgery and it hurts now.
How long it will take to heal? Kristina asked.
About two weeks. I will need to be very careful when I come home. You guys will need to help me a lot.
Mom, we will help you. Kristina laid by me on my hospital bed and hugged me.
Why was the baby born early? David asked.
Because Moms blood pressure raised very high, Oleg answered. Mom has some health problems. We need to take good care of Mom.
How soon will you and the baby come home? David asked.
I will come home after about four days, but the baby will stay at the hospital for a while. He needs a surgery on his heart.
The children were sad. Even children know that heart surgery is serious. They had no more questions. We were all quiet. After getting the information they wanted and seeing that I was likely to be okay, they just turned the TV on and watched cartoons. How much could we expect from our children? David was the most concerned, but Kristina and Michael, because of their age, didnt understand much.
After spending a few minutes with me, the children wanted to see their baby brother. We thought they could handle it. Seeing the wires and tubes, attached to the baby, the children were scared because they didnt understand what was happening. They knew that their brother was in a trouble and that he was sick. They didnt want him to die. This was the first time they ever experienced the possibility of death. Oleg explained the problems with the babys heart and asked our children not to be scared, but to pray for God to help their baby brother.
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That afternoon, the doctor came and told us, During the meeting of cardiologists, neonatologists, surgeons and medical students, we decided to delay your baby's open-heart surgery until he weighs at least five pounds. We think medications will enable his heart to keep working until he has grown larger and stronger, which will give him a better chance for success. We will feed him intravenously and let him grow, while keeping his heart duct open with medications. We will also continue providing oxygen to help him breathe. Your baby will stay at the hospital at least two months before the surgery and few more months after the surgery.
Hearing the doctors long-term plan, Oleg and I understood that our son would not be coming home any time soon. We had to decide how our family would manage these changes for many weeks to come.
Have you decided on a name for your son? the doctor asked.
Not yet, I answered.
For a parent, whose baby is born healthy, the most important thing is to give him or her a name. But for us at that moment the most important thing was for our baby to live, not his name.
During one of our meetings, one of the doctors called your son the Russian Prince, the doctor said. While you are still deciding on his name, would it be okay for the doctors to use that name for now?
I liked the doctors calling our son the Russian Prince.
Yes, I answered. He deserves it.
During this week, we will need to perform many blood tests on your three-pound son, the doctor continued. He may become anemic and a blood transfusion may be necessary. Is that okay with you?
We had no choice and signed the consent.
Finally, some good news, the doctor said. Your baby is stable, so he can start having breast milk through a feeding tube!
Oleg and I were so relieved to hear the news and thanked God.
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On Saturday, friends and family with beautiful flowers and gifts visited us. We couldnt walk everyone to see our baby. With some we just talked, prayed and hoped for the best.
Tanya was the first one of my siblings to see our son. When we came to the NICU, the lid of his incubator was raised, and the nurse was changing the dressing on his arm. Our babys eyes were covered with black glasses, but he was awake and moved his arms. We could not hear his voice due to the breathing tube in his mouth, but we could see it by the look on his face and by the way he was breathing that he was very upset. He cried without noise. Quietly, Tanya and I stood by his bed, trying to withhold our tears. My heart ached from not being able to help our son. Tanya didn't ask a lot of questions, but later I heard she cried after leaving the hospital, because she saw how fragile and ill our baby was.
A little later, my brother, Leo, came to visit us with his wife and children. They brought snacks and presents. While I was talking to Leos wife, I heard my husband tell Leo, Being home with the children without my wife has not been easy. I had to clean, cook, send children to school, figure out their school bus stop, read all their school papers, wash their clothes. It is hard to be home without my wife. She does so much. I realized how hard it is to be a single Dad.