System life. How to organize life to cope with uncertainty and achieve results without burnout - Kolosov Semyon 3 стр.

Then I started getting interested in moving to Moscow. Thinking about all relocation options, laws, documents, housing, etc. At the same time, I got into a shift with a new chemist, Evgeny Kazakov. We immediately got along, became friends, and I found out that he also wanted to leave. We quickly joined forces on the issue of relocation. We sat in the airlock for 7 hours every shift and discussed moving options. I remember looking at Moscow job offers and admiring big salaries of 25,000 rubles. We can say that getting to know Zheka saved me. From the «hands are beginning to give up, let it be what it will be» mode, I switched to the «I will do everything to achieve what I want» mode. Every day at 6 a.m. I went to the bus and wanted to come to work as soon as possible to discuss with Zheka what information I found and what he did. When everything came true, I clearly understood that you can get anything you want. The main thing is to do something, try and not stop. This situation has changed my thinking and attitude to difficulties. One person was then my positive environment. Imagine if there were 12 of them. Who would support and believe with me. This does not mean that my wife, parents and friends did not support me. I just didnt tell them about my plans and was constantly at work.

There is a famous statement «Crab bucket theory». It says that the crabs put in the bucket will pull down the crab that starts to get out of this bucket. Therefore, the sooner you meaningfully analyze your environment and remove all the crabs from there, the sooner you will feel changes for the better. Unfortunately, often in our environment, negative energy comes from those closest to us. Our parents, relatives, friends do not believe in us, question our success and abilities. There is one way to deal with this. If there are crabs among friends and colleagues, then such communication should be stopped as soon as possible. You dont have to call them or write: «get out, bloodsucker, we dont communicate anymore.» Just smoothly exit the communication and reduce it to zero. If such people are among parents, friends, relatives, then you need to agree that they do not say anything negative to you and do not complain. The main thing is to clearly distinguish requests for help from meaningless whining. From experience, I am sure that a small part will succeed. The rest will have hard work, difficult decisions or psychological stability. If you have such friends, relatives or family members, honestly and politely explain your thought once or twice. Explain that you are uncomfortable and you dont know how to react. If nothing changes, they ignore you, continue bombarding you with dirt and negativity, then this means that they dont care. They just satisfy their needs by communicating with you. Like, who, if not you, will listen to them? Stop this communication. It wont lead to anything good.

Many will say that I am cruel and suggest cutting off communication with relatives and friends. Yes, thats what I suggest, if there is nothing positive or neutral in this communication. Only you need to try to break not the whole connection, but the line of negative communication. But if it doesnt work out, then its better not to communicate at all than to spoil your life. Or you can be among the lucky ones who will learn not to take everything personally and ignore the negative. I have seen many times how people spend years on painful or toxic communication. This is a step to nowhere. The question is very sensitive, because often people themselves do not understand that they are in a negative environment. No need to act hastily. Always try to help, but if everything is to no avail, then theres nothing else for you to do except for either to endure or to avoid negative influence. Choose what is the lesser of evils for you.

Analyze your environment for energy, value, and needs. It sounds mercantile, but this is the only way to assess the situation soberly. You need to understand what this communication with a specific person is giving to you. For example, you communicate with someone because you have common interests, it charges you, you relax, get knowledge or give knowledge, and you like it. Write down a list of all the people with whom you communicate the most. Next to each in several columns, write: how long have you been communicating, what kind of need do you fulfill (why do you communicate with them, what do you like about it), what kind of energy do you get (how does it affect you), what have you learned or can learn, what topics were talked about last time. Then make a plan to strengthen and expand communication with good people. With whom you are comfortable communicating, they are ready to support you, share their experience and sincerely rejoice for your success. Try to make changes in your life to spend more time with positive people. Also make a plan to get rid of bad contacts. And do not forget that for someone you are also a close environment. Your behavior also affects other peoples lives. Let this influence be positive.

Skills and qualities

We carry out any activity with the help of competencies. Competence is a set of skills and the ability to use them to perform certain tasks. In simple terms, you have your own skills and qualities that help develop current and new skills. Which allow you to perform roles in different situations. In the analysis, our task is to understand what is the arsenal of skills and qualities at the moment. After all, remember that no one will give you an Iron Man costume. We have only ourselves. So, it doesnt matter what you think about your skills, you need to analyze yourself for superpowers and growth points. You dont need to focus on what you dont know how to do, but you want to. Maybe you dont need it. Well figure this out later. For those who think that they dont know anything and cant do anything, Ill say right away: there are no people who cant do anything. Up to the current age, you received different experiences, adopted other peoples attitudes and existed in this world. All people have the potential for development and degradation. You definitely have superpowers. You just dont know about it yet or have never tried to find them. Until today, your skills have provided you with different functions for different roles. For example, driver, manager, parent, salesman, pilot, etc. All these are roles, and each needs its own skills. Looking ahead, we can say that life is a set of projects in which you need to play different roles. The path to your goals also consists of projects. If you havent reached the goal yet, then most likely you dont know what projects it consists of, or you havent completed all the necessary projects. At this stage of the analysis, it is necessary to deal with what is there. To make it easier, start with the current activity. Write down the activity that you are doing now, that you like, and that you are doing well, in your opinion and the opinion of your friends, acquaintances and relatives. For each activity, write down the skills that you already use and which are needed for its execution. Write down what you know. If you dont know what you like, then skip it. Fill it out later. Interview your friends and acquaintances. Ask them the question: «What do you think Im doing well?». You can learn something new about yourself and very pleasant. If at this stage you already know the skills you want to develop, then write them down. It is important that they are dictated by the goal, and not because it is now in trend, or the son of a moms friend can do it, but you cant. If you have encountered a problem and could not solve it, then write down what skills were not enough for this. Also write down your achievements at the moment with an explanation of what helped you do it. Forget about your emotions and opinions. Imagine that they put a gun to your temple and forced you to praise yourself. Write down everything you can praise yourself for. Any, even the smallest achievement.

The qualities you possess are no less important. They can be the seed from which you will grow the necessary skills. It is important to admit to yourself and describe your qualities as honestly as possible. What do you consider strong qualities and weak ones. This is a subjective assessment, but we need to start from something. Qualities help to form flexible skills or, as they are commonly called, «soft skills». Harvard scientists say that flexible skills account for 85% of a persons success in the profession, rigid ones account for only 15%. Today, flexible skills are a trend, but we will talk about this in the chapter about training. Therefore, honestly describe your qualities. Without checking with a list of good and bad qualities. Just write what you consider to be the strong and weak qualities of your character. There is no purpose to praise or scold yourself. You need to take a picture of your character and understand what can already be used for growth, and what needs to be tightened. Correcting qualities is difficult. Most of them were formed in childhood, some more thanks to life experience. To change the qualities, sometimes you may need the help of a specialist. Most often, nothing needs to be changed, and the help of a career consultant puts everything in its place. But for now, just finish reading this book. Most likely, the next few chapters and a little consistency will solve your problems.

Mindset

I used to often hear that you are what you think. I dont agree with that. You can think as much as you want, but you will never do it. In order to change something or decide on something, there must be a certain mindset. Mindset is a type or way of thinking. We can also say that this is a persons worldview. In principle, it depends on him how and with whom you will move towards the goal, what will be the reaction and actions in case of difficulties and mistakes. Your confidence, attitude, courage and speed of change depend on it. Youre not what you think you are. You are what you do. To do the right thing, you need to put things in order in your way of thinking. To do this, you need to analyze your thoughts. The American psychologist Carol Dweck devoted a lot of work to the topic of mindset. She is an expert in social psychology and developmental psychology. She has a book, which in the original is called «Mindset». We have translated it as «Flexible consciousness». It explains that success in various spheres of life is not just a special talent or ability. Basically, this is the result of how we look at life. The idea of the book is that there is a «growth mindset» and a «fixed mindset». In short, the first is cool, and the second is bad. Carols book contains many examples from sports, business and personal stories that explain the role of a growth mindset for success, and how a fixed mindset contributes to failure.

Without abstruse books, it is clear that a positive attitude is good. Who would you go to Everest with? With someone who believes and longs for victory? Or with a pessimist who constantly whines and sees negativity everywhere? You will say that believing and longing is not yet done  and you will be right. Just attitude is not enough. Your installations are important, the firmware of your thinking.

Fixed mindset settings assume that every person has a certain set of skills from birth, whether professional, social or other. Such people usually think that:

And other thoughts like that. People with a fixed mindset like phrases like «yes, what are you getting yourself into, its not for you», «what if», «yes, Ive already seen a lot who didnt succeed» and so on. The image of such people is well shown in the second verse of Kastas song «Way higher». Its meaning can be described roughly as «Dry bread at home is better than roast meat abroad.» I think this phrase was invented by the most important boss of people with a fixed mindset. Of course, it is better that there are no such people around you. Surround yourself with people who will pull you up. Life is already full of people who want to pull you down.

People with a growth mindset are diametrically opposite. The mindset of growth is based on the fact that any skill or competence can be developed. That everything can be achieved if you figure it out and act. People with such a mindset will think like this:

It turns out that all people are divided into a kind of pessimists and optimists, confident and insecure people. Most people who call themselves «pessimists» or «skeptics» are afraid of failure. Therefore, they choose comfortable pessimism. There are no trials and problems in pessimism. As well as there is no growth and development. Many people usually say that they are not pessimists, but realists and just soberly assess the situation. That they have already had experience, and they know how it will be. Therefore, it is better not to go into something that you do not understand, it is better not to take risks. Such people are not confident; they did not draw conclusions from the failure and gave up. They usually work well for those who are confident. Insecure people are easier to manage, give loans, use for their needs. Some pessimists even understand this and try to get out with the help of silver bullets: courses, trainings and marathons. They are taught there to visualize, look for motivation, say «yes» to everything and praise themselves in front of the mirror. But it doesnt help, because it doesnt change the mindset.

To make steps towards growth, you need a growth mindset. To change the mindset, you need to work hard on yourself. Its funny that every person has a growth mindset from birth. Look at the children, they are super confident. They try to get up and walk. They fall, but they get up and go. No one develops learned helplessness; no one thinks that it is painful, shameful and scary. They just do it. They just dont understand a lot of things that adults understand. But look at the omniscient adults, most are not sure about anything.

Before graduating from university, I was such a child with a growth mindset. Thanks to Mom. She has always said since childhood that I am the best, and I can do anything. I never thought about the fears of failure and did not doubt myself. But after university I acquired pessimism. When it turned out that no one needed a diamond like me without work experience, I became more and more pessimistic. I didnt know what to do. I was feeling blue and I was ready to accept any job. Working at the factory, I stopped believing that I could achieve something. I didnt even think about what I wanted, and I didnt make any plans for life. Finally, my wife did not let me get bogged down in this swamp. Sometimes her critical thinking cant stop in time, and she may start to worry, but she has always been against pessimistic views. She is exactly the person who knows how to enjoy life and enjoy the moment. She was probably assigned to me so that I wouldnt go crazy for unknown merits in my past life. She was just talking to my negative thoughts: «Why do you think that? What facts are your thoughts based on?» I immediately rushed into the argument, explained to her that she did not understand anything. But every time it turned out that I had no arguments. I was just winding myself up with negativity and generating problems that might not have happened. I was engaged in forecasting and was sad. Then I was captured by a fixed mindset. I was afraid to solve difficult tasks, I wanted to justify my inaction with barriers and to absolve myself of responsibility.