Emotional awareness can be achieved in many ways. The first thing that happens in our society, it is adopted as an established model of behavior. If our parents were emotionally mature, conscious people, if they knew how to treat us from a certain age, as a separate person who has the right to opinion and respect, to his decision, then this person quite harmoniously over time acquires this emotional independence, this emotional maturity and takes responsibility for their life and for their decisions, for their emotions. The second way is more difficult. It is passed by those who, perhaps, are less fortunate with the example and with the situation. Such people are the majority. All of us in childhood, one way or another, lacked certain emotional resources, which, in fact, would be more important than an extra toy and an extra piece of cake. What is important is awareness, happiness and inner balance of a person throughout the life. This is the path of awareness, when a person, having thought a little, having stuffed bumps, being disappointed in something, begins to understand that something is not right here. It can be quite a painful path, but it is better to go through it and endure it than never to go through it. If you look around, you will see a lot of people who are living in the state of a child, in a state of emotional immaturity, infantilism. And what are the signs of this emotional immaturity? I want to reassure you right away that you dont need to be scared if you notice any of the listed signs in yourself, this is absolutely normal. There is nothing wrong with this. But to live your whole life and never think about it, thats really scary. But many people do not even suspect that there is such a thing, they cannot even look at the situation from the outside. They do not realize that they are in a cage, from which it is impossible to get out. The fact is that you will not be able to see the situation if you do not take a few steps back from it, if you do not look at it from the side. And one of the great news and opportunities to look at something outside of them is information that you just need to let through yourself, listen and at least a little realize it. And if you notice signs of emotional immaturity in yourself, this is very good. This means that if you want, you will very soon take your life to a new level.
It is those passions, the nature of which we misunderstand, that dominate us the most. And the weakest of all are feelings, the origin of which we understand. And often a person imagines that he is making an experience over others, when in reality he is making an experience over himself.
Wilde O.Emotional growing up is an important part of life, as is self acceptance. You will only gain by realizing all this. Be honest with yourself now and dont be afraid, dont scold yourself now, if you notice that you havent really matured, that you are still in the state of a child, then its better to realize this and decide what to do about it. If this is not realized, then nothing can be done about it. Each of us can become emotionally mature and this is not a myth, these are not empty promises, this is a real conscious change. This path is not always simple, not always pleasant and easy, because in fact it is convenient for us to be in the state in which we are accustomed to be. When we walk on already trampled roads, we do it automatically. This is our comfort zone, and if we are used to blaming everyone, complaining, being offended, if we are used to expecting attention from everyone, but not being the first to give this attention and love, then we will feel uncomfortable, we will need to make an effort on ourselves in order to change something. Consciously change your inner state, and turn from an emotional child into a full-fledged, self-aware, feeling person who has inner contact with the Self. And this is exactly what will take your life to a qualitatively new level. Its like black and white.
I will share with you a little of my experience and say that at one time I had such a problem. If I was in the company of a person in a bad mood, who was dissatisfied and annoyed with something, I was scared and somehow uncomfortable to show my good mood. It seemed to me that I needed to cheer up this person, appease or make them happy. In general, do something to make them feel better. And such behavior leads to our destruction, unfortunately, because we cannot be responsible for how others feel. It also leads to destruction due to the fact that we begin to regret, and pity takes away the strength of this person to cope with the situation on their own and makes them a victim. So be very careful about feeling sorry for yourself and for others. And if someone next to you is always in a bad mood, if a person always complains, is dissatisfied with something, or reacts angrily in some way, with such a person next to you, you still have the right to be happy, you have the right to be cheerful. And also you have the right not to be near such a person. It is clear that when our loved one feels bad, when they are sad, then, of course, a feeling of apathy and compassion is normal. It is quite logical that you will stop jumping for happiness and enjoy the world, you will come up and try to somehow sympathize. In fact, in order to prevent a person from entering the role of a victim, one should tell them at this moment that they will cope with the situation. Since such an attitude gives them strength rather than takes it away. Pity is one of the very subtle and destructive emotions. But mercy is a completely different matter.
But there are people who are always in a bad mood, who simply cannot stand it when someone feels good around them, who get angry, but there is a reason for this. If you grew up in a family where parents, older brothers or sisters, grandparents could come and yell at you for no reason, just because they were in a bad mood, then such children grow up with some kind of built-in radar. This inner feeling captures and fixes the negative emotions of other people: how do people around you feel now, are they dangerous for you or not, do you need to quiet down now, stop rejoicing, try to appease them somehow, or do they still good mood and you can be yourself. There are children who grow up with drinking parents, and they constantly live in fear that if the father comes home drunk, he will beat and yell. Understand that this is a childish reaction, this is a trauma that controls you, because when you read, you think that everything can be fixed very easily. But in reality, everything is not so simple. And this speaks of your destructive program. And if you notice this for yourself, remind yourself all the time that you have grown up. Try to fish out this program, recognize and accept it, and then it will start to leave you. You now have the right and the resource to stand up for yourself and take responsibility for living a new life. You are an adult person, and childrens reactions will make themselves felt for some time. But, if you purposefully remind yourself of this, if you say that you are responsible only for your well-being, only for your mood and emotional state, then soon such childrens reactions will weaken and become a thing of the past. And when you try to adjust to someones mood, you lose yourself, and thats the worst thing you can do. Betray yourself, lose yourself. Remember that you are an adult and have the right to any of your emotions. And if you are forced to live or spend a lot of time with people who are constantly bad, who are constantly unhappy and constantly negative, ask yourself if you need it. And at a minimum, allow yourself to experience what you want to experience next to such people. Joy means joy. If its cool for you, let it be cool for you. Believe that the world needs your good emotions. Emotional conscious maturity means that there is one more step between the stimulus and your reaction. You always have a chance to choose what suits you, because life is one, and you are alone. And all this is called conscious choice. That is, between a stimulus or between some event and your reaction to this event or to this stimulus, you have the opportunity to choose how you will react. This is the quality of an emotionally conscious mature person. I repeat that an emotional conscious person is not born in one day, it is a journey, it is a practice of acquiring skills, the beginning of a new Self and reboot. And each of us walks this path, consciously walks in order to bring ourselves and our lives to a qualitatively new level.
Lets go a little deeper in this chapter and reveal the topic of dependence on someone elses opinion. Ill start with a simple parable. A parable about how one person heard that a Buddha had come to a nearby village. This man was critical of the Buddha and considered him a charlatan. He went in search of the Buddha to tell him what he really thought about him, and when he finally found him, he spat at him and said all sorts of nasty things. When he finished, the Buddha asked, Is that all you wanted to tell me? The man replied, Yes. And then the Buddha turned around and went on his way. This man returned home and could not sleep all night, he was tormented by doubts. He tossed and turned, and kept thinking, or maybe he was wrong and said so many nasty things in vain. Probably, this is really a holy person, if he knows how to react to insults. After all, he didnt answer anything, not a single muscle twitched in him, there was only peace in him. And waking up early in the morning, he went and picked flowers. He arranged the flowers into a beautiful wreath and went to look for the Buddha. And when he found him, he hung a wreath of fresh flowers around his neck and began to praise him in every possible way and say how wrong he was and how he repents. When he finished praising him, the Buddha asked, Is that all you wanted to tell me? The man replied, Yes. Then the Buddha turned around and went on peacefully on his way. The man was at a loss, he caught up with the Buddha and asked: Please tell me why yesterday, when I spat at you and insulted you, you were not upset and were so calm. Why today, when I hung a wreath of flowers around your neck and began to praise you, did you not show your joy and were unperturbed? Then the Buddha replied: Because I am not your slave. How often do we become slaves to someone elses mood, someone elses fool, someone elses whim, advice and much more? How often do we allow other people to determine how we feel and how we treat ourselves? This happens precisely when we have not developed a resource in ourselves the resource of a mature person who will definitely filter what they let into their world and what they dont, who understands where you just need to turn on awareness in time and put a barrier to your vibrational field or state that you will not allow to poison your life. And, of course, any person, even an emotionally mature one, has moments in life when they are more sensitive to information, these are some moments of turbulence, moments of internal doubt. There is also a circle of people who are very, very close to us, and their comments, their assessment still penetrates very far and can hurt a lot or, conversely, inspire a lot. This is understandable, however, you yourself know this difference. You can imagine in your head a person who is emotionally stable, who knows their own worth, who is aware of how they treat themselves, who they are and what they are. And you can also easily imagine a person who, like a pendulum, constantly fluctuates and reacts to the assessment of others. And unfortunately, it is incredibly difficult to live in such a state. In such a state, it is impossible to truly create something, because a person who does not trust their own opinion, but relies only on the reaction and on the opinion of others, cannot be creative, cannot let himself go on this creative flight. Another sad thing is happening. A person who is emotionally dependent on the opinions of other people is constantly trying to please, constantly trying to be good, suppressing their own interests, their emotions, changing their personality and adjusting themselves to be desirable, to be pleasing and acceptable to others. And, unfortunately, over time, all these things manifest themselves through a disease of the body, and this is inevitable.
In the following chapters, I will touch on the underlying emotional issues that are dragging you or your loved ones down, poisoning your life. You will receive a lot of interesting information, which, most importantly, you will be able to apply in your new conscious life.
Chapter 4. Awareness of emotions
Only limited people need years to get rid of some feeling or impression. And a man who knows how to control himself is able to put an end to sadness as easily as to find a new joy. I dont want to be at the mercy of my emotions. I want to enjoy them, get everything I can out of them. I want to dominate my emotions.
Oscar Wilde
Awareness of emotions is what is necessary for any person who wants to build their life independently and qualitatively, without relying on anyone and not trying to please anyone. Only an emotionally mature person is able to build long-term and healthy relationships, whether it be family relationships, relationships with subordinates, with superiors, or with their loved ones, friends and society as such. I consider this topic one of the most important and aspects that are definitely worth mentioning as part of its consideration are the emotions of anger and aggression, and how to deal with uncontrollable anger. I will clarify that within the framework of this chapter, we will talk about the anger and aggression of an adult. Because if we are talking about small children, then the situation will be a little different, and the topic needs to be revealed in a different way. I will immediately ask the question is it normal to feel anger, hatred? The answer is yes. Anger for a person is a natural emotion necessary for survival. If, say, your child is bullied by someone, it is quite logical that you will immediately experience anger. But at the same time there are different manifestations of anger, aggression and rage. They are not productive, which do not save you from anything and do not help you protect your interests, but on the contrary, they are an indicator, a symptom of your inability to protect yourself. The state of strong anger, aggression and rage are just a manifestation of a derivative of impotence, the weakness of your inner child. All of us were once children, and a child is a dependent being, and to some extent powerless, and I think each of us in one form or another was once the object of someones aggression, and this aggression could take the form of disrespectful, dismissive attitude, mockery, ridicule, and so on. The child, not understanding how he can defend himself or respond correctly to such a situation, experiences a feeling of powerlessness, and it is this feeling of powerlessness that, following fear, gives rise to a feeling of rage, aggression and rather unpleasant anger. And since the child does not have the right to show it, all these emotions are directed inward.
In fact, the topic of emotions is very important. And I would like to make a small footnote, saying that in fact, all the emotions that we did not live through in childhood turn into negative programs in adulthood. Let me give you the following example: in childhood, a child witnesses a scene of violently cursing parents. At this moment, it feels a whole range of emotions there is pain, fear, anger at its father, and pity for its mother, and again hatred for its father. So, in order to make it easier for the child, its consciousness deduces a formula, or rather the installation, that all men are despots or aggressors, and so on. In general, the child seemed to feel better at that moment, but the mindset was already embedded in her mind, and in adult life this girl fulfills this program with accuracy, choosing just such men in order to make sure every time that she was right. The fact is that the mindset actually rests on the spectrum of these emotions, and the subconscious mind is cyclical, and therefore periodically makes you experience these feelings and emotions so that a person accepts these emotions and lives them consciously. And the men she meets on her way are actually just activators of one or another emotion aggression, anger, resentment, and so on. After all, in childhood, no one taught us to live and let go of these feelings.