But of what?
He never told me! But please, miss, said Mrs. Grose, I must get to my work.
III
Her turning her back on me wasnt something that could hurt our relationship. We became closer after I brought little Miles home. I was amazed and emotional when I first saw him. I thought it was strange that such a child could be dismissed from school. When I arrived at the inn[15] to pick him up, he waited for me and I saw his beauty and purity. He was incredibly beautiful and Mrs. Grose agreed. His presence made me forget everything except my deep love for him. He seemed so innocent and sweet that it was impossible to believe anything bad about him. I felt confused when I returned to Bly with him, knowing I had a horrible letter locked in my room. As soon as I had a chance, I told Mrs. Grose that the letter was stupid.
She quickly understood me. You mean the cruel charge[16]?
I cant believe it. Look at him!
Believe me, miss, I do nothing else! What will you say then? she asked immediately.
In response to the letter? I had made my decision. Nothing.
And to his uncle?
I was firm[17]. Nothing.
And to the boy himself?
Nothing.
She wiped her mouth with her apron. Then Ill support you. Well stick together until the end.
Well stick together! I said, shaking her hand to make it a promise.
In the first weeks, the days were long. They often gave me my own hour, the time when I was alone before going to bed. I enjoyed this hour the most out of everything in the day. I especially liked it when the sky was getting dark and I could walk in the grounds and enjoy the beauty of the place. It made me feel calm. I felt happy knowing that I was doing what the person who asked me wanted. It brought me even more joy than I expected. I thought I was a special person, and I hoped that others would see it too. Well, I needed to be special because something unusual was about to happen.
One afternoon, during my usual walk, I had a surprising encounter[18]. I used to imagine meeting someone while walking around, and now it felt like a wonderful story coming true. On the first occasion, at the end of a long day in June, I stopped when I saw the house. What shocked me was the feeling that my imagination had become real. He was standing there! But he was high up in the tower that little Flora had shown me on our first morning. This tower, along with another one that looked similar. They were old and unique. However, the person I had imagined didnt seem most fitting in this place.
I saw a figure in the twilight and it surprised me. I caught my breath twice. I realized that he wasnt who I thought he was. The figure that faced me was the image that had been in my mind. I had not seen it in Harley StreetI had not seen it anywhere. It made me confused and scared. Everything around us became silent. I tried to figure out who he was, but I couldnt. I felt wonder and confusion.
The main question, or one of them, is about how long some things have lasted. Well, this thing of mine, believe what you want, lasted while I thought about who was in the house that I didnt know about and for how long, most importantly? It lasted while I felt a bit uncomfortable because my job needed me to have no such person. It lasted while this visitor seemed to stare at me and ask a question with his look. We were too far apart to speak, but there was a moment where it would have been right to break the silence. He stood in one of the corners, the one far from the house, looking very straight and had both hands on the ledge[19]. So I saw him as I see the letters on this page; then, after a minute, he slowly moved to the opposite corner, still looking hard at me. Yes, I felt strongly that during this movement, he never took his eyes off me, and I can still see how his hand moved from one part of the ledge to the next. He stopped at the other corner, but not for long, and even as he turned away, he kept looking at me. He turned away; thats all I knew.
IV
I started to wonder if there was a secret or a mystery at Bly. I walked around the place for a while, feeling curious and scared. When I went back inside, it was dark. I saw a surprised look on my friends face. She told me she had missed me. I quickly understood, she knew nothing that could explain the incident I had. I didnt want to worry her, so I didnt say it. I made an excuse for being late and went to my room.
The shock I had experienced must have made my senses sharper; I was certain, after three days and from paying closer attention, that the house staff had not deceived[20] me or played any tricks on me. Nobody around me knew anything about what I knew. There was only one logical thought: someone had allowed himself a rather rude trick. That was what I kept saying to myself as I went back into my room and locked the door. We had, all together, experienced an invasion[21]; some rude traveler, interested in old houses, had entered, enjoyed the view from the best spot, and then left the same way he came. The good thing, after all, was that we wouldnt see them again.
I know that it wasnt so good, and I could have made a better judgment[22] on this, but the most important thing for me was just my lovely work. My work was my life with Miles and Flora, and nothing else mattered. Being with them made me happy. Working with them was like being in a beautiful story every day. I cant say how interested and amazed I was by my companions. Instead of getting used to them, I kept discovering new things about them. There was one thing that stayed a mystery thoughthe boys behavior at school. But I didnt worry about it because he was innocent and didnt deserve any punishment. I knew that people might be jealous of him and try to hurt him, even the headmasters.
Both the children were like the cherubs[23]! It seemed like Miles had no history. He was sensitive and happy, as if every day was a fresh start. We dont expect much from a small child, but there was something sensitive and at the same time happy about this beautiful little boy. He was never hurt, not for a second. I took this as a direct disproof[24] of the fact that he was really punished. If he was bad, I would have noticed something. But I found nothing, so he must be an angel. He never talked about his school, friends, or teachers, and I didnt want to ask about them. I was under their spell, even though I knew it. But being with them was a distraction from any pain, even though I had other problems. I got sad letters from home, but my children were the most important thing in the world. Thats what I thought during my alone time. I was amazed by their beauty.
There was a Sunday when it rained a lot, so we couldnt go to church. If the weather got better in the evening, I planned to go with Mrs. Grose to the church later. Luckily, the rain stopped and I got ready for our walk. It would take about twenty minutes to get to the village through the park and the good road. Before meeting Mrs. Grose in the hall, I remembered that I had left a pair of gloves upstairs. They needed to be fixed with three stitches, which I had done. I went upstairs to get the gloves. As soon as I entered the room, I saw the gloves on a chair near the window. I also noticed a person on the other side of the window looking inside. It was the same person I had seen before. This time, I could see him better, and it felt like he was closer to me. Something, however, happened this time that had not happened before; he was looking at my face with the same deep and hard look as before, but this look left me for a second, and I could see him moving from one thing to another. It made me feel surprised and cold. I suddenly realized that he wasnt there for me. He had come for someone else.
I ran along the terrace and turned a corner, but there was nothing to see. My visitor was gone. I looked around, but there was no one. The terrace, the lawn, the garden, and the park were empty. I felt sure that he wasnt hiding in the bushes or trees. He was either there or not there. If I couldnt see him, he wasnt there. I realized this and instead of going back the way I came, I went to the window. I knew I should stand where he had stood. I did so and looked into the room. Just as I had done, Mrs. Grose came in from the hall. She saw me and stopped. I scared her just like he had scared me. She turned pale, and I wondered if I turned pale too. She looked and went back the way I had come. I knew I would see her soon. I stayed where I was and thought about many things. But theres only one thing I have time to say. I wondered why she was scared.
V
Oh, she told me right away, when she came. Whats wrong? She was out of breath.
I didnt say anything until she came closer. With me? I must have made a strange face. Do I show it?
Youre as white as a sheet. You look terrible.
I thought about it; I could tell her the truth. I held her hand tightly for a moment, enjoying the feeling of her being close to me. There was comfort in the surprise on her shy face. You came to get me for church, of course, but I cant go.
Did something happen?
Yes. You need to know now. Did I look very strange?
Through this window? Terrible!
Well, I said, Ive been scared. What you saw from the dining room a minute ago was similar to what I saw. But what I saw was much worse.
Her hand tightened. What was it?
A strange man. Looking in.
What strange man?
I dont know at all.
Mrs. Grose looked around but couldnt find him. Then where did he go?
I have no idea.
Have you seen him before?
Yes, once. On the old tower.
Do you mean hes a stranger?
Oh, very much!
Yet you didnt tell me?
No, for reasons. But now that youve guessed
Ah, I didnt guess! she said simply. Youve only seen him on the tower?
And on this spot just now.
Mrs. Grose looked around again. What was he doing on the tower?
Just standing there and looking down at me.
She thought for a moment. Was he a gentleman?
I realized I didnt need to think. No. She looked in deeper wonder.
No.
Then nobody around? Nobody from the village?
Nobodynobody. I didnt tell you, but I was sure.
But if hes not a gentleman
What is he? Hes a horror.
A horror?
HesGod help me, I have no idea!
Mrs. Grose looked around again, then she turned to me and suddenly said, Its time for us to go to church.
Oh, I cant go to church!
Wont it be good for you?
It wont be good for them! I nodded[25] toward the house.
The children?
I cant leave them now.
Youre afraid?
Im afraid of him.
When was iton the tower?
About in the middle of the month. Around this time.
Almost in the dark? asked Mrs. Grose.
Oh, no, not nearly. I saw him as clearly as I see you.
So how did he get in?
And how did he get out? I laughed. I didnt have a chance to ask him! Tonight, you see, I continued, he hasnt been able to get in.
He only peeps[26]?
I hope thats all it will be! She let go of my hand and turned away. I waited for a moment, then I said, Go to church. Goodbye. I have to watch.
Slowly, she turned to me again. Are you worried about them?
We looked at each other for a while. Arent you? Instead of answering, she moved closer to the window and pressed her face against the glass for a minute. You see how he could see, I continued talking.
She stayed still. How long was he here?
Until I came out. I came to meet him.
Finally, Mrs. Grose turned around, and said, I couldnt have come out.
Neither could I! I laughed again. But I did come. I have my duty.
I have mine too, she replied. Then she asked, What does he look like?
Ive been dying to tell you. But hes like nobody.
Nobody? she echoed.
He has no hat. Then I noticed the look on her face and realized she had already begun to imagine a picture, which made her even more confused. So I quickly described him. He has very red curly hair, and a long pale face. He has small, strange-looking eyes. His mouth is wide, with thin lips, and he only has little, strange red whiskers[27]. His eyebrows are darker and look like they might move a lot. He looks like an actor.
An actor!
Ive never seen one, but thats what I think they look like. Hes tall, active, and stands up straight, but hes definitely not a gentleman.
As I continued, my friends face became pale, Not a gentleman? He?
So you know him then?
But is he handsome?
Very much so!
And how is he dressed?
He is wearing someone elses clothes. They are stylish, but they dont belong to him.
She cried, They belong to the master!
So you do know him?
Quint! she cried.
Quint?
Peter Quinthis valet[28], when he was here!
When the master was here?
He never wore his hat. They were both herelast year. Then the master left, and Quint was alone.
I followed, but stopped a bit. Alone?
Alone with us, she added, In charge.
And what happened to him?
She took so long to answer that I became even more confused. He went, too, she finally said.
Went where?
God knows where! He died.
Died? I almost shouted.
Yes. Mr. Quint is dead.
VI
That night, we agreed that we would face things together. I wasnt even sure if she had a harder time than me. I knew, even at that moment, what I could do to protect my pupils.
He was looking for someone else, you say someone who was not you?
He was looking for little Miles. I knew this very clearly. Thats who he was looking for.
But how do you know?
I know, I know, I know! After a moment, she continued: What if he sees him?
Little Miles? Thats what he wants!
She looked very scared again. The child?
Heaven forbid[29]! The man. He wants to appear to them. The idea was awful, but somehow, I couldnt keep it away. As we stayed there, I had a strong feeling that I would see what I had already seen. However, something in me told me that I could serve as a sacrifice[30] to protect the calmness of my companions. Especially the children, I would surround them and save them completely. I remember one of the last things I said to Mrs. Grose that night.
It seems like my students have never told me
She looked at me as I paused in thought, About his time here and the time they spent with him?
The time they spent with him, his name, his presence, his history, anything.
Oh, the little girl doesnt remember. She never heard or knew.
About his death? I thought deeply. Maybe not. But Miles would rememberMiles would know.
Ah, dont ask him! Mrs. Grose cried.
I gave her the same look she had given me. Dont be afraid. I continued to think. Its rather strange.
That he has never talked about him?
Never even asked about him. And you say they were great friends?
Oh, it wasnt him! It was Quints own imagination. To play with him, I meanto spoil him. She paused for a moment, then added: Quint was much too free.
This made me feel a sudden disgust[31]. Too free with my boy?
Too free with everyone!
Just to be sure, I asked her one last question. So youre saying that he was definitely and admittedly[32] bad?
Oh, not admittedly. I knew itbut the master didnt.
And you never told him?
Well, he didnt like people talking about others faults. He didnt want to hear complaints. If people were fine with him
He didnt want to hear more? This matched my impression of him. Still, I continued. I promise you, I would have told him!
She understood my point. Maybe I was wrong. But, honestly, I was afraid.
Afraid of what?
Of the things that man could do. Quint was so clever.
I understood even more than I showed. Werent you afraid of anything else? Not of his infulence[33]?
His influence? She repeated with a painful look, waiting for me to continue.
On innocent little lives. They were under your care.
No, they werent under mine! She replied firmly. The master trusted him and put him here because he was supposed to be unwell, and the country air would be good for him. So he had all the authority. Yes,she told me sternly[34]even over them.
Over those children? I had to hold back a cry. And you could stand it!
No, I couldntand I cant now! And the poor woman started crying.
From the next day, there would be strict control over the children, as I said before. However, we couldnt stop talking about the subject passionately for a whole week! We had discussed it on Sunday night, but I couldnt help but feel that there was something she hadnt told me. I had been completely open, but Mrs. Grose had kept a secret. I was sure that she didnt do that because she wasnt honest. She was afraid and thats it. Looking back now, it seems that I had already interpreted[35] most of the meaning behind the situation, thanks to following more terrible events. What those events showed to me was the presence of a mysterious man who was still alive, while the dead one would stay a mystery for a while. This man had spent several months at Bly, which was quite a long time. The end of this terrible period only came when, on a winter morning, Peter Quints body was found on the road. The cause of his death was a head wound[36], which have been caused by a slip on an icy slope[37]. It was a wrong path to take, especially in the dark and after having drinks at the pub.