This book is titled Lifehack for moms, so here you will find numerous great ideas and advice about different topics: how to put your baby to sleep, how to dress him/her according to the weather, what your breastfeeding diet should be and how to get back in shape after birth. But below you will find a few words about something else. It is not really lifehacks, but they are definitely the most true-to-life and much needed words of support for all mothers.
1. Lets begin with proverbial lack of sleep. Perhaps, you will be lucky and win the lottery titled Calm baby who sleeps good since birth. But it is more likely that you will become a member of a social club whose participants monosyllabically answer Idontgetenoughsleep if you ask them How are you? Just be assured that everyone goes through the same things. Well, excluding the winners of the above mentioned lottery and those who gave birth around 20 years ago and more (as the latter simply do not remember anything).
Even if a baby sleeps good at night, the new mother might have her own sleep disorders. Moms sleep very light and little, so they do not even see dreams, as their brains do not have time to make them up.
Get ready it is not going to be easy in terms of sleeping for the first year (or even longer). Just accept this as a fact and as something temporary, and please do not worry, even if it feels like it will never end. Trust me, everything will surely get better!
For me sleeping problems were an issue number one. At some point it felt like I needed to feed on freshly squeezed caffeine to survive. Only breastfeeding stopped me from that, so I completely understand you, my dear not sleeping moms. Especially for you I wrote the longest chapter of this book with detailed advice on how to improve your babys sleep. In short, if your neighbors know all lullabies by heart and in the mornings you hear them singing: Twinkle, twinkle, little star then do not hesitate to open this chapter.
2. Be ready that for the first time it might feel like a groundhog day. Yes, now you have all the time in the world to enjoy motherhood and your baby. However, sometimes it might feel like every new day is exactly the same as the one before, and the most interesting things pass you by. Somewhere out there people have fun and go to shows, solve global problems and organize important meetings. They throw parties and go mountain skiing. And you? In the whole day you changed nine diapers and breastfed thirty-three times.
Wait, what was that about global tasks? Isnt that the most important and global task that you have right now in front of you to bring up a Human being? There is no one who would bring up and care for your baby better than you. Your little one just recently came into this world which feels like a totally different planet to him\her, where everything is so strange and unknown. In this world there are new ways to breathe, move and see, not how he/she was used to Only mother can help a baby to adapt and feel safe in this new world. That is why, if you find yourself in the same position for three hours in a row, breastfeeding, do not worry. At this stage this is the only thing that you need to do. Just be patient, stock up on some good books and some hypoallergenic cookies.
And please do not worry that you do not have enough time for everything. This is not important right now. You can take that shower tomorrow. Or after tomorrow.
3. There is one more difficulty that all new mothers face. In the beginning it is very hard to understand a baby, who does not have any means to show what he/she needs, other than crying. If your baby is screaming and you do not understand him\her, it does not mean that you are a bad mother. It is impossible to recognize all intonations right away. You will get this with time, because you feel your baby like no other.
Your baby knows it too. And it is usually the mother who a baby turns to if he/she needs something. It is the mother who is expected to help and understand. This is why sometimes it might seem that with other members of the family your baby is somehow calmer than with you, his/her mom (or father). More likely, it is not just a guess. And it is not because there is something wrong with you. It is because a baby always expects more from the person who plays the biggest role in his/her life. Usually, only mom will help if a child is scared, hurt or cold, and will bring the feeling of peace, warmth and confidence, showing that everything is fine.
One of the chapters in this book contains lifehacks on a topic of How to calm down a crying baby.
4. The next very important advice to all new mothers do not forget to rest from taking care of your baby. Yes, you heard it right! If going out just means going to the shop to buy new bibs and bodysuits, if you hold your cat up after every meal to burp, if for every partners phrase you automatically have a nursery rhyme ready in your head then it is time to take a break!
Be it a meeting with your friend or a swim at the swimming pool, or going out to see some movies it is not important what you choose. The main thing is that the chosen activity must help you to relax and gather strength. A calm and happy mother this is what your baby needs (and your partner as well!)
You can find advice on how to find time for yourself in the chapter Maternity time-management.
5. And the last advice in this chapter for those who recently stepped on the path of motherhood. You have already read and continue to read so many things about children. The Internet and magazines pour out advice and different approaches to parenting. Books compete in promoting different theories and attempt to teach us the right way to raise a child. French children dont throw food. German children easily go to bed at 8 p.m. Neighbors Johnny sleeps all night since birth and goes to toilet strictly in his potty.
Do not believe in everything you read and hear! New parents get buried under so many categorical statements and other peoples right examples. It is easy to think that you are doing something wrong.
I got caught up in this trap so many times. Especially in the first months when hormones are raging in your body and replace common sense. However, maternal intuition and my son looking happy and carefree returned my ability the ability to think adequately.
Reading books and learning from more experienced people is wonderful, but it is important that it helps and does not make you neurotic, constantly thinking you are raising your child wrong. Those who breastfed their baby following the schedule and put the baby to sleep in a separate bed since birth, start to worry that they had missed something important when they read about natural parenting and co-sleeping. On the other hand, after reading another book, those who breastfed their baby on demand and constantly carried him/her in their arms, start to question their approach and worry that the baby will grow up spoiled.
As you can see, they are two completely opposite theories, and there are plenty of arguments for each of them. But in the end the most harmful thing in both cases is the mothers worry about her so-called mistakes. Maternal intuition and unconditional love for your child these are the best fundamental things for your babys upbringing.
Read, learn new things, but do not let other peoples words make you question one thing: you are the best and the most proper mother for your child. Do how you feel is comfortable specifically for your baby, specifically in your family. All advice and information from the books and the Internet should firstly go through the filter of your own understanding and your maternal intuition, including this book.
Read, learn new things, but do not let other peoples words make you question one thing: you are the best and the most proper mother for your child. Do how you feel is comfortable specifically for your baby, specifically in your family. All advice and information from the books and the Internet should firstly go through the filter of your own understanding and your maternal intuition, including this book.
Chapter 3. Lifehack for daddy
Long before birth I enthusiastically started compiling all sorts of lists: list of things for a newborn baby, list of things to take with me to the hospital, etc. Among these lists were directions for my beloved husband Artemy. I specified all the things that he would need to do while his precious wife was at the hospital.
While working on this book, I decided to include this list in my literary opus. Later I got an idea to write a whole chapter for future fathers. However, this chapter would have been lopsided if I wrote it all by myself. Then I asked my husband a question: What advice would you give to men who are soon to be fathers?. The first thing that he said was: Spend all days of your annual leave for the time after birth because your wife will really need you. This answer made me fall in love with my husband once again.
On my return from hospital I was physically and emotionally exhausted, and it brought me immense happiness to be together with my family all days long. All the memories about difficulties of the first days are already erased from my memory, but I know for sure that at that moment my husbands attention and help were more important than any present. So, my dear future fathers, instead of writing Thank you for our son on the rear window of your car, better give your wife all your time and surround her with care.
Usually fathers are more relaxed about the process of caring for a baby. This is something that amazes me the most. Even if they put on a diaper backwards and cannot tell the difference between a bodysuit and a sleepsuit, daddies can handle any task. Fast, easy and without a nervous breakdown.
I remember how terribly worried I was on those first days when Matvey was crying and I did not understand what he needed. Artemy, my husband, would just pick the baby up and start reciting Pushkins fairy tales, walking around the room. Matvey would easily calm down and be fast asleep, listening to the famous Russian poet (I am talking about Pushkin, not my husband).
And so it happened always, in every situation. Fathers are not obsessed with the idea of doing everything the right way, they do not worry if they do not know something and do not panic about first snots or wrong colored poop. They just know that they can handle it, and everything will be good in the end.
Anyhow, despite the huge responsibility, I will take the liberty to write this chapter. Lifehack for daddy contains advice for future fathers. This is the only chapter written in collaboration with my husband, so it also contains the male opinion on the subject of having a new little family member. I hope it is unbiased.
І. To men: what you need to do while your partner is at hospital
1. Remember that first days after birth new mommy will be obsessed with sterility because a little baby needs clean and fresh air. So before taking your wife home from hospital, do a big cleaning up. Wash the floors and wipe all existing surfaces so they will be free from dust. Ideally, wash all the curtains and throw blankets, and clean all furniture (all of this you can do before the birth date). In this pursuit for sterility you do not have to wash half of the planet with bleach. It is enough to do thorough wet cleaning and air your home regularly.
2. The car that you will use to meet your wife and the newborn baby from hospital should also be washed. By the way, do not forget about the child safety seat.
3. Try to finish all your personal errands before birth so that you do not have anything to do for the first few days after your partners return from the hospital but to stay with your family. If you want to celebrate the birth of your baby with your friends, better to do so while your wife is still at the hospital.
4. Buy all groceries beforehand, keeping in mind the diet for nursing mothers. Study the list of things recommended for women who breastfeed (the list is in this book), so that you do not tempt your partner with chocolate and oranges (in case your baby develops an allergy).
5. It will be great if you learn about baby care beforehand. How to change a diaper, how to swaddle, bathe, etc. This way you can actively participate in caring for your baby from day one and will be able to offer a great help to your partner.
6. Think about a nice little surprise for your partner when she comes home from hospital. There is no need to hire an orchestra to celebrate the birth of your baby, of course. It could be some cute little thing that you give her in private. For example, a special piece of jewelry that will always remind her of this important family event. My husband presented me with a beautiful necklace and put vases with flowers in every room. I really appreciated this gesture. Well, to tell you the truth, some of the bouquets I noticed only about four days after we came home from hospital.
ІІ. What to take with you to hospital when you come to take your partner home
1. A blanket-envelope for a newborn (or a bunting suit) and some clothes for your baby according to season (ask your wife for more details). Take extra couple of outfits, just in case. For example, some of the things we bought for Matvey turned out too small since the very first day. He was quite a big boy.
2. A couple of diapers (in case you will need to change it on the way home).
3. Clothes and shoes for your partner (if the ones that she had on when she came to hospital are not her size anymore or not right for the weather on the day when she goes home).
4. Flowers and presents for your beloved partner.
ІІІ. New life. For future fathers about the most important
Thats it. She gave birth. Slowly you begin to realize that you became a father. I really do not want to give you any persistent advice. However, there are some important peculiarities that you might not know or notice.
1. Your wifes emotional state can go through dramatic changes after birth. You cannot escape this hormonal rage, even if post-natal depression does not touch your family. A new mommy can easily get upset about some little thing, cry when watching a melodramatic film or listening to a moderately teary song. This is all hormones. She might also look back on her birth for the 500th time, sometimes saying that everything did not go the way I wanted. When it happens, you need to listen to her, nodding your head understandingly, and at the end say something reassuring and kind, like: You are the best, my darling!
I had this hormonal emotional turmoil for around three months, no less. I could start crying when watching how cutely Matvey slept, smiled or said Agoo.
Just be aware of this peculiarity and be patient. And stock up on tissues and chamomile tea.
2. New mommies also worry about their figure that, lets be honest, not many people will find really appealing. Support your wife, love her for who she is, even if now her belly is not in its best shape. Maybe her waist is not the same as before, but you can enjoy the new beauty of her full breasts. In any case, it is quite possible to get back in shape after birth (and you can delicately remind it to your wife from time to time). Support your wife in getting her old body back and (((take away her chocolates))) exercise together!