Dammit, Booker T, whos the boss of this outfit, anyhow?
Well, you are, sweet pea. He got the oars balanced and started for the bus, but not before he threw her a wink.
Yeah, well, I dont know very many employees get to call their boss sweet pea, she yelled after him. Tell me why I dont fire your ass!
Booker Ts cackle drifted back to her. Because if you fire my ass, the rest of med have to go along with it. Then you wouldnt have anybody to tell you when youre full of-
Booker T-
A shadow blotted out her sun. She whirled to face the man-mountain who had cast it-her one remaining Class V river guide, whom she knew only by the unlikely name hed given her when shed first hired him five years before: Tahoe Jones. His wild auburn hair, backlit by the sun, formed a fiery halo around his deeply tanned face, and his full, dark brown beard failed to hide his grin.
Looks like its you and me, boss. Tahoe jerked his head toward the blue SUV with handicapped plates that was just then pulling through the open gate. Cant very well cancel now.
Alex opened her mouth to offer a retort, but found it had gone dust dry. Keep it together, Alex. Dont give him the satisfaction. Dont you dare. She stood stock-still and watched the SUV roll across the yard and into a parking place beside the half-loaded bus. Like it belonged there.
The hell it does! Anger blew through her. Blessed anger. Cold fury.
She started across the yard toward the SUV, all set to inform the person driving the damn thing that he was going to have to park down at the Rafting Center, like any other client. But Booker T and Tahoe were already converging on the drivers side of the vehicle with grins and gestures of joyous welcome. The tinted window rolled slowly down, but from where she stood, Alex couldnt see who was inside. A wave of dizziness washed over her, a reminder that it had been some time since shed taken a breath. She hissed one in, whooshed it out, put her hands on her hips and elected-wisely-to stay where she was.
As she watched, the world around her seemed to shrink; her focus narrowed down until it was like watching the scene through a telescope turned the wrong way around. From far, far away Alex saw the SUVs side door slide back, saw the wheelchair lift emerge, then slowly descend.
Oh God, this hurts.
A hard, painful knot formed beneath her breastbone. Once again she reminded herself to breathe as her mind flashed back to those awful days and weeks and months of visiting Matt at the rehab hospital.
Oh God, he looks just the same.
Same brown hair, maybe a little longer, maybe a little more wavy. Same finely honed features that were in no way effeminate, and hed shaved off the beard hed worn the last time shed seen him. Same poets mouth curved in a Huck Finn grin. Matties grin. Matties smile.
How dare he look just the same!
From a vast unbridgeable distance she watched the wheelchair disengage from the lift, and Booker T move in for some macho hand-gripping, backslapping, and yeah, some male-bonding-type hugging. Then Tahoe and Matt did the cool hand thing all guys seem to understand and know how to do. Nobody appeared the slightest bit constrained by the fact that one of them was in a wheelchair. To them, obviously, he was justMatt.
Why cant I feel like that?
I wish I could, but I cant!
Because hes not the same, dammit. Matt-my Matt-is strong and graceful and full of life and mischief and laughter. His body is beautiful. He moves like a thoroughbred racehorse. Its a pleasure just to watch him. And his handshe has the hands of a sculptor. And when he touches me-
Alex?
She jerked around to face Cory, letting go of another forgotten breath that told her one thing: plainly, the pain in her chest had nothing to do with breathing. Thrusting the pain ruthlessly aside, she pasted on a brilliant smile and said, Well, I see you guys made it.
Alex, this is my wife, Samantha.
The woman standing beside Cory was tall, athletic-looking and blond, her hair cut short and worn casually tousled, styled by natural influences rather than expensive hairdressers. She wore light tan cargo pants, a khaki T-shirt, aviator shades, and judging from the part of her face Alex could see, a pleasant though neutral expression. Which didnt change as she thrust out her hand and said, Hi, Alex. And its Sam.
Her grip was strong, Alex noted. Firm, no-nonsense. Shed do okay with the paddles. Sam, she repeated, still automatically smiling. Nice to meet you. And welcome to Penny Tours.
She tried not to, but from the corner of her eye she could see Matt wheeling himself across the yard flanked by Tahoe and Booker T. The three were making their way toward the warehouse, making slow progress as other members of the crew, loaded down with supplies for the trip, paused to extend greetings or be introduced, depending on how long theyd been with the company.
The pain under her ribs twisted sharply. What, hes not even going to say hello? He cant even face me? What the hell is that?
As you can see, she went on, with an arm sweep that took in all the activity around them, were in the process of packing for your trip. She glanced at Cory and dryly added, Most of our clients dont get to see this part. Guess Matts having some trouble remembering hes the customer on this run.
Cory gave her a smile and one of his piercing looks but didnt comment.
As the three of them began walking toward the open warehouse, Sam moved closer to Alexs side. I know its not easy, she said in a low voice, and with a Southern accent that was unmistakable but not strong enough to be annoying. Believe me, youre talkin to one whos been there. She paused, then took off her sunglasses and gave Alex her eyes-unexpectedly dark, and even more unexpectedly, filled with compassion. Pearse tells me its been about five years since you two saw each other. Thats about what it was for us, too-maybe not quite as long, but close. It was hard. And trust me on this, too. Him bein in a wheelchairs got nothin to do with it.
Since she couldnt think of a thing to say to that, Alex replied with a short huff of breath-what Matt would have called a snort. She saw Sam and Cory trade smiles and long looks before Sam once again tucked hers behind her aviator shades.
He could at least have come over to say hello to me. He started this. Hes the one that wanted this craziness. Ill be damned if Im going to him.
She set her lips-Matt would have said stubbornly-as she separated herself from her clients and veered toward the offices back entrance. Since youre here, you might want to watch the guys pack up the gear. Its kind of interesting to see what goes into a run. The big scary-looking guy with the beard is one of your guides. He can explain everything, answer any questions. Im going touh, Ive got some thingssome paperwork to take care of, so if youll-
She set her lips-Matt would have said stubbornly-as she separated herself from her clients and veered toward the offices back entrance. Since youre here, you might want to watch the guys pack up the gear. Its kind of interesting to see what goes into a run. The big scary-looking guy with the beard is one of your guides. He can explain everything, answer any questions. Im going touh, Ive got some thingssome paperwork to take care of, so if youll-
One of our guides? Cory had paused with one hand on his wifes shoulder. Matt tells me were required to have two for this run. May I ask-whos the other one?
Alex flashed him a desperately brilliant smile. Looks like that would be me. Before he could respond, she brushed past Eve, who was leaning against the wall near the office door, pushed it open and escaped into the air-conditioned office.
Since what she wanted at that moment more than anything was to be left alone, she wasnt thrilled when Eve followed her in.
So, they made it. Alex didnt comment, so Eve went on. He looks pretty good-considering.
Yeah, Alex said, studiously avoiding looking at her, instead picking up a handful of mail and giving it her focused attention. She glanced up briefly to add, Why dont you go say hello? You knew him, right?
Sure. Eve gave a one-shoulder shrug. I will.
But she stayed there, fidgeting, getting on Alexs already frayed nerves. Being in no mood to deal with one of Eves sulks, Alex smacked the stack of envelopes down on her desktop. What, Eve?
Jeez, dont get mad.
Im not-
I just dont see why you have to be the one to go on the run. Okay? Theres only three of them, its not like Tahoe cant deal with it.
Yeah, wellIm going. Okay? Alex paused, took a breath and made an effort to soften her tone when she saw Eves lips compress in that hurt way she had. Was that what they called passive-aggressive? Look. Theyre my responsibility, and Im not handing them off to someone else. You can handle things around here while Im gone, right?
Yeah. Eve exhaled grudgingly. Sure. Still she made no move to go.
Its three days, Eve. Then hes gone.
Youre sure about that?
Hell, yeah.
Eve lifted one shoulder and turned to go.
Alex did a double take. Wait. What would make you think-Wait, dammit. Eve-
The door closed quietly. Alex clamped a hand to the top of her head, then closed her eyes and swore.
What the hell are you doing, Alex, hiding in here? Making such a big deal about this? Get out there and face the man, you know you have to sooner or later. Did your mama raise you to be a coward?
She made a growling sound and strode with grim determination to the door. Her heart was pounding and her hands were cold as she pasted her smile back on her face and opened the door.
But the blue SUV and its passengers had already gone.
Matt paced the open space in his brothers motel room, as someone wheelchair-bound paces, rocking forward and back, angled first this way, then that way. Going nowhere, while his mind raced in circles.
Shouldnt have gone over to the yard, man. You dont have the rightand anyway, what were you thinking? Maybe shed fall on her knees and beg you to come back? Yeahright-after the way you brushed her off? When snowball fights break out in hell.
So you went over there. Then you dont even go and say hello to her? Whats that say? That you care too damn much, or youre a gutless coward. A wuss, as my kids would say. Either way, youre screwed.
Either way, it hadnt been his finest hour.