Remember the night I got stabbed?
Traci actually jumped. Her gaze flitted over the room but couldnt find me until I let myself reappear. You got stabbed, and now you can do that? She waved a hand in my general direction. So youre saying...you died? When you got stabbed by...?
She couldnt say the name of the man whod fathered her child and stolen my life.
I couldnt blame her. And for the first time, I thought about what that whole thing must have been like for her. What it must still be like. I was all over the news for weeksthe girl whod survived being stabbed by her teacher. What most people didnt know was that I hadnt really survived.
What even fewer people knew was that before Mr. Beck had gotten to me, hed gotten to Traci Marshall, whod had no choice about what they did together, though she didnt know her will was being subverted.
Now she was carrying the inhuman child of a serial rapist and murderer. The daily reminder of even what little of that she understood must have been hell.
Yeah. I died. I stared at the floor for a moment, pushing back remembered terror, blazing pain, and the overwhelming memory-scent of my own blood. Ive been faking life ever since. There was a whole cover-up and everything.
I dont... How is that possible? If youre really dead, why are you still here? How are you here?
The how part is a little complicated. The short version is thisthere are lots of things out there you dont know about. Things youll never know about, if youre lucky. Most of those things are dangerous and scary. Im neither, I hope. But I am dead. I can make my heart beat, but it doesnt do that on its own, and when it doesnt pump blood, I get cold. Not refrigerator-cold, but cooler than the natural body temperature. I dont have to eat, but I can if I want to. I can get hurt, and if I do, I heal really slowly, because my body isnt as alive as it used to be.
Though in some ways, I was more alive than Id ever been. Thanks to Tod.
And you can...disappear?
Yeah. Thats one of the convenient aspects. The downside is that Ill never age, which means Ill never get to live in one spot for very long. At least, not visibly. And Ill never grow up or have children.
Traci looked so sad that I wished Id left that last part off.
But theres more. I sat in my chair again, and Emma scooted hers closer. The night I died was the night you got pregnant. Do you remember that?
Traci flushed with the memory. But I never told anyone...?
I know because the father of your baby is the man who killed me.
How the hell did you know that? She leaned forward so far I was afraid shed fall off the couch. I never told anyone who he is. Not even my mom. I couldnt, after I found out what he did to you.
He told me. Beck had wanted me to know exactly what hed done to Traci, and that it was all my fault, and that he would do the same to Sophie and Emma if I put up a fight while he killed me and stole my soul for his unborn son.
Tracis gaze lost focus. It was so weird. Id never even met him, but the moment I saw him on the front porch, I wanted him. I didnt want to want himhe was a total strangerbut I couldnt help it. Then I saw him on the news and heard what hed done, and after that, I couldnt tell anyone.... Her eyes filled with tears, and her hand spread over her stomach.
Traci, Mr. Beck wasnt human, Harmony said, and I envied the control she had over her voice. How she was able to sound calm and soothing, when surely she was as affected by Tracis trauma as Em and I were. He was a predator and a parasite. What he did to you wasnt your fault. In fact, it had nothing to do with youyou were just in the wrong place at the wrong time.
Her tears fell. I was at home!
I know. My heart ached for her, but the terrifying truth was that sometimes home is the wrong place. It certainly was for me the night Id died. Unfortunately, it gets worse. Traci, if your child is what his father was, theres a really good chance you wont survive this pregnancy. So...you have to make a decision. Well give you all the information we have, but the choice is yours.
Thank goodness. Id had to make several impossible decisions recently, but nothing like the one Traci was facing. Id never had to decide the fate of a child.
Wait... She scrubbed her face with both hands, like she was trying to wake herself up, and Harmony handed Traci her teacup. Traci pushed hair back from her face, then drained the rest of her tea, though it must have been cold by then. What was Mr. Beck? What is my baby?
The cool thing about disappearing before someones eyes is that they tend to believe anything you say afterward, which cuts down on a lot of the time I would normally have spent trying to convince someone that humans are not alone in the world. Either world. Traci had taken the expressway to all things supernatural. For me, that was kinda nice.
For her, it was understandably traumatic, and the more of the truth she heard, the worse that would get.
Beck was an incubus, Emma said. Thats basically a sex demon.
A sex demon? Traci stared at the coffee table like it might contain a translation of that phrase that was easier to stomach. I had... She swallowed thickly. With a demon?
Actually, an incubus is just one of several kinds of psychic parasites. This kind happens to feed on...desire.
Lust, Emma corrected, her voice sharp enough to sting. Dont sugarcoat it. She needs to know what really happened. Em turned to her sister. He came here that night looking for us, and he found you instead.
Why would he be looking for you here? Tracis frown deepened. Who are you?
Emma groaned, frustrated by the reminder that her own sister still didnt recognize her. Who I am doesnt matter. The point is that he was mad that we stood him up, and he took that out on you, and Im so sorry. He raped you, Traci.
No... She shook her head, confusion momentarily overridden by denial that bruised me all the way to my soul. I wanted to....
You didnt have any choice, Harmony said softly, and I could have hugged her for stepping in. Em and I...we were in over our heads. I didnt know how to explain the truth to Traci without further upsetting her. He made you want to. Its as much a violation of your will as of your body. Theres nothing you could have done any differently.
No. She shook her head again and swiped tears from her cheeks in one determined motion. Thats not how it happened. I
Traci. Emma reached for her hand, but her sister pulled away from the touch she didnt recognize, and my heart ached for Em. Under what other circumstance would you have opened the door for a perfect stranger, then invited him straight to your bed? Fresh tears swelled in Tracis eyes, and her sister continued, The only difference between Mr. Beck and half the men in prison for assault right now is that he violated you on multiple levels. Which makes me wish Kaylee could kill him all over again. And that I could help this time.
Traci stared at the floor, her gaze unfocused, one hand still spread over her stomach. I wasnt sure how much more of this she could take. Or how well she was handling what shed already heard.
Hell, I wasnt sure how well I was handling it.
So the baby...?
Your baby is almost certainly an incubus, Harmony said. So we need to discuss the best way for you to...survive.
Traci blinked, then frowned, and my heart ached as I watched her struggle to bring Harmony into focus through pain, confusion, and the Netherworld contaminate in her system. Why wouldnt I survive?
Because incubus babies are notoriously hard for human women to carry. They... Harmony only hesitated for a moment, but I could see how much she dreaded speaking the necessary truth. Well, they drain their mothers, from the inside out.
Em set her soda on the coffee table and ran one hand through her hair. She seemed surprised when there was less hair than she remembered. Then, when theyre bornif theyre bornthey have no soul of their own, and if there isnt one ready for the baby, itll take the mothers soul. Unless shes human.
Even if shes human, Harmony clarified, to my horror and confusion. A human soul cant support an incubus baby for long, but thats no help to a mother whos already passed away for want of a soul by the time her baby dies. Usually the father spends most of the gestational period hunting for a non-human soul for his child, but in this case, theres no father.
May he rot in hell for all of eternity, Em added.
I dont... Traci shook her head, like she was trying to clear cobwebs from her mind. Thats a lot of information about something Im not sure I understand. She glanced from one to the other of us in mounting fear. What does all that mean?
Harmony exhaled slowly. It means that if you manage to carry the baby to term and deliver it, at birth he will take your soul, which will kill you. Then, when your soul fails to support him long-term, the baby will die anyway.
Em met her sisters gaze with a wide-eyed, urgent one of her own. So, basically, the only way for you to survive an incubus pregnancy is for your baby...not to.
Traci nodded. Then she stared at her hands, sitting idly in her lap, obviously thinking. Hard. When she finally looked up, I was impressed by how calm she seemed, and I wondered how much of that was because of what Harmony had put in her drink. So, what are the chances that the baby is actually an incubus? I mean, Im human, so the baby could be human, too, right?
I nodded, but Harmony shook her head. Traci, hon, your baby is an incubus. I can tell that from looking at you. At how sick you are. Youre sick because your baby is sharing your soul at the moment, just like its sharing your blood and everything you eat. All of that puts a huge strain on you, and, frankly, youre older than anyone Ive heard of whos successfully delivered an incubus.
But Im only twenty-two.
The younger, the better. Evidently, I said. Which was why Beck had posed as a high school math teacherfor virtually limitless access to underage girls. The bastard.
Okay. Traci took a deep breath and stared at her hands. Then she took another deep breath and looked up, her mouth set in a firm line. Im not ending my pregnancyI dont care what kind of baby Im carrying. I dont care who or what his father was. I care that this baby is mine and I want him. So...what do we do?